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I've been holding out while I figure it out - ExMM left today

hollyhillcourt

By hollyhillcourt,
in The Other Man / Woman

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hollyhillcourt

hollyhillcourt

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Going to try and keep this short and succinct. Btw, I'm sorry for all the work references but my career has been my life. I oversee a division of 90 people and 95% are men, hence I am used to being to the point bc they don't get nuances.

 

ExMM has left. I knew it would happen. I'm not relishing it. Bc it's not for me. I've never wanted it to be for me and if it was for me, I would say get to stepping. There is no way this could work for us if he left for me.

 

I've thought it was coming though, and I'm not surprised. I do think he attempted an exit affair but I wasn't willing to continue on to make his life easy.

 

At any rate, he hasn't asked to see me, nor I him. I think he wanted this validation but I can't provide it given the circumstances.

 

Where are all the normal men?? Lol!

 

I am grateful for all of the posts that I have read here and my internal compass.

 

Here we go. Practicing what I preach.

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Going to try and keep this short and succinct. Btw, I'm sorry for all the work references but my career has been my life. I oversee a division of 90 people and 95% are men, hence I am used to being to the point bc they don't get nuances.

 

ExMM has left. I knew it would happen. I'm not relishing it. Bc it's not for me. I've never wanted it to be for me and if it was for me, I would say get to stepping. There is no way this could work for us if he left for me.

 

I've thought it was coming though, and I'm not surprised. I do think he attempted an exit affair but I wasn't willing to continue on to make his life easy.

 

At any rate, he hasn't asked to see me, nor I him. I think he wanted this validation but I can't provide it given the circumstances.

 

Where are all the normal men?? Lol!

 

I am grateful for all of the posts that I have read here and my internal compass.

 

Here we go. Practicing what I preach.

 

 

I guess I need the nuances because I'm not a man and I don't understand. Your exMM left his wife? Or, he broke up with you?

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exMM has been ex since early August. He left his wife.

 

 

I see. And you don't know "what" was the final straw in the marriage? Are you hoping he will come for you eventually?

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hollyhillcourt

hollyhillcourt

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I see. And you don't know "what" was the final straw in the marriage? Are you hoping he will come for you eventually?

 

I really have no idea at this point, I can speculate but when I have asked him in the past I receive a laundry list of reasons (which doesn't surprise me really I think divorce is complex, mine was). He sent a text and all I said was 'ok.'

 

He is oot at a 150-mile roadbike race for MS, and indicated he wished I was there waiting for him at the finish line. I have comparentalized all of this for the moment and have turned my brain off regarding him. It's a 'no thinking' zone at the moment. Much, much, MUCH more would need to happen to entertain that again. Untangling a 30+ year marriage, leaving is only the first step. And honestly, I can not be the 'bad woman' to his two children, my ego can not handle that bc/it is not who I am. For us to even begin to think about being together, a whole lot of time would need to pass. I'm a realist in this area.

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I really have no idea at this point, I can speculate but when I have asked him in the past I receive a laundry list of reasons (which doesn't surprise me really I think divorce is complex, mine was). He sent a text and all I said was 'ok.'

 

He is oot at a 150-mile roadbike race for MS, and indicated he wished I was there waiting for him at the finish line. I have comparentalized all of this for the moment and have turned my brain off regarding him. It's a 'no thinking' zone at the moment. Much, much, MUCH more would need to happen to entertain that again. Untangling a 30+ year marriage, leaving is only the first step. And honestly, I can not be the 'bad woman' to his two children, my ego can not handle that bc/it is not who I am. For us to even begin to think about being together, a whole lot of time would need to pass. I'm a realist in this area.

 

Your restraint is impressive. I think you "get it."

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hollyhillcourt

hollyhillcourt

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Thanks. I'm just trying to act with integrity. Do the right thing for me and for him. I shouldn't have gotten involved in the first place and I know that.

 

But it's not easy. Thank God for work and gf's. Distract, distract, distract!!

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hollyhillcourt

hollyhillcourt

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Speak of the devil!! He just texted. Distract, distract, distract. Get on your bike and ride, forget about me, lol. Applying the 24 hour rule.

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bentleychic

bentleychic

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I cannot imagine. I mean, that's what most of us want to hear, right? That he's out and ready for "us"? Gah. It's got to be hard to just ignore him when I know if it were me, I'd want to get in my car and get to that finish line. LOL Hats off to you!!!

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hollyhillcourt

hollyhillcourt

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I cannot imagine. I mean, that's what most of us want to hear, right? That he's out and ready for "us"? Gah. It's got to be hard to just ignore him when I know if it were me, I'd want to get in my car and get to that finish line. LOL Hats off to you!!!

 

LOL! It's over 12 hours a way so that won't be happening.

 

And, I don't think he is ready for "us" - he is one of those men that was really neglected and consequently he was like Velcro. And it is me, who could resist? Kidding.

 

Best for him to cool his jets for a while. And, for me I have to restrain myself bc/I can not have another broken-heart. Bullet proof, baby. LOL

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ComingInHot

ComingInHot

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hollyhill I' M so proud of you!

Not that you are "ignoring" him But you are being smart and guarding your heart til the time is right.

not, and I DO mean Not.. easy*

You acknowledge what he's capable of and are goine to try and make sure that he doesn't do that to you.

 

Blessings on you hollyhill*

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hollyhillcourt

hollyhillcourt

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hollyhill I' M so proud of you!

Not that you are "ignoring" him But you are being smart and guarding your heart til the time is right.

not, and I DO mean Not.. easy*

You acknowledge what he's capable of and are goine to try and make sure that he doesn't do that to you.

 

Blessings on you hollyhill*

 

Thank you. Always appreciate your feedback bc you are one of the more level headed people on here.

 

Speaking of ignore, it's funny you say that bc he just texted again and I am ignoring. As far a he is concerned, I'm out and about tonight living my rock star life. Sucks to sit around and wonder, eh?

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KentuckyGent

KentuckyGent

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Holly we're in pretty similar boats. She left the M, but not for me. To put this gently, I consulted an affair expert and exMW is not going to be with me. I'm there for her ego boost to be discarded like a used toy. I fear that's what you may be experiencing. Block his ass.

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hollyhillcourt

hollyhillcourt

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Holly we're in pretty similar boats. She left the M, but not for me. To put this gently, I consulted an affair expert and exMW is not going to be with me. I'm there for her ego boost to be discarded like a used toy. I fear that's what you may be experiencing. Block his ass.

 

I wouldn't doubt that one bit, and this ain't my first rodeo, first affair - yes. But I've dealt with my fair share of narcissistic crazy-makers including my current boss who is by far the worst, after him I can deal w anything exMM dishes out. I think he is clever, but I'm even more so.

 

Thanks for the support! And go Vols! ;)

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Goodbye

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Holly we're in pretty similar boats. She left the M, but not for me. To put this gently, I consulted an affair expert and exMW is not going to be with me. I'm there for her ego boost to be discarded like a used toy. I fear that's what you may be experiencing. Block his ass.

 

 

 

What is an affair expert?

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oliviah

oliviah

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I still struggle with "normal men". I waited 20 years to give my heart and soul into something, told him that, I don't trust easily and dont say things you don't mean. Unfortunately he did. I pray there is someone out there for all of us!

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spiderowl

spiderowl

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It's good that you are maintaining an emotional distance under the circumstances.

 

I suppose what occurred to me is that he may have been made to leave. For all you know, his wife could have been getting more and more angry at his inattentive or distracted behaviour, or even known about the affair, and he was only being tolerated. He could well be putting this across to you as him having made the decision you wanted to hear.

 

The fact that he got in touch so quickly is a bit suspicious. He's out now so he wants some company. I think you are right to be wary. It does take a long time to unravel a marriage and he could be back at home next week - who knows? Best to wait and see what transpires over a period of time.

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