Missing Him Tons

[Jip]

Oops Sorry about that... bloody depressing songs at Christmas!

 

Like you I too 'had tickets on myself' as they say in Australia and thought if it were to end, not that it would, I'd be the one to do it - probably out of boredum of him living in the sticks or something like that! All this hurts as it is without your pride taking a thumping too!

 

He sounds a tad insecure if a 'chat 'means you're going to dump him and he obviously took you not jumping to live in America with him as a bad sign or something (my presumption there). I don't think I'll ever know what goes on in my ex's head... as we finished he told me he was as deep as the ocean is wide.... might have told me that a little sooner!! Funny everything was a laugh with him... on eof the things I loved... little did I know there was something more going on below the surface!! Prior warning might have been nice!

 

Don't think my mother was overly impressed with mine either... probably because I was going to end up living a quiet life in the middle of nowhere tending sheep!! Where as my last serious bf was much more her cup of tea.... more landlord than tenant if you catch my drift!

 

Ah bless the little ones!!! LIttle do they know what lies ahead... wouldn't mind being 5 again!

 

 

Got to head home now.... good to chat to you!! Will catch up soon.

[EnglishChick]

I would love to be five again. Just today a couple of the girls were arguing over who Joseph loved (very cute, blonde hair, big blue eyes) I was just watching and smiling to myself and Joseph turned to me and says 'they all like me' as if explaining to me what was going on. If only it was that easy! They were arguing over someone else last week.

 

Well...tomorrow is the big night! Going to Blackpool with the 'ladies' from work. Should be a fun night and I have my vodka and coke ready for the ride there! Feel like I'm in uni again! I'll keep you updated on my progress, will I end up a sobbing wreck wishing I was still with 'him' or will I end up happy but hugging the toilet?!

 

Only time will tell!

[SpaceCoyote]

So many true and heartfelt sentiments were expressed in this thread, I wanted to add my input....

 

My ex claimed still cared about me and still wanted to be close friends, yet I rarely hear from him and it hurts to know I'm not THE special person in his life anymore, the person he talks to about everything.

 

This is definitely a killer. It's easy to think back to a time when you were in that other person's every thought and then seemingly at the drop of a hat, you are gone from their minds but yet they still linger in yours.

 

 

what kind of guy is he is doesnt take sympathy to how Im coping?!?! I just want answers.. closure.. I want to be fully happy again.. and I don't think I can until I tell him what this has been doing to me.

 

Forget what kind of guy. What kind of human being at all can impassively watch the suffering of someone they care about? It strikes me as just... inhuman. Yet it happens to so many of us. They just feel like there is no way they can help you. My ex GF called me the day after she broke up with me to see how I was doing. It was a sincere call of concern. But after that one time....nothing. I know she knows I am suffering. But after seeing me sink into despair, I think she just didn't want any part of that and thinks she needs to do what is best for her, even if it hurts me in the process. And as she said to me "Talking to me isn't going to help you, because I can't give you what you want."

 

 

sometimes doesn't this all makes us feel that it wud have been much better never to enter a relationship.Whats the use to have good times only to remember it later with bitterness.It would have been so nice if there was something so that we could rewind the time and then undo the things which causes so much of pain,hurt and bitterness.I bet the safest way to be happy is to never enter into any relationships.

 

I almost feel like I could become jaded too. I sit here and ask myself, what is the price of happiness? You gain some of the happiest and most satisfying moments of life from that other person but at the same time are risking great suffering of them leaving you after you let yourself get so close to them and let them become such a huge part of your life. That is the thing about relationships, you make yourself vulnerable in allowing yourself to get into one. I guess you have to decide for yourself whether you think that other person, or any person at all, is worth the risk.

[mischafan160]

Originally posted by greenhorn

sometimes doesn't this all makes us feel that it wud have been much better never to enter a relationship.Whats the use to have good times only to remember it later with bitterness.It would have been so nice if there was something so that we could rewind the time and then undo the things which causes so much of pain,hurt and bitterness.I bet the safest way to be happy is to never enter into any relationships.

Admit when you dont have something you long for it, but to have it and then loose it is much more terrible.

 

Imagine if our days were all alone wont it be better than being alone and remembering those days which then seemed to be blissful.Ignorance is really a bliss ,we all were ignorant what price we had to pay later for these moments of happiness.

 

I have lost so much of trust in relationships that whenever i see any couple i say to myself that they are going to cry ,they might not be knowing it now but they are going to cry.The only relationship which you can always be sure of that it will be there is with ur parents otherwise all other are just psuedo.

 

Love is the greatest folly one can commit and the only people who would always be true to you will be your parents.

 

But to err is human so we love and get hurt.

 

Watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I saw it with my ex when we were still completely in love and it made me bawl like a little baby. I can only imagine how much I would cry if I saw it now...but it has a valid point. As much as the memories of the good times may hurt, deep inside your heart you would NEVER really want to give them up. Life goes on and after time passes you will look back with fondness instead of with bitterness.

[mischafan160]

What does continue to disturb me is my unwillingness to trust any guy now. Whenever a guy approaches me my first thought is immediately, "What does he want from me? How much could he potentially hurt me?" Without trust there can be no love...so after each failed relationship, after we increasingly lose our ability to trust, is it possible to ever really love so PURELY and so completely as we did the first time, when our hearts were young and naive? Maybe your first love is your only real love, because it never enters your mind that this person could eventually betray you...until they do.

[Jip]

Originally posted by EnglishChick

 

Well...tomorrow is the big night! Going to Blackpool with the 'ladies' from work. Should be a fun night and I have my vodka and coke ready for the ride there! Feel like I'm in uni again! I'll keep you updated on my progress, will I end up a sobbing wreck wishing I was still with 'him' or will I end up happy but hugging the toilet?!

 

Only time will tell!

 

How did your weekend go..... lots of drunken disorderly I hope (in a good way!!)?

[EnglishChick]

[color=black][color=blue]Jip: It was good thanks, we just ended up going into town. Blackpool was too much hard work for some.

I was drunk but left the disorderly to another member of the group who was eternally apologetic this morning. SHE was apparently auditioning for Bad Girls in the street outside one of the bars. Mortified for her. Nothing worse than a 31 year old woman fighting in the street. And she's a classroom assistant!

 

Anyway, other than that it was good. One of the girls was trying to set me up with some middle aged man! No thanks, not quite ready for set ups anyway and when I am it won't be with someone twenty years older than me!

 

Going to send that Christmas card just wondering what to write in it and whether to send him a separate one, write his name on the parental one or ignore him altogether. Hmmmm....

 

How was your weekend? You doing ok? Still avoiding sheep?[/color][/color]

[Jip]

Ohh fancy... blue!

 

Sounds like a fun weekend with your friend providing the entertainment?!?!

 

Ah the Christmas Card.... Think you should include him somehow as if you miss him out it looks v deliberate... but then again that could sting... ie desired effect. How about naming thm all or putting 'Dear All'?

 

There's also the problem of how you sign it off - Love, best wishes, just your name. I have no idea what to put in mine. Think I may put love as that'll screw up that little man-stealer!

 

As for me I'm doing ok -Had a sober weekend. Have had a couple of down days... possibly PMT who knows?! Didn't sleep well last night but hey am exhausted now so will sleep like santa on Xmas day tonight!!!! Out on the lash ( mainly business) on Thursday so hopefully I don't turn into scary Jip again?!

[EnglishChick]

[font=arial][/font][color=indigo][/color][color=indigo]I'm branching out with the fonts now. Obviously severe boredom and a case of being, sad/lonely/without a life.

Just been to the shops, knew I'd forgotten something! The card!

 

Don't you find you have to have tonnes of things to do at the weekend? I've been shopping with friends almost every weekend since, I even bought a new car a couple of weeks after! Now THAT is comfort shopping. I was getting it anyway but felt I was allowed to get it earlier than originally planned due to the circumstances.

 

We should meet up and get hammered together, we can slag off shepherds and a certain American (was going to say Americans but slight generalisation there plus most on here are American!) then find some men who's heads we can mess with. Let's be men for a night!

 

Hmmm....Scarey Jip??? Please explain![/color]

[Jip]

[color=red]Hah.. Two can play at the chameleon thingy!!

 

Sad isn't it we're putting so much thought into this christmas card and they probably aren't bothering their backside! I'm not even going to send him one just out of a pack will pick an individual one instead!!

 

I'm like you I have to fill my weekends else I end up demented - mornings are the worst though because normally I would either be getting ready to go to his or be there!? I hate the fact that someone else has replaced me so quickly... although he tells me that he hasn't moved on so quickly or easily as I keep suggesting and that it will be difficult finding that 'click' or 'bang' as he called it again?! But he's not the type to just pass time with someone?!

 

I seem to have bought the shops this last few weeks.... not quite to the level of a car though now that is impressive!! Although fed up with the 'happy clappy' atmosphere in the shops at the moment and like you I keep seeing things I would have bought him!! And the number of cosy couples going about is just a reminder of what things should be like!

 

Think we'd make excellent drinking partners... we both could complain bitterly about relationships into the bottom of our V & DC whilst propping up the bar!!! Think my friends are fed up with me mentioning my ex and the word 'wa***r' in the same sentence! They say that when you get sick of talking about it that you're on the road to recovery!

 

Ah Scary Jip is not a pretty sight! basically I was v drunk two weeks ago and was giving grief to a few folk whilst being a bit upset - staying off the booze for a while or atleast while he's there!!

 

Going TPB tonight... there's a chance he may be there as we're both in the same organisation that's organising the bowling ( Young Farmers .. but shhh don't tell anyone it might ruin my rep) and both our clubs are in the same district so there's a chance he'll come along

 

Hope you're doing ok - and remember buy that card... last cut off for overseas posting will be soon!![/color]

[EnglishChick]

[color=blue][/color][font=century gothic][/font][color=blue][font=century gothic]I just can't be bothered with all these festivities, this is the first Christmas I've just wanted to disappear for a couple of weeks. Although I didn't spend Christmas day with him last year (I came home Christmas Eve) I spent 3 days moping around because I had to wait till the 27th to see him. Oh the trauma! And then we spent New Year just the two of us so I normally hate New Year and this is going to be worse! YAY!!! Christmas! YAY!!! New Year! Bah bl***y humbug. Roll on 5th of Jan when I can get back to work.

 

I was seriously considering just taking myself off somewhere, would normally drive off to North Wales but we went there for a couple of days last year, could go to my sisters in London but that's where we spent New Year, could drive up to Edinburgh but that's where we were going to go this year. HE'S RUINED EVERYTHING!!!!!

I really need to cause that personal injury we talked about. Sorry, having a rant.

 

Forgot to buy the card again, just spent £9 in Asda on party stuff for tomorrow afternoon. Not even a Christmas party! It's because they've earned their class reward so I'm getting them all sugared up then sending them home to cause havoc. Ha ha, then they'll know what I put up with 6 hours a day. Ho ho ho.

 

Anyway, I have to go and pretend to do some work as I do every night so I'll leave it here. Have you got your card yet? You're right, this is pathetic, I was stood in the shower this morning thinking what to write. My life makes me sad.[/color][/font]

[Jip]

[color=green]I'm with you in the Bah Humbug... stuff your jingle bells where the sun don't shine and hope your turkey burns to a cinder attitude!!!!! Well maybe not to that degree?! ... only nice thing that may happen this xmas is that my sister's expecting on the 2nd Jan ( a xmas baby herself) so I suppose thats something to look forward too. I spent xmas night with my ex - first time I'd ever done that with a BF and it was lovely! Gonna miss that and the the fantastic house parties his friends had at New Year etc - I expect he'll be taking her!! Geez this sucks!!

 

Shame he's ruined so many things for you - Edinburgh's good but after all its just freezing your ass off on Princes St with lots of drunken Scottish folk (now there's a novelty) barging into you.... best off somewhere cosy!

 

Working late tonight too - perhaps because I spend way too much time on here??!

 

Thats the spirit.... let their mothers deal with the 'little darlings' all hyper on e-numbers and squeking jingle bells at the top of their voices!!!!

 

Going to try and get my card lunchtime Friday as too chokka before that and out for a drink or 3 tomorrow... have a feeling it would end up a crumbled mess if I took it with me out on the lash!!

 

Yeah my life is just so quiet and empty without him... no matter how much I try to fill it! I know you should never rely on someone else to make you happy but without realising it for the first time in my life I became dependant on him thinking he'd always be there... hah ain't that a laugh!! I really quietened down when I was with him and I loved it don't really fancy going back to my old wild self - been there done that! Am a bit clueless whats for the best these days???[/color]

[EnglishChick]

[font=courier new][color=indigo]I was never really that wild anyway but always felt like I should be because of people I worked with/went to uni with etc. When I was going out with him I knew I didn't have to pretend to be anything other than me and now I look around and I can't imagine myself being with any of the men I see, I'll occassionally go out and get drunk and it's fun EVERY SO OFTEN. I'd much rather go to see a film or go for something to eat or just to the pub with some friends than spend nights looking for a cab drunk off my arse at 2am. All I see when I look at the males in this locality are scallies with no ambition or purpose other than drink and have sex with whoever they can get. I mean, I'm no upper class citizen here, I live in Liverpool! I was brought up here and I'm proud of where I come from but I don't want to spend the rest of my life in the place I was born.

 

Are there any men left with a sense of humour and some intelligence?! I am totally on one tonight aren't I?! Rants before and now this! I just don't want Christmas to happen this year! Can't we just save them up till I have someone fun I can spend the time with?

 

I think I have to stay away from anything relationship like for a while, I think part of my problem is I fall in love much too easily and quickly. Got to stop!

 

A new baby will take your mind off it! My sister had a little girl 2 weeks ago, saw her at the weekend and she's SO beautiful! Tiny little thing! Spent a fortune on clothes for her, my sister also has a little boy who was 1 in July so she has her hands full. Will be spending a lot of time driving to and from London I think. That should keep me busy but when am I going to find the time to meet the man of my dreams?![/color][/font]

[Jip]

Let it all out m'dear......... yeah your right I look a round and no one can hold a candle to my ex! Kind, funny, smart (although he didn't think he was) and fit too!

 

I saw him on Wed night with his new girl - oh lord did that hurt. Maybe it isn't a bad thing yours is 3000 miles away because seeing them with someone else is awful but to some purpose I suppose it made me accept it a little bit more. He was too chicken **** to come up and speak - if she hadn't been there I would definately have said hello at least. Got a lot off my chest last night though via text given that he won't meet me.... feel a bit better for it but now he's not replying.... he says he's disappointed we don't speak yet its me making all the effort.... why do I bother wasting my time!!!

 

Hope you have a good weekend x

[EnglishChick]

Hey! How was your weekend?

Mine was REALLY good! Started off just the usual - keeping busy, I'll wash the car in the cold - type of Saturday. Went out last night and had such a good night, there was no drama and it was just me and my soon to be flatmate. We went to a club we always used to go to in uni and I met four lovely Irish men with 'fantaaastic' accents (we were getting them to say it to us) and I've even had a breakthrough, one of them gave me his number and we were texting eachother when I got home.

 

I don't think anything will happen, if I really wanted something to I would have met him today like he suggested but I wimped out. It suddenly seemed really frightening. BUT he was VERY attractive, had a lovely accent (swoon) and was an excellent kisser! I've had my breakthrough I think, it gave me some of my self esteem back and I woke up thinking about something other than my ex. What a lovely change.

[Bo408]

Originally posted by kgal

I haven't heard from him in 3 months. It's hard sometimes and I'll just miss him so bad. I almost feel like I'm going to cry and never be able to stop. I just thank God that He gives me the strength to get by each day. I just keep praying he'll talk to me.

 

Anyone else feel the same way about your ex? What do you do to cope?

I know how you feel

[mischafan160]

So I was just stupid and masochistic enought to read the eight page letter he wrote to me for Valentine's Day last year, all about how much he loved me and how I'd changed his life and inspired him to be a better person and how perfect I was.

 

No matter how much closure I get or how much time passes, I absolutely will never be able to comprehend how so much love, such pure and unadulterated adoration that he had for me, just "fades" away. I don't know how I can ever have another relationship because if what we had can just dissolve for one person like that, then it really could dissolve for ANYBODY and I will never feel secure and comfortable with a guy again because he could randomly fall out of love with me at any given moment.

 

We were such a team, two people who respected and loved each other and were sensible and best friends and very much in love. Yes we had some problems, but I never, ever thought that he would fall out of love with me. He used to tell me that I was his dream, someone who he had only hoped for but never expected he could actually be with...I was his dream come true...and then a year later he's suddenly completely over me, he's moved on and probably forgotten everything we had...WHY?! HOW is this possible?! For no good reason, and he's apparently happy as a clam without me, when his life used to revolve around me.

 

The thing that kills me is that I was SO HAPPY and complete for the first time in my life. Part of me believes that I will never reach that feeling again because now that I've lost my ability to trust, I can never again love somebody as much or as purely as I did this time.

[kgal]

Hey... I know.... it's unbelievable isn't it? I can understand how you feel. These things happen to the best people. It isnt fair... but.. you have to have faith that there is someone still out there for you.. and things will be even better when he comes along. If someone had told me that a few months ago... I would've been like, "Yeah..right" but you have to hang on and keep that hope. Try hard to look for the silver lining. At least now... you can see what kind of person he really was. People have a way of wearing their "masks" and we get fooled pretty easily in life. Just...next time you get involved..you will know what you want in that man. I know its hard when somebody loves you one minute.. and the next.. you feel like yesterdays news. Its a very hard feeling and one that takes time... but after time passes... you will reach that point of assurance, where you know what you will not tolerate in the relationship. I just want you to know that I sympatize with you. I understand how you must feel.. and perhaps burning that 8-pager will do you some good. Haha. Im not trying to be insensitive in saying that... but it helps if you maybe put it out of site. I put my ex's pics and "little reminder things" in a box and locked it up. Its just out of sight and out of mind now... so I feel better about those. It hurt to reminisce... but stay focused. You can do this.. and reach within yourself... find the good and true things about yourself. There is alot of lovely things to you that you need to see. You dont need anyone else to tell you they love you.. because you know all those things that make you beautiful. God knows this and He will be there for you through your struggle. Hold on.

 

[mischafan160]

kgal, thank you so much that was very sweet of you! I did put the letter in a box, along with all the cards he wrote me and the Tiffany's necklace he gave me (should I sell it on Ebay and go shopping?!) and the box resides under my bed. I can't bring myself to throw it out and I don't think I should, because I am nostalgic and know that in a few years I will look at these things and smile with affection for my first boyfriend. I hope a few years down the road I won't hate his guts as much.

[Jip]

Thats fantastic news about the Irish man - it maybe goes someway to taking your mind off him at this hard time of year! As seen on other posts I think one way to try to heal is getting out there and having a bit of fun with members of the opposite sex - our exes are doing exactly that and with little remorse about it.... after all they are single (or not now he's with that wee bint) and so are we... a hard pill to swallow yes but mingling and having nights out help us to realise its not the end of the world and there are other people out there waiting to be met ( can't beat a sexy Irish man though - good going!!) Things like that are good for the old ego! Yes we still miss our exes and maybe somewhere inside wish they'd slink back but in the mean time life's too short to pine after one person.... so we need to get out there and have fun... even if we don't feel like it... we might just find we enjoy it!!! And to put it anpther way - what choice do we have we ... moping gets you nowhere!!

 

Argh sorry that sounds like a sermon or something - I'm preaching!!! Or maybe just trying to convince myself?!

 

Can tell I'm in a better mood today eh!! I confess I'm still really hurt and anything to do with him upsets me but have decided to try to put that stuff away and try and enjoy xmas.... no one wants to see my surly face when their eating their turkey!! Jingle bells.. peace on earth and all that!! Anyone would think I'd been drinking at lunchtime!!!?

[bebop]

the Tiffany's necklace he gave me (should I sell it on Ebay and go shopping?!)

 

Yes.

[AngelSerra]

It does seem unfair that relationships end, many times for no apparent reason - at least not any that we are aware of. Is it really better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? I wonder why I ever get messed up in relationships sometimes. But then I realize the reason we all enter them, sometimes blindly, is for the chance to find that right person who will make all of the wrong people from before them just blur away into the past to be forgotten. Going through relationships is like trying on clothes at the store - sometimes they fit real well at the store, you bring them home, wear them a few times, but sometimes something happens and they start to not fit quite right, or you grow out of them, or something gets spilled on them and even though it was your all time favorite outfit - you cannot stand to keep it anymore because it is stained and you have to get rid of it. I think this analogy works just as well for women dating men as men dating women, though I think that men would use a car or power tool analogy rather than shopping for clothes.

 

For those of you hurting because of break-ups: I will promise it will not last forever. I should know - my long time boyfriend of nearly 2 years just ended things with me quite abruptly, even though he mentioned marriage and engagement 3 days prior. Yes, I am bitter - yes, I am hurt and sad, but if I let me myself shut down and show him that he has this affect over me, then I am not loving myself as much as I should. If you let the people who have hurt you cause you to decide the person you will turn into in the future, you have allowed them to control you - and no person is worth that kind of self-doubt. Tell yourself that you are a good person - if you have dated someone who has made you feel otherwise, then they were not worth your time in the first place!