Red flags

[AW89]

we've been together 5 years (3 on, 2 off through uni, 2 on) and these last 2 years have been the best, our plan was to move in together next year when I go to medical school and he will move with me, live together and get married after a year all being well. Talked about children - all was good.. until 2 months ago things have completely changed.

 

He went to Italy for 4 months to learn the language, loved it, but he decided to come back to be with me. I offered to move out there for a year and he declined FYI. As it happens 2 years ago he moved to Oz after uni, but came back of his own choice so he could be with me. Anyway he's been back six months and got a job 2 months ago. Since than all he talks about is how he hates that he's losing the language, and when we do rarely spend time together all he does it read Italian books/telly. I'm angry that we don't spend more time together (once a week - live 45 mins drive) and feel like he's not interested in me any more. He's miserable, seems depressed and doesn't say nice things to me any more.

 

Out of no where he's started saying crazy things about 'what's the point in getting married', 'I don't believe in marriage, everyone gets divorced', vague non-answers about our moving in. I casually ask if we can go out this weekend, he replies that 'its what married couples do', me - what do ya mean, him - it's when things start to get sh*tty. What the hell is going on!! He's not sure about kids etc, it's like he's bombarding me with reasons so that I break up with him. Do you agree?

 

I asked him out right if he wanted us to break up a month ago. Turned out he felt insecure, lack of confidence, not good enough for me kinda thing, hates his job, not providing enough. He cried (that's never happened!!), said he loved me, wants to be with me. But now things are terrible again, as described above. I just don't know what to do any more. Any guidance??

 

I'm torn because I've been trying to trust his love, but how long for? I've known him for 7 years, and they have been honestly amazing. I love him and don't want it to end. These last 2 months though I really have been unhappy about this. I'm scared I'm not strong enough to end it if it's the right thing.

 

Any thoughts?

[Vogeltron]

Sounds complicated. Best thing you can do is sit him down and ask him what is going on and where do we stand. I you feel like things are starting to go south etc. Then you need to voice your mind. There is no reason if you have been with someone for 7 years you should be dealing with something like this. You need to bring it to the table and he needs to give you an honest response.

 

As a male I will say sometimes we need to be slapped in the face with tough questions and this sounds like a situation in which for your own good you basically slap him with questions and figure out what he really wants in life. On your end it might be like pulling our teeth but trust me for your benefit it is the best thing you can do. The longer you question and try to figure out what you think he it is. I will say the more time you are wasting. Ask him what he wants, where you fit into to picture, how things could change, etc. Then go from there.