VivianLee Posted November 27, 2004 Share Posted November 27, 2004 Okay, I went back on NC and so I've been told to leave....my fault, I know....I'm in NC with OM and my husband won't see me let alone have anything else to do with me. We never had sex anyway but there was hand holding and hugging.... Should I just take this as part of my punishment (which I deserve) or is it okay to yearn and miss and want? Is it normal despite what is going on to still crave intimacy, I was missing sex anyway...I miss it even more now that I'm not getting even a slight touch. Is there something wrong with me?? I feel like I shouldn't have these thoughts but should just feel shame for hurting my family and I do.....but I feel more need now for intimacy.... (don't worry, I am getting therapy) Link to post Share on other sites
Stinkerbelle Posted November 28, 2004 Share Posted November 28, 2004 Are you still with your husband? If so, you should both be going to therapy and working through it. But you hurt him a lot and need to understand it may be a while before he trusts you enough to be intimate with you again. Link to post Share on other sites
MassiveAtom Posted November 28, 2004 Share Posted November 28, 2004 Viv, A counselor once told me that for every affair there is a cause directly attributable to the offended spouse. I'm not condoning your contact with this OM, that was a mistake, I've thought about contacting my OW, lately, But this is not something to beat yourself up over. No one is going to beat you as badly as you will. No one can be more angry with you than you, no one can hate you more than you, and no one can love you more than you. That last one is important, some people would tell me that I have it wrong, that Jesus Christ loves you more than you. If that helps, use it. It is most important that you forgive yourself for your weakness, or your momentary lapse of reason, or your slip up -whatever. Forgive yourself. You are a lovely person, with lots of quirks, twists and oddities. This is one of them. It may be impossible for your husband to accept, but you have to accept yourself. it's possible that no one else will, or is even able. You don't deserve punishment, you deserve understanding. You shouldn't feel guilty, you must learn to forgive. You mustn't doubt your true self, but be compassionate to you first. Don't accept that because you made a mistake, that you deserve to be treated less than humanely, you desrve to treated kindly. I'm sure you've seen me write this before, I never thought I'd be writing it for you. but go F.U.C.K. yourself. Be F-orgiving, U-nderstanding, C-ompassionate, and K-ind. It will help. I promise. mA Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted November 28, 2004 Share Posted November 28, 2004 Vivian, you were starved of intimacy in the marriage, that's why you found it elsewhere and had difficulty letting go of the connection with your OM. The need is normal but the strength is a reaction to your situation, it will ease once you have resolved the shape of your future and are moving on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author VivianLee Posted November 29, 2004 Author Share Posted November 29, 2004 Stinkerbelle...he told me to leave and so I'm living with my parent's...I understand he needs tons of time (if ever) to even want to hug me.....but like meanon said, I've been starved for affection and intimacy (and wouldn't have gotten it even if I were still living with him) and now I'm without the OM or my husband...that part is my fault but I still need and crave some sort of affection... I had a hard time today. I've been here at our house since Friday (he's staying with friends) and I realize how much I miss my family and home. I've been very depressed, have wanted to just lay and sleep and I've cried ALOT...I was doing well...in fact away from home I'm better more like out of sight out of mind but when I'm here especially staying the night...I miss home, I miss him and I miss us... I've lost my friends, church and spouse....it's just alot to take in at one time, I guess.... Link to post Share on other sites
MassiveAtom Posted November 30, 2004 Share Posted November 30, 2004 It was a day like any other in the little village, The sun was shining in the most azure blue sky. Clouds were conspicuously absent, the kids were out in the center of the village playing, laughing, and singing those kid kinda songs. The women were carefully tending to homes and preparing the meal and the men, well they were watching the game. (pfft! Men!) Deep in the forest next to the village, though, slowly, deliberately, with no concern for anything but it's hunger, approached an enormous snake. It's head the size of a buffalo, a body like a fallen tree, and as long as the day when it entered the edge of town. So silently it approached with no warning, no hint of danger, that no one noticed it until it swallowed two children whole. The anguish of the loss decimated the spirits of the villagers. So racked with pain, many simply ceased to live, and merely floated through the rest of their lives. The pain was great. And it got worse. A whole year went by, and the sadness seemed to lessen. But without warning, again the snake invaded the village. As stealthily as before it came and gobbled up the children, but this time there were two snakes. and Twice as many lives were lost. Twice as much pain. Twice as much sadness befell the little village. Every year after that, the giant snakes would return in greater and greater numbers, and cause untold suffering and pain in the village. the sadness fell every year and got more painful every time. A little boy in the village, decided one day in wintertime, that he would be prepared to end the villages suffering. "but how?" he thought. All through the cold months he thought, and planned, and finally decided what to do. The snow melted, and the rivers flowed again, the sun flew high in the impossibly blue sky. The little boy knew that even though the meadows were bright again, and the forest green and lush, that they would be coming. And that they did. All of the villagers kept their children in now. They were scared of what would be certain death if they didn't. But not the little boy. He stood where the forest met the village and tried to look as tasty as he could. No sooner than he heard the cracking of twigs and the sliding of scales, he was completely engulfed in darkness. A snake had swallowed him whole. He heard the muffled cries of his mother, the desperate screams of his father, the wails of his friends and neighbors. Everyone considered him dead from that point on. He had brought with him a small sharp knife, a gourd filled with water, and a few things to make a small fire to keep warm. He set all this up and soon, a small campfire lit the cavernous gut. He jabbed the great beast in the side and cut out a small chunk of the monsters flesh. He cooked it slowly over the open fire and swallowed it. The taste was awful, it was like the bitter taste of anger, sadness, pain, and sorrow. all mixed with pure hate. but he ate it, a little bit at a time. Again he sliced the wet tender flesh. Again and again. He ate his fill and feel asleep. The snake simply figured its meal didn't agree with it, and also fell asleep. Upon awakening, the snake could not bear the intense pain in its belly. It writhed and convulsed in agony, so much so that it told all of the other snakes to stay away from the village lest they endure the same excruciating torture. The little boy, took a few more bites. and smiled, but he knew he had a long way to go. A week went by, then two, then four. The little boy had eaten quite of bit of the dying beast, with one last jab, a bright blade of sunlight pierced the darkness, and with one last groan, the snake died on the spot. Squinting, but well fed and strong, the little boy ripped the rest of the way through and broke free of his temporary tomb into the brilliant sunlight and fresh air of the world outside of his pain. His emergence was greeted with cheers and screams of delight, for the snake had gone near the village to die. Everyone witnessed his miraculous feat and they welcomed him back from his ordeal with open arms and proud adoring smiles. The little boy, once thought lost forever, showed that the only way to truly defeat the most difficult of pain, is to go inside and work your way out. the snakes? Oh they NEVER returned to the village. It's important to feel all of your pain Viv, it's the only way to see the sunrise again. remember, anytime. mA Link to post Share on other sites
sherell Posted November 30, 2004 Share Posted November 30, 2004 Massive- An amazing story, I will save that to my favorites. And you are so right, you have to feel all your pain to feel whole again. There were so many times when I felt pain so intensely, that I thought I would die. But you never do. Allow yourself to go thru it all, and the growth you get from it is incredible. Link to post Share on other sites
Author VivianLee Posted November 30, 2004 Author Share Posted November 30, 2004 Wow...that story completely blew me away....I appreciate your sharing it with me (and others).....I'm going to have to copy/paste and print so I can read a few times over (and over )....thanks, mA.... Link to post Share on other sites
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