What is the dumper's mindset if they come back for a second chance?

[lindsay1990]

A DUMPER?S P.O.V.: ?It?s Not Easy to Walk Away? | soyouvebeendumped.com

 

 

Do any of you feel better if you accept this to be your case? I think it's fair to dumpers (we are all humans) but still, idk why I would rather be hated than pitied with this whole "they care about you but have to let you go because it's the 'right thing'"...

[ponchsox]

A DUMPER?S P.O.V.: ?It?s Not Easy to Walk Away? | soyouvebeendumped.com

 

 

Do any of you feel better if you accept this to be your case? I think it's fair to dumpers (we are all humans) but still, idk why I would rather be hated than pitied with this whole "they care about you but have to let you go because it's the 'right thing'"...

 

When my ex dumped me, she seemed so non-emotional about it at the time that it caused me to say hurtful things to trigger a reaction from her. (Which it did and I later apologized.) I was blindsided at the time but she revealed to me that she had been unhappy for a few months and stuck with it hoping it would get better. The way I look at it, if they let me go, they didn't want to be with me, period. I want someone who wants to be with me through thick and thin.

[JoelBarish]

I am not sure what you mean

 

Well isn't the point of this thread to figure out what's going on in the mind of the person who dumped us? For instance my ex is with a new guy now. Is there any point analyzing that? Maybe she has G.I.G.S. Maybe it was something else, who knows. But my point is does it even matter what her "mindset" is?

[ponchsox]

Well isn't the point of this thread to figure out what's going on in the mind of the person who dumped us? For instance my ex is with a new guy now. Is there any point analyzing that? Maybe she has G.I.G.S. Maybe it was something else, who knows. But my point is does it even matter what her "mindset" is?

 

I could give a crap less what her mindset is. I'm moving on.

[Mariposa10]

Well isn't the point of this thread to figure out what's going on in the mind of the person who dumped us? For instance my ex is with a new guy now. Is there any point analyzing that? Maybe she has G.I.G.S. Maybe it was something else, who knows. But my point is does it even matter what her "mindset" is?

 

The point of this thread is what the dumper's mindset is IF THEY come back for a second chance.

[JoelBarish]

 

Correct me if I'm wrong but you and I are about same time NC right?

 

I think so. It's been about 16 days of NC other than seeing her tonight walk in and out of the restaurant.

 

Thank you for taking the time to relate your story. I know that you put a lot of thought into it. It was really hard for me seeing my ex. I would say it was close to a panic attack because I had so much anxiety going on. NoMoreJerks said that she wouldn't care if she saw her ex with someone else. I wish I were that strong. But maybe I will get hardened to it.

 

You guys are describing bad relationships. (No offense). But I genuinely THOUGHT I had a good one right up until she broke it off with me. So who knows what happened. Maybe she had this other guy waiting in the wings. My point is that it's hard for me to let go of what I thought was a really good thing. I almost wish that things had been bad between us if it would make it easier to let go. However, now that I have seen the truth perhaps I can let go now.

[lindsay1990]

When my ex dumped me, she seemed so non-emotional about it at the time that it caused me to say hurtful things to trigger a reaction from her. (Which it did and I later apologized.) I was blindsided at the time but she revealed to me that she had been unhappy for a few months and stuck with it hoping it would get better. The way I look at it, if they let me go, they didn't want to be with me, period. I want someone who wants to be with me through thick and thin.

 

 

My ex pulled this one. Apparently he had "been miserable for weeks".

 

I feel I could never do this, and I used to tell him that if I wasn't complaining it's because everything was good. He was such a people-pleaser and would constantly wonder if everything was okay and if I was content and I always had to insist that: if there was something I didn't like, he'd hear about it. And eventually there was a lot. And he heard about. A lot.

[JoelBarish]

I could give a crap less what her mindset is. I'm moving on.

 

Exactly my point I suppose.

[NoMoreJerks]

Well isn't the point of this thread to figure out what's going on in the mind of the person who dumped us? For instance my ex is with a new guy now. Is there any point analyzing that? Maybe she has G.I.G.S. Maybe it was something else, who knows. But my point is does it even matter what her "mindset" is?

Yeah, it helps to analyze. A lot of the time, ex'es who dump us, and who are douchebags, make it look like we were the ones at fault, that we ruined things, that we are messed up, etc. It really helped me to analyze the situation. Immensely. Otherwise I would've gone on with my life thinking I was an unattractive, needy, clingy person, when my ex was just saying those stuff to pin the blame on me, for his sh*tty behavior during the time we were together and also for the break-up, his cheating, etc.

[JoelBarish]

The point of this thread is what the dumper's mindset is IF THEY come back for a second chance.

 

Ok....thanks for clearing that up. Maybe I was confusing this thread with another one...

[lindsay1990]

Exactly my point I suppose.

 

Yes, I mean, if they're not coming back why does it matter? I think this was your question Joel, in relation to them being with other people now meaning they're def. gone.

 

I think the same. I'm actually further along NC but I think that at the beginning it is only natural to speculate and ruminate endlessly about what they think, what they saw that we missed, how could we not see, etc. Afterwards and I think many of us with more or less contemporary timelines are started to actually (dare I say) accept?

 

Perhaps the brain catches up to the heart and as days and weeks pass and they don't come back our thoughts, now never new ones, circle back to the same spot: it doesn't matter because they told us that they don't want to be with us and this statement is perfectly sufficient in itself to tell us everything we need to know. But I do think it's a process. Joel, I think you've kickstarted your acceptance maybe...

[NoMoreJerks]

The point of this thread is what the dumper's mindset is IF THEY come back for a second chance.

Yeah -- this is why I was confused by his question.

 

In my ex's case, he came back for a threesome. I'm pretty sue of it. I don't analyze it anymore, but analyzing it and reaching a conclusion helped me get closure, after he broke up with me despit ethe fact that I had given him 3 more chances (yes, he came back 3 times and initiated all the break-ups).

[JoelBarish]

Yeah, it helps to analyze. A lot of the time, ex'es who dump us, and who are douchebags, make it look like we were the ones at fault, that we ruined things, that we are messed up, etc. It really helped me to analyze the situation. Immensely. Otherwise I would've gone on with my life thinking I was an unattractive, needy, clingy person, when my ex was just saying those stuff to pin the blame on me, for his sh*tty behavior during the time we were together and also for the break-up, his cheating, etc.

 

That is very true. I have felt like I had taken so much of the blame and responsibility in my relationship and my ex seemed to take none. So whatever else she had going on with this new guy, that's on her and not me. She isn't blameless. But as Mariposa reminded me this thread is about their mindset if they come back and I took it off topic.

[lindsay1990]

That is very true. I have felt like I had taken so much of the blame and responsibility in my relationship and my ex seemed to take none. So whatever else she had going on with this new guy, that's on her and not me. She isn't blameless. But as Mariposa reminded me this thread is about their mindset if they come back and I took it off topic.

 

Not THAT off topic! Still relevant.

 

About what you and NMJ are saying about ex pinning it all on us, I sometimes wonder if my ex actually does think I'm entirely to blame or if he just didn't bother to apologize because he didn't care and is in fact not insane. Mystery I guess.

 

To reel it back to topic then, if my ex came back for recon... his mindset would have to be first and foremost one of acknowledging his contribution and additionally his general unfairness in consistently blaming me. Anything else would end us up in the same place. Also, he would have to be willing to move way from everybody we know and now hates me, ha. (Okay, just first one).

[ponchsox]

I just can't imagine spending too much time wondering what my ex thinks. Seems like a complete waste of time. I would much rather use the time to do something to better myself.

[JoelBarish]

I just can't imagine spending too much time wondering what my ex thinks. Seems like a complete waste of time. I would much rather use the time to do something to better myself.

 

I agree. Now that I found out she moved on I feel that way. But these guys are talking about the exes mindset IF they came back (not necessarily meaning we would take them back).

 

In my case if my ex came back I assume her mindset would be regret and a realization that the grass isn't greener on the other side. But that is just an assumption. Only dumpers can speak from past experiences with certainty.

[NoMoreJerks]

I just can't imagine spending too much time wondering what my ex thinks. Seems like a complete waste of time. I would much rather use the time to do something to better myself.

Agreed. I find myself going for weeks without giving him a thought, which is a huge achievement for me, since I was at the stage of starving myself over him at some point. Here's hoping that i will not even think of him at all, unless he pops up and lets me know that he still exists (which he likes to do every 3 weeks , like clockwork).

[lylat333]

Wow, lot of posts since I last checked.

 

So some people may be wondering, what's the point of this thread?

 

I admit I still spend a lot of time thinking about my ex. However, I am in strict NC and ever since I blocked her on Facebook 4 weeks ago I have no clue what's been going on in her life. I assume she's been out with her friends, partying/bar-hopping/clubbing, very likely getting involved with someone new if not multiple people. My gut feeling is there was someone else in the picture I didn't know about at the end, but I know nothing for sure.

 

Reading about dumpers' experiences is one of the ways I cope so I can better understand matters. I will not allow myself to find out about what's really going on with my ex through her nor a mutual friend. I'm not willing to put myself at that kind of risk.

 

My breakup blindsided me and I still feel very confused by it. It's been over 70 days since I've heard from her... I don't understand why she cut off contact so abruptly. I hope she comes back someday... at least to apologize. Especially if she lied right to my face, which I never thought she would do, about some things when I had my heart out on the line. Right now my breakup has me feeling like there's no justice. I feel like everyone else finds a way to make peace. They either get breadcrumbs showing their ex is at least thinking of them or it's somewhat obvious why the relationship ended. My hope is that reading experiences of other dumpers will either show me some kind of pattern or I will come across some scenario that speaks to me and helps me understand why this is my experience and what is within the realm of possibility to take place.

 

If I knew she left me for someone else, I don't know how I would feel. It would hurt a lot. But more than anything (and I worry my confidence may actually be delusion) I believe she made a mistake and I got a totally raw deal with no vindication in return. At least not yet. I am trying to do the right things and move on but it's hard to not expect/hope for something to happen at some point.

 

I often feel I function better if I allow myself the possibility she may get in touch... knowing it may require more time if she's ever going to have a change of heart. Maybe I can't help but hold out hope. Even though I don't foresee reconciliation, I do care about her and never wanted to see her fall back into partying/clubbing with some of the bad influences in her life. The whole thing has left me pretty heartbroken and disheartened.

 

Forgive me for rambling... but that's where I'm coming from.

[Simon Phoenix]

Wow, lot of posts since I last checked.

 

So some people may be wondering, what's the point of this thread?

 

I admit I still spend a lot of time thinking about my ex. However, I am in strict NC and ever since I blocked her on Facebook 4 weeks ago I have no clue what's been going on in her life. I assume she's been out with her friends, partying/bar-hopping/clubbing, very likely getting involved with someone new if not multiple people. My gut feeling is there was someone else in the picture I didn't know about at the end, but I know nothing for sure.

 

Reading about dumpers' experiences is one of the ways I cope so I can better understand matters. I will not allow myself to find out about what's really going on with my ex through her nor a mutual friend. I'm not willing to put myself at that kind of risk.

 

My breakup blindsided me and I still feel very confused by it. It's been over 70 days since I've heard from her... I don't understand why she cut off contact so abruptly. I hope she comes back someday... at least to apologize. Especially if she lied right to my face, which I never thought she would do, about some things when I had my heart out on the line. Right now my breakup has me feeling like there's no justice. I feel like everyone else finds a way to make peace. They either get breadcrumbs showing their ex is at least thinking of them or it's somewhat obvious why the relationship ended. My hope is that reading experiences of other dumpers will either show me some kind of pattern or I will come across some scenario that speaks to me and helps me understand why this is my experience and what is within the realm of possibility to take place.

 

If I knew she left me for someone else, I don't know how I would feel. It would hurt a lot. But more than anything (and I worry my confidence may actually be delusion) I believe she made a mistake and I got a totally raw deal with no vindication in return. At least not yet. I am trying to do the right things and move on but it's hard to not expect/hope for something to happen at some point.

 

I often feel I function better if I allow myself the possibility she may get in touch... knowing it may require more time if she's ever going to have a change of heart. Maybe I can't help but hold out hope. Even though I don't foresee reconciliation, I do care about her and never wanted to see her fall back into partying/clubbing with some of the bad influences in her life. The whole thing has left me pretty heartbroken and disheartened.

 

Forgive me for rambling... but that's where I'm coming from.

 

First of all, be thankful she's not giving you breadcrumbs. She's actually doing you a solid by not keeping you on the hook. The only person keeping you on the hook is you, and eventually you'll be tired of it and unhook yourself. You don't want the anguish of being in breadcrumb limbo.

 

Your goal is to get to the point where you don't care about the reason. Because honestly, the reason doesn't matter at all. I didn't get a reason until a year later, and by the time she gave it to me, I couldn't have cared less. In fact, I didn't even ask.

 

I think eventually you won't feel the need to "hope that she'll get in touch". Remember, you were afraid of detaching from her on Facebook because you felt like you needed that reminder. But once you finally did, it helped you out. You are in a better place than you were then. Eventually you'll unshackle yourself from this "need" for hope and you'll make another step.

[lylat333]

First of all, be thankful she's not giving you breadcrumbs. She's actually doing you a solid by not keeping you on the hook. The only person keeping you on the hook is you, and eventually you'll be tired of it and unhook yourself. You don't want the anguish of being in breadcrumb limbo.

 

Your goal is to get to the point where you don't care about the reason. Because honestly, the reason doesn't matter at all. I didn't get a reason until a year later, and by the time she gave it to me, I couldn't have cared less. In fact, I didn't even ask.

 

I think eventually you won't feel the need to "hope that she'll get in touch". Remember, you were afraid of detaching from her on Facebook because you felt like you needed that reminder. But once you finally did, it helped you out. You are in a better place than you were then. Eventually you'll unshackle yourself from this "need" for hope and you'll make another step.

 

Thanks for the input. I wouldn't want her to keep me on the hook or mess with my emotions, but I do feel like an apology would be nice. I don't need details. When I had my dumper's change of heart, it was really important to me I did everything I could to let my other ex know I made a mistake and she didn't deserve what I put her through. I often feel my recent ex has too much pride to do something like that for me. But how do you not want to try and comfort the person you know you put through emotional hell or lied to?

 

It would be great to not care. I wish it were a switch I could flip. But I cared so much about her, and wanted so bad for it to work out at the end. I try to comfort myself by telling myself sometimes things happen to people they don't deserve.... what I did to my ex serving as a clear example. I know in my heart despite whatever issues we had she did not deserve to be abandoned like I did her. I abandoned her instead of working harder to solve our problems or come to a mutual understanding. I guess we sometimes have a way of feeling if something happened to us, we must have deserve it somehow and it can be hard to get over that no matter what anyone else tells you.

 

I do think I'm in a better place. I feel I am finding my groove in life, living healthy and knowing better what I want for the future. But there is still a lot of heartache. I have my good days and bad... my positive surges of emotion and my downward spirals.

 

I still feel I didn't explain this thread very well. I guess I was looking for more information about the whole 'dumper coming back when the dumpee has moved on' phenomenon. I've read it's what usually happens if the dumper comes back after months of NC has been implemented. I have a hard time comprehending it even happens... does it really happen? Shouldn't the dumper know the dumpee probably won't want anything to do with them by that point? I also find it strange there are even any dumpees out there who are still willing to reconcile with an ex in the 1-6 months of NC window. To me it would seem too degrading, especially in the scenario where the dumper has gotten involved with someone else while the dumpee has remained single.

 

Then again, I came hurtling back to my ex when I was the dumper after a little over 2 months of not being in contact. Only contact we had were attending a wedding together. Other than that I don't remember ever talking to her and I was extremely cold to her.

 

I guess you can't rule anything out. I also wonder how much personality factors into an ex contacting a dumpee in NC. Will they pretty much always do it if they have a change of heart? Or is it possible my ex is so prideful and unwilling to admit fault and be vulnerable she may never break the silence? I don't know. I don't want to create a self-fulfilling prophecy or have a defeatist attitude but I think it's inevitable for me to hold out hope I'll hear from her for at least the next month... but maybe even until the holidays pass. If the winter holidays pass and I still haven't heard from her, that may be the point I have no choice but to stop putting any thought to it if I haven't already.

 

Sorry to go on so much, but it's nice to be able to talk about it and try to explain what I'm going through.

[Romaks]

Thanks for the input. I wouldn't want her to keep me on the hook or mess with my emotions, but I do feel like an apology would be nice. I don't need details. When I had my dumper's change of heart, it was really important to me I did everything I could to let my other ex know I made a mistake and she didn't deserve what I put her through. I often feel my recent ex has too much pride to do something like that for me. But how do you not want to try and comfort the person you know you put through emotional hell or lied to?

 

It would be great to not care. I wish it were a switch I could flip. But I cared so much about her, and wanted so bad for it to work out at the end. I try to comfort myself by telling myself sometimes things happen to people they don't deserve.... what I did to my ex serving as a clear example. I know in my heart despite whatever issues we had she did not deserve to be abandoned like I did her. I abandoned her instead of working harder to solve our problems or come to a mutual understanding. I guess we sometimes have a way of feeling if something happened to us, we must have deserve it somehow and it can be hard to get over that no matter what anyone else tells you.

 

I do think I'm in a better place. I feel I am finding my groove in life, living healthy and knowing better what I want for the future. But there is still a lot of heartache. I have my good days and bad... my positive surges of emotion and my downward spirals.

 

I still feel I didn't explain this thread very well. I guess I was looking for more information about the whole 'dumper coming back when the dumpee has moved on' phenomenon. I've read it's what usually happens if the dumper comes back after months of NC has been implemented. I have a hard time comprehending it even happens... does it really happen? Shouldn't the dumper know the dumpee probably won't want anything to do with them by that point? I also find it strange there are even any dumpees out there who are still willing to reconcile with an ex in the 1-6 months of NC window. To me it would seem too degrading, especially in the scenario where the dumper has gotten involved with someone else while the dumpee has remained single.

 

Then again, I came hurtling back to my ex when I was the dumper after a little over 2 months of not being in contact. Only contact we had were attending a wedding together. Other than that I don't remember ever talking to her and I was extremely cold to her.

 

I guess you can't rule anything out. I also wonder how much personality factors into an ex contacting a dumpee in NC. Will they pretty much always do it if they have a change of heart? Or is it possible my ex is so prideful and unwilling to admit fault and be vulnerable she may never break the silence? I don't know. I don't want to create a self-fulfilling prophecy or have a defeatist attitude but I think it's inevitable for me to hold out hope I'll hear from her for at least the next month... but maybe even until the holidays pass. If the winter holidays pass and I still haven't heard from her, that may be the point I have no choice but to stop putting any thought to it if I haven't already.

 

Sorry to go on so much, but it's nice to be able to talk about it and try to explain what I'm going through.

 

I'm feeling the exact same things. I feel like my ex would NEVER contact me again, but I'm just as conflicted and confused about it as you are because I'm hoping she does, but not to reconcile, but rather to hear an apology or some explanation. I'll probably get one years from now when we inevitably reconnect, but who knows.

[Mariposa10]

"I also find it strange there are even any dumpees out there who are still willing to reconcile with an ex in the 1-6 months of NC window. To me it would seem too degrading, especially in the scenario where the dumper has gotten involved with someone else while the dumpee has remained single."

 

 

So if the dumpee had dated, would that change the scenario? Would you be ok with that?

 

It's really interesting to read your post, I seriously do not know what's more hurtful... Before I used to think how crazy would've gone if my ex had kicked me out of his life completely. I remember being kind of grateful that even though he had met this girl he still kept contact me, you know calling and texting me all the time, but now that I think about it... I don't know... Now I feel resentful, something I didn't feel before. I find it disgusting how he kept in touch with me even though he had sleeping with this woman.

 

So whenever you feel sad just remember how you didn't have to put up hearing your ex talking about the new guy, if there had been one.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah, I personally don't care about an apology at all. My circumstances are a bit different -- my ex was a bit of a forced dumper, but the reason she dumped me was something that could have been talked out and resolved rather easily. She chose not to, therefore transitioning into a garden-variety dumper.

 

As for dumpers/exes coming back after you have moved on, I'd say for me it happens more often than it doesn't. In another thread I talked about an ex who I didn't talk to for a year (before I even knew what NC was) trying to get back with me after three separate NC stints of three months (we were co-workers and I gave her the silent treatment, NC was broken when she apologized to me for screwing me over on something post-breakup), one year (NC was broken when I ran into her randomly and she was rather friendly and flirty) and three more months after that (saw her again and she aggressively pursued me). I've had an ex from high school contact me again 10 years later, an ex from college want to reconnect 7-8 years later and wanted me to spend the night at her place when I was in her town. Heck, I recently became Facebook friends with a girl I dumped when I was younger just for the hell of it, so I guess I'm guilty too.

 

So yeah, I'd expect to hear from her again in some capacity. I've only had two that didn't at one point aggressively try to recontact me -- a girl from college who I had an awful breakup with where I was clingy and needy until I found out she was cheating on me, and the most recent one. I've talked to the most recent one several times since the break, but mostly on my initiation. Since contact was most recently broken from a couple months ago (I'm not in NC per se, just nothing to really say to her right now) I have not heard a peep. But I would guess I'll talk to her again or see her again at some point -- we live close to each other and we have close mutual acquaintances (my best friend is her brother-in-law).

 

She even said she wanted to hang out with me as friends, so I wouldn't be surprised if she eventually bites the bullet and initiates if she ever works through it, which she hasn't yet. I'm not sure she's in the best place right now -- she was rehashing stuff with me that should have been addressed a year ago (which her brother-in-law agreed was stupid when it came up in a recent conversation we had) and she's only seen her six-month-old niece once since she was born, which annoys her brother-in-law and hurts her sister's feelings; a sister who is fiercely loyal to her. In contrast, I've seen the kid three times (even though my ex lives the same distance away from them that I do) and am more of an uncle to her than my ex is an aunt. Apparently my ex makes the excuse of having to work all the time and while she's a workaholic, that's a bullsh*t excuse -- this is a girl who was always available to me when we were seeing each other and was planning all sorts of out-of-town excursions for us. But hey, not my problem and, although I'm not looking to prove any points, it's safe to say that I've handled everything much better than she has in everyone's eyes, including her sister's.

Edited October 8, 2013 by Simon Phoenix

[melell]

I have been thinking about this a lot, just in general.

 

I wont be reconciling with my ex, specifically because of addictions issues with him.

 

BUT I can honestly say that if I was with someone, and we were compatible, together for several years etc. and broke up for whatever reason-uncertainty, fighting, whatever (except cheating) and feelings remained I would reconcile.

 

It would be my preference to reconcile after at least 5 months of NC, or LC.

Even if one, or both of us had being seeing other people in between.

 

If those feelings were there on both sides, I think put enough time in between and a relationship can really be better. I have seen it myself with my friends.

 

Even my parents got married after having a year long separation in their mid twenties.

 

So I wouldn't rule it out.

[lylat333]

So if the dumpee had dated, would that change the scenario? Would you be ok with that?

In my case, it wouldn't ultimately change anything. I believe she up and left me to go immediately to someone else... assuming that was true even if I did date/get intimate w/ someone else some time after the breakup it wouldn't change the fact she bailed on me to basically hop in the sack with someone else. Her and I have already suffered from trust issues and I've been concerned about who she is... my opinion of her is not particularly high at this point.

 

It's really interesting to read your post, I seriously do not know what's more hurtful... Before I used to think how crazy would've gone if my ex had kicked me out of his life completely. I remember being kind of grateful that even though he had met this girl he still kept contact me, you know calling and texting me all the time, but now that I think about it... I don't know... Now I feel resentful, something I didn't feel before. I find it disgusting how he kept in touch with me even though he had sleeping with this woman.

 

So whenever you feel sad just remember how you didn't have to put up hearing your ex talking about the new guy, if there had been one.

 

Hmm. Did you know yet whether or not he had been involved with this other person? If my ex started seeing someone else there's no way in hell I would stick around to hear about it. But let's say she made it sound like they were just friends, yeah I'd be absolutely and completely disgusted. The silver lining in that situation is you know your ex is a piece of crap and everyone can see it. I feel like my ex has been spinning the situation to make it look like she's done nothing wrong and put all the blame on me, and then shut me out completely for no obvious reason.

 

Thanks for sharing more, Simon. I just don't have a lot of experience to draw on other than what I read online. All my other relationships besides the last 2 were very shallow as they took place in early high school or even middle school, which basically means nothing.

 

Your stories did remind me of one ex... she was a long-distance one back when I was 16-17. I only saw her a handful of times but we were bf/gf for ~7 months. When she broke up w/ me, I really didn't even care much... I think she cheated on me, though. I was so carefree at the time I didn't let it get to me or affect my self-esteem. ~5 years later Facebook comes about and she finds me and adds me. I had no feelings for her.. we talked some. I didn't really take it as flirting, and I had a gf at the time. I just thought she wanted to catch up or whatever. She went MIA on Facebook again.

 

Years later again she re-added me on Facebook a couple of years ago. Again she messages me some... just kind of odd messages. At this point she's married and has 2 kids. I didn't think much of it, responded to her messages pretty vanilla and she stopped messaging. She's off FB again. Looking back I do feel she was either trying to possibly rekindle something or at least "check in", perhaps out of guilt? I don't know. I can say without a doubt I was nothing but good to her, honestly don't feel I made any mistakes at all. I think down the road, probably when things aren't going well a dumper may look back and think, "what if?"... "Did I throw away an opportunity that could have turned out better?" Who knows what she was thinking. Haha... ok... talking about this inspired me to go digging and I'm probably getting way off topic. Here's what she said right after she re-added me in Feb. '09: "Funny thing... you haven't changed one bit since high school. I can't believe how you still look exactly the same. Now wouldn't it be nice if that lasted into your thirties. Are you graduating this semester?" OK, so maybe she was interested!

 

I have to say it would be pretty anti-climactic if my recent ex got back in touch years in the future. We dumpees want them to come crawling back... now!

 

melell, thanks for your input, too. Hard to say how I will feel after 5 months of NC. If our breakup was more mutual, I would be more willing to reconcile. It's kind of weird... technically, neither of us cheated and we weren't even technically bf/gf at the end but if she did leave me for someone else it would pretty much feel like cheating since she lied to me about it and treated me extremely cold w/ no remorse. Ever since we stopped talking, I haven't taken her silence positively. Some may think, "Oh, that's the best thing for the dumper to do, be respectful to the dumpee" but her not acknowledging any of my attempts to reach out only made me feel like she doesn't give a **** about me.