Author Fugee Posted September 29, 2013 Author Share Posted September 29, 2013 when we last fought, we got into an argument about who manipulated who. she claims she never threatened me, but she always said this...example, we were going to going on a triple date with her friends, and she expected me to make them all laugh and be the life of the party. she said this "if you don't do it, im breaking up with you tonight." another time when we went on vacation after we broke up she said "if you try anything romantic, i'm cutting you off forever." who else thinks this was emotional blackmail. Link to post Share on other sites
Stealth3 Posted September 29, 2013 Share Posted September 29, 2013 Why the f would you go on vacation with her after breaking the f up? Seriously, do you not see what's wrong with it? Don't tell me you paid for her **** too. This isn't the way to get her back at all. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 29, 2013 Share Posted September 29, 2013 when we last fought, we got into an argument about who manipulated who. she claims she never threatened me, but she always said this...example, we were going to going on a triple date with her friends, and she expected me to make them all laugh and be the life of the party. she said this "if you don't do it, im breaking up with you tonight." another time when we went on vacation after we broke up she said "if you try anything romantic, i'm cutting you off forever." who else thinks this was emotional blackmail. Wait wait wait .....you guys went on vacation AFTER breaking up? And she said that s*** to you? Dude really? She is NEVER going to respect you. EVER. That's probably one of MANY issues in this whole thing. I think a lot of this is your ego being hurt over anything else in this situation. From an outside perspective, the lack of qualities this woman has is just awful. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fugee Posted September 29, 2013 Author Share Posted September 29, 2013 Wait wait wait .....you guys went on vacation AFTER breaking up? And she said that s*** to you? Dude really? She is NEVER going to respect you. EVER. That's probably one of MANY issues in this whole thing. I think a lot of this is your ego being hurt over anything else in this situation. From an outside perspective, the lack of qualities this woman has is just awful. yes, we went on vacation. don't ask, its a long story. Link to post Share on other sites
mikei880 Posted September 29, 2013 Share Posted September 29, 2013 My friend, you are your own worst enemy. You are simply a puppet to her. She calls and you come running without a payoff to you. Do you really think you can't do better than her? She has no respect for you and won't because you don't demand it. Sorry for the in your face but you must stand up for yourself or this thing will never change. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 so what should i do if she asks for something? do i just ignore her? Yes (10 characters). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fugee Posted September 30, 2013 Author Share Posted September 30, 2013 another thing, why does she ask me for favors, when there are plenty of other ppl who can do it for her?! she's not to fond of me right now either. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 another thing, why does she ask me for favors, when there are plenty of other ppl who can do it for her?! she's not to fond of me right now either. Because she knows you'll jump and do it lol. It means nothing. Again, she has NO respect for you because you are the proverbial whipping boy. Not that its bad, it just means you are probably a nice guy, but at the same time, she has the strings and you are the puppet. What I notice here the most is I think you feel that she is "it" for you and you can't do any better. Your are probably a proud person (most guys are) and the heartbreak is probably worse than the actual missing of the person. You feel lost right now and everything else in your life feels lost and or meaningless and the ONLY way that your life can turn "back to normal" is if she comes back into it. I'm spitballing here, but I see it a lot. My situation was similar. A couple weeks before my ex broke up with me, I actually had a conversation with my boss about ME possibly breaking up with her because things werent the same. Things were so different and she changed, but I decided against it and keep working. Two weeks later, SHE broke up with me and it devastated me for a year. I put her on this pedestal that NO one could compare...the SAME girl I thought about breaking up with. None of that is true in your situation. You CAN do better and I think deep down, you know things could be SO much better....I just think you are afraid you can't. YOU CAN. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 another thing, why does she ask me for favors, when there are plenty of other ppl who can do it for her?! she's not to fond of me right now either. Because you're a doormat. If she needs anything done, you're always on standby to do it for her. Why depend on anyone else when she knows you'll do anything to appease her. Has nothing to do with whether she's fond of you or not. You're available. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lindsay1990 Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 ... about ME possibly breaking up with her because things werent the same. Things were so different and she changed, but I decided against it and keep working. Two weeks later, SHE broke up with me and it devastated me for a year. I put her on this pedestal that NO one could compare...the SAME girl I thought about breaking up with. This. How is this possible? Similar thing happen to me. Don't mean to hijack this thread, just really struck me. Are we really THAT primitively run by our egos? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fugee Posted September 30, 2013 Author Share Posted September 30, 2013 Because she knows you'll jump and do it lol. It means nothing. Again, she has NO respect for you because you are the proverbial whipping boy. Not that its bad, it just means you are probably a nice guy, but at the same time, she has the strings and you are the puppet. What I notice here the most is I think you feel that she is "it" for you and you can't do any better. Your are probably a proud person (most guys are) and the heartbreak is probably worse than the actual missing of the person. You feel lost right now and everything else in your life feels lost and or meaningless and the ONLY way that your life can turn "back to normal" is if she comes back into it. I'm spitballing here, but I see it a lot. My situation was similar. A couple weeks before my ex broke up with me, I actually had a conversation with my boss about ME possibly breaking up with her because things werent the same. Things were so different and she changed, but I decided against it and keep working. Two weeks later, SHE broke up with me and it devastated me for a year. I put her on this pedestal that NO one could compare...the SAME girl I thought about breaking up with. None of that is true in your situation. You CAN do better and I think deep down, you know things could be SO much better....I just think you are afraid you can't. YOU CAN. a couple of months ago she told to do something, i responded "i'm no longer your puppet." she replied "thanks for nothing assho!e!!!" you see, if i don't do what she asks, i get bombarded upon, and it just ruins everything. so i'm screwed either way. i bet you see right through me. you're right, i'm lost and unhappy. if only she got back with me i'd feel like the luckiest guy in the world. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 a couple of months ago she told to do something, i responded "i'm no longer your puppet." she replied "thanks for nothing assho!e!!!" you see, if i don't do what she asks, i get bombarded upon, and it just ruins everything. so i'm screwed either way. i bet you see right through me. you're right, i'm lost and unhappy. if only she got back with me i'd feel like the luckiest guy in the world. Exactly....more of a "damned if I do, damned if I dont" situation. So where is the time where YOU are appreciated? I certainly dont see it....again, its because there is NO respect there. I can bet apples to oranges that she feels she OWNS you. You are there to be her emotional tampon when she NEEDS you, but a throwaway when she doesnt. I know how you feel believe me. I didnt have my ex treat me like such crap like yours lol, but the feelings are still there...its there for a LARGE majority of us on here. Again, I feel that you think that if she comes back, everything else just MAGICALLY gets better. She is the key for your life to get back on track. YOU are the key to make your life better. ONLY you. Sounds very "motivational speaker" esque but it is true. She doesnt deserve you and you dont deserve how you're being treated. Dont put up with it because you think you cant do better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fugee Posted September 30, 2013 Author Share Posted September 30, 2013 Exactly....more of a "damned if I do, damned if I dont" situation. So where is the time where YOU are appreciated? I certainly dont see it....again, its because there is NO respect there. I can bet apples to oranges that she feels she OWNS you. You are there to be her emotional tampon when she NEEDS you, but a throwaway when she doesnt. I know how you feel believe me. I didnt have my ex treat me like such crap like yours lol, but the feelings are still there...its there for a LARGE majority of us on here. Again, I feel that you think that if she comes back, everything else just MAGICALLY gets better. She is the key for your life to get back on track. YOU are the key to make your life better. ONLY you. Sounds very "motivational speaker" esque but it is true. She doesnt deserve you and you dont deserve how you're being treated. Dont put up with it because you think you cant do better. i know i can do better, its just that the thought of being with another girl doesn't sound like something i'm interested in. my feelings for my ex are still strong, even though things are bad now. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 i know i can do better, its just that the thought of being with another girl doesn't sound like something i'm interested in. my feelings for my ex are still strong, even though things are bad now. Well, cant really blame you there....at the same time, its not like you HAVE to go just find another girl RIGHT NOW. It wouldnt be fair to you or the other girl anyways. Its fine to be single. I feel like in todays world, if you are single, then you are "behind" those that are which is complete horses***. Be single, learn to cope from this, and move forward. Don't hold on to false hope and dont dwell on "could have beens." It wont get you anywhere and you will feel this awful for a LONG time. If you REALLY want to feel better, then do not contact her, block her everyway possible, and let time and healing work. It gets better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 a couple of months ago she told to do something, i responded "i'm no longer your puppet." she replied "thanks for nothing assho!e!!!" you see, if i don't do what she asks, i get bombarded upon, and it just ruins everything. so i'm screwed either way. i bet you see right through me. you're right, i'm lost and unhappy. if only she got back with me i'd feel like the luckiest guy in the world. Well, there's your problem -- you have no self-respect or self-worth. She sees that you have no respect for yourself, so she manipulates you because you are weak. And she'll never actually get back with you because weak men are not attractive. So you need to get your balls back. You need to become a man again. Once you do that, then you'll have more options and you'll be more open to other options. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 i've done no contact multiple times, thats not the only solution. it never works. Uh huh... of course it never worked for you! It never would have either! You did NC with the hopes that it would get her back. You never truly applied NC to get over her; get over the relationship and MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE!! I speculate that anytime she texted you, you were all over that phone like a dog to a bone! I speculate that you NEVER ONCE ignored her. Not once. You even admitted that you want her back. Why the hell you would want her back is totally lost to me. I mean, she told you that if you didn't make her and her friends laugh, she was going to break up with you? (okay, like a trained monkey). She also told you that if you tried to be intimate with her on a trip that it would be a long cold day before she would ever give it up again? Give me a break! Who the hell wants to be in a relationship where they are constantly walking around on eggshells! No thanks! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fugee Posted September 30, 2013 Author Share Posted September 30, 2013 Uh huh... of course it never worked for you! It never would have either! You did NC with the hopes that it would get her back. You never truly applied NC to get over her; get over the relationship and MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE!! I speculate that anytime she texted you, you were all over that phone like a dog to a bone! I speculate that you NEVER ONCE ignored her. Not once. You even admitted that you want her back. Why the hell you would want her back is totally lost to me. I mean, she told you that if you didn't make her and her friends laugh, she was going to break up with you? (okay, like a trained monkey). She also told you that if you tried to be intimate with her on a trip that it would be a long cold day before she would ever give it up again? Give me a break! Who the hell wants to be in a relationship where they are constantly walking around on eggshells! No thanks! why i want her back i can't explain.. but all i can say is you know what they say about the one who got away? she's it. but wouldn't you say that's emotional blackmail? saying if i try anything, sexual or not, i'm getting cut off forever?! Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 why i want her back i can't explain.. but all i can say is you know what they say about the one who got away? she's it. but wouldn't you say that's emotional blackmail? saying if i try anything, sexual or not, i'm getting cut off forever?! STOP IT!!! Good lord...... Quit trying to make excuses for this girl and putting her up on this pedestal. She obviously doesnt care about you, so WHY care about her? Thats the underlining part to all of this. She isnt it.....she isnt one who got away. She "got away" before and left again. The "one" doesnt do that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 emotional blackmail...okay, go with that if it will convince you that this girl is bad news. I mean, she ONLY contacts when SHE wants something and throws a temper tantrum if you don't give her what SHE wants. Do me a favor, the next time she texts you. IGNORE IT!!! Even if she sends something simple like, "You're a complete douche rocket!" IGNORE IT!!! Don't reply AT ALL!! Sooner or later you're gonna have to realize that there are other girls in this world that won't treat you like this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fugee Posted September 30, 2013 Author Share Posted September 30, 2013 You know the really gross walkers on The Walking Dead? That's what your relationship has turned into. There's no point resuscitating it, it's already dead... i feel like Daryl when he had to kill Meryl. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 It's not funny. You're an idiot. HAHAHA sorry no disrespect to Fugee, but I dont know why this is SO funny. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
reddragon588 Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 You can't fight if you don't engage her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lindsay1990 Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 (edited) Fighting about who is being the manipulative one? Very early on my ex started throwing around terms like "abuse", "emotional blackmail", etc.... Now? I realize he would drop them on me whenever he needed to justify something that was on him or whenever he wanted to get out of something. What I'm saying is... it becomes a nightmare FAST to deal with people that always so defensive, thinking you are out to get them, to outsmart them, to take advantage of them. It wreaks havoc on your self-esteem eventually to be accused and accused and accused... and accused of basically being a d*ck. Or a bad person, however you would like to see it. On top of the mistrust it creates of you own actions, making you second-guess yourself to see if you really are that much of a manipulative selfish as*hole it has another very damaging consequence: you being to scrutinize other people for these awful traits as well. This is just my experience, in which there is nothing more destructive than getting entangled in the blame game od determining who is the bigger jerk between the two of you and who should take the fall for the other's actions every time. My advice is to get out. I was a in situation very similar to what I am describing and it has been the biggest moral beat down of my life. Edited September 30, 2013 by lindsay1990 Link to post Share on other sites
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