Says she's ending it with me (3rd time this has happened in a month)

[Zahara]

What she means by this kind of opportunity. I'm only 29 years old, just bought a $300,000 house as a full cash buy which means I have no mortgage and no debts which for a man of my age is very rare in England. I've no need to be desperate and she knows it, she calls me "the full package" I take great care of my health and appearance. I just could be a bit more confident, lacking it after past relationship trouble and my very isolating work from home lifestyle. She says with confidence I would be lethal with women. She tells me how much she likes it that I make sure she is satisfied in bed, which I do..

 

I hate that she sees you as an opportunity. Everything you mention is superficial. Money, house, appearance, sex. I didn't hear anything about you being a great guy and that's the best part about what she's going to miss about you.

[cm00]

Keep her on your facebook but deactivate your account for a loooong time. When things have settled and you have moved on, reactivate, she will still be there. Or simply hide her posts. Facebook is dumb, and removing someone because they don't want to be with you at the moment is even dumber. Again, facebook is idiotic.

 

She hasn't removed you probably because she doesn't care enough to know you are there. Or if she does know you are there, she's mutual with it.

 

When my ex (who dumped me) removed me from his friends this is what went through my head:

1. He cares enough to search for my name, go to my profile, and hit unfriend

2. His way of saying "f*ck you, you worthless piece of sh*t, I have zero respect for you"

 

Our relationship ended because we simply were not compatible. No cheating, lying, etc. I wasn't what he expected. Being a recipient of facebook deletion, it's a rough feeling to know someone I was intimate with could think so poorly of me. It's amazing how one simple button on the internet can speak a thousand words.

 

Obviously this is something I have thought about, because yes, this Facebook thing tripped me out for awhile. He kept me on there for 2 months before he removed me, and I was thinking the same sh*t you are. All the while he has kept his past girlfriends on there, pictures and all. As silly and insignificant facebook is, it's there. It brings out the worst in people who would normally not make it a big deal of such a thing. Don't turn an ant hill into a mountain. Or whatever that saying is.

 

I know your pain very well, and I hope you feel better soon.

 

That's what I don't want to happen, I am certain it will definitely be over if I remove her from Facebook, she won't like it, it's not a very nice thing to do. It seems equivalent to burning the last bridge. I'm not bothered about seeing her updates, she's not looking for anyone for a relationship, she certainly won't put anything that would upset me, hasn't so far either.

 

She doesn't keep her ex partners on Facebook. Yet she has kept me on Facebook. So it is giving me hope in a way. Hasn't been long of no contact yet, only a week. I'm hoping that given a month or more I may hear from her.

Edited October 11, 2013 by cm00

[movingonnow1]

That's what I don't want to happen, I am certain it will definitely be over if I remove her from Facebook, she won't like it, it's not a very nice thing to do. It seems equivalent to burning the last bridge. I'm not bothered about seeing her updates, she's not looking for anyone for a relationship, she certainly won't put anything that would upset me, hasn't so far either.

 

She doesn't keep her ex partners on Facebook. Yet she has kept me on Facebook. So it is giving me hope in a way.

 

No offense but this is where I disagree.

 

If you disappear, and she really wants to be with you she will find a way to do it. She will have a lot more respect for you to move on and move forward in life then waiting around for someone who doesn't want to be with you. YOU are burning your last bridge by being around and waiting for her.

[cm00]

No offense but this is where I disagree.

 

If you disappear, and she really wants to be with you she will find a way to do it. She will have a lot more respect for you to move on and move forward in life then waiting around for someone who doesn't want to be with you. YOU are burning your last bridge by being around and waiting for her.

 

Why would she think I am waiting for her though? She said it felt like I wasn't accepting that she didn't want us to continue seeing each other. In response, and my final message to her was "I do accept it, I understand you never wanted a relationship. This is my last text. Maybe some day I'll see how you're doing. Enjoy life."

 

To which she immediately replied "Thank you." Very soon after she came on Facebook chat for a few minutes. Rarely see her on there. I think she was checking.

 

I rarely ever post updates on Facebook, last time I posted one was August. So there's no actual contact going on indirectly through Facebook at all. There's nothing about my life she can learn by looking at my Facebook page. I've had no contact with her at all since I sent that text message I mentioned above. Although yesterday I walked right past her in town while she waited at an ATM machine, and she smiled at me. I didn't even stop, didn't speak, I just smiled back and kept walking.

Edited October 11, 2013 by cm00

[reddragon588]

If being deleted from Facebook was the only thing preventing her from reconciling, is that really the kind of person you want to be with? That something as insignificant and pointless as Facebook means more to them than actual human relationships and emotions?

[cm00]

I see there's many very different opinions on what to do. I'm just going to follow my instincts and do what feels right for the situation and keep her as a Facebook friend but maintain absolutely no contact with her.

[mtnbiker3000]

I friggen hate Facebook. Hope it will just do us all a favor and die soon, like MySpace!!!

[todreaminblue]

I dotn remove friends from face book wouldn't do it......if they wish to remove me they can and it doesnt bother me if i don't speak to them......to me removal is petty ...if don't like someone i don't add them in the first place....and i don't end up hating people when relationships end i get hurt and i move on eventually move on from that hurt.....got the scars to prove it..... hate doesnt come into it.....i go no contact......recently however when i was told that a friendship was no longer an option...yep deb became an option.......i cancelled a friend request i had made on facebook...it was only hours odl actually...as i felt it would be the right thing to do considering his request was no friendship......i wouldn't put stock on soemone who doesn't delete you from face book....unless she contacts you on there......other wise your best option...theres that word again..beginning to dislike the word.....;0)..... just heal yourself and move on....deb

Edited October 11, 2013 by todreaminblue

[reddragon588]

I see there's many very different opinions on what to do. I'm just going to follow my instincts and do what feels right for the situation and keep her as a Facebook friend but maintain absolutely no contact with her.

 

Just understand that what that says is, "Hey, you broke up with me and I'm perfectly ok with it. Let's dictate our future interactions on your terms!"

[mtnbiker3000]

I friggen hate Facebook!!!!

[Minneloa]

Facebook, in my experience, is a den of false hope. It took me a while to unfriend my ex, and once I did, I realized that I had been using "civility" to keep one last connection alive, when what I really needed for my own healing was to definitively cut all ties.

[cm00]

Facebook, in my experience, is a den of false hope. It took me a while to unfriend my ex, and once I did, I realized that I had been using "civility" to keep one last connection alive, when what I really needed for my own healing was to definitively cut all ties.

 

I don't know, I think it's situational and everyone's is different. In my case, this woman has called it off with me then changed her mind several times. I think a pattern has emerged where she knows I'll give it a week then send her a text, always on a Saturday. So she feels safe in trying to stick to her decision of calling it off. The way she has behaved has ended up with me chasing her, given her too much power.

 

So this time round, I am sticking to no contact, I told her I would not contact her again and I meant it, so far it has only been a week and today is Saturday, the day I'd usually text her. She won't be hearing from me this time, or any other. And there's no updates on my life she can get. She talked about me so much to her friends too, I think she liked the attention not only from myself but also from her friends about her interesting situation of meeting a man such as myself. That's going to stop if she hasn't heard from nor seen me in weeks.

 

I just don't think it's the end and you can't blame me given the circumstances. But this time she's going to have to be the one who comes back to me. I don't think deleting her from Facebook is necessary, I still think she'll get back to me yet, maybe after some weeks of no contact. She can still see me on Facebook, which is a two way street really, it keeps her thinking of me too. No indirect contact will occur, as I am not posting updates.

 

It's a small town I live in too, she can easily "by accident" bump into me in town if she wants to on a Saturday night because there's only a couple of places to go. Usually results in me going to her place. But this makes it so awkward if I've removed her.

Edited October 12, 2013 by cm00

[lauri]

If she keeps changing her mind and is confused its because she has low interest levels in you. She keeps changing her mind... does that sound fair to you?

 

You have to become less available and show her you done with her playing with your emotions. I would make the ultimate statement and go NC and let her sit and think about what she is losing. Remember, she broke up with you and she has to live with the consciquences. Staying around will not help you in getting her back.

[cm00]

I think i've figured it out. She's emotionally unavailable. She used to love the last guy she was with, she told me that. Hadn't been long since she kicked him out. She said it's definitely over with him, but I think emotionally she's not ready for another relationship.

 

She has been saying it to me since the start. That she's not ready for a relationship and isn't looking for anything. She wishes we'd met a year later because she can see I am ready for one but she says she just isn't there yet. Often I've tried to make plans with her, she shuts me down, even calls things off altogether though later changes her mind if I stop contacting her.

 

How to handle this situation? Continue with no contact? I did say to her in my final text that I understood she never wanted a relationship. Hope she knows what I mean by that, about her not being ready for one. No matter what I can't text her anyway as I said I wouldn't.

[lauri]

I think i've figured it out. She's emotionally unavailable. She used to love the last guy she was with, she told me that. Hadn't been long since she kicked him out. She said it's definitely over with him, but I think emotionally she's not ready for another relationship.

 

She has been saying it to me since the start. That she's not ready for a relationship and isn't looking for anything. She wishes we'd met a year later because she can see I am ready for one but she says she just isn't there yet. Often I've tried to make plans with her, she shuts me down, even calls things off altogether though later changes her mind if I stop contacting her.

 

How to handle this situation? Continue with no contact? I did say to her in my final text that I understood she never wanted a relationship. Hope she knows what I mean by that, about her not being ready for one. No matter what I can't text her anyway as I said I wouldn't.

 

All im reading here is low interest levels in you. Back off completely before you push them too low and to the point where she will never want to be with you again.

 

Stop trying to rationalize why she left u...just realize that she ended it And that's it. Nothing more to know or think about...you will drive yourself crazy trying to get the answer.

[cm00]

If she keeps changing her mind and is confused its because she has low interest levels in you. She keeps changing her mind... does that sound fair to you?

 

You have to become less available and show her you done with her playing with your emotions. I would make the ultimate statement and go NC and let her sit and think about what she is losing. Remember, she broke up with you and she has to live with the consciquences. Staying around will not help you in getting her back.

 

Yeah see my post below yours. I think shes confused because of what she's came across at a time when she's not interested in getting involved with anyone. She has said it herself, her brother has said it, she's not looking for anyone right now. But the situation with me is a rare one. She said it herself, somethings like this doesn't come along very often. By which she is referring to a younger man with no baggage, with a genuine interest in her who has a lot to offer.

Edited October 12, 2013 by cm00

[movingonnow1]

All im reading here is low interest levels in you. Back off completely before you push them too low and to the point where she will never want to be with you again.

 

Stop trying to rationalize why she left u...just realize that she ended it And that's it. Nothing more to know or think about...you will drive yourself crazy trying to get the answer.

 

I agree with Lauri.

 

You seem like you are still in denial ( I was there too ). If you want her back u have to start to move on.

[NoMoreJerks]

Removing from facebook is petty, I agree; a lot of people do it as a sort of "message" to the person they are removing -- but if after a certain point someone is not respecting you, then why would you want to keep them on your facebook? I just use facebook to keep in touch with high school friends, friends who aren't in my country anymore so I don't get to see them often, etc. The key word here is: FRIENDS. Someone who doesn't respect you is not a friend, and isn't worthy of being considered one at any point in the future either. That said, I never removed my ex, even after he broke up with me, and abused me so much and disrespected me. Barely 2 weeks into the break-up initiated by him, after I had offered the hand of friendship to him, he removed me from facebook without an explanation.. not a single text, email, call, etc., to explain why I was removed. At that point, that was my only way of communicating with him, because I didn't want his number or email on my phone/email account, etc. A month later, when I didn't contact him to ask him why he had removed me, he contacted me and offered an explanation for the break-up, etc., as well as for why he removed me from facebook. Apparently, it was too hard for him to keep me on there. LOL. Selfish *ssholes. Too hard for HIM?! I think he just saw that I was moving on, wasn't begging for him to come back,and generally being a doormat, had lost a lot of weight and was in pretty great shape, etc., and started regretting it or getting mad that I wasn't chasing after him / pining for him. He's a narcissist, so the world revolves around him and when MY world stopped revolving around him, he decided to discard me. Do I care? do I want him to be on my facebook again? No way. I don't even want him as a friend. I don't want "friends" who abuse me and disrespect me. Uh hello? That's not the definition of friendship. I probably should've ended up removing HIM in the first place, but oh well. It's not a game. The important thing is that he's no longer on there.

[cm00]

I agree with Lauri.

 

You seem like you are still in denial ( I was there too ). If you want her back u have to start to move on.

 

I don't know, I went out last night to have a good time. Saw this girl, she's a friend of a friend of the woman I'm hoping to get back with, and she knows the woman I've been seeing by name somehow. I don't really know her. She was out by herself, She started talking to me as soon as she saw me and quickly asked for my phone number. Seemed to know a lot about me, teased me for being "rich" yet not having a better car. Yep I don't know her but she knows my financial situation and she knows what car I drive! After talking to me for not long she went home, it was like she was waiting for me (small town only one club). She started sending me texts, she text me at 3am to tell me she's so happy to be in bed right now. That's a very flirty text! I haven't shown much interest back. Having a bit of a dilemma. She's very attractive, what if I show interest back and it gets back to the woman I've been seeing? Which it will, because they all talk about me. If one of them "pulls" me, it'll be the talk.

 

Everything she knows about me could have only come from the woman I've been seeing. I'm a little suspicious about this. Normally women don't pull their mates EX especially when the relationship has been over for barely a week. I don't know what to make of it. She could have been put up to this by either the woman I was seeing or her friends, but if she was, why? I've been a bit too heavy on the interest in this woman I've been seeing. I did go a bit overboard, she may think I'm being insincere, if she thinks that, it would explain why she suddenly turned so frosty toward me. It would make me look very fake and confirm that I was being insincere if I just instantly went for one of her friends instead and that would ruin any chances of me getting back with this woman?

 

Am I mad or does this sound like something a woman might do? This woman is a lot older than me, and she has had trouble believing that I could like her so much, like it seems too good to be true? On top of that I went overboard with some of the stuff I've said and have made myself sound insincere. She probably thinks I'm using her but wants to be certain.

Edited October 13, 2013 by cm00

[cm00]

This also isn't the first time this has happened!

 

When I first got involved with this woman, within a few days some girl I know started getting very flirty with me out of the blue. I was suspicious about it, it seemed fake, like she had been put up to it. My instincts were screaming at me to ignore her. Later, a friend of the woman I am seeing asked me about this girl, the one who was flirting, she named her. This friend of hers, how did she know about the girl who was flirting with me? She shouldn't have been aware that I even knew her yet somehow she knew. They must have been talking.

 

A few week later, I was out and saw this friend of hers again. She said something really weird. She said you like her yeah? I said yeah, she said well why not you've got a good deal you can have her on the side and anyone else you want that's great! I said no, I really like her, I wouldn't do that to her.

 

You get what I'm saying? This is one of her friends, talking to me like I'm some player, using women. Clearly taking a shot at catching me out.

 

I think this explains everything. Really, does anyone else see the logic in this? She doesn't believe I'm genuinely interested in her. At her age she doesn't believe a man such as myself and much younger would see anything in her. She's afraid I am just using her. They all know each other, I think this is a group of girls working together to protect one of their own from what they think is a predatory man.

Edited October 13, 2013 by cm00

[cm00]

She keeps surprising me!

 

Things got even worse and then suddenly better again. She removed me as a friend on Facebook, I asked her why she did that and she said to break all ties because she thought it would help me move on.

 

I text her back and told her this all has been a big misunderstanding and I would have preferred to keep it casual. This started as a casual friends with benefits type thing, which is strange though because she says she doesn't do casual sex. I thought she wanted more than she was letting on. She didn't text back. Seemed like it was over for good.

 

Here's the surprise. Saturday night she went into the pub I usually go into on a Saturday, and then the nightclub I usually go into after. She knows if she goes there she's likely to see me, and she rarely goes to either place. Anyway I didn't go the pub, and I wasn't going to go out either, I didn't to the nightclub until 2am.

 

And there she was, by herself. She'd been there all night and I can only assume she had hoped to run into me and since it was so late, disappointed that she had not. She'd been hit on by several guys and not shown any interest back. I was shocked to see her there and I suppose she was surprised to see me turn up at 2am.

 

I went back with her, we talked, had great sex, talked, more sex. I told her I understand she doesn't want a relationship with me, she said it's not that, she just doesn't want a relationship with anyone right now. Repeatedly told me that I'm gorgeous. I assume she really is emotionally unavailable, she really loved the last guy she was with, and he ****ed it all up, she's just not ready to enter into anything serious with anyone? I told her I'm fine with just the good sex and being friends. She said, no, great sex! She said the trouble is I keep getting confused and she doesn't want to lead me on. We left it at I know the score now and I'll stop trying to make plans with her as that's getting too involved for her. I read that emotionally unavailable people behave this way.

 

It really does seem like she just wants a friends with benefits thing with me. Is that how it sounds? Only thing is she says she doesn't do casual sex and she doesn't bring guys back to her flat. "Yet here you are in my bed, again" she said.

 

If it's just friends with benefits wants, I'm fine with that.

Edited October 20, 2013 by cm00

[aybc123]

The woman I've been seeing for a few months finished it a couple of weeks ago. There was no clear reason, she said it's nothing I've done wrong, it's all her. Though I saw her a week later and she said something different, she said I was too intense and there was too much pressure. I think I made myself seem a bit needy and perhaps over the top.

 

After she finished it I think I made myself come across as even more needy. She told me she doesn't want us to continue seeing each other but feels I'm not accepting it. So I replied and told her I accept it and that this would be my last text, I said maybe some day I'll see how she's doing, told her to enjoy life. She replied "Thank you". I've had no contact with her since though I did see her in town, we just smiled at each other.

 

She doesn't log into Facebook often, but she logged it into 30 minutes after I told her I accept it's over, I don't know why. I wondered if she was checking to see if I had removed her as a friend. Her friends list is quite small, she doesn't just have anyone on there like many people do.

 

We've not known each other long, a couple months, during which we had this quite casual relationship. She hasn't removed me as a friend on Facebook, and she's changed her mind about seeing me several times in the past, but keeps coming back. Why keep me on Facebook after finishing it? What I'd like to know, do you think she might still not be certain about her decision?

 

I'll add some back story to this so you have more info to go on. When I met her in August, she had only just finished a 3+ year relationship 2 weeks earlier. She told me she used to love him. He turned into a loser, play games all day, won't do anything, distant, won't talk, all that matters is the online games. After 8 months of that she had enough and split up with him. He hadn't been living with her for half a year before they actually split up in July, she only let him come on weekends and he had to stay with his parents all week. She hadn't slept with him for 5 months.

 

She has told me she's not ready for a relationship, and she wishes we'd met a year later when she is ready for one. She even mentioned about calling this off for a while and revisiting it in several months once she feels ready. Because it's too soon since the last relationship, do you think she may be emotionally unavailable?

 

No sorry, most of what she said has been 'it's not you it's me' excuses. Everyone uses these and everyone means 'it's not you it's me...but it's you'. It sounds like you were a rebound relationship. She most likely left you on facebook because she doesn't care either way. That's not to say she dislikes you, just that she pretty much nothings you. Big redlight to me to **** talk about an ex with someone she's just met, clearly has lots of unresolved feelings with him. It could also be you she's **** talking about in a couple of years.

 

Put your rod back in the lake and resume fishing buddy.

[cm00]

No sorry, most of what she said has been 'it's not you it's me' excuses. Everyone uses these and everyone means 'it's not you it's me...but it's you'. It sounds like you were a rebound relationship. She most likely left you on facebook because she doesn't care either way. That's not to say she dislikes you, just that she pretty much nothings you. Big redlight to me to **** talk about an ex with someone she's just met, clearly has lots of unresolved feelings with him. It could also be you she's **** talking about in a couple of years.

 

Put your rod back in the lake and resume fishing buddy.

 

I still am fishing. She actually said she wants me to keep looking for someone else. She said she can see I'm ready for a relationship but she isn't, not with anyone and she doesn't want to hold me back. She said she doesn't want me to get involved with just anyone though as she knows what I've got is going to make me a target for women for the wrong reasons. I talk freely to her about the kind of women I've been seeing and she says they're all no good for me.

 

She has said we're just friends, and she likes to see me because the sex is so good. I'm the only person she is having sex with. We've now agreed to keep doing this so long as I don't start wanting more from her. She doesn't like it when i text her to make plans, she likes to make the plans. She's not holding me from meeting anyone else and we have great sex. How is this bad for me? It's good for us both.

Edited October 20, 2013 by cm00

[aybc123]

I still am fishing. She actually said she wants me to keep looking for someone else. She said she can see I'm ready for a relationship but she isn't, not with anyone and she doesn't want to hold me back. She said she doesn't want me to get involved with just anyone though as she knows what I've got is going to make me a target for women for the wrong reasons. I talk freely to her about the kind of women I've been seeing and she says they're all no good for me.

 

She has said we're just friends, and she likes to see me because the sex is so good. I'm the only person she is having sex with. She's not holding me from meeting anyone else and we have great sex. How is this bad for me?

 

Because you're on a forum posting questions about it so you're clearly more involved than her. To be honest i only read your first post and did not realise you were still sleeping with her but in some ways that's worse because you ARE going to develop even more feelings with this girl if you continue a FWB relationship. It's not as simple as saying you're still looking because speaking from my own experience you're unable to look past the person you're interested in right now when meeting someone new so they never seem to match up (even if they are actually a better match). For her that's fine because shes not looking for anything because shes still too emotionally messed up from her ex but you are.

[cm00]

Because you're on a forum posting questions about it so you're clearly more involved than her. To be honest i only read your first post and did not realise you were still sleeping with her but in some ways that's worse because you ARE going to develop even more feelings with this girl if you continue a FWB relationship. It's not as simple as saying you're still looking because speaking from my own experience you're unable to look past the person you're interested in right now when meeting someone new so they never seem to match up (even if they are actually a better match). For her that's fine because shes not looking for anything because shes still too emotionally messed up from her ex but you are.

 

When I first started posting here I was confused yeah. I thought she wanted more than she was letting on. She's a keeper in my book so I thought I best not ruin it and decided to commit myself to her. That's not what she wanted me to do, she doesn't want to hold me back, so she called things off. After I explained things, it's back on again now, with us both in full understanding that this isn't going to be a relationship. She isn't my only option, I have plenty, just most aren't good options, she was the best option. Clearly she isn't really an option at all as she doesn't want a relationship. So I'm happy to just keep it casual while I try to find another good option. She even says she'll wingwoman me.

 

This has been going on for months now, there is something that keeps her coming back to me. It might just be the sex. She wanted casual from the start and she pulled back every time I started texting her too much to try to make plans. That's how emotionally available people are but I never realized it until just recently. Now we're crystal clear on our situation there should be no more problems. Also she gave me permission to sleep with other people as she doesn't want a relationship and it'll be hard for me to meet someone if I'm not allowed to sleep with anyone else, but she is only sleeping with me. This is a good thing!

Edited October 20, 2013 by cm00