Married and obsessed with someone else

[Jim85]

Hi there,

New here. Hope this is the right place. I don't have anyone I can talk about this with.

 

So, trying to make this as short as possible. I'm almost 30, been married for nearly 5 years. In general I'd say I'm satisfied with my marriage though I've never been thrilled by it. There are some great times, some bad times, but mostly just mediocre, kind of like most of life, and there's nothing wrong with that. Certainly I've had feelings before of "Was it the right choice?" "Could I do something different?" and "What if we ended it?" That last one is tough and basically a non-starter as my wife has been terrified of divorce since before we were married. For her it would be a sign of personal failure or something.

But anyways I find myself bored and far more interested in work, friends, etc.

Over the years I've noticed other people--I think that's normal, you get ideas about a friend or co-worker, but never acted on anything and it was always just passing.

But in the past six months, I have grown to be obsessed with a younger woman that I work with. Sounds typical I guess, right? But I've never been through this, I don't know what started it, but I soon found myself with deep feelings for this person, stronger than I've had about anyone in a very long time. So I've worked to develop the friendship and we've grown very close, and I think she's comfortable with me and doesn't think I'm after anything. I don't know what I'm after, I don't think I could ever actually cheat on my wife, but I'm basically doing it now. I think about this person all the time, we spend a lot of time together, chat online, text, and I'll figure out ways with my wife to, not HIDE the relationship, but basically make it seem much less intense than it is. It's like an emotional affair.

I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know what I WANT to happen. It's not just about sex (thought that's certainly there). I think about her all the time, and get so turned around inside with these intense feelings. The other day she was having a stressful day and we hugged and I thought I was going to fly to the moon! I can't remember ever feeling like this.

I don't know what to do or what to think.

I just need to get this out there and hear what someone else has to say!

Thanks for reading

Jim

[Leigh 87]

He's definitely not in love with his wife.

 

Marriage counseling is a stupid idea; why try to force an unatural passion into their marriage?

 

If you're not in love, nothing will ever change that.

 

His wife deserves to be free to find a man who IS in love with her, and who thinks about her in the same way that her husband thinks about that younger girl.

 

They need to divorce.

 

It's 2013. There's no reason to stay in a marriage that doesn't involve two people who are in love.

[low self esteem]

People can be brutal here. Anyways, Jim. An affair I was in just ended after 4 months. My marriage is lonely and boring. The affair was just suppose to be about sex. I wanted to know what real passion felt like, know lustful sex just once in my life, and to hell with what my morals, my faith and anyone. I was going to be selfish once in my life. I knew what I wanted and knew what the consequences could and would be. Let me tell you Jim, the sex was great, and I loved the attention he gave me. The emails, phone calls, phone sex. And I got exactly what I had coming and what I deserve for my actions. Let me tell you, it is NOT WORTH IT!! The reckage of my emotions right now? I went from a sexual, emotional high, to such guilt, rejection and low self esteem. I am right back where I started from before this, but now I have to miss him, miss the excitement and attetion. I need to learn to feel good about myself for myself. Not looking to other people for it. I don't think there is anything wrong with fantasies, but they should stay that. Private and not be acted out. Believe me Jim, I would never want anyone to feel like I do now. And its even harder working with him and being reminded of this all the time. Promise me you'll think twice, three times, and many more before you act on your feelings.