Why do they never regret it?

[Sugarkane]

Dumped by text after a year because I couldn't read minds. Ex refused to talk to me. Told me to f*** off. How great after a year?! Been in NC 3 years and never broken contact. Told I couldn't communicate even though he dumped me by text.

Second ex dumps me because he "wanted to be single". Sends me breadcrumbs months later. Beggs to meet me. Then doesn't and blows up my phone with verbally abusive text messages. Everyone said go NC on here. I wish I had of gone to the police instead. Go on Facebook and he's got a new girlfriend. Then gloated he was doing better off without me! Great way to breakup with someone right?!

 

These Aholes always have a jump off no matter what. I guess if you can lie and cheat and play victim, you can get anyone to believe anything?

 

It's funny dumpees try so hard to apologize, yet I've never received one from the dumpers!

 

I'm sick of doing everything right, when the dumper never does.

Edited September 26, 2013 by Sugarkane

[Sugarkane]

I still don't get it. Especially after weird breakups like mine and GreenPolicy's.

[Nicoleiia]

I am so angry my ex put me in this position I want to scream. My ex had a crush on me and chased ME!! Just to dump me later. And I love how none of these dumpers give a damn about anything but themselves. That's why I love NC. Ex's try to give me breadcrumbs and they will NEVER hear from me again EVER!!!

[RiceaRoni]

The thing is...they aren't doing as great as they make it seem.

 

Sometimes it's all an act, to themselves and to those in their lives and to you, their ex.

 

Its highly possible they play the role of getting a new girlfriend right away, to sending you hate messages or to not talking to you ever again because they're trying to move on as quickly as possible.

 

It's a quick fix for them and usually it fails.

 

And you never know if they regret breaking it off with you at all. Most are prideful and wouldn't even dare tell their ex they regret breaking up with them. Because it'll make them look weak. So they go through their lives normally while coping by doing the things you've stated.

 

I'll give you an example, my first ex..he was my first lover and when he broke it off with me he would say the most terrible things about me and to me, like he was a completely different person. On top of that he picked up a new girlfriend 2 weeks after we broke up (we were together for a little over a year) ..she had come up to him and he thought might as well. They ended up breaking up several months later.

 

Yet, even through what he did to me I knew he was hurting as much as I was. I was lucky to know this because he would talk about his pain and regret on his blog he has.

 

Just because your ex seems as if they're moving on doesn't necessarily mean they're happy or doing as well as they show it.

 

They're not going to show you the pain they're in.

 

And you'll most likely never know if they regretted their decision. Unless they speak it out towards you.

[Amelie1980]

I've had apologies from dumpers. didn't make me feel any better.

[stormer1092]

I've also had a apology from a dumper. It was kinda "HA I knew it" feeling. Still doesn't change anything. I know she really wanted me to reply to it by the way it was worded but I didn't. She wanted to have a guilty free conscious but I didn't give her that. Still NC been 2 days since last text.

[stormer1092]

The thing is...they aren't doing as great as they make it seem.

 

Sometimes it's all an act, to themselves and to those in their lives and to you, their ex.

 

Its highly possible they play the role of getting a new girlfriend right away, to sending you hate messages or to not talking to you ever again because they're trying to move on as quickly as possible.

 

It's a quick fix for them and usually it fails.

 

And you never know if they regret breaking it off with you at all. Most are prideful and wouldn't even dare tell their ex they regret breaking up with them. Because it'll make them look weak. So they go through their lives normally while coping by doing the things you've stated.

 

I'll give you an example, my first ex..he was my first lover and when he broke it off with me he would say the most terrible things about me and to me, like he was a completely different person. On top of that he picked up a new girlfriend 2 weeks after we broke up (we were together for a little over a year) ..she had come up to him and he thought might as well. They ended up breaking up several months later.

 

Yet, even through what he did to me I knew he was hurting as much as I was. I was lucky to know this because he would talk about his pain and regret on his blog he has.

 

Just because your ex seems as if they're moving on doesn't necessarily mean they're happy or doing as well as they show it.

 

They're not going to show you the pain they're in.

 

And you'll most likely never know if they regretted their decision. Unless they speak it out towards you.

 

Agreed. I know my ex regrets dumping me. She called it off for no apparent reason and all of a sudden I get a bunch of "I'm sorry texts" and "I'm working on my life" yada yada yada. I want to be like just say it already. You miss me I know it.

[cavalier99]

Why should they regret anything? They wanted out and got out. Generally they are releived they pulled the trigger and are quite pleased they are free to date, be single, or jump right into a new RS. Also there is no karma. Many end up quite happy. Why shouldnt they?

 

And even if they regret something it doesnt really matter and is usually a passing thought. Anyway..who cares how they feel about it. Thats my thoughs Rock on! Cav

[BC1980]

I am so angry my ex put me in this position I want to scream. My ex had a crush on me and chased ME!! Just to dump me later. And I love how none of these dumpers give a damn about anything but themselves. That's why I love NC. Ex's try to give me breadcrumbs and they will NEVER hear from me again EVER!!!

 

I had this happen with a guy several years ago. This guy chased me, and then basically hung me out to dry and just stopped talking to me. I never got a reason. He just stopped talking to me completely one day.

[travelonic]

Why should they regret anything? They wanted out and got out.

 

Doesn't mean it can't be a mistake - or something that seemed like a good idea at the time. Not always the case, but to imply it never is the case ignores that it happens regardless of how rare it may or may not be.

[cavalier99]

Doesn't mean it can't be a mistake - or something that seemed like a good idea at the time. Not always the case, but to imply it never is the case ignores that it happens regardless of how rare it may or may not be.

 

Agreed some dumpers might have a regret. In fact guaranteed some do. Even years later. Doesnt however mean that they are ever coming back or that you would even want them back. It just doenst really matter is my main point.

 

Belive me most of you down the road wont care much about what your ex's regret or dont regret. In fact, however strange this may sound now, most of you woudnt env take them back even if they begged nor will you get any pleasure from this. Cav

Edited September 28, 2013 by cavalier99

[Sugarkane]

Why should they regret anything? They wanted out and got out. Generally they are releived they pulled the trigger and are quite pleased they are free to date, be single, or jump right into a new RS. Also there is no karma. Many end up quite happy. Why shouldnt they?

 

And even if they regret something it doesnt really matter and is usually a passing thought. Anyway..who cares how they feel about it. Thats my thoughs Rock on! Cav

Because I did everything right, while they acted like a complete Ahole. Dumped me cruelly and then the second one harassed me via text and gloated that he's life is better without me. So why would I want these Aholes to be happy? Why is it always ok for the dumper to gloat?

I've always wished someone would screw them over too. Because they have zero conscience or heart.

[cavalier99]

Because I did everything right, while they acted like a complete Ahole. Dumped me cruelly and then the second one harassed me via text and gloated that he's life is better without me. So why would I want these Aholes to be happy? Why is it always ok for the dumper to gloat?

I've always wished someone would screw them over too. Because they have zero conscience or heart.

 

Lol I hoped my EX would spontaneously burst into flames and expode for quite a while! This seems normal. But try not to feel that way all the time or YOU will explode! Cav

[Sugarkane]

Like I've said before, why is it always ok for the dumpee to be a psycho Ahole?

[Sugarkane]

Why should they regret anything? They wanted out and got out. Generally they are releived they pulled the trigger and are quite pleased they are free to date, be single, or jump right into a new RS. Also there is no karma. Many end up quite happy. Why shouldnt they?

 

And even if they regret something it doesnt really matter and is usually a passing thought. Anyway..who cares how they feel about it. Thats my thoughs Rock on! Cav

Like I said, why would I want an ex who dumped me by text after a year and an ex dumper who harassed me with verbally abusive texts, to be happy?

[candie13]

Because I did everything right, while they acted like a complete Ahole. Dumped me cruelly and then the second one harassed me via text and gloated that he's life is better without me. So why would I want these Aholes to be happy? Why is it always ok for the dumper to gloat?

I've always wished someone would screw them over too. Because they have zero conscience or heart.

 

You did NOT do everything right. You did everything right for THEM. For your partner, not for you. You were focusing on them instead of on you.

 

If you want a good partner, why don't you try to choose one who treats YOU right?

 

Yeah, some guys will treat you like sh*t and will not end up being stroken by God in the head. How they treat you tells a lot about themselves. MAybe they need to be treated like sh*t in return to be happy, who knows?

 

But,if a guy treats you like crap, he is a crappy person, ok, how about you? Why would you take that abuse? If he treats you like crap, you still take it, apparently.

 

Re-read your posts. You never accuse the guys of the bad treatment, you accuse them of leaving you. That, to me, sounds like huge abandonment issues. Plus really low self esteem, to be putting up with their crap.

 

why the hell will you still be thinking of a guy whom you dated 3 years ago? I'll tell you why. Because of the rejection. It's the rejection that makes you hurt like hell, not his leaving.

 

Think about that and read some self help book about self confidence and getting over abandonment fear. It'll change your life, because it'll help you to center on yourself.

 

take care

[Sugarkane]

You did NOT do everything right. You did everything right for THEM. For your partner, not for you. You were focusing on them instead of on you.

 

If you want a good partner, why don't you try to choose one who treats YOU right?

 

Yeah, some guys will treat you like sh*t and will not end up being stroken by God in the head. How they treat you tells a lot about themselves. MAybe they need to be treated like sh*t in return to be happy, who knows?

 

But,if a guy treats you like crap, he is a crappy person, ok, how about you? Why would you take that abuse? If he treats you like crap, you still take it, apparently.

 

Re-read your posts. You never accuse the guys of the bad treatment, you accuse them of leaving you. That, to me, sounds like huge abandonment issues. Plus really low self esteem, to be putting up with their crap.

 

why the hell will you still be thinking of a guy whom you dated 3 years ago? I'll tell you why. Because of the rejection. It's the rejection that makes you hurt like hell, not his leaving.

 

Think about that and read some self help book about self confidence and getting over abandonment fear. It'll change your life, because it'll help you to center on yourself.

 

take care

Why did I? Well my ex left everything unresolved, I haven't spoken to him to this day. No conversation just like GreenPolicy's threads.

It was good at the start and my ex was a friend of a friend. So you assume you won't get ****ed over. But this guy started gaslighting me. Of coarse everything was in my head/ my fault. I realise I should've been the dumper.

The second guy was a complete Ahole. I happily did stop seeing him, then he started texting me months later. I admit I wanted to give him a piece of his own BS, by standing the Ahole up.

[Sugarkane]

You did NOT do everything right. You did everything right for THEM. For your partner, not for you. You were focusing on them instead of on you.

 

If you want a good partner, why don't you try to choose one who treats YOU right?

 

Yeah, some guys will treat you like sh*t and will not end up being stroken by God in the head. How they treat you tells a lot about themselves. MAybe they need to be treated like sh*t in return to be happy, who knows?

 

But,if a guy treats you like crap, he is a crappy person, ok, how about you? Why would you take that abuse? If he treats you like crap, you still take it, apparently.

 

Re-read your posts. You never accuse the guys of the bad treatment, you accuse them of leaving you. That, to me, sounds like huge abandonment issues. Plus really low self esteem, to be putting up with their crap.

 

why the hell will you still be thinking of a guy whom you dated 3 years ago? I'll tell you why. Because of the rejection. It's the rejection that makes you hurt like hell, not his leaving.

 

Think about that and read some self help book about self confidence and getting over abandonment fear. It'll change your life, because it'll help you to center on yourself.

 

take care

I also don't get it why someone would get off on "testing" their girlfriend/boyfriend like this and/ gaslighting them like a game. Sounds sociopathic.

[skydiveaddict]

It's funny dumpees try so hard to apologize, yet I've never received one from the dumpers!

I'm sick of doing everything right, when the dumper never does.

 

 

It's because they don't care. That's why you got dumped.

[candie13]

I also don't get it why someone would get off on "testing" their girlfriend/boyfriend like this and/ gaslighting them like a game. Sounds sociopathic.

 

they are "gaslighting you", they are "testing" you. What about you, are you this innocent little girl to which bad things keep happening? Or do you allow them to happen?

 

Why are you allowing your dates / bf to be A*sholes?

 

Stop blaming them and look at what you can control - that is yourself. They need to make YOU happy, not sad or unhappy. If they're not, why the hell see them to begin with?

 

Take some responsibility here. It's not your fault for them treating you poorly, but it is your fault for putting up with it. Choose your dates better and watch their game. They need to do stuff to make YOU happy. That is how it actually works.

[candie13]

I also don't get it why someone would get off on "testing" their girlfriend/boyfriend like this and/ gaslighting them like a game. Sounds sociopathic.

 

And here you are, making threads about some sociopathic people... why you think that's the case? Read my posts carefully and actually try to understand what I mean.

[lindsay1990]

I think dumpees become "psycho *******s" just as anybody else does: by being attacked and manipulated. Until you experience it first-hand, it's unfair to stand on the moral highground without living for three weeks with somebody who day and night is shutting you out of their thoughts except for the incessant blaming, resentment, nagging and judging. When someone is k icking you when you are down, and basically throws you on the street and somehow tries to make themselves a victim and look like the suffering martyr. Not all break ups are amicable and clean, some involve extreme demonizing of the dumpee, gaslighting and abuse.

 

As for my post specifically, I am clear that I was being shouted at in the car. I was being brutally berated, why does the dumpee *have* to remain the "bigger person" or stay "dignified" when they are being treated like sh*t? Everybody fights back in defense.

[Sugarkane]

I think dumpees become "psycho *******s" just as anybody else does: by being attacked and manipulated. Until you experience it first-hand, it's unfair to stand on the moral highground without living for three weeks with somebody who day and night is shutting you out of their thoughts except for the incessant blaming, resentment, nagging and judging. When someone is k icking you when you are down, and basically throws you on the street and somehow tries to make themselves a victim and look like the suffering martyr. Not all break ups are amicable and clean, some involve extreme demonizing of the dumpee, gaslighting and abuse.

 

As for my post specifically, I am clear that I was being shouted at in the car. I was being brutally berated, why does the dumpee *have* to remain the "bigger person" or stay "dignified" when they are being treated like sh*t? Everybody fights back in defense.

 

Thankyou for putting into words what I couldn't.

[Sugarkane]

they are "gaslighting you", they are "testing" you. What about you, are you this innocent little girl to which bad things keep happening? Or do you allow them to happen?

 

Why are you allowing your dates / bf to be A*sholes?

 

Stop blaming them and look at what you can control - that is yourself. They need to make YOU happy, not sad or unhappy. If they're not, why the hell see them to begin with?

 

Take some responsibility here. It's not your fault for them treating you poorly, but it is your fault for putting up with it. Choose your dates better and watch their game. They need to do stuff to make YOU happy. That is how it actually works.

 

I think its a legit question. And I've tried getting counselling and books. Didn't really help. Sick and tired of counsellors charging $300 just to say they can't help you. And each time you've got to go back and get a mental health plan from the doctor.

[Sugarkane]

And here you are, making threads about some sociopathic people... why you think that's the case? Read my posts carefully and actually try to understand what I mean.

Still don't get what you mean. I mean sociopathic because obviously these exes get off on hurting people. I also think its sociopathic to turn people against others, just for the sake of it. I often wonder if I had of said something, maybe people wouldn't have sided with a liar and cheater.

 

Everyone took my exes side. Yet I get dumped by a friend just because I had severe morning sickness, during pregnancy. Doesn't make sense.

 

Obviously if I knew I was being lied and cheated on, I wouldn't stay.