Puma Posted December 3, 2004 Share Posted December 3, 2004 how things goin missinherbad?? whats the update on ur situation? and btrfly..we here for ya too everyone gets along hehe Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted December 3, 2004 Share Posted December 3, 2004 butterfly/Wendy, Damn babe, that sucks. What kind of lame prick breaks up with someone on thanksgiving? WOW. I hope you can get sleep soon. Take it easy babe Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissingHerBad Posted December 3, 2004 Author Share Posted December 3, 2004 Originally posted by Puma how things goin missinherbad?? whats the update on ur situation? and btrfly..we here for ya too everyone gets along hehe Whats up guys. Well basically I thought that everything was ok but...think again. Today I woke up terribly upset. Im dating a new girl (big mistake) and cant even kiss her cause it doesnt feel right. **** this still sucks. At least I can say that it is getting better. I hope one day it will just end. Until then I will just keep smoking pot...lol Link to post Share on other sites
Puma Posted December 3, 2004 Share Posted December 3, 2004 hey, i kno wwhat ur sayin/feelin. ive been down as of late...its been 1 mth of the break now and it hurts cause i havent talked to her and she hasnt contacted me. she contacted me first week after break and then again for thankgivin..now im just in a lone state of sadness. i was doin so good and being strong..but im hain a relapse now and it sucks. i dont know what she could be thinkin..or even if she expects me to get in contact with her or what??grrrrr Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissingHerBad Posted December 4, 2004 Author Share Posted December 4, 2004 No doubt. At this point I figure my ex doesnt give. That doesnt stop me from wanting to write. Maybe I should just do that....I really have nothing to lose ... Ive already lost everything that mattered to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Puma Posted December 4, 2004 Share Posted December 4, 2004 well if u feel youhave nothin to lose..then i would to. but tis weird after writin that last post ive gotten way better in terms of my attitude and im tellin myself to just let it be and she will get incontact when she feels like it..i think its better when she does it, but of course if long tiem passes and nothin..then a lil hello and hows it goin isnt bad..but keep it short and to a minimum and stay positive and happy! preferably an email or text also* but im just come to the realization that when i dont want somethin i get it..so im jsut gonna use that same mentality, also when you have somethin u get more and more of it. why do u think when we have a gf/wife..more women just start flockin to us?? its because we give off that vibe of confidence, happiness, its weird huh? but i think u can atttest to this philosophy urself, as everyone can. i know when i was with her lots and lots of girls were practically jumpin at me!! that because girls can detect that somehow..i dont know how it is, but hey if it works lets use that to our advantage. be happy!! if ur not, then hell pretend it and see what will happen stay positive, motivated, and dont think bout her too much..if ya find urself doin so and gettin sad..then think of soemthin else. it will work for ya..i promise. if it doenst then let me know and i'll tell ya what ur doin wrong. its the power of the mind!! think u can, and u can! Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissingHerBad Posted December 4, 2004 Author Share Posted December 4, 2004 Good post bro. I know for a fact that my ex will probably never contact me again for the reasons I want. Not because she doesnt have love for me but more for the reasons that she holds something over my head. She thinks that I degraded her and that she deserves more. I dont know how much more she is going to find but your right about girls flocking and thats why we think about breaking up with our gf's once and a while. In the end its just not worth it. I try not to think about her but somtimes the going gets tough but I have no choice but to live and keep on movin. It has now been 2 months. 2 weeks since I actaully talked to her and Im sure she is doing just fine...Just like I try to do and be. Link to post Share on other sites
mischafan160 Posted December 4, 2004 Share Posted December 4, 2004 Originally posted by YX32Nemesis Screw this fantasy of getting back with our exes. Funny how the mind can play tricks on us. Our denial is so strong because it is our way of protecting ourselves from pain. This is SO TRUE. For two months after my breakup I clung to this fantasy of getting him back. Then, the Sunday before Thanksgiving, I heard that he might be seeing someone else...a girl who he's known his whole life. This was what jolted me back to reality, that we are not getting back together and that it is really over. I cried for four days, it felt like the breakup was really just hitting me for the first time, because when he dumped me I immediately went into a denial that lasted about seven weeks. It is amazing how much we can dupe our own selves into believing something that we want so badly to be true. Link to post Share on other sites
Puma Posted December 4, 2004 Share Posted December 4, 2004 YES!! exactly...it seems we liek to hurt almost. you rad this and may think im crazy, but think of this. we create our emotions..not anyone else..they can cause it..but we are the ones that decided whtere to be happy or sad right? point proven thank you! well instead of being hurt and sad..lets change our way of thinkin a bit..WE ARE HAPPY POSITIVE CONFIDENT PEOPLE..repeat that to urself and lets get on with life, great things will happen i swear. and when you least expect somethin to happen tahts when it happens. im a student so this might fit more for me, but lets say i have to print a paper las minute and it needs to be turned in for deadline..why is it that whenever i need the printer the most..it messes up!!?? ever notice that?? when u need somethin the most it just goes wrong or someway it doesnt happen. well apply that to ourselves and love. when u dont need love..u'll get it. and as far as that goes..we dont need anyhtin in our lives..its just all wants and desires. sure i want my ex back..but the more i caome to reality the more likely i will get her back. if im all puttin more focus on her than rest of myself and life..then its gonna go wrong. and remember "people can forget what you say or do, but they will never forget how you made them feel" think and let that soak in a bit. also i had read this other quote on someoens profiel and i think it hits the spot "love is like a shadow. chase it and it will run away, walk away and it will follow" so stop chasing!!! haha Link to post Share on other sites
aarsky Posted December 4, 2004 Share Posted December 4, 2004 Merin is right. I'm somewhat in the same position you are in. I did some pretty nasty things to someone I also love, and no matter what you say or do to try and persuade her to change her attitude, that's only trying to control someone else's feelings otr thoughts. If you are going to change, then change because it's something you want to do to make yourself a better person, not because you think she'll magically re-appear in your life. I too am trying to with hold contacting my friend, because it only creates more anxiety if you don't get the response you want to hear and just puts more strain on your aching heart. You know, if in my loife I could take the last four misery filled years and toss them aside I would in a flash but I can't. So I have to do something to correct the problem, but again, it has to be because you know it was you with the problem. I kept blaming her for my problems, but she didn't do anything except try and love me. And it's funny, because that is the love I always wanted to feel. Kepp yourself busy and look after you, because like I've been told, if I don't take care of myself, I'm no good to be with anyone be it the person I long for or someone else that may come into my life if not her. I wish both you and me luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissingHerBad Posted December 5, 2004 Author Share Posted December 5, 2004 Thats sounds extremely similar to my situation. You are right and I have changed because I wanted to. Unfortuanately that meant making serious steps that in there own rights were hard to deal with. Not only did I lose my girlfriend but I lost my life of sitting ontop of the world with absolutely everything I could ever want. Lifes bulli**** Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissingHerBad Posted December 5, 2004 Author Share Posted December 5, 2004 Ok...Say that you were going to write a letter to your ex who broke up with you because you just werent putting enough in or for that matter any reason, you want to keep the email/letter short/sweet ... what would you put in it if you only had a couple of paragraphs? Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 *huge sigh* I'm really starting to worry about you, MissingHerBad..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissingHerBad Posted December 7, 2004 Author Share Posted December 7, 2004 I know Link to post Share on other sites
helena abadi Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 I'm sorry to hear you are hurting so bad, but if she's dating someone new, then she's moved on. At some stage you gonna have to accept, It Is What it Is (thanks Dr Phil). Changing your whole life for a person guarantees nothing. Give yourself a break, a holiday, and focus on other positive things in your life, and gradually you will start to feel better. As Dr Phil McGraw says, time doesn't heal wounds, it's what you do with the time that counts. His Website has some great advice on coping with breaking up. He's no nonsense, quite blunt, but he's damn accurate, if you can handle what he says. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissingHerBad Posted December 8, 2004 Author Share Posted December 8, 2004 I broke nc. Of course I ended up upset...lol. I sent her an email asking how she was doing, she did write back spoke of a guy like I should know so I figure thats her new boyfriend. She said everything is better then it has ever been. Made herself sound as possitive as possible. At the end I had asked if I walked by her in a mall would she notice me? She replyed, Yea but I cant help wonder did you. So I replied maybe, thats it simple and suprising or not she replied I was at the mall Saturday...Why are you maybing me? Theres no time for games. What should I reply? Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 I'm dying from NC. Though I know this is the best for me and for her right now (she can't miss me if I don't go away), I can honestly say I am going NUTS!!!! Man if I knew love was going to hurt this much I'd have just said NO! Link to post Share on other sites
Puma Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 how long has it been again since u been broken up?? Link to post Share on other sites
Puma Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 haha yeah i dont believe in that either..better to have lost crap!!its better to have loved..and keep lovin dammnit!! haha Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 On and off, 2 months of breaking up. Actually, it's kind of weird. Let me explain: Met in April, started dating in May. Everything was great up to the end of July. Early August she basically dumps me. We go back and forth with her setting up "boundaries" for me to follow. No kissing, no sex, just hanging out. All she can say during this time is it "doesn't feel right." In Mid Oct I find out she cheated on me back in mid to late May. However, she says we weren't official then (and never were really) and it only happened twice. I think she's lying and that it happened much more than twice. Either way, she dumps me early Aug. Stops talking to the other guy in early Sept. I forgive her for cheating and we move on. I give her 2 months to make some progress. In the meantime, we hang out, I take her to dinner, we go to Church, went to her place for Thanksgiving and her family loves me. They tell her "This one is a keeper." My family tells her "Don't let him get away!" Last Sunday I was at her house in the morning getting ready for Church. I happened to load up the same forum her and I both frequent and lo and behold, she's still logged in. I didn't notice until I went to check my private messages and they were all hers. Back when we first broke up I took it very hard. In fact, I was blubbering like an idiot. Of course, the night I called her crying she was out with the other guy (though she said it was innocent). So she comes over, comforts me, we agree to try and work things out. In retrospect, I think she only agreed because she felt bad for me. Anyway, in some of her private messages she degrades me to some kid she's been chatting with (and sex was included in their chat). She tells him "I was only there for moral support" and "I have that effect on men." It was totally degrading and disrespectful. I don't know why I love this girl. I just do. Sometimes though I'd love to just launch her off the end of my foot for the way she has treated me. As for NC, it's only been since Sunday morning. Three days. I am handling it though it's rough. Usually by now I would have emailed her and I am sure she's starting to wonder. I've never gone a day without at least one email. If I can make it a week I think the impact will hit her. I HAVE to do NC. When Christmas rolls around she'll really start to feel it. Yeah, I'll be home alone but at least I will be regaining my pride. She's the one with the major issues, not me. Every guy she dated before screwed her over and I am the ONE good thing that came into her life and she felt it a good opportunity to pay back all the guys that screwed her over by doing it to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Cabras Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 I am realizing that you don't want to know everything that people say or think about you. I have thought terrible things about people I love and care about. later I couldn't understand why I would have thought those things. We all shape experiences after the fact to make them fit our new realities. If she voiced these things to some random person it may have been from anger or frustration with you or the situation. That doesn't mean she really feels that way or hasn't changed her mind. I write out fake letters to my ex in which I say things that are in my head at that moment. She will never see them and I don't really mean them, but it feels good to get them out. If you believe that is how she really does feel about what you had then it doesn't sound very wonderful. Just realize that those thoughts weren't meant for your eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 Originally posted by Cabras I am realizing that you don't want to know everything that people say or think about you. Well yes, that's certainly something I don't need to know about but when I see or hear it, it does bother me deeply. I have thought terrible things about people I love and care about. later I couldn't understand why I would have thought those things. We all shape experiences after the fact to make them fit our new realities. She said those things not necessarily because she felt strongly about them towards me but more or less to impress someone else. If she voiced these things to some random person it may have been from anger or frustration with you or the situation. That doesn't mean she really feels that way or hasn't changed her mind. I write out fake letters to my ex in which I say things that are in my head at that moment. She will never see them and I don't really mean them, but it feels good to get them out. If you believe that is how she really does feel about what you had then it doesn't sound very wonderful. No, I am not 100% sure how she feels but I do know she is extremely embarrassed that I read those messages. So how does this compound the problems with our relationship?! 1. She's extremely embarrassed (In the messasge she wrote "He'd have my head on a platter if he knew I wrote this...") and... 2. I proved that I did not trust her by reading them. Trust is a major issue with our relationship. Just realize that those thoughts weren't meant for your eyes. Oh I know. The difference is I was not sex chatting with someone else. I wasn't putting her down. Quite often I (stupidly) came to her defense when people said I should leave her. Love makes us do stupid, stupid things... Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 Let me add my Zodiac in. If she read this, I think she'd better understand me: PICSES Born February 19 - March 20... Pisces is the sign of the fish...one swims up the river, the other swims down the river. The fish represent hidden depth, reincarnation, and continuous emotional currents. Pisces is a feminine water sign that is mutable, and known for compassion, romance, imagination, and intuition. Pisces is ruled by Neptune, the planet of mystery, deception, and illusions. Pisces people are born with the gift of prophecy and vision. The Water element for this sign makes Pisces loyal, sensitive, and devoted. The fish are incredibly sentimental and overly imaginative. With all the soft qualities that make up a Pisces, less sensitive signs often mistake them as weak or spineless. Pisces is a spiritual sign and they seem to have very old souls. Many have some type of spiritual awakening in their life. In less balanced times during their lives, these gentle creatures can become escapists and lean towards overindulgence. This sign rules the feet, that can make them prone to corns, aches, and bunions. Celebrity Fish: Kurt Cobain, Drew Barrymore, Sallie Jesse Raphael, Bernadette Peters, Liza Minelli, Antonio Sabato Jr, Rene Russo, Rob Lowe, Eric Estrada, Albert Einstein, Fabio, Mister Rogers, Dr Seuss, Aidan Quinn. Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 [color=red]Whoever said "It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" was a moron.[/color] Luv that, right on.......... Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 Originally posted by jellybean [color=red]Whoever said "It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" was a moron.[/color] Luv that, right on.......... Thanks. Right now I am living it every day! LOL Link to post Share on other sites
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