Chick I'm getting to know wants to be friends for now, known her (kinda, for 3 years)

[Alex_rk]

I met this girl about 3 years ago when we were about fourteen when she was with some girls I know, and sort of just talked to her over the net, txting and phone for ages (but not a lot) and then we finally met properly in person the other weekend. It was only a small gathering at my house with a few drinks, she didn't really want to hook up or anything. So I just sort of layed low because she said she wanted to get to know me a lot better as friends, and then "see what happens".

 

So I've just been talking to her as a friend, talking about the emotional stuff, the personal stuff, the relationship stuff, what's your favourite this and that... but I don't know where to go from here...

 

I really, really like her and I don't think she knows.

However at the same drinks she "reunited" with one of my best mates she hasn't seen in ages... and apparently she likes him. He knows I like her and he's being immature and competing. Next step please? :E

[LucreziaBorgia]

Tell your friend that you are disappointed that he is doing this to you, and then let it drop. All you can do is express your disappointment and hurt over what your friend is doing to you. The ball is in his court now - he can either choose to be your friend and back off, or he can choose to move in on this girl despite what it would do to you. It sounds to me like she is interested in him, and he is interested in her so... you know how that goes.

 

Look at her reaction between the two of you guys. You get three years of the "friend" racket, and your friend sees her and in one night she already wants to hook up with him. I don't see him getting the "friend" speech. From what you are saying, it appears that she is not attracted to you like she is to him. She may care for you, and surely you two have the base already for a strong relationship (minus the sexual element) - but unfortunately, people tend to go with the chemical reaction of sexual attraction over the bond of friendship when they are looking for relationship partners - particularly when there is no sexual spark there with the 'friend'.

 

She probably does know how you feel - body language will give you away every time and people are very keen to that. Unless you are the best actor in the world at repressing those subconscious body language cues, she does know. I expect she just isn't saying anything about it hoping you won't bring it up. You could always talk to her about it, if you want - but I expect you'll get a gentle "but I don't want to ruin our friendship", or "if anything happened between us, I couldn't bear the thought of losing your as a friend" talk. Then she'll go hook up with this guy that she apparently hardly knows and 'hasn't seen in ages'.

 

Solution? Tell him how you feel and tell her how you feel, or not. If you do tell them, then you may lose them both and they will hook up. If they are extremely rare saintly types, maybe it can go in a more positive direction and they won't hook up. If you don't tell them, then you get to hang around the new couple as their 'friend'. Either way is painful, and I'm sorry you are in this situation.

 

I've been in it plenty of times, myself. Such is the curse of the "friend girl/guy".

[Alex_rk]

Thanks a lot