Should everyone expect their partner to cheat on them?

[JessieJ08]

I think you should never expect anything from a relationship good or the bad. Its normal to have doubts but its unhealthy to walk around when dating thinking everyone is a cheater. Yes Lots of married people do cheat today men and women but I agree if you know that the person your with is smart enough to avoid or not get into these situations your more likely not to worry or have doubts.

 

 

Always try and focus on you not being a cheater even if someone cheats on you I see so much people treating others they are in relationships with bad just off how someone else acts I don't think that is normal or ok Its like people today rather stay and torture another human being then let go of them and this sad and selfish. If your not happy with someone to the point you have to seek attention else where just let them go its that simple.

[atreides]

Statistics say no, and by my own circles i would say no, but infidelity is certainly not a small percent either.

 

To all those that go after men, i know more women than men who have cheated... go figure. The women seem to be long-term As as in years with a few ONS vs men which are almost all ONS.

[crederer]

^ what? how did my reply come across as bitter?

 

It was a matter of fact reply. I have been to bars on my own and have observed men (and women) in bars long enough to know what I am talking about. And I have done ONS with married men , and have seen married women flirting with men in bars , but that's very rare ; like, it was a rare thing I've seen in the past 3 years.

 

Clarification: I realize this sentence may have come across as being a generalization, "most married men pick up women in bars.", but I meant, most married men WHO CHEAT, pick up the women they cheat with, in bars. I didn't mean that most married men cheat.

 

I guess I misunderstood. it sounded like you thought it was mainly men who cheat (which is false).

[ASG]

I know a lot of cheaters. Mostly men, but some women as well.

They cheat because they can, not because something is missing from their relationship.

 

A friend of mine actually broke up with his very long term gf after they moved in together because he couldn't sleep with other women as easily. It started to get to him (along with other issues in the moving in process that didn't quite gel, like their pets not getting along). So he broke up with her and continued his philandering ways.

 

This being said, though, I know even more people who don't cheat, never have, never will.

 

So no, I wouldn't go into a relationship expecting to be cheated on. Also, I don't think there is more cheating now, due to social media. The cheating is the same. You just hear about it more.

[James-London]

+guys - I have never been much of a feminist before but guys are more likely to cheat with a PA than girls. its just the truth. guys are more likely to cheat where both partners are happy in the relationship. Nobody is saying that this means ALL guys cheat or that any one of us will definitely cheat. However, if the odds of a guy cheating are at 50% or more (as stats seem to suggest), then girls are entitled to feel uncomfortable. I'm not sure if this statistic is for a guy in his whole life or for each relationship?

[Keke1]

I wouldn't say expect it....but I wouldn't bet my life on my partner never cheating on me either (some people have the mentality that they're SO would NEVER cheat). Shyt happens.

 

I don't spend relationships paranoid about him cheating....but if it happens, oh well, on to the next.

 

Unless the cheater leaves you with a STD you didn't ask for.

[James-London]

Would it be fair to say that a woman would be more likely to forgive a man for having sex with OW but with an EA, whereas a man would be much less likely to forgive this?

 

I don't agree that they are not in control of their decisions, as suggested in the post immediately above. But it is clear that men are more likely to have a PA than a woman.... But maybe it is less of a big deal for a woman if the partner cheats with just sex than it is for a man if their partner cheats in the same way? Women seem to feel much more betrayed by an EA than a PA...

 

Please note - I am not saying this is EXACTLY the case... this is more of an open question, and would be grateful for everyone's views.

[Space Ritual]

It seems like nowadays with online dating and the whole social network, its incredibly easy to cheat on someone. I think that everyone should just expect their partner to cheat on them at some point in their relationship.

 

 

I don't know. In one respect I certainly can see your point. Social Media certainly has become a massive vehicle by which people carry out affairs. On the other hand I think that since things like the internet were not around in my 20's that maybe a generation back since we didn't have it we were more physically social, and although the opportunities to be unfaithful were just as plentiful then, face to face social interaction was far more important.

 

I will admit however, that the generation that has come behind me has a whole list of different things to deal with socially than in my youth. Online Dating and Social networking also lend itself to people falling for feelings that are generated through the screen. It is hard to say in many cases whether the feelings are genuine until two people actually meet face to face.

 

 

So it is a whole other dynamic. I don't feel people should expect to be cheated on these days, but the vehicles are in place to certainly make it easier now.

[Nikki Sahagin]

Personally yes, I think most people will cheat on there partner either sex/kissing/emotional attachment to someone else. I say this because I have cheated on an ex before and he never found out and I NEVER in a million years thought I would be a cheater. I loved my ex and our relationship was great. I just had a strong attraction to another man and 'went with it' and bizarely felt no guilt. This confused me because I still loved my ex/was attracted to him etc, I just also liked this other man sexually. It was odd...but it has shown me that if I could cheat, and I never believed I would be the 'type' then yes I expect other people can also. I think it is anyone, but whether it ends up happening or not is very dependent on the individual.

 

Once you get past the honeymoon stage, you are left maintaining the relationship. Imagine you get with your partner at 18, by 20 you are most likely out of the honeymoon stage. Then you have to maintain for 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 more years. It's just unrealistic.

 

Also people have to compete with social media, temptation in there faces 24/7. It's almost impossible to avoid the temptation, even if you don't act on it. I think it is very hard to resist, even when deeply in love and I imagine it is similar for most relationship. Our society isn't geered toward monogamy (or mutual monogamy).

Edited November 9, 2013 by Nikki Sahagin

[Leaving]

It seems like nowadays with online dating and the whole social network, its incredibly easy to cheat on someone. I think that everyone should just expect their partner to cheat on them at some point in their relationship.

 

I 100% disagree with you and i was cheated on in the worse imaginable and after all that the next relationship i entered in i will not be expected to be cheated on because every person is different and shouldn't be labeled a cheater for someone else mistakes..

 

I wouldn't wanna live in a world where everyone believes that they are going to get cheated on regardless of what they do. love would hard to find

[SmokeyJay]

Personally yes, I think most people will cheat on there partner either sex/kissing/emotional attachment to someone else. I say this because I have cheated on an ex before and he never found out and I NEVER in a million years thought I would be a cheater. I loved my ex and our relationship was great. I just had a strong attraction to another man and 'went with it' and bizarely felt no guilt. This confused me because I still loved my ex/was attracted to him etc, I just also liked this other man sexually. It was odd...but it has shown me that if I could cheat, and I never believed I would be the 'type' then yes I expect other people can also. I think it is anyone, but whether it ends up happening or not is very dependent on the individual.

 

Once you get past the honeymoon stage, you are left maintaining the relationship. Imagine you get with your partner at 18, by 20 you are most likely out of the honeymoon stage. Then you have to maintain for 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 more years. It's just unrealistic.

 

Also people have to compete with social media, temptation in there faces 24/7. It's almost impossible to avoid the temptation, even if you don't act on it. I think it is very hard to resist, even when deeply in love and I imagine it is similar for most relationship. Our society isn't geered toward monogamy (or mutual monogamy).

 

Attitudes like this break my heart because I very much want to believe there are good people out there who won't do this.

[Woggle]

It is very common these days but I have high standards and picked a woman who I doubt will ever cheat.

[SmokeyJay]

It is hard when it gets to the point when you can't even fully kiss your gf because you can't help but conjure up images of her kissing a guy who raped her in your head.

[carhill]

Should everyone expect their partner to cheat on them?

 

I don't feel I would or do 'expect it' but rather would, based on a lot of life experience, not be surprised nor outraged should it happen, based upon the common description of 'cheating' I repeatedly use when discussing cheating here on LS. People do what they do and feel what they feel. Dwelling on it through 'expectation' uses up my valuable time and energy. YMMV>

[nomadic_butterfly]

It seems like nowadays with online dating and the whole social network, its incredibly easy to cheat on someone. I think that everyone should just expect their partner to cheat on them at some point in their relationship.

 

Everyone should realize we are only human and cannot predict the future nor what anyone else will or will not do, however, this doesn't mean one should "expect it" per se. That's a horrible way to enter a relationship and if you already think they will then you will become insecure and it will become very obvious. Anyone CAN cheat but not everyone WILL cheat. I wouldn't enter a relationship with anyone if I felt confident he would cheat though I know he can, if I am sold HE WILL no point for me. Realistic/balanced minds and realistic/balanced perspectives make for a healthy in mind, emotions and spirit individual.

[nomadic_butterfly]

Personally yes, I think most people will cheat on there partner either sex/kissing/emotional attachment to someone else. I say this because I have cheated on an ex before and he never found out and I NEVER in a million years thought I would be a cheater. I loved my ex and our relationship was great. I just had a strong attraction to another man and 'went with it' and bizarely felt no guilt. This confused me because I still loved my ex/was attracted to him etc, I just also liked this other man sexually. It was odd...but it has shown me that if I could cheat, and I never believed I would be the 'type' then yes I expect other people can also. I think it is anyone, but whether it ends up happening or not is very dependent on the individual.

 

Once you get past the honeymoon stage, you are left maintaining the relationship. Imagine you get with your partner at 18, by 20 you are most likely out of the honeymoon stage. Then you have to maintain for 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 more years. It's just unrealistic.

 

Also people have to compete with social media, temptation in there faces 24/7. It's almost impossible to avoid the temptation, even if you don't act on it. I think it is very hard to resist, even when deeply in love and I imagine it is similar for most relationship. Our society isn't geered toward monogamy (or mutual monogamy).

 

Bullocks! My dad is my mom's FIRST AND LAST everything and they've been together for over 30 years! Way before I was even born. It really depends on a lot of variables. Can she cheat? Of course! Has she cheated? NO.

 

While I don't believe in saying "I will never or he would never" that doesn't mean I have a negative nancy perspective going into things. If you expect it I believe it will manifest personally. I've cheated on one person in retaliation for being cheating on first when I was like 18. As a mature adult now, I sincerely hope whomever I marry will be from my 20s into eternity with complete fidelity. This is my aspiration and it's awful to have such low standards on ones self. Self control is a fruit of the spirit.

[dreamingoftigers]

Why dont you just get a full sized man doll and kick it in the nuts all day.? Gotta be more satisfying and take less time than half of this nonsense you post.

..

 

TFY

 

Quote of the week.

[crederer]

I would like to think that we live in a world where good people don't have to give into their primal urges and hump like rabbits. It's really disappointing for me to hear of affairs and ONS around me in life. It makes me so angry even when it has nothing to do with me.

 

Another thing that I agree with another poster who stated a lot of women like the bad boy type and not the nice guy. Bad boys are more likely to cheat than Mr. Nice Guy, so it's kind of ironic that the very thing people are attracted to are the same things that repulse them. Like the whole narcasistic "I'll get what I want" kind of attitude that is appealing to some, but it is also the same attitude that leads to cheating.

 

Also, I want to address that some people think men cheat more than women. I've read a few different articles that seemed pretty legit where the findings were men cheat more by a very slim margin, however it was also determined women to be far less likely to admit to cheating, even when done in an anonymous survey, due to societal pressures and views on men vs women cheating (i.e men are more likely to be forgiven or even praised for it while women are chastised). So the conclusion in both of these articles was that it is likely pretty even.

 

In my personal life I've seen women cheat way more than men, however it is a very small sample size so i realize it may not be accurate.

[aussietigerwolf]

If someone told me they expected me to cheat on them at some point, I would be SO insulted!!

I'd walk there and then, there would be no future for us whatsoever!

I'm not perfect by any standards but my word is good and I'm loyal and I would never cheat......if someone who's meant to be one of the closest people too me on the planet didn't know those simple things about me I'd be so hurt by that!

 

 

Like I know some girls have been hurt in the past or expect things to go wrong - that I can deal with, I have no problem in reassuring a gf but if I was a case of her being in a relationship with me and genuinely being prepared for me to cheat in the future....dealbreaker!

 

I totally agree with this!

[MalachiX]

I think if more women understood how the male mind works...many many women would be single. Men think about screwing every attractive woman they look at, they fantasize about screwing your friends, your younger sister, etc. Also, studies show men are more likely to cheat due to impulse control issues. Being a good girlfriend does not protect you from being cheated on because men cheat more due to opportunity (neither does maintaining your fitness or having an active sex life prevent a guy from cheating on you...) "Behind every hot woman is a man tired of screwing her" Sooo true. Sad, but true.

 

Which is interesting because less impulse control or "risk taking" is yet another thing that studies find that women find attractive. We can play this "demonize the other gender" game all night if you like but it's a waste of time.

 

Either women are just as guilty for encouraging bad behaviour or we should *gasp* stop making insulting generalizations about half the population and just treat people as individuals.

 

I think 99% of men would cheat if a hot woman seduced him and he knew beyond a doubt, he'd never get caught. How awesome his wife or girlfriend is would not matter. I think some women would do this too, but nowhere near 99%.

 

I think 99% of men would resent your attitude. Some women would too.

Edited November 12, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Editorial comment redacted.

[karnak]

Personally yes, I think most people will cheat on there partner either sex/kissing/emotional attachment to someone else. I say this because I have cheated on an ex before and he never found out and I NEVER in a million years thought I would be a cheater. I loved my ex and our relationship was great. I just had a strong attraction to another man and 'went with it' and bizarely felt no guilt. This confused me because I still loved my ex/was attracted to him etc, I just also liked this other man sexually. It was odd...but it has shown me that if I could cheat, and I never believed I would be the 'type' then yes I expect other people can also. I think it is anyone, but whether it ends up happening or not is very dependent on the individual.

 

Once you get past the honeymoon stage, you are left maintaining the relationship. Imagine you get with your partner at 18, by 20 you are most likely out of the honeymoon stage. Then you have to maintain for 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 more years. It's just unrealistic.

 

Also people have to compete with social media, temptation in there faces 24/7. It's almost impossible to avoid the temptation, even if you don't act on it. I think it is very hard to resist, even when deeply in love and I imagine it is similar for most relationship. Our society isn't geered toward monogamy (or mutual monogamy).

 

It's true. Some people will never, EVER cheat. Others will do it and will carry on with their lives with no real problem.

It's not a question of being good or evil. For some people, being faithful it's harder than for others. Maybe it's a question of emotional empathy or other kind of issues.

 

Even if I never cheated on my ex I had a lot of opportunities. Yet, I confess that sometimes I felt really tempted to.

If our relationship ahd turned sour for some reason maybe, meybe I could have strayed. This is just to state that even good people can do terrible things.

[nomadic_butterfly]

It's true. Some people will never, EVER cheat. Others will do it and will carry on with their lives with no real problem.

It's not a question of being good or evil. For some people, being faithful it's harder than for others. Maybe it's a question of emotional empathy or other kind of issues.

 

Even if I never cheated on my ex I had a lot of opportunities. Yet, I confess that sometimes I felt really tempted to.

If our relationship ahd turned sour for some reason maybe, meybe I could have strayed. This is just to state that even good people can do terrible things.

 

Very interesting perspective. Me likey :-)

[JBird2001]

It's true. Some people will never, EVER cheat. Others will do it and will carry on with their lives with no real problem.

It's not a question of being good or evil. For some people, being faithful it's harder than for others. Maybe it's a question of emotional empathy or other kind of issues.

 

It's also a cultural issue; while infidelity may be received with drama and betrayal in the US, men in Europe would simply shrug their shoulders and wonder what the big deal is.

[Woggle]

Just because something is common does not mean I should expect it. I can't control how the world is but I can control how my life is and I will never cheat and if she cheats it is over. I mean that 100%.

[lollipopspot]

In the past I wouldn't have thought that anyone might cheat, but then a guy propositioned me whom I never would have thought would cheat - contentedly married, excellent career that could be damaged by doing something that others think is immoral, very responsible and ethical man. He said he knew it wasn't right, but that didn't stop the proposition. Now I wonder if anyone could cheat, even if you would never suspect it. Maybe he had a good mask on, or maybe there are times and situations in which anyone might do something generally out of character.