melissag Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 Why is everybody into keeping friendships with your ex and caring bla-bla?? Is it some kind of stage that i want to know nothing about him or am i really such an allien here? I do not want to have my ex in my life or my head or my thoughts. We still have kids together but i treat any interaction with him as i deal with difficult clients - you hate them but you do business with them in a civilised manner. Why is everybody so pro-friendship with an ex??? Am i missing here something? If I recall your story, your ex cheated on you, correct? I can see that would be a totally different perspective. If I were you, I think I would be very angry and hurt, and no, I probably would not be his friend. I think the people who are wanting to stay friends or trying to reconcile or whatever, are people who are in different situations than you are. In my situation, I contributed as much to the marital breakdown as he did, if not more. (Aside from the fact that he decided he wants out, and I did not.) For me, I know (and he has said as much) that in order to have a future relationship with my H, we need to start over as friends and take it from there. Maybe that will lead to a reconciliation, or maybe it will lead to a friendship. But either way, I feel that is much better than being bitter and hateful. That's how I feel at the moment, anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dienstag Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 It takes two to break the marriage and i see cheating as a side effect of things going wrong. I think in any divorce you can not just put the blame on one person and the other is as innocent as it gets. Both parties contribute to the divorce - so why to stay friends? You disappointed each other once already? The trust has been broken on so many levels so why to try again? Link to post Share on other sites
melissag Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 It takes two to break the marriage and i see cheating as a side effect of things going wrong. I think in any divorce you can not just put the blame on one person and the other is as innocent as it gets. Both parties contribute to the divorce - so why to stay friends? You disappointed each other once already? The trust has been broken on so many levels so why to try again? I think it's just a personal choice. What is right for one, isn't necessarily right for the other. As long as you are making the choice you are most happy with, it's all good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrE_UK Posted October 29, 2013 Author Share Posted October 29, 2013 (edited) It takes two to break the marriage and i see cheating as a side effect of things going wrong. I think in any divorce you can not just put the blame on one person and the other is as innocent as it gets. Both parties contribute to the divorce - so why to stay friends? You disappointed each other once already? The trust has been broken on so many levels so why to try again? Often, it's better, if you have kids, to stay amicable (friendly). Also, without being amicable, it can make contact an issue, etc.,. Just because someone leaves and your marriage breaks down, doesn't mean they hate you. It just means, you can't live together, feelings have changed, and it's time to move on. However, we still get angry ad feel betrayed, but to shout and scream at someone is abusive plus gives them ammo in the divorce against you. Bitter and angry - or accepting and happy? Anger hides pain. Letting go is key... I prefer to be amicable, and perhaps we'll be friends in the future - for the kids sake. Beside, it's also a little bit of, 'Your choice, but am getting on with life like an adult. I have worked on me and have no ill feelings - haven't I grown? Have you?' I thanked my STBXW for leaving the other day as I said it's made me a better, happier person! She's given me a gift. Despite being left penniless, I can fight back in life as I choose to be a winner. She doesn't need to see I miss her, but I care because that's how much of a great person I am, and she's let all that go. When she dates, I hope they are idiots!! Needs must. Edited October 29, 2013 by MrE_UK 1 Link to post Share on other sites
laddie Posted December 17, 2013 Share Posted December 17, 2013 I'm experiencing stages 1,2 and 3. Seems like I'm wallowing in the heartache at times, even though I'd much rather be doing something else. The gym and going for walks help but it's always at the back of my mind. It's so draining having these feelings after 9 weeks of breaking up. I know it should get better in time but it's taking ages! Not sure if I'm being weak willed or not, but it's overwhelming at times. It doesn't help having to see her a couple of times a week to pick up and drop off my child. Is it normal to experience these feelings still after 9 weeks? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted December 17, 2013 Share Posted December 17, 2013 Is it normal to experience these feelings still after 9 weeks? HE!! YES! I have small bouts and it's been 18 months. Let it eb and flow I say 1 Link to post Share on other sites
laddie Posted December 17, 2013 Share Posted December 17, 2013 Fingers crossed I don't have these feelings after 18 months, it feels like an eternity already after only 2 months. I bookmarked the thread you made previously on LC, it's been helpful reading through it. Link to post Share on other sites
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