Says she's ending it with me (3rd time this has happened in a month)

[cm00]

So i'm seeing this lady. I've posted about her before. She's 46 and I am 29, the age difference doesn't bother me and I don't want kids so there's no issue as far as I'm concerned but she originally did have a problem with the age difference though she claims shes gotten over it.

 

The first two times she called it off, I talked her back into seeing me again. I knew what her issues were and said the right things.

 

Now she has just called it off again. She said

 

"Here it comes again. I am sorry but this is my decision which I have thought about long and hard. I really have to end this relationship with you. I know you will try and talk me out of it but my mind is set this time. Please know it is nothing you've done it is all me. Please move on and be happy. I wish you well in your bachelor pad and I know you will find someone amazing when the time is right. Forgive me. X

 

(She wishes me well in my "bachelor pad" she's referring to my new house, although the estate agent selling it to me recently referred to it as a "bachelor pad" to her and I'm thinking she may be bothered by that.)

 

I immediately phoned her and had a discussion about it. She said I should meet someone wonderful get married and have kids. I've previously told her by text that I don't want kids. I reaffirmed to her in this conversation that I don't want kids. She said i'll meet someone wonderful and then wonder what I ever saw in her. Is it just me or does it sound like she's feeling insecure about the age difference or just in herself maybe? Could she be doing this to reassure to herself that I really do want her? She also said she doesn't want to hurt me in the long run because she thinks our relationship won't last. I told those things are never certain, it doesn't mean it should be avoided. I've talked her out of it twice before, so I told her I want to continue seeing her.

 

I text her after and told her she isn't holding me back from anything, that I'm happy with her and she should let me decide for myself what's best for me.

 

She text back

 

"I have said how I feel please leave it otherwise you will make it worse and I will get angry, I don't want to do that. No more to be said at the moment. I know how you feel."

 

Can someone please confirm that the last text doesn't sound like it's final, right? "Leave it or you will make it worse" It doesn't get much worse than relationship over, has she said that because she's not certain? "No more to be said at the moment" Also an interesting way to word it. Adding "I know how you feel" Which is kind of like saying "i am still thinking it over".

 

I've also left stuff at her house, things she knows I'm going to want back. She hasn't asked me to collect it.

 

Clearly I should drop contact with her now and wait to see if she comes back to me, right? Does it look like she might? And besides that, what do you make of why she is doing this to me?

Edited September 29, 2013 by cm00

[giblesp]

Women can see into the long term better than men can, especially as they get older. She's decided that there is no future in it for you two.

 

Thats very hard to take and understand right now. But when you go meet a new girl you'll understand.

[cm00]

Women can see into the long term better than men can, especially as they get older. She's decided that there is no future in it for you two.

 

Thats very hard to take and understand right now. But when you go meet a new girl you'll understand.

 

That's a wrong way of thinking. There is a potential future for us, yeah there's an age difference, but it's an acceptable one, there's really no difference in chance of a lasting relationship or not if she is with me or a guy her own age. Relationships are never certain, no matter who she meets, how can she be sure it will last? She's had several relationships with men her own age and none lasted. Shes never been with a man more than a few years younger. She certainly enjoy the benefits that come with such a relationship!

Edited September 29, 2013 by cm00

[cm00]

That last text is similar to something she said a few weeks ago when she almost called it off.

 

"I am still upset with you so leave me be please. I have to think about what I want to do and you texting me is not helping your cause. I will let you know if and when I want to discuss it again"."

 

Sounded real bad. I didn't text her for a week and when I did she was all too happy to see me.

 

Like I said my things are still at her house, she made no request for me to pick it up. Why would she want my stuff in her house if it was definitely over? Something tells me she either isn't fully decided or she knows she'll see me again.

Edited September 29, 2013 by cm00

[Stealth3]

Dude, the age difference is too much for anything serious.

 

Think about it when she is in her 60's and you in your 40's....

[cavalier99]

Just get your stuff. Make it all business. Then NC. Sorry bro but it is time to move on. Who needs the stress of being broken with all the time anyway. Cav

[cm00]

Dude, the age difference is too much for anything serious.

 

Think about it when she is in her 60's and you in your 40's....

 

If relationships like this were an absolute no. Then why is the cougar relationship with an older woman and younger man becoming so popular these days? Apparently these relationships have a lot of success.

[cm00]

Just get your stuff. Make it all business. Then NC. Sorry bro but it is time to move on. Who needs the stress of being broken with all the time anyway. Cav

 

I'm curious as to why she hasn't asked me to get my stuff. I just don't think it's final, you can't blame me she's done this 2 times before and then changed her mind. I'm thinking of waiting it out, no contact, see if she changes her mind and if she does then next time I am with her I will let her know if she does this again it's going to be over for good.

 

She has said in her last message, "Leave it be or you will make it worse, no more to be said at the moment. I know how you feel." That just comes off that she's still not sure about her decision.

Edited September 29, 2013 by cm00

[hestheone66]

No one, regardless of circumstances should be persuaded, guilted or talked around to stay in relationship. Two people equally should want to be together. If u succeed on short term persuasion, thats all it is. She wants the best for you and to move on. She also may haVe other options and is trying to be gentle . Respect her wishes before you lose self respect

[Stealth3]

If relationships like this were an absolute no. Then why is the cougar relationship with an older woman and younger man becoming so popular these days? Apparently these relationships have a lot of success.

 

Most of those, they are just a relationships about sex and fun. The cougar is happy, the younger dude is happy, but I haven't heard many stories of them lasting long term, most dont last long term and both parties understand that from the beginning.

 

Ask yourself, would you be happy when she is 60 and you 40?

[cm00]

I think I'll hear from her again yet. Just based on the fact that she hasn't asked me to get my things and her last message didn't seem so final. Why would she want my things left at her house if she has decided it's over for good? Seeing my things will only remind her of me and make it harder for her to stick to her decision. She seems to decide this when she's alone and thinking about it too much. After a week at work, talking with friends or with me, she's okay again. I think she has a lot of self doubt which is amplified when she's alone and over thinking it. Her friends encourage her to see me and she listens to them.

 

She has never been with a much younger guy before. She was against the idea. Then we met. She says everything about me is perfect, all except my age. At first she made it clear the age difference bothered her, but now she says shes gotten over that.

 

She got out of a relationship a few months ago and did not want to get involved with anyone else and then she says shes met the right person at the wrong time. She wishes we'd met a bit later when she is ready for more.

 

I've met most of her close friends and they all like me. She talks about me all the time to them. She constantly in thought over what to do, she really is torn over this. If she didn't like me a lot, she wouldn't be wasting so much energy thinking about this, it wouldn't be this difficult for her.

 

Why am I putting up with it? Because although what she's doing is not right, she has made me plenty happy too. Just got to give her space now, not contact her. I've told her how I feel about her, any more contact now will make me look very needy and push her away.

Edited September 30, 2013 by cm00

[cm00]

The woman I've been seeing for a few months finished it a couple of weeks ago. There was no clear reason, she said it's nothing I've done wrong, it's all her. Though I saw her a week later and she said something different, she said I was too intense and there was too much pressure. I think I made myself seem a bit needy and perhaps over the top.

 

After she finished it I think I made myself come across as even more needy. She told me she doesn't want us to continue seeing each other but feels I'm not accepting it. So I replied and told her I accept it and that this would be my last text, I said maybe some day I'll see how she's doing, told her to enjoy life. She replied "Thank you". I've had no contact with her since though I did see her in town, we just smiled at each other.

 

She doesn't log into Facebook often, but she logged it into 30 minutes after I told her I accept it's over, I don't know why. I wondered if she was checking to see if I had removed her as a friend. Her friends list is quite small, she doesn't just have anyone on there like many people do.

 

We've not known each other long, a couple months, during which we had this quite casual relationship. She hasn't removed me as a friend on Facebook, and she's changed her mind about seeing me several times in the past, but keeps coming back. Why keep me on Facebook after finishing it? What I'd like to know, do you think she might still not be certain about her decision?

 

I'll add some back story to this so you have more info to go on. When I met her in August, she had only just finished a 3+ year relationship 2 weeks earlier. She told me she used to love him. He turned into a loser, play games all day, won't do anything, distant, won't talk, all that matters is the online games. After 8 months of that she had enough and split up with him. He hadn't been living with her for half a year before they actually split up in July, she only let him come on weekends and he had to stay with his parents all week. She hadn't slept with him for 5 months.

 

She has told me she's not ready for a relationship, and she wishes we'd met a year later when she is ready for one. She even mentioned about calling this off for a while and revisiting it in several months once she feels ready. Because it's too soon since the last relationship, do you think she may be emotionally unavailable?

Edited October 11, 2013 by cm00

[lauri]

Your best bet is to go nc. She is clearly not interested in you right now...the best thing for you to do is remove her from social media and start to focus on yourself. It doesn't matter that she kept you on Facebook.

 

The sooner u do this the better.

[cm00]

Your best bet is to go nc. She is clearly not interested in you right now...the best thing for you to do is remove her from social media and start to focus on yourself. It doesn't matter that she kept you on Facebook.

 

The sooner u do this the better.

 

I don't know about removing her from Facebook, I've read mixed things. I want to get back with her, if I didn't want to, then sure, remove her. She may well get back to me if I stop chasing her, and stick to no contact. I've not put anything on my Facebook in months and I intend to continue doing that so there is nothing of mine she can see. She rarely posts anything either, nothing for me to be concerned over.

[Chi townD]

Sorry dude, but you were the rebound guy and I think the mature thing that she did was end it with you before you got too emotional invested.

 

That said, I think that you need to block her on Facebook, especially if you're still having romantic feeling towards her.

[hinatticus]

It's freaking fb!! Who cares. Does it matter? I removed my then ex from fb and now were back together. Why do people keep asking about fb? It's completely irrelevant. Should I remove him/her? Should I keep him/her? It's like asking if you should comb your hair to the left or right, it simply doesn't matter one way or the other. Now, if you want heal then remove. If you're a glutton for pain, keep. Are you keeping her on fb in hopes of a reconciliation? Doesn't that last sentence sound ridiculous. Keeping someone on a damn website in hopes of reconciling? Wow.

[cm00]

It's freaking fb!! Who cares. Does it matter? I removed my then ex from fb and now were back together. Why do people keep asking about fb? It's completely irrelevant. Should I remove him/her? Should I keep him/her? It's like asking if you should comb your hair to the left or right, it simply doesn't matter one way or the other. Now, if you want heal then remove. If you're a glutton for pain, keep. Are you keeping her on fb in hopes of a reconciliation? Doesn't that last sentence sound ridiculous. Keeping someone on a damn website in hopes of reconciling? Wow.

 

I've heard people say that if it wasn't a really bad breakup, it's childish to remove someone from Facebook. My instincts are telling me the same thing. It just feels like a childish thing to do. In my case appearing childish is going to make things even worse. She ended it with me, although was a bit ambiguous in her wording like she always is every time she ends it, then later changes her mind. It's like she leaves the door open for herself. In this case it was "nothing more to be said for the moment, I know how you feel".

Edited October 11, 2013 by cm00

[reddragon588]

I've heard people say that if it wasn't a really bad breakup, it's childish to remove someone from Facebook. My instincts are telling me the same thing. It just feels like a childish thing to do. In my case appearing childish is going to make things even worse. She ended it with me, although was a bit ambiguous in her wording like she always is every time she ends it, then later changes her mind. It's like she leaves the door open for herself. In this case it was "nothing more to be said for the moment, I know how you feel".

 

How is it childish? Who cares. They deleted you as a friend in real life, you deleted them as a friend on Facebook. Which one is worse?

[Zahara]

She has told me she's not ready for a relationship, and she wishes we'd met a year later when she is ready for one. She even mentioned about calling this off for a while and revisiting it in several months once she feels ready. Because it's too soon since the last relationship, do you think she may be emotionally unavailable?

 

This is the biggest bullcrap.

 

She doesn't even know what she wants now but she certainly knows she will want and will be ready for a relationship in a year?

 

I think people say this crap because they have nothing else to say when they can't see themselves interested in being the relationship or dating that person anymore.

[cm00]

Something else to consider, and she has said this to me. She was not looking for a relationship, with anyone, she isn't ready, she said this from the start. With me she says, she has been torn constantly, she has said it's not very often an opportunity like this comes along, it's so hard to pass up. She has had a hard time deciding what to do.

 

What she means by this kind of opportunity. I'm only 29 years old, just bought a $300,000 house as a full cash buy which means I have no mortgage and no debts which for a man of my age is very rare in England. I've no need to be desperate and she knows it, she calls me "the full package" I take great care of my health and appearance. I just could be a bit more confident, lacking it after past relationship trouble and my very isolating work from home lifestyle. She says with confidence I would be lethal with women. She tells me how much she likes it that I make sure she is satisfied in bed, which I do.

 

She has sent me so many confusing signs by telling me the things she does then suddenly ending it out of the blue. I'm just trying to make sense of it, so I can decide what to do. At the moment I do wonder if it's what she first said, that she just isn't ready for a relationship yet. Considering all what I've just said in this post, to me at least it seems like there's a good chance this isn't the end.

[cm00]

This is the biggest bullcrap.

 

She doesn't even know what she wants now but she certainly knows she will want and will be ready for a relationship in a year?

 

I think people say this crap because they have nothing else to say when they can't see themselves interested in being the relationship or dating that person anymore.

 

When she said it to me, first she said "a year" then she said, "well it doesn't have to be exactly a year but you know what I mean, just some time in the future when I am ready for a relationship with you."

[chinacat sunflower]

Keep her on your facebook but deactivate your account for a loooong time. When things have settled and you have moved on, reactivate, she will still be there. Or simply hide her posts. Facebook is dumb, and removing someone because they don't want to be with you at the moment is even dumber. Again, facebook is idiotic.

 

She hasn't removed you probably because she doesn't care enough to know you are there. Or if she does know you are there, she's mutual with it.

 

When my ex (who dumped me) removed me from his friends this is what went through my head:

1. He cares enough to search for my name, go to my profile, and hit unfriend

2. His way of saying "f*ck you, you worthless piece of sh*t, I have zero respect for you"

 

Our relationship ended because we simply were not compatible. No cheating, lying, etc. I wasn't what he expected. Being a recipient of facebook deletion, it's a rough feeling to know someone I was intimate with could think so poorly of me. It's amazing how one simple button on the internet can speak a thousand words.

 

Obviously this is something I have thought about, because yes, this Facebook thing tripped me out for awhile. He kept me on there for 2 months before he removed me, and I was thinking the same sh*t you are. All the while he has kept his past girlfriends on there, pictures and all. As silly and insignificant facebook is, it's there. It brings out the worst in people who would normally not make it a big deal of such a thing. Don't turn an ant hill into a mountain. Or whatever that saying is.

 

I know your pain very well, and I hope you feel better soon.

[mtnbiker3000]

How's the temp on the back burner? Seriously, why would you want to be someones back up plan? You are worth more than that! Grow a pair and ditch this wishy-washy broad!!

[Zahara]

When she said it to me, first she said "a year" then she said, "well it doesn't have to be exactly a year but you know what I mean, just some time in the future when I am ready for a relationship with you."

 

Translation: Sit in the corner and wait for me.

[movingonnow1]

Man...

 

Confusion = Low interest level.

 

She just wants to keep you there until she finds someone else, so if shes bored, needs someone to talk to etc. she has you there. NO WAY WILL A WOMAN LEAVE YOU if she wants to be with you and loves you. NO WAY.

 

A woman will do anything to make it work if she has a high enough interest level in you. Just know this...by staying around and talking to her you will only make her resent u and not respect you. You have to back away, go NC and start focusing on yourself. Pretend that there are a million other girls out there like her (give off that impression) and you'll see how crazy it will drive her. But the point is that for you u need to heal before you even come close to getting back with her...trust me.

 

You seem like you are in denial about what everyone is saying..I get that...but you are just setting yourself up for more pain and confusion by not backing away completely.