constant fighting with ex, this needs to stop.

[Fugee]

i've tried everything to stop fighting with my ex.

 

-went long periods with no contact, but our paths cross somehow and we end up fighting about stupid things.

 

-try to hang out, but still my ex still expects me to please her.

 

-when ever she asks a favor, i do it, but i end up feeling unappreciated and get on her case.

 

-i apologize, but she never seems to forgive and forget, brings up old problems even though i've changed.

 

i want her back, theres no denying it. but she doesn't she only wants a friendship for now and i'm fine with that. but its hard because she gets mad at every single thing i do. i want to send her a text, saying i want peace and all that. what should i say?!

[lindsay1990]

I wish I was fighting with my ex. I miss fighting with my ex. Wish my ex would rehash old sH*t with me.

 

 

Two things:

 

1) She obviously wants you back too but likely, seems to me, doesn't think you really have changed or really *are* sorry or quite *grasp* the magnitude of whatever she feels you need to make amends for.

 

2) Sorry. I'm having a tough night. But good luck, if this is success story it will make me happy for you, for somebody, for anybody. Ugh.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

i've tried everything to stop fighting with my ex.

 

-went long periods with no contact, but our paths cross somehow and we end up fighting about stupid things.

 

-try to hang out, but still my ex still expects me to please her.

 

-when ever she asks a favor, i do it, but i end up feeling unappreciated and get on her case.

 

-i apologize, but she never seems to forgive and forget, brings up old problems even though i've changed.

 

i want her back, theres no denying it. but she doesn't she only wants a friendship for now and i'm fine with that. but its hard because she gets mad at every single thing i do. i want to send her a text, saying i want peace and all that. what should i say?!

 

You shouldn't say s***. Its no contact. If you're trying to hang out that's not no contact. If you see her in public, then go somewhere else. You just have to have self control.

[Fugee]

I wish I was fighting with my ex. I miss fighting with my ex. Wish my ex would rehash old sH*t with me.

 

 

Two things:

 

1) She obviously wants you back too but likely, seems to me, doesn't think you really have changed or really *are* sorry or quite *grasp* the magnitude of whatever she feels you need to make amends for.

 

2) Sorry. I'm having a tough night. But good luck, if this is success story it will make me happy for you, for somebody, for anybody. Ugh.

 

 

sorry you're having a tough night i know its hard. you know that saying i'd rather be arguing with you than being with someone else? that's kinda how you feel huh?

 

at least my ex has strong emotions towards me, but unfortunately they are negative emotions.

[Fugee]

You shouldn't say s***. Its no contact. If you're trying to hang out that's not no contact. If you see her in public, then go somewhere else. You just have to have self control.

 

i've done no contact multiple times, thats not the only solution. it never works.

 

she's back to contacting me, and she wants to keep it platonic. but still calls me out on our failed relationship, when does her getting over it start? she says she wants to forgive me and heal, but can't seem to let go of all the sh*t i did in the past.

[lindsay1990]

there's no way to know for sure, but to me, just in my experience, if she's hashing it out instead of being indifferent it's because she still cares. In any case, it's not healthy to keep up the arguing so, having apoogized already, you really should make an effort to go absolutely no contact and let her feelings settle once and for all. then you will see.

 

No contact includes not responding to her contacts, and not doing any favors.

 

And what I meant by fighting with me, it's basically that we did that for two week but the third.... there was just indifference. And *that* I wouldn't wish on anybody. Had I left the first week, or maybe even the second... who knows, but I got to see it dry up and die. Now? I definitely wish I would have left when he was still fuming and had any semblance of passion or emotions towards me or the situation. But sadly, I stayed until it died down.... and the arguing did us in, and we were cooked and done by then.

 

I can tell you that at least in my case, if it hadn't been so drawn out, every day, for 23 days, we would have gotten back together for sure. But by the end we were just too burnt out. Don't think it doesn't happen because it does, and it just takes a second. Suddenly they look different, sound different and just don't bother.

 

Go NC asap. Because of this ^^ but also because her engaging at this point is just responding to her own emotional needs but creating turmoil within yours.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

I wish I was fighting with my ex. I miss fighting with my ex. Wish my ex would rehash old sH*t with me.

 

 

Two things:

 

1) She obviously wants you back too but likely, seems to me, doesn't think you really have changed or really *are* sorry or quite *grasp* the magnitude of whatever she feels you need to make amends for.

 

2) Sorry. I'm having a tough night. But good luck, if this is success story it will make me happy for you, for somebody, for anybody. Ugh.

 

What?!?! How in the world did you get that she wants him back?!?! That keeps that false hope alive. IF these people wanted you back, they would come back. Why arent they?!?! Because they dont

 

Fugee, IT IS THE ONLY SOLUTION YOU JUST DONT WANT TO DO IT! Its very easy ready?? -Block her number (call your provider and get it blocked OR change your number). BAM thats done. Next, block social media sites and E-mail. That takes care of a STRONG 95% of it.

 

You dont WANT to do it because you feel if you do, then you will think that SHE thinks you dont care and you guys wont get back together. That is the farthest from the truth ever. She wants "friendship" to feel her own needs. THATS IT! Its not some road to recovery to be on. She makes you the vilan so she feels like she did nothing wrong and probably she doesnt know what its like without you in her life currently. This does NOT lead to reconcilation...this just means you are her emotional tampon until she can move on fully from you. Do you WANT that? Do you WANT to know when she finds someone else? How amazingly happy she is? I know you dont, so why put yourself through this.

[lindsay1990]

I think that engaging him first, and talking about the relationship issues is a big hint that she isn't ready to move or doesn't really want to. If it is at the point of fighting and arguing about it, I think the feelings are still there. As I said, the best option is no contact, including not responding to her because it definitely seems her emotions are all over the place, a sign TO ME that she hasn't disengaged or isn't ready to.

[Fugee]

there's no way to know for sure, but to me, just in my experience, if she's hashing it out instead of being indifferent it's because she still cares. In any case, it's not healthy to keep up the arguing so, having apoogized already, you really should make an effort to go absolutely no contact and let her feelings settle once and for all. then you will see.

 

No contact includes not responding to her contacts, and not doing any favors.

 

And what I meant by fighting with me, it's basically that we did that for two week but the third.... there was just indifference. And *that* I wouldn't wish on anybody. Had I left the first week, or maybe even the second... who knows, but I got to see it dry up and die. Now? I definitely wish I would have left when he was still fuming and had any semblance of passion or emotions towards me or the situation. But sadly, I stayed until it died down.... and the arguing did us in, and we were cooked and done by then.

 

I can tell you that at least in my case, if it hadn't been so drawn out, every day, for 23 days, we would have gotten back together for sure. But by the end we were just too burnt out. Don't think it doesn't happen because it does, and it just takes a second. Suddenly they look different, sound different and just don't bother.

 

Go NC asap. Because of this ^^ but also because her engaging at this point is just responding to her own emotional needs but creating turmoil within yours.

 

 

 

i get what you're saying, i'm afraid of her being indifferent now, but it takes weeks for her to respond. she told me i just listened, i could have saved the relationship. but instead i kept battling her and things got pushed off the cliff.

it's always who has to be right with me and her, someone always has to have the last word.

[lindsay1990]

Of course, she might also be petty and rancorous and just wants to keep poiting the finger in retaliation, so still NC. But I think the other is just as valid and there is no way to know unless they stop contact.

[lindsay1990]

Don't let her shift the blame to you. If she actually wanted to get back together, she COULD have said something. She may not want to get back together, she may not know what she wants or a million things, but her feelings aren't your fault or your responsibility to change.

 

Definitive advice would be to go strict NC because dragging it out leads to burnout.

[Fugee]

What?!?! How in the world did you get that she wants him back?!?! That keeps that false hope alive. IF these people wanted you back, they would come back. Why arent they?!?! Because they dont

 

Fugee, IT IS THE ONLY SOLUTION YOU JUST DONT WANT TO DO IT! Its very easy ready?? -Block her number (call your provider and get it blocked OR change your number). BAM thats done. Next, block social media sites and E-mail. That takes care of a STRONG 95% of it.

 

You dont WANT to do it because you feel if you do, then you will think that SHE thinks you dont care and you guys wont get back together. That is the farthest from the truth ever. She wants "friendship" to feel her own needs. THATS IT! Its not some road to recovery to be on. She makes you the vilan so she feels like she did nothing wrong and probably she doesnt know what its like without you in her life currently. This does NOT lead to reconcilation...this just means you are her emotional tampon until she can move on fully from you. Do you WANT that? Do you WANT to know when she finds someone else? How amazingly happy she is? I know you dont, so why put yourself through this.

 

 

fyi, she blocked me everywhere. we only text or email. whats ironic is that she want's me in her life yet, she blocks me from seeing anything thats going on in her life.

 

all i want is a reconciliation, it exists..most ppl on here hope for the worst and say "she's never coming back, use nc and move on."

 

i want to get on her good side again. end this war.

[Fugee]

Don't let her shift the blame to you. If she actually wanted to get back together, she COULD have said something. She may not want to get back together, she may not know what she wants or a million things, but her feelings aren't your fault or your responsibility to change.

 

Definitive advice would be to go strict NC because dragging it out leads to burnout.

 

we broke up before, and she told me "i'm sorry babe, i'm stupid, i want you back, i'm not ready to leave..etc etc." now she's getting mad and pointing the finger that i manipulated her into coming back to me before, and i'm threatening her with suicide if she doesn't come back. she twists things up and puts the blame on me.

[AnyaNova]

Oh man. What you don't see, is that she lives for the war. She loves the war. She thrives on the war and she needs the war. And it is sucking the life out of you. Please, for your own health, sanity, and happiness, go NC. She will never end the war because it is her sustenance, her lifeblood. The only thing you can do is end the war for yourself by instituting NC, involving the police where she violates your wishes, and otherwise making sure that she is in all ways, out of your life.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

fyi, she blocked me everywhere. we only text or email. whats ironic is that she want's me in her life yet, she blocks me from seeing anything thats going on in her life.

 

all i want is a reconciliation, it exists..most ppl on here hope for the worst and say "she's never coming back, use nc and move on."

 

i want to get on her good side again. end this war.

 

Lol you think none of us on here didnt want it? You think all of us haven't seen this story before?

 

Here is a strong statement: reconcilation can only happen if BOTH parties want it and want to work on it. You can't make people love you or even like you. If you chase, you've already lost. It won't happen like that.

 

We say NC because it helps a person MOVE FORWARD and if somehow it does reconclie later, you're a different person...OR the 98.6 percent chance that it won't happen again, you would have healed. Come on dude...we're not stupid.

[Fugee]

Oh man. What you don't see, is that she lives for the war. She loves the war. She thrives on the war and she needs the war. And it is sucking the life out of you. Please, for your own health, sanity, and happiness, go NC. She will never end the war because it is her sustenance, her lifeblood. The only thing you can do is end the war for yourself by instituting NC, involving the police where she violates your wishes, and otherwise making sure that she is in all ways, out of your life.

 

you are correct. she's addicted to the drama. she does the same exact thing with her family. example it was new years and she gets on her moms case about something, her mom ignores her and she gets even more mad.

 

she's a high school teacher. i observed her class and saw how strict she was, and how she yelled at the students. she even calls herself a bitch. lol.

[Fugee]

Lol you think none of us on here didnt want it? You think all of us haven't seen this story before?

 

Here is a strong statement: reconcilation can only happen if BOTH parties want it and want to work on it. You can't make people love you or even like you. If you chase, you've already lost. It won't happen like that.

 

We say NC because it helps a person MOVE FORWARD and if somehow it does reconclie later, you're a different person...OR the 98.6 percent chance that it won't happen again, you would have healed. Come on dude...we're not stupid.

 

i believe she could change her mind and come back, because she did before.

 

but what can i say, i'm the king of wishful thinking.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

i believe she could change her mind and come back, because she did before.

 

but what can i say, i'm the king of wishful thinking.

 

As am I......but you have to take off the rose colored glasses currently and be a realist. Nothing will happen if NC isn't FULLY used. Not half a**ed used.

[Fugee]

As am I......but you have to take off the rose colored glasses currently and be a realist. Nothing will happen if NC isn't FULLY used. Not half a**ed used.

 

so what should i do if she asks for something? do i just ignore her? i'm afraid she'll turn against me again and say "i can't count on you for anything, how am i suppose to get back with you if you can't do me a favor?!" that's exactly something she would say and use against me.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

so what should i do if she asks for something? do i just ignore her? i'm afraid she'll turn against me again and say "i can't count on you for anything, how am i suppose to get back with you if you can't do me a favor?!" that's exactly something she would say and use against me.

 

Yes ignore it. You aren't her call boy who answers her every whim. She broke up with YOU! Don't answer s***. All you are doing is being her emotional tampon to be at her beckon call. Have more pride man. She lost all privlages when she left. Having the cake and eating it too...screw that.

[Stealth3]

And even if she comes back, chances are she will dump you again because she did it before once already...right?

 

So are you prepared to get dumped every few months or years?

 

If you're always there for her, if she can walk all over you, she will lose all respect for you but it sounds like she doesn't have any left since she is treating you like total crap. Maybe you need to remind her that you're not one of her students.

 

Or if you don't mind doing favors, ask for favors in return. I don't know, she gives you a bj, you fix her computer, etc....

[veggirl]

Wow she sounds like an absolute joy of a woman. I can see why you want her back :rolleyes:

 

Stop responding to her, why are you INVITING this drama into your life and then acting like omg I can't even stop it what do I do. You know what to do. Quit responding when she picks fights ffs. You guys sound like 13 year olds.

[lindsay1990]

Yes, ignore. Just because you aren't the one initiating the contact doesn't meant you aren't in contact, clearly. It will stay the same or get worse, but not better for you as long as you stay in touch with her right now. You owe her nothing other than respect, and she isn't even giving you that. You could also eventually find yourself in the position of becoming her bff-handyman-errand runner until another guy starts to reap what you sow. Anything is possible as long as she holds all the cards; the only way to get back on control of yourself is to go NC.

[Fugee]

Wow she sounds like an absolute joy of a woman. I can see why you want her back :rolleyes:

 

Stop responding to her, why are you INVITING this drama into your life and then acting like omg I can't even stop it what do I do. You know what to do. Quit responding when she picks fights ffs. You guys sound like 13 year olds.

 

we're actually 14 years old. jk. i just want peace, without having to walk away. we both want to be civil, but she's difficult to work with.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

we're actually 14 years old. jk. i just want peace, without having to walk away. we both want to be civil, but she's difficult to work with.

 

Civil in what form? Anything OTHER than being "friends" (pretty much possibly acquaintance/slave the way she treats you) than you are holding on to hope that will eat at you for MONTHS and YEARS. TRUST ME you want nothing like that. You are on that road....