orion1010 Posted September 28, 2013 Share Posted September 28, 2013 Last Saturday night after their daughters 4th birthday party the kids went to bed and the adults stayed up and had a fire outside. It was already agreed that I was going to crash on their couch because I don't drink and drive. My friends name is Jane and her boyfriends name in Jon (fake names). As the night went on they both told me that their relationship has now ended and on Sunday was to move out. They have been together 6 years and we've all spent a lot of time together. Jane and I have been friends for 20 years. She's 30 and I'm 31. The incident: Everyone was gone and Jane was sleeping on the couch. Jon and I were catching up and drinking by the fire. I was trying to help him with advice on his relationship. He goes inside and I figured he went to sleep because he was gone for awhile so I decided to enjoy the peace of the night, climbed into this blow up tent/ trampoline thing an was just enjoying the view of the stars. Suddenly and quietly he appeared and poked his head in the tent thingy and surprised me. Thought he was done for the night. As I started to get up he crawls through the opening and is aver me. This is a small round thing and I couldn't roll one way or another. Out of nowhere he said he loves talking with me and he feels he can't talk with Jane and connect the same way. He said he wishes that he could be inside me. He really wants to be inside me. I said Jon let's get out of this thing. I was uncomfortable with his closeness and words. This is not right. We Get out and I walk away to the fire and tell him what he did was wrong. He agreed and apologized. We decided to go in for bed and end the night. We went through this door where to the left there is a staircase leading to the basement and straight ahead to the kitchen. He suddenly put both hands on each side of my face and forcefully kissed me. I back up to get away but hit the wall directly Behind me. I grabbed his wrists and pulled hard to get his hands off my face. I was shocked and cornered. He tried to kiss me again but I was prepared and blocked him. He's in my face and much taller than me. I'm afraid because he has anger management issues. I'm looking up him as he's much taller. He's in my face. He grabs my hand and forces it on his penis. I'm thinking how did he pull it out so fast and I didn't see? He again says he wants to be inside me and wants me to give him a blow job. He still has ahold of me. I get his hand off me. His pants are to his ankles and boxers half down. I tell him to stop and pull his pants up. I told him nothing would ever happen between us. Ever. Jane is my best friend and him and I will never be together in that way. He backed away half way down the basement steps and was stroking himself. Begging me to go down there and have sex. I saw the door and bolted outside by the fire. I had to compose myself. I was in shock. He came back outside and told me he finished himself thinking of me and he hasn't felt that good in such a long time. I told him to go wake up Jane and ask her to sleep with me in their bed until I was sober enough to leave and he was to sleep on the couch. I woke up with he two year old boy snuggling me and Jane on the other side of the bed. I felt so horrible and knew I had to tell her but bolted to my car and made an excuse I was sick. All week I felt so shocked and guilty I didn't tell her right away. During all the years our friendship we have never gone through this. Yesterday I called her to invite her to do something so I could finally tell her. She said Jon was out of town for the night so she couldn't. I took advantage of him being gone and went to her house and told her what happened. Every detail I said on here. She was in a sort of rage. She said she wanted to murder him. They both have bad tempers. He came home today and she confronted him. I was not there. He said I'm lying and crazy. I'm making it all up. Then she is text me saying her best friend and her boyfriend are saying opposite things. She wants the three of us to talk tomorrow face to face. My anxiety level is so high. I'm afraid of him coming at me. Like I said, he has anger problems and so does he. I want to go to prove to her I'm not lying but I know she has doubts. I'm scared. Afraid he will get angry, I will lose my friend, and she will stay with that cheating *******. She already had suspicions of him cheating a month ago when he didn't come home or call after a night out. He lied his way out of it but she still had a bad feeling. He's in a band as lead singer and I think he thinks girls are his for the taking. He full of himself. Please help. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
nescafe1982 Posted September 28, 2013 Share Posted September 28, 2013 OP thank goodness you managed to find your way out of what sounds like a terrifying situation! Yes, what he did is sexual assault and I would firmly recommend you STAY AWAY from this man and perhaps consider reporting his actions to the police. Men that act this way will do so again, and they don't stop assaulting women until they get all the way to forcible rape and get caught. He will escalate. He will. Be certain you are nowhere near him, ever again. And continue doing your best to support your best friend in also being nowhere near him, ever again. She needs to break up with him and go no-contact, immediately. Men like this are dangerous, and if he tries to escalate matters with her, she may need to get a restraining order. As the friend, though, all you can do is help her consider her options and (hopefully) make as clean a break as possible from this man. Kudos to you for telling your friend; that took guts. Consider telling the police as well, and just be there for your friend as she makes the move to end this relationship. It sounds like you're doing the right thing so far. Good luck as this unfolds, and please take care of yourself emotionally... you endured a pretty scary close call and might do well with some counseling yourself (if you feel like you want it). Link to post Share on other sites
nescafe1982 Posted September 28, 2013 Share Posted September 28, 2013 It might be better to talk to a rape hotline or crisis hotline than us. They will give you much better advice on what to do. This too. This is fantastic advice. And those folks could counsel you and your friend on how to handle the next steps. National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1.800.656.HOPE | RAINN | Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network 3 Link to post Share on other sites
madlyinlove2013 Posted September 28, 2013 Share Posted September 28, 2013 (edited) I think that you should call the police for starters and file sexual assault charges on him. You are very lucky because things could have been very worse. As far as your friend. I know that when you are in a relationship with someone you want to believe the best of them. My best friend and I have been friends for over 10 years. If she were to tell me that my boyfriend made a pass on her. It wouldn't matter what he said he'd be gone. I say this because I know she would never lie to me or make something like that up. If it was a friend i just made last month that is completely different. I DO NOT think you should go over there or be anywhere near him. I think that you should tell your friend that you wouldn't jeopardize your friendship on something that was a lie and how she chose to handle it is on her. But, as a friend she shouldn't put you in that position to be around someone who you say almost raped you. Edited September 28, 2013 by madlyinlove2013 used wrong word Link to post Share on other sites
nescafe1982 Posted September 28, 2013 Share Posted September 28, 2013 She wants the three of us to talk tomorrow face to face. My anxiety level is so high. I'm afraid of him coming at me. Oh my God heaven's NO. I missed this part the first time I read your post (I was just so shocked about the assault I missed the part where the friend wants you all to "hug it out." NO. Simply say no. There is no good reason to subject yourself to your attacker again. Your friend is being unreasonable by asking for this. She will realize it sooner or later. But for the moment, it's not on YOU to prove anything to her; the assault happened, if you go to be around him again, it could very well happen again. Stay away from this man at all costs. Tell your friend you are no longer comfortable being in the same room with him any more. Plain and simple. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author orion1010 Posted September 28, 2013 Author Share Posted September 28, 2013 In two hours I'm going to the bar where she works so we can talk. I feel so bad for her. She text me saying "I'm so emotionally and mentally distraught right now, I feel like my heart has been ripped out". I said back to her "I feel so bad for you right now. My anxiety is crazy now. This entire thing has me in knots all week. I knew this would destroy you. I wanted to not tell you to save you from the pain". I told her we should talk as I feel hurt, confused, and frustrated that she thinks I'm not telling the truth. So I have to go see her soon. I think she will see it as a betrayal if I don't confront him with her there because he won't own up to one single detail. He denies everything. I feel like I have to prove my innocence which hurts me. She must know deep down I'm not lying. She said last night when she found out she was pregnant with their two year old son she found out she had clamyidia (sp)?.... Now how would that happen unless he cheated before? Link to post Share on other sites
giblesp Posted September 28, 2013 Share Posted September 28, 2013 You need to tell the police right now. There's nothing to be afraid of. Trust these words and go do it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author orion1010 Posted September 29, 2013 Author Share Posted September 29, 2013 I don't feel like he was trying to rape me. More like a bizarre and uncomfortable place to be in that moment. Was scary because of what happened but I wasn't thinking rape. I can't call the cops because he's on parole and would make her life more difficult to support the two children. She's a bartender and doesn't make much. She does this job to be home with kids while he works full time during the day. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted September 29, 2013 Share Posted September 29, 2013 Hindsight being 20/20, when this guy came on to you and you told him to back off and he didn't, you should have screamed blood murder so that you GF would have woke up and saw what was going on. With his GF there she could have seen that something was going on and if push came to shove, you call the cops and press charges. The problem you made was waiting too long and it gave this bum time to think up some half a$$ excuse and now throwing the blame at you. My only advice to you is if you decide to go over and have this talk, then you go in guns a blazing and under no conditions do you back down from your story. If she knows this guys history she should have enough sense to put two and two together. What this bum did was wrong to say the very least and what ever you do, don't give him a chance to twist it around. I also think that if you don't go over, you'll be conceding that your lying and he'll twist it around like you were the one putting the move on him. DO NOT BACK DOWN. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted September 29, 2013 Share Posted September 29, 2013 I can't call the cops because he's on parole and would make her life more difficult to support the two children. She's a bartender and doesn't make much. She does this job to be home with kids while he works full time during the day. Sweetie, I got news for you. This guy is going to wind up in jail again because of his temper and is way of "getting to know females" so don't sweat it. Your girlfriend better start looking for a better paying job because she's going to need it when this guy has his ass thrown in the slammer again. One other thing, if they are breaking up then what is the big deal with you girlfriend being bent out of shape with him? He's leaving so now what is she going to do? Link to post Share on other sites
giblesp Posted September 29, 2013 Share Posted September 29, 2013 'He grabs my hands and forces it to his penis...' This is a violation of a woman. He's not safe to be around women and children. He needs to be reported to the police. Please do not delay anymore with this. Take care and stay safe. Link to post Share on other sites
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