Text trails

[underwater2010]

It wouldn't be the OP causing her to lose her job, it would be the wife's unethical behaviors that caused that - using her position and access for personal use/information. That's the wife's choice, not the APs or the Husband's. It might not be "fair" that the wife's actions are illegal and punishable and the APs or not - but that's just the reality of the matter. And yes, I would expect someone to lose their job for abusing their clearance levels - regardless of what my actions are, their actions are punishable by law (if mine are, then so be it, I would take my consequences). Not to mention, in someone as important as a protector of the peace, I would be very uncomfortable with them abusing their power - which could obviously be a very bad thing in that line of work. So yeah, they really need to find a different line of work if they can't handle their power and not abuse it for their own gain.

And how do you feel about a BS exposing an AP/WS to their work and family?

[ladydesigner]

It wouldn't be the OP causing her to lose her job, it would be the wife's unethical behaviors that caused that - using her position and access for personal use/information. That's the wife's choice, not the APs or the Husband's. It might not be "fair" that the wife's actions are illegal and punishable and the APs or not - but that's just the reality of the matter. And yes, I would expect someone to lose their job for abusing their clearance levels - regardless of what my actions are, their actions are punishable by law (if mine are, then so be it, I would take my consequences). Not to mention, in someone as important as a protector of the peace, I would be very uncomfortable with them abusing their power - which could obviously be a very bad thing in that line of work. So yeah, they really need to find a different line of work if they can't handle their power and not abuse it for their own gain.

 

Why is everyone discussing this BS's unethical behavior when no one here knows if she is even doing any of that. Hell I found out the information without having to be a cop, it's not that hard.

[underwater2010]

You know... Company time spent talking because nights are off limits due to the spouse being home. Or company travel to engage in illicit behavior. Etc.

[LilGirlandOW]

exposing somebodys anything to their work & family (minus a BS if AP was M) is petty and an emotional dead-end.

 

My work wouldn't give to blanks about who I'm seeing, it would make BS look batass crazy.

 

If BS chooses to abuse her powers she swore to honour, thats on her not me. Like MM and his vows, they mean nothing to me, on him not me.

 

Realistically if BS wanted to know, all she has to do is scratch the surface, things are not buried deep... she's a cop, she digs for a living. If I had to bet a million bucks on it, she would have his stuff thrown out with an adios message, she doesnt seem like the type dependent on a H, and D is a theme in her extended family so its not like being D would make her an outcast or shunned or anything. She even makes more money than him, as well has a well off family.She just happened to marry a POS, that happens to now be dating me as well.

 

I love him, but again today I woke up looking in from the outside.

[2sunny]

I disagree with this. I know a lot of people consider texting "shallow", but it's simply not the case. It is just the current form of preferred communication for the younger generations mostly, but many of us "oldies", lol, have adapted to it also. I have tons of texts each month because it's just easier. In a world that is so fast and busy, and with a job that keeps me unable to actually talk most of the day, texting is the ONLY way I can communicate for the majority of the day. Not to mention, things don't get twisted bc it's right there in print - and it's super efficient for sharing phone numbers, addresses, etc. that you can go back to and find very easily if need be.

 

I liken it to tattoos, piercings, etc. People that haven't always had it feel that their way is better because they missed the trend, but it isn't better, it's just different. Some people keep up with the times well, others throw their hands in the air and complain about the state of the world and how it's all going to hell in a handbasket, lol. I remember my Grandparents were terrified of VCRs and microwaves - texting is just the new form of communication, and is much more efficient. I can text a lot and still have time (after work and such) to sit down across from someone and visit and communicate in person quite well. It doesn't kill that talent at all, and I don't think that there is a day that goes by that I don't wish we had texting when I was younger - it sure would have come in handy back then!

 

I understand the value in texting.

 

I stated it isn't the same as hearing the voice - the inflection of the voice - and having a real, live person standing in front of you.

 

Text is not an equal substitute.

[2sunny]

exposing somebodys anything to their work & family (minus a BS if AP was M) is petty and an emotional dead-end.

 

My work wouldn't give to blanks about who I'm seeing, it would make BS look batass crazy.

 

If BS chooses to abuse her powers she swore to honour, thats on her not me. Like MM and his vows, they mean nothing to me, on him not me.

 

Realistically if BS wanted to know, all she has to do is scratch the surface, things are not buried deep... she's a cop, she digs for a living. If I had to bet a million bucks on it, she would have his stuff thrown out with an adios message, she doesnt seem like the type dependent on a H, and D is a theme in her extended family so its not like being D would make her an outcast or shunned or anything. She even makes more money than him, as well has a well off family.She just happened to marry a POS, that happens to now be dating me as well.

 

I love him, but again today I woke up looking in from the outside.

 

 

 

 

I can't help but wonder if your will feel exposing an affair is petty and an emotional dead end - when you've been married for 10-15-20 years and may find out your devoted husband has been cheating on you.

 

Let's see how you feel about it then, ok?

[LilGirlandOW]

I disagree with this. I know a lot of people consider texting "shallow", but it's simply not the case. It is just the current form of preferred communication for the younger generations mostly, but many of us "oldies", lol, have adapted to it also. I have tons of texts each month because it's just easier. In a world that is so fast and busy, and with a job that keeps me unable to actually talk most of the day, texting is the ONLY way I can communicate for the majority of the day. Not to mention, things don't get twisted bc it's right there in print - and it's super efficient for sharing phone numbers, addresses, etc. that you can go back to and find very easily if need be.

 

I liken it to tattoos, piercings, etc. People that haven't always had it feel that their way is better because they missed the trend, but it isn't better, it's just different. Some people keep up with the times well, others throw their hands in the air and complain about the state of the world and how it's all going to hell in a handbasket, lol. I remember my Grandparents were terrified of VCRs and microwaves - texting is just the new form of communication, and is much more efficient. I can text a lot and still have time (after work and such) to sit down across from someone and visit and communicate in person quite well. It doesn't kill that talent at all, and I don't think that there is a day that goes by that I don't wish we had texting when I was younger - it sure would have come in handy back then!

 

I agree we text alot becuase alot of the times we're on opposite schedules, he works more hours than me, so phone calls arnt always an option on those days. A nice part about texting is the ability to reflect and read back reminisce on old times, etc. I believe that texting can be impersonal and often thoughts/feelings are misinterpreted, but after awhile when you get into that groove of communication that part lessens. Its nice to be minutes away from a big test, your SO is busy at work, you feel your phone vibrate and its he/her wishing you a last minute goodluck, etc. If it's not for you then you probably wouldnt understand. Its like the modern day, more efficient letter writing?

[HopingAgain]

Saying that texting is anywhere NEAR as meaningful as more personal forms of communication is like saying cybersex is as good as and feels like the real thing.

[ladydesigner]

I can't help but wonder if your will feel exposing an affair is petty and an emotional dead end - when you've been married for 10-15-20 years and may find out your devoted husband has been cheating on you.

 

Let's see how you feel about it then, ok?

 

 

Right! Methinks it makes the Ap's uncomfortable that their secret is out in the open and it's not as pretty as it was in the dark. I exposed my WH's A it helped in our situation because he then had to look at himself. I didn't care one iota about MOW and how she felt. I also wanted everyone to know why we were getting a D (we are in R now). When you play this game called having an A, there are usually extreme consequences.

[LilGirlandOW]

I can't help but wonder if your will feel exposing an affair is petty and an emotional dead end - when you've been married for 10-15-20 years and may find out your devoted husband has been cheating on you.

 

Let's see how you feel about it then, ok?

 

No, no no... I'm not saying exposing the A in general, I was speaking to exposing the A in an attempt to tarnish the AP's reputation, job, etc. The BS has two choices, stay with WS or leave WS, any diversions off either of those paths are dead ends. Telling my work that I was involved with her H, benefits nobody (incl. BS), nothing theraputic about that. At the end of the day, all jabs aside the BS has only 2 choices.

[Journee]

No, no no... I'm not saying exposing the A in general, I was speaking to exposing the A in an attempt to tarnish the AP's reputation, job, etc. The BS has two choices, stay with WS or leave WS, any diversions off either of those paths are dead ends. Telling my work that I was involved with her H, benefits nobody (incl. BS), nothing theraputic about that. At the end of the day, all jabs aside the BS has only 2 choices.

 

Or none. With so many women willing to sleep with married men with full knowledge of the BS....that stay on the side for months and years. The only two people with a choice are the MP and OW. If and when the BS regains truth about her life you may be surprised what everyone's choice may be.

 

I'm not a fan of a big giant exposure scene. It will not change a thing. The AP is still who she is just as the MM.

 

 

As far as the texts. That's how I found out about the latest. I caught it at seven weeks into the A. My H and I weren't even living together at the time. She likely knows something is going on just can't put her finger on it.

[peaksandvalleys]

No, no no... I'm not saying exposing the A in general, I was speaking to exposing the A in an attempt to tarnish the AP's reputation, job, etc. The BS has two choices, stay with WS or leave WS, any diversions off either of those paths are dead ends. Telling my work that I was involved with her H, benefits nobody (incl. BS), nothing theraputic about that. At the end of the day, all jabs aside the BS has only 2 choices.

 

 

I mean no disrespect to you. But I do have more than 2 choices. My plans are not to hold anything back from anyone. I will leave...not go quietly. I don't know if I will inform her job yet. But it might be worth finding out if it is therapeutic to me. It is something I will continue to ponder and will discuss with those who know better than I do at this point.

[cif]

I didn't get to read the entire thread yet but will later..

 

just want to tell you that she, as his wife, can subpeona the phone company and get his side of the texts. Please look out for yourself if she contacts you. Don't be an idiot like me and try to protect him. he may not extend the same courtesy to you.

[bentleychic]

Even single people cannot be together 24/7. Most people need to work. It's nice to have cell phones for calls and texts when face to face time is not possible.

 

(I say this in regards to all of my friends and family. Lives are so busy these days, it seems everyone is going full tilt and sometimes the only way to get in touch with someone is by calls or texts.)

 

My MM and I talk on the phone way more than we text now (texting has dropped considerably since we prefer talking) and I'm not ignoring my children. They're normally in school when it happens.

[LilGirlandOW]

I mean no disrespect to you. But I do have more than 2 choices. My plans are not to hold anything back from anyone. I will leave...not go quietly. I don't know if I will inform her job yet. But it might be worth finding out if it is therapeutic to me. It is something I will continue to ponder and will discuss with those who know better than I do at this point.

 

With that being said still boild down to two choices, no matter how you walk the path you choose. Leave and go out with a hail of fire, Leave and go out being the bigger person, is still leaving, 1 of 2 choices a BS would have.

[peaksandvalleys]

With that being said still boild down to two choices, no matter how you walk the path you choose. Leave and go out with a hail of fire, Leave and go out being the bigger person, is still leaving, 1 of 2 choices a BS would have.

 

 

I respect your opinion. The bigger person thought.....not a big deal for me if someone has shown themselves unworthy of that treatment. Again...no disrespect intended to you.

[bentleychic]

My exMM and I never texted because he is even older than me and HATES it, lol. Some people just don't want to move along with change - and I'm not going to lie, it was frustrating as I then had to WAIT to talk to him and give or get information because we couldn't text. I love being able to text it and forget about it for a minute (like, trying to remember to tell him something, or a date, or a time, or anything like that - like a small to do list that I just can't get done until we TALK on the phone, ugh! lol).

 

Eventually, those who are so against texting will die out (just as those that couldn't/wouldn't figure out tvs, vcrs, microwaves, etc. and on and on and on. I agree that it's a new form of letter writing - and you can convey a LOT with just a few words. Hell, most of us are too verbose any damn way, lol - when we have to trim it down, it helps us learn to share the information that is needed. All the people that I know that text still have normal conversations - it's not like they lose the ability to communicate face to face or whatever - that's hilarious to think about though. Reminds me of the Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake skit of them talking as if they were talking in hashtags - laughed a lot on that one. And, if I ever start talking the way I text (and I do not use cutesie spellings or any of that, I text in complete sentences with correct punctuation, lol) I will give it up - until then, it's just one other form of communication.

 

I wonder if it's only "shallow" when a WS and an AP do it - or is it also shallow when a wife and husband do it????

LOL MM sends me little sentences most of the time. I send...as he says..."books". LOL If we can't talk on the phone and it's on my mind, I'm sending it. *shrug*

 

ExH and I used to text as well and with all of my friends having super busy lives, that's generally how we communicate.

 

I WILL say a big warning for anyone that uses facebook to communicate with their MM/MW. I don't know if it's something specific in settings, but I noticed a few weeks ago that when we message on facebook, it'll show me the EXACT location that he's in when he messages me there and vice versa. Could be very bad if the BS logs in to facebook and sees where you live OR if MM/MW sends a message on facebook to the BS while they're at your house. (Guessing this is a long shot, but still a possibility.) We rarely message on there normally, but have a bit more lately. Just casual stuff normally that we'd talk about to any friend, but just the same. Good info to have, I think.

[LilGirlandOW]

I didn't get to read the entire thread yet but will later..

 

just want to tell you that she, as his wife, can subpeona the phone company and get his side of the texts. Please look out for yourself if she contacts you. Don't be an idiot like me and try to protect him. he may not extend the same courtesy to you.

 

If I thought for a second after a dday that I was being minimalized or thrown under a bus, the text records would be coming from me, she wouldnt need a phone company. I can understand the instinct to protect the WS, as to the unattached AP, thats "our man/woman". Had a dday happened prior to being enlightened from some great LS posters, I'm sure I'd die on a sword with him, but present day after much reading/sharing and reflecting I'd have my own sword ready. The single AP is far from innocent, but sometimes self-circumstances make it easy for a calculated WS to rope them in.

 

If your an AP in any way/shape/form, the bottom line is you have self-issues. No solidly confident and complete woman puts herself out there like that or in situations like that, even if you didnt know the WS was M in the begining.

[LilGirlandOW]

WTHF,

Absolutely.

 

I assume every single "other" has self-issues. 100% of them(us).

 

If they didnt they wouldn't settle for the crumbs, fall for the lines, generously grant year long(sometimes even longer) timelines.

 

I'm very confident, attractive and ambitious, yet I'm still the OW/ Sure he tells me I'm him one-and-only true love :love: and blahhh blahh freakin blahhhh :love:. Somehow I accept this is how things are, this is what I'm worthy of

 

Jus saying, yes, alot of women in general have self-issues.... but there's no way in hell there's a single OW who doesn't

[bentleychic]

I wonder if that is only for those that use the check in feature? I don't use it - so it is never announcing my location, which I would be wary of for anything, not just carrying on an affair.

 

I do the same with texts - and most people that text with me complain that I'm too fast with it, lol. I love it, and I use it more than I do phone calls because it's more practical for me most of the time. I mean, who doesn't want to sit down with a glass of wine across from their lover, looking in their eyes, smelling them, hearing their voice? Of course - but that's just not possible at all times or even all days - so, I would much rather have texts going back and forth than nothing until we can talk again.

Nope. He doesn't use the check in feature. I think it has to do with the GPS location thing, but I'm not positive.

 

However, I do use the check in thing and weirdly, lately, if I check in near someone, it will alert them that I've checked in nearby. Talk about a stalkers paradise! LOL

[LilGirlandOW]

She probably doesn't KNOW there is something to find. She probably believes he's off working for the benefit of their family.

 

It's interesting that you're referring to him as a POS. Has he distanced himself by not texting as much since she questioned his number of texts?

 

Not at all, he didnt seem concerned. I honestly have days where I see the A from the outside. Like I'm watching it in a movie. Days like this I kinda distance myself... sort out my feelings. I generalize all WMM and get pissed off, at them all squished into a bunch. Not trying to justify, just one of those days

[LilGirlandOW]

but in general i was just curious about text trails,

[LilGirlandOW]

I'm not perfect but I don't have issues. My xMM had a self-imposed 120 day timeline.

 

He didn't meet it. He got kicked to the curb. Period.

 

It really can be that simple. Before anyone tells me, "But I love him," it's NOT enough.

 

During your 4 month stay as an OW, I would assume you had issues at that time to value yourself worthy of a WMM, to fall for his 120 day routine. Now you're a better person who would never fall for that crap again. Not saying you have issues currently. Not all women do, all OW do

[jlola]

I disagree. In fa" you can find just just google some news stories (in fact, start with that dentist who was named Harris and his wife, you know, the one that ran him over in the parking lot and murdered him! I would definitely say that she had some "issues"!)

I read lots of true crime.Usually it is cheating MP who kills spouse.Clara Harris was not the norm. Basically her husband had an affair with office manager n everyone knew but Clara.One of the women at the office let Clara know. because she thought husband. was so direspectful eeven his 16 yr old daughter knew. then husband attempted to let Clara know all her negatives and all OW's positives.

Interesting enough perfect OW had been divorced because her xhusband claimed. she was a neglectful wife who wanted the high life.Plus she had appeared on Maury Povich under disguise with her female partner claiming their husbands thought they were ha ing affair.Everyone in that situation was not wrapped too tight.

[2sunny]

No, no no... I'm not saying exposing the A in general, I was speaking to exposing the A in an attempt to tarnish the AP's reputation, job, etc. The BS has two choices, stay with WS or leave WS, any diversions off either of those paths are dead ends. Telling my work that I was involved with her H, benefits nobody (incl. BS), nothing theraputic about that. At the end of the day, all jabs aside the BS has only 2 choices.

 

You are saying this from the perspective that the BS knows what's real = truth... But many don't know.

 

In the end - I had ONE decision to make = what would bring me happiness! And wondering IF/WHEN my exH might cheat again wasn't what I was willing to live with.