jzlove Posted November 28, 2004 Share Posted November 28, 2004 If a guy had us splitted the cost of everything (meals, movie tickets, museum tickets) on our first 'date'----i.e. our whole day trip to movies, historical locations, lunch/dinner, that he asked me to go with him to in the first place--- Is it still a 'date'? Is it common nowadays that a guy courting a girl would have themselves pay their own on first dates? Cos after that, the next day, he also emailed me (somehow he prefers email communication instead of the phone, is that common?) and say he "had a great time and would love to meet up again and suggested places to go for the next trip. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted November 28, 2004 Share Posted November 28, 2004 Honestly.. IF a guy asked me out on a first date then I would expect that he had planned on paying for the meal/activities.. IF I had asked him to come along with me to do something and he accepted then I would plan on paying for the meal/activities.. Thinking about it more now.. even when I go out with my gf's one of us will cover the check for lunch or dinner.. and the other will cover the cost for activities, movies/clubs/drinks.. maybe I'm getting off topic here Point is.. when I go out with FRIENDS then of course I don't expect them to pay for me.. even if it's a guy FRIEND I wouldn't expect he pay my way.. but if I'm going on a FIRST DATE with a guy who has asked me out, then yes I would expect that he had planned on paying for the date. Link to post Share on other sites
soccorsilly Posted November 28, 2004 Share Posted November 28, 2004 Yes. End of statement Link to post Share on other sites
indigo_moon Posted November 28, 2004 Share Posted November 28, 2004 Before going out, did you get the impression it was a date? Is this a guy you like who you suspects likes you? Or are you acquaintances who just casually hung out for the day? What was your impression of what this "day spent together" was to be? Did he ever use the word "date"? Did he seem friendly during the day you spent together? (I mean moreso than just a platonic friend would be). Did he hug you goodbye? Kiss you goodbye? More details, pls. What ages are you both? How did he bring up the issue of you both splitting the costs? Is he on a tight budget or something, or just cheap? Seems odd, too, that he'd use such an impersonal way (email) to communicate with you..why not just pick up the phone? Is he really shy or something? I'd be wary of this one.....red flags of 1) cheapskate 2) not good at personal communication. If a guy asks me out, although I always ensure I have enough money to pay for myself and I'll surely offer to pay for myself, I would think he was a horse's butt for not trying to pay - he asked me out, not the other way around. If I asked a guy out, I'd more than pay for us both. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted November 28, 2004 Share Posted November 28, 2004 Yes, if he invites you, he should pay. If he is short of money, then he should invite you to something he can afford - even if it's just tuna sandwiches on his kitchen table. As Merin says, if two friends are doing something together, then costs are split. I find I have much more fun with people who know these things instinctively. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jzlove Posted November 28, 2004 Author Share Posted November 28, 2004 Indigo_moon & Soulmate, Yes I got an impression that it was a date. We were going to go on a group trip together at first, but it did not happen and since then we've been communicating through instant messenger. And one day he just said he thought I sounded "very pretty online" and wondered if I wanted to have lunch with him, and the lunch eventually was planned (by him) into a whole day trip. Indigo_moon, I'm 19 and he's 22. I'm not sure if he was "more friendly than a platonic friend", but he hugged me goodbye. And the next day he emailed me and suggested to meet again. At first we've been communicating through instant messenger/email, but now that he's got my number, he still likes to use email, somehow, so I was wondering cos I thought phone would be more natural now... Moneywise... I'm not sure if he's just cheap or tight on budget... it's just that when we very first met up and went to the restaurant, (he had me to pick, and this one, turned out to be one that you pay first before getting your meal) and I paused a little when I ordered, but I sensed he had no intention to pay, and I'm not used to dates like this, and I thought perhaps in the modern world nowadays the two sexes are equal and thus should take care of themselves, so I just paid myself. And, so similarly for the following activities. Or, is he just cheap...? eh... Link to post Share on other sites
suspicious2 Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 deja vu! i had a date like that! I prefer email or im's myself solely bc i can save the chats to re-read later on..for me it serves as a journal of what was happening in my life at a particular time. As to the other stuff...b4 you go out again ask in advance if you are going Dutch or if he intends to treat you on some stuff or all. On my date ,we also met online-hit it off,had long talks,seemed perfect for eachother,etc. I'm a single-mom and on a rather tight budget. And he knew this.He lived an hour and a half away .But his car was in the shop so he said if i could come see him he'd take me to Johnny Carino's. I asked if he could help out w/ gas $-he said he'd handle lunch if i handled the gas.which we did. I only had $5 to my name after filling the gas tank on my car. However since i figured his $ was tight bc of the upcoming car repair bill-I offered to buy us sno-cones for dessert. Then we went to the mall and he spent $80 on videogames. He knew i was broke by then-so i was appalled at the lack of concern as to how his shopping spree would make me feel. I saw a $3 gift book on clearance that i liked but after paying for the sno cones i couldn't get it. Instead of offering to buy it for me he proceeded to spend another $40 on himself for comic books at the bookstore. After that i figured out he was just cheap and that i was better off without him. Live and Learn. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jzlove Posted December 2, 2004 Author Share Posted December 2, 2004 haha yea... live and learn... though... are cheap men likeable? like... perhaps he have other better remarkable traits... (not that i'd found yet on this guy, such remarkable traits, that makes me forget his possible cheap-ness, otherwise, i'd already jumped into something more tangible with him~ but.. ) or ...are cheap men in general just a big no-no? Link to post Share on other sites
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