Says she's ending it with me (3rd time this has happened in a month)

[cm00]

I was just reading up on how friends with benefits should work. If you're seeing someone only for sex, basically a **** buddy or friends with benefits arrangement. You don't talk about this person to your friends, at least not much, especially if you're a woman. I can see how a guy might brag to his guy friends though.

 

Now that's where I'm confused. On one hand, it sounds like she just wants me for the sex. On the other hand, she talks about me to her friends, and I know quite a lot of them because she has introduced me to them. I'm clearly on her mind a lot.

 

This is annoying. I have basically accepted that this is just about the sex but then there's things like this that make it seem like she actually wants more. I'm starting to think she doesn't even know herself. I'm thinking she probably likes me a lot but doesn't know what to do because she has a lifetime of failed relationships and perhaps she's scared if we get too involved it will just end the same way her past relationships did? I am quite sure she has the idea in her head that men want her when they don't have her, and once they've had her for a while, they get bored and it all goes south. She did say something like this to me. She doesn't see me too often, which is definitely working to keep my interest level high because I can't get enough of her!

 

What do I do? I'm thinking just accept it as friends with benefits as that's what she says she wants.

Edited October 23, 2013 by cm00

[cm00]

But you don't want that. Why are you willing to give her what she wants while you get nothing?

 

You can't **** someone into a relationship. It never works. If she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, cut her loose and find someone else.

 

 

This is where she confused me a bit. We've even had dinner dates where has cooked for me, and several going out dates. Does that sound like friends with benefits? Telling all her friends about me and introducing me?

 

I'm thinking maybe I just screwed up by moving too fast. I tried to put a label on our relationship, and tried to move things forward faster than she was ready, and that probably scared her a bit. Considering her failed relationship past and her very recent failed relationship, I think I screwed up. Hence her sudden withdrawal from the idea of this being a relationship. She still wants to see me, it's just now she's saying she doesn't want it to be a relationship as she's not ready for one. She has changed her mind constantly throughout this so I would not be surprised to see her change her mind about wanting more.

 

I'm just going to go with the flow. It's the best sex I've ever had and I won't find that again any time soon. Either something more develops from it, or I just get great sex for a while. Better than the alternative of losing both!

 

I'm moving into my new house soon anyway, It's probably a good thing if I don't get into any serious relationships. It'll be the first time I've lived alone independently, I think I need to experience that for a while. Last thing I need is getting into a serious relationship right now. If she wants to keep it casual, that's great.

Edited October 23, 2013 by cm00

[cm00]

Sounds like you're trying to convince yourself your feelings aren't as strong for her as they actually are.

 

Good luck with that.

 

I don't know, yeah I like her, but should I be entering into a relationship right now considering my circumstances? I live in England, where most young people can't afford houses and are renting for life. I'm 29, and have been living unhappily with my parents until now, running my business from home.

 

I've just bought my own house, and it will be ready for me to move into within the next 4 weeks. This will be the first time I've ever lived alone, independently. If I get too involved with anyone right away, into a serious relationship, I will not get that experience of living independently that I know I really need.

 

So I think a relationship is not what I need right now. The fact she wants to keep this casual and not too involved, that could turn be the best thing for me right now.

 

I still think there could be something more to this eventually. She keeps coming back even after calling things off. Sunday before last she told me she wanted to break all ties for good, to help me move on, she said. I actually accepted it was really over for good.

 

Not even a week later, the weekend, she comes to where she knows she'll find me, and now we're back on again. She apologized for "now confusing me even more". and said she just wants me to be more like "wham, bam, thank you maam". I guess by that she means, sex without getting feelings for her. I'm still trying to figure out if she really means that, as previously she told me she doesn't do casual sex! (that's what we're having, so why say that? unless she wants me to see her as relationship material) And when she was out and I didn't turn up till near closing time, she thought I wasn't coming. She could have hooked up with someone else, but she didn't. She is being loyal to me. She's only sleeping with me, she said that a few times. Last week she told me she doesn't take men back to her flat. But if all she wants is sex, why would she feel the need to be loyal to me? Seems like she doesn't want to do anything that would make me not want her. Actions speak louder than words.

 

She previously commented on wherever I only want her because she's something I can't have, which makes me wonder if she is making herself unavailable a lot of the time on purpose to keep me interested, it's possible, this is an older woman with a lot of experience and failed relationships to look back on. Every time she pushes me so far that I believe it is over, she finds a way to get me back.

 

Maybe she really likes me a lot but knows from experience that many men tend to get bored when they've "conquered" a woman and she doesn't want that to happen again.

Edited October 24, 2013 by cm00

[cm00]

Here's the most recent update. I've met someone else and she doesn't like it.

 

Throughout this she has been telling me she doesn't want to hold me back from meeting someone else. I only stay at hers once every week or two anyway. She told me she'd be very happy for me if I was to meet someone who is good for me.

 

So that's what I did. Wasn't planned, but I met someone else, a 19 year old in my town, she's from Slovakia in Eastern Europe. Absolutely gorgeous, sweet, and mature for her age. We've been seeing each other every day for about a week now, although she on a trip quite far away for this weekend. We're sleeping together, and I've been taking her to places, on dates I guess. The thing is this girl is going back to her own country at the end of this month, so it can't last, won't be good for either of us to have a relationship with someone who lives on the other side of the world.

 

On Friday I stayed the night with my friend with benefits. In the morning, she asked me if I had slept with anyone else since she ended the relationship. I told her the truth, she wanted to know all of the details, so I told her.

 

She didn't hide her jealousy very well, anything positive I had to say about this girl, she would turn it into something negative. She was saying everything she could to try to put me off this new girl. She wanted to know exactly how sure I am that this girl is going back to her own country at the end of the month. She must have said a couple dozen things to try to put me off her. She told me she's no good for a relationship because she slept with me very quickly. She blatantly does not want me to get into a relationship with this new girl.

 

She has been telling me that she wants me to meet someone else. Now that I've done that, she obviously isn't happy about it. The moment I told her about the new girl, she went quiet, for about 10 seconds, she was just in deep thought. Then came the questions about it all and the blatant attempts to put me off this new girl.

 

Can anyone make sense of all of this? This woman I've been posting about this whole time, does she even know herself what she wants from me? It seems like she doesn't. Do you think the fact that I've now met someone else has made her realize she actually doesn't want to lose me? She is only sleeping with me, and never does anything that could make me jealous. I'm her only love interest.

 

In short: She made it clear to me she wants me to find someone else. So I did. I told her only positive things about this new girl, she should be happy for me? No, she is trying to put me off the new girl.

Edited November 3, 2013 by cm00

[hestheone66]

You have said it before...she doesnt know what she wants. The sex is good so she wants to maintain it.. If it is fwb...she doesnt know the rules (see another of my posts on fwb) and is in fact using you as a crutch.dont let her dictate terms. If it is fwb, decline ALL coupkw like behaviour - no cooking for you no sleepovers no regularity.... you have been prisoner of your penis..remember she has a HIST ORY of failed r'ships..she hasnt doneethe work on on herself and you will waste your time trying to understand an emotionally unstable person. Dont be fooled by her age. She is emotionally very immature and at 29 yoz s1hould know better...you are not 17! If you just want sex STOP talking toeach other about anything else. U need boundaries.. Or walk away for good

[cm00]

You have said it before...she doesnt know what she wants. The sex is good so she wants to maintain it.. If it is fwb...she doesnt know the rules (see another of my posts on fwb) and is in fact using you as a crutch.dont let her dictate terms. If it is fwb, decline ALL coupkw like behaviour - no cooking for you no sleepovers no regularity.... you have been prisoner of your penis..remember she has a HIST ORY of failed r'ships..she hasnt doneethe work on on herself and you will waste your time trying to understand an emotionally unstable person. Dont be fooled by her age. She is emotionally very immature and at 29 yoz s1hould know better...you are not 17! If you just want sex STOP talking toeach other about anything else. U need boundaries.. Or walk away for good

 

I talked to her about some of that when I stayed on Friday. I said I think I understand you, she asked what I meant. I said she had her marriage of 9 years go wrong, then a couple more relationships that failed. Eventually she met the last guy she was with, fell in love, and really thought he would be the one she would spend her life with. Then it all went wrong again, took her ages to accept it and finally get rid of him. And now she's jaded, burned out on relationships.

 

She said that's exactly how she feels. This is the kind of talk you're saying to avoid in your post, lol.

 

I think she really likes me a lot and is scared of what will happen if she allows herself to fall in love with me. As it never worked out well for her before.

 

I don't know about friends with benefits, we are supposed to be friends, but we have sex. Does that make it friends with benefits with all the rules? If there is rules, we're breaking all of them. We kiss on the lips on greeting and goodbyes, kiss all over during sex, sometimes cuddling. When I stayed with her on Friday, she asked me to spoon with her after we had sex, she has never done that before! Every time I go round there it's for the whole night, no reason not to, we have sex again in the morning. I saw a friend of hers on Saturday. This friend knew about the new girl I am seeing, so she has already been talking about it to her friends.

 

The sex is great so I also want to maintain it. But she's also someone I would have a relationship with if she wanted it. So I don't want to end it. This new girl I've met is lovely, but that can't last, she will go home at the end of this month. If this new girl wasn't going home, it could have meant the end for my casual relationship with this woman. It still could if something changes or if I meet someone else. I've shown that I'm not making myself unavailable to finding somebody just because of my casual thing with this woman.

Edited November 3, 2013 by cm00

[what_a_blonde]

Interesting, sounds like now that you've truly moved on... she is jealous. However its scary because she's jealous- but now what?

 

It seems like this is going to be a continuous game. She will find a way to reel you back in and kind of win you over from that 19 year old... then once you're back and she knows the 19 year old is out of the picture, I am pretty certain she will start her games all over again. I do feel for you because it can be hard to let go of something you have so much hope for...

[cm00]

Interesting, sounds like now that you've truly moved on... she is jealous. However its scary because she's jealous- but now what?

 

It seems like this is going to be a continuous game. She will find a way to reel you back in and kind of win you over from that 19 year old... then once you're back and she knows the 19 year old is out of the picture, I am pretty certain she will start her games all over again. I do feel for you because it can be hard to let go of something you have so much hope for...

 

The 19 year old will be out of the picture by the end of this month anyway, as she is going home. Though anything could happen, i'm very much having a whirlwind romance with this 19 year old, I don't know how it will end. I just know that a long distance relationship won't work. I told my FwB lady the same and she was very quick to agree "no it would never work" of course she would say that though she's all too pleased that this 19 year old will be out of the way soon enough.

 

Just hope my FwB realizes that she got lucky this time, next time I meet someone it's unlikely to be someone who is soon leaving the country.

[LifeIsGreat]

Please don't take this wrong..... you are showing your young age. She was very clear that she didn't think it would work long-term and you are way over thinking it. Doesn't matter if her concerns are legit; they are her concerns and she is entitled to feel whatever she wants.

 

Staying in contact with her makes you seem needy after she has been so clear. Let her go and if she ever changes her mind she knows how to reach you.

[cm00]

Please don't take this wrong..... you are showing your young age. She was very clear that she didn't think it would work long-term and you are way over thinking it. Doesn't matter if her concerns are legit; they are her concerns and she is entitled to feel whatever she wants.

 

Staying in contact with her makes you seem needy after she has been so clear. Let her go and if she ever changes her mind she knows how to reach you.

 

At the moment I see her maybe every few weeks, and I stay at hers for the night when I do see her. Other than that there is zero contact between us, it literally is me spending the night with her for a catch up chat and sex once every few weeks. I think she rather likes that arrangement.

 

It's not a bad thing for me either, because she is allowing me to see other people. Though now I've actually started doing it, she's clearly jealous, because she wants the new person out of the picture and she doesn't even know her, she is in fact a very lovely girl. Lucky for her, this new girl will be out of the picture in 3 weeks, as she is going back to her own country. Even knowing that, my FwB is saying all that she can to put me off this new girl. She has told me the new girl is no good for a relationship because she slept with me quickly.

 

She has been telling me she'd be so happy for me to meet someone nice who will give me what I want. (I instinctively did not believe her, but she kept saying it) So I've done that, and it seems my instincts were right, she is clearly jealous and is saying all manner of negative things about this new girl, blatantly trying to discourage me from seeing her. I've only told my FwB positive things about the new girl, she obviously did not mean what she said about being happy for me to meet someone nice. She isn't happy about it at all.

 

Does the jealousy mean she has more of an interest than she is letting on? She was silent when I said I'd slept with someone else. It felt like I'd just broken news to someone that I'd cheated on them. Although obviously it wasn't cheating. Her question was "have you slept with anyone else since I ended the relationship?" To which I said yes, she went silent. Remember I'm a much younger, well off guy, who she is greatly sexually compatible with. She said it herself before, something like this doesn't come along very often. And in some way or another, she keeps reminding me that I am the only person she is seeing and sleeping with.

 

She has told me previously that she would not be seeing me and sleeping with me if she knew this would never go anywhere. Yet recently she has told me she knows it's not going to go anywhere. Yet she is still sleeping with me. It's a bit confusing but whatever happens I can handle it. It could end up being her who gets hurt because I am fine with seeing other people, it's her who is being exclusive with me yet saying she doesn't want a relationship.

Edited November 6, 2013 by cm00

[LifeIsGreat]

She is clearly in a very weird place. Not a place for a relationship. If you are OK with seeing her every few weeks, then go ahead and don't expect anything more. There is no reason for you to be talking to her about other women you are seeing. If she inquires, simply say you would rather not talk about it----and then shut up.

 

This is WAY too much drama for a FWB. You should either dump her and move on OR have your fun with her without any expectation of it being anything else. Ignore anything she says and don't keep asking people if she seems to be changing her mind. You are too invested in a woman who seems quite screwed up at this time.

[cm00]

She is clearly in a very weird place. Not a place for a relationship. If you are OK with seeing her every few weeks, then go ahead and don't expect anything more. There is no reason for you to be talking to her about other women you are seeing. If she inquires, simply say you would rather not talk about it----and then shut up.

 

This is WAY too much drama for a FWB. You should either dump her and move on OR have your fun with her without any expectation of it being anything else. Ignore anything she says and don't keep asking people if she seems to be changing her mind. You are too invested in a woman who seems quite screwed up at this time.

 

I've already told her quite a bit about the new girl. To make matters worse, last weekend I got so drunk that i literally can't remember most of the night. All I know is I was out with the new girl. I saw a friend of my FwB come in and see me, 30 minutes later my FwB arrives (I think she was informed i was out with the new girl and she wanted to check her out)

 

Anyway, I was wasted, danced very suggestively with the new girl, FwB was maybe 10 yards away from me for the entire evening in this club. At one point my FwB came up to me and told me that "everyone was talking about me" because apparently what we were doing on the dance floor more closely resembled having sex than dancing, my FwB saw it all.

 

I text my FwB the next day and asked her what happened. She said I was almost having sex on the dance floor with this girl, and that it was quite a show. She said everyone was watching.

 

I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing, surely she felt jealous? She is aware that I was completely wasted, the drunkest i've been for years, most of that night is a blackout.

 

Why shouldn't I talk to my FwB about the new girl? My FwB said we could actually be friends if I tell her about that kind of thing. I mean she asked me about it. I don't know why she asked me but she's making out to be glad that I am informing her of what I do with other women.

[cm00]

By the way, does friends with benefits have to be defined a certain way for it to be called friends with benefits?

 

I mean I see this lady maybe once every week or two at most. Usually she comes to where she knows she can find me on a Saturday night, or I text her, for some reason she doesn't like texting me first, at least not often. At one point early in the relationship she referred to us as "**** buddies" I wasn't sure if she was kidding. Later on she told me she doesn't do casual sex.

 

But then a few weeks ago she told me she wishes I could be more like "wham, bam, thank you maam"

 

Then last time I saw her she asked me to spoon cuddle her and we seemed to be getting closer again. I asked if she was okay with our friends with benefits arrangement. She said she was not okay with it, because I'm going to want more from her. I told her no I'm not. That's when she asked if I had slept with anyone else since she ended the relationship. That's when I told her about the new girl. To which she acted okay with it, but she clearly was jealous from what she was saying. She was all too glad the new girl will be out of the picture by the end of this month as she is going back to her country.

 

I'm still not sure if she really wants to see me just for sex or not. I think the only thing I know for certain is this is a woman who is jaded with relationships and doesn't want to have another one. She obviously likes see me occasionally or this wouldn't still be going on. This just definitely isn't your standard friends with benefits relationship because we're breaking every rule in the book.

[Confusedguy81]

all this stuff sounds like an emotional nightmare. You are stronger than I am for putting up with this stuff. I wouldn't be able to deal with it. With any breakup, going no contact is the best, especially if they are confused. Less availability=higher interest level.

[cm00]

all this stuff sounds like an emotional nightmare. You are stronger than I am for putting up with this stuff. I wouldn't be able to deal with it. With any breakup, going no contact is the best, especially if they are confused. Less availability=higher interest level.

 

At first it was hard but then I started listening to what she was telling me to do, to see other people. Turns out, she probably regrets telling me to do that, but we'll see what happens when this new girl I've been seeing goes home at the end of the month.

 

As for the new girl I've been seeing, the 19 year old. She is going back to her country at the end of this month, so nothing serious can come from this, I've already told her when she goes back not to hold out for me, and to allow herself to find someone else because neither of us will be happy in a relationship being 1000 miles apart. The only thing is, she has been saying things that indicate she has fallen for me. She told me she feels really good with me. Last night she took it to the next level, she told me she really likes me. That's like saying I love you but don't want to say it. I'm her second ever, her first was a guy she had a relationship with for a year, apparently she used to think she loved him. She has told me she feels so much better with me than she ever did with him.

 

I've not fallen for this new girl. She's sweet, beautiful, amazing body, and eager to please, but I know it's coming to an end in less than two weeks. She is going home and wants to go to university, and I don't want to get in the way of that. So falling for her would be stupid, even selfish. I actually prefer my FwB, and she's a much older lady. Is that weird? She's still gorgeous and certainly a lot more charming and I've been seeing her for a lot longer and she'll still be here long after the new girl goes back to her own country.

Edited November 14, 2013 by cm00

[cm00]

all this stuff sounds like an emotional nightmare. You are stronger than I am for putting up with this stuff. I wouldn't be able to deal with it. With any breakup, going no contact is the best, especially if they are confused. Less availability=higher interest level.

 

By the way, I did go no contact after she ended our relationship. But I live in a small town. After a few weeks, she came to where she knew she'd likely find me on a Saturday night. Ended up going back to hers, then our "thing" whatever it is, was back on.

[hestheone66]

Dont speak of the older woman using the word relationship. You didnt have one to break up from

[cm00]

Dont speak of the older woman using the word relationship. You didnt have one to break up from

 

That's the way I see it too. But when she called it off. She said "I have to end this relationship". It really didn't seem like a relationship to me.

[cm00]

FwB has revealed she is jealous, and pissed off about what happened, at least that how it seems from her texts.

 

I text FwB earlier and said I had nothing planned and asked if i could see her tonight for a talk. She said she can't she's going to see a couple of friends. She also said "Nothing planned, that means your girlie has gone home" She's referring to the 19 year old. Calling her a girlie, she sounds jealous right?

 

So I text back and said she's going in 10 days and I've already told the girl this can't work and she should meet someone in her own country, and that she told me to meet someone too. So the 19 year old knows it's over, she knew it had to end anyway as she is going far away. I said to my FwB "we'll talk some other time, enjoy your evening."

 

She text back "We have nothing to talk about. Have a good evening yourself".

 

She keeps telling me to meet someone else because she doesn't want anything serious. So I've done that, and she is obviously very jealous.

 

She had hidden that she is jealous until she knew the other girl was out of the picture, as soon as I said it was over with the other girl, she showed how she felt. Trying to make me feel bad?

 

But what does the jealousy mean? Does it mean she likes me more than she is letting on or does it not really mean anything?

 

I'm quite sure my FwB will see me again, she is obviously upset, but things have been much worse and she still ended up seeing me again. Question is will I be able to handle her constantly blowing hot and cold to the extreme once the other girl is gone? I suppose if she keeps behaving this way I'll just end up seeing other people again.

Edited November 16, 2013 by cm00

[cm00]

So, a load of drama occurred yesterday. I gave my FwB a real piece of my mind and didn't back down when she tried to twist things to make me look like the one in the wrong, I stepped it up and asserted that I've had enough of the bull****. (in short) And that I'm not giving her another chance this time even if she changes her mind. That was the end of even being friends with her as far as I was concerned.

 

My FwB became very apologetic to me in texts, eventually asking for permission to phone me up. I made her wait then gave her the OK. I had a 30 minute phone conversation with her in which she explained everything. I won't go into detail about too much.

 

Basically, she claims she isn't jealous about what happened with the younger girl, though I don't believe that. She has now told me she can't handle friends with benefits, she thought she'd try it, but she just can't handle it. I'm assuming this has something to do with her knowing I am sleeping with that other girl and what she saw that night. Sound about right?

 

She said she wants to stay friends with me and be able to have good time with me when we see each other out, happens often as it's a small town.

 

She said what we shared was really special. I'm assuming she's talking about the fact that we get on so well when we are together and the sex is just so good for both of us. Hard to find that. It's a good base for a relationship but she doesn't want a relationship with anyone.

 

I told her that her blowing hot and cold constantly was doing my head in. She apologized and said she has been confused on what we are and if she can handle it and that's why she behaves the way she does.

 

She said the sleeping together has to stop as she can't handle it. I'm still the only one she has been sleeping with. She said she doesn't do sex without a relationship. She said I'm a one off.

 

Given how much she changes her mind and the frequency that I bump into her on a night out, I think it's likely we'll end up in bed together again yet.

 

She also keeps asserting that she isn't sleeping with anyone else, doesn't sleep around, doesn't do 1 night stands, and has only been sleeping with me and now is sleeping with nobody. And also she constantly comes to the nightclub I go to which she says she doesn't know why she even goes as she never went before the night she met me there, which was a one off. She wants us to be able to have a good time together and stay on good terms, she says what we had was special. She says I'm a really great guy and she'd never say anything bad about me to anyone. I wonder a little if she hopes that one day there will be more between us. Why else would she be trying to keep her value so high to me by sleeping either with just me, or nobody, and making sure I know that.

 

And there's this, when I was out last night, some woman who was hitting on me constantly talked about my FwB, she said my FwB had been watching me all evening and she thought it was my girlfriend. After the bit of drama yesterday she text me at 5am in the morning to let me know that she was home alone and had not slept with anyone else. (there was a couple blokes interested in her) Here's the real question, why would she want to keep her value high to me if she only wants to be friends. She seems to want to keep me interested.

Edited November 17, 2013 by cm00

[Shadowburn]

I read your whole thread and I am a little confused - why do you need all this drama and game playing? From what I understood you're attractive young guy with money. I also understood you live in a small town, but is this older and very insecure woman is the only one available to you? You didnt say she is like insanely hot or filthy rich, so I can't understand why are you so hang up on someone who blows hot and cold, sleeps with you then rejects you, then changes her mind and tried to get you back and then so start the whole cycle again. And no, getting along and being good in a bed is not a very solid foundation for relationship.

You need to cut her off so she can sort her old issues out and also you need to work on yourself as to find out why you are attracted to people who mistreat you and take you for granted. This will not end nicely for you, so please end this nonsense.

[cm00]

I read your whole thread and I am a little confused - why do you need all this drama and game playing? From what I understood you're attractive young guy with money. I also understood you live in a small town, but is this older and very insecure woman is the only one available to you? You didnt say she is like insanely hot or filthy rich, so I can't understand why are you so hang up on someone who blows hot and cold, sleeps with you then rejects you, then changes her mind and tried to get you back and then so start the whole cycle again. And no, getting along and being good in a bed is not a very solid foundation for relationship.

You need to cut her off so she can sort her old issues out and also you need to work on yourself as to find out why you are attracted to people who mistreat you and take you for granted. This will not end nicely for you, so please end this nonsense.

 

She isn't rich, but she's attractive, hot to me anyway, just something about her. I get reasonably regular sex from her, it's the best I've had.

 

Actually she dropped herself in it yesterday during our phone conversation, I caught her out lying, we were both aware of it, she went a bit quiet. Not sure where to go from that. When she saw me with the younger girl two weekends ago she had some man interested in her. I asked her on saturday if she took him back to her flat and she said yes. I asked if she slept with him, she said "We had coffee". I said so did you sleep with him? She said no.

 

But then in the phone conversation she claimed that man didn't know where she lived. I said yes he does know where you live, and I reminded her that she told me the night before that she took him back to her flat last weekend. She went quiet, and just said "oh..."

 

So having forgotten that she'd already told me she took him back, she tried to hide that he'd been to her flat. Which makes me think she's feeling guilty about something and that she did actually sleep with him. Which is up to her, I was with that other girl. What I don't understand is why she'd rather lie to me than tell the truth. It looks like she wants to keep me interested in her. She wants me to know that she's either sleeping with me or nobody.

 

I personally think she was jealous and hurt when she saw me with that younger girl and that's why she got with that other bloke that night and she now regrets it. That's why she is now saying she can't handle being friends with benefits.

 

About why I'm attracted to her, I don't think I have a problem. I'm also attracted to the younger girl I've been seeing and she is completely different to my FwB, like the opposite, she makes herself available always, eager to be with me, eager to please. Doesn't play any silly games.

 

Anyway I've text my FwB now and brought up the lie she told because we haven't talked about it yet. She said they only had coffee but then lied about him even being there. She told me she wants us to be good friends. I've told her she needs to be honest with me if she wants us to be friends. Bottom line is she lied, and that means she probably slept with him. So that's at least one good reason to be upset with her isn't it? I could potentially lose her as a friend by trying to get the truth but she really should be honest with me. Knowing that she may have lied about what happened. I have every right to ask, as she asked me the same thing and I was honest with her. If I lose her as a friend over this then she wasn't worth having as a friend anyway.

Edited November 18, 2013 by cm00

[Shadowburn]

Look at how long your posts are. How much time you spend on these boards trying to decipher her shady behavior. And all of this for what, for getting (somewhat) regular sex on her terms only and a promise of "friendship"? Sorry, you can do better. Leave this mess alone.

[cm00]

Look at how long your posts are. How much time you spend on these boards trying to decipher her shady behavior. And all of this for what, for getting (somewhat) regular sex on her terms only and a promise of "friendship"? Sorry, you can do better. Leave this mess alone.

 

Don't get why she's still trying to keep me interested if she's not interested herself. She replied to my text very apologetic again. She said

 

"You are right. I am sorry he did come back for coffee and that was it. He left as I did not feel that way about him. Sorry I told you different. I know if I had slept with him it is up to me but you are right I will be honest with you. X"

 

And that's the first time she has ended a text with a kiss for ages. Apologizing again and making sure I know she isn't sleeping with anyone else. She has been completely different since last Sunday when I sent her that text giving her a piece of my mind and telling her we are not even friends any more and that she isn't so attractive to me any more.

 

She's trying her hardest to make sure i still like her after the events of last weekend and me telling her it's finished and i've lost interest. What sort of woman is this, can anyone make sense of her?

Edited November 19, 2013 by cm00

[hestheone66]

You each fulfill an ego need of each other. She is insecure as she is ageing and enjoys thw attention of younger man to validate her self esteem, esp with many failed eelationships.. You possibly like the trophy aspect.. U may never have had great sex bwfore and xou like it.. But from now on make sure it is safe sex..u both should get tested. You both like the attention