alwaysrunnin Posted November 28, 2004 Posted November 28, 2004 Here's a quick recap of what happened...3 years together, definitely in love w/ the ups and downs, definitely more ups and than downs, she's in her first year of law school, decided she needed some time/space to figure things out - bs in my opinion but i dont have much of a choice. i still love her, but havent told her since a week after our break...doenst say she loves me anymore, but doesnt say she doesnt either - said she's confused. we're both 23 and focused on professional careers, and live about 50 minutes apart (though we went to college together and saw each other pretty much every day for 2 years). anyway cut her the no contact after pleading for a week, she called after a week of nc, been back and forth mostly on im and email and sometimes on phone maybe 1-2x a week since then (its been since beginning of oct). took her out to a bangin!! date 2 weeks ago, acted like it was a first date, didnt say anything about us per se, any other first date would've been a kiss at the door for sure, she ended up crying at the end though, asking herself why she treated me so bad when we split, said she wanted to work on it, but doesnt have the time, and doesnt know, doesnt know... ANYWAY here's my current question/dilemma: Sent her a funny ass card for thanksgiving after she called me wishing me happy thanksgiving. she replied back saying she loved it. didnt talk to her for 4 days, then she sent me another email asking if we could get together for a day after her exams are over. NOW here's my thing. I've already offered to come over there and get coffee or something for a study break, kinda as a follow up from our dinner date...i dont mind driving up there, its not far at all...but she wants to wait TWENTY or so DAYS?!! to set something up...come on, i know its her first year of law school, but she doesnt have time to grab coffee or something?!? I'm thinking either: 1. she doesnt want to deal w/ any drama right now, b/c this is her first year of law school and she is seriously stressing her exams - and everytime she has seen me after our break (2x), she gets all emotional (and I'm not doing anything except being extra nice, pretty much my old self) 2. she is seeing someone else and doesnt want to be seen w/ me around her school - I know she was talking to this one guy a week after we broke up - but then later told him that she needed some time too (she told me all this i didnt ask) She has chilled w/ ex's in the past - she only had lunch once in a blue moon w/ her ex when she was with me - which I was fine with b/c I've done the same - but I don't want to play that part. Course, I'm still gonna go and find out. Do I: 1. reply back in a day or two saying alright thats cool just hit me up when you want to chill 2. OR do I add something in again about possibly getting together for coffee or dinner again before then? I REALLY want to do this one, because that REALLY kinda ticks me off that I've gotta wait 20 days when I'm crazy busy too...On the flip side, I REALLY don't want to push her during her first ever law school exams...I've been here before, and my other ex did the same sh$!, found out she was dating some guy when I went up to see her (course she never told me my friend told me) even though she was the one asking me to come up and visit. course, i did get that girl back the next summer, but thats another story...and of course that was a whole different situation, this current girl and I are were A LOT deeper... sorry for the long post, I know there is no one answer but any help would be appreciated. thanks!
Author alwaysrunnin Posted November 29, 2004 Author Posted November 29, 2004 oh yeah i dont know if this is important but she did have all of my stuff still up in her room - pics, gifts, little stuff i made for her - just like before - when i went to pick her up two weeks ago for dinner...
Urban Rubble01 Posted November 29, 2004 Posted November 29, 2004 Well, your situation is nearly identical to mine. Together a little over 3 years, we're both 22, she's dealing with her last year of school and I'm living about 45 mintues away. We're "on a breaKk" for the school year, blah blah. Anyway, the stuff about the other guy kind of seemed weird to me. Are you guys like, done for good or is it kind of still up in the air ? If I were you I'd want to know what the deal is with the guys, if she's trying to start something up then she isn't being honest. Other than that, it sounds like things are fine. Don't worry too much about her wanting to wait 20 days. Things with my ex are fine, I know we're both still in love. She isn't cold and she still tells me she loves me and all that. But still, we've been going at least 3 weeks or so at a time without seeing each other. It's kind of the point of this, to get some time apart from each other. So if she isn't banging down your door, don't read too much into it. Try to take her word on things because it does you no good over analyzing things (and this is coming from the most anxiety ridden, neurotic kid in the world). And that thing about having your stuff up is a good sign. At least I took it as one. About 2 weeks after we split up she moved into a different apartment. A couple weeks later I was up there hanging out with her and I noticed that she had actually put all my pictures and stuff back up, she even brought my toothbrush from the old place. I think that kind of thing says alot more than anything they can tell you.
Author alwaysrunnin Posted November 29, 2004 Author Posted November 29, 2004 Ok...well, when it first started, it was just a break with me still being her man and she said she still loved me. Of course, I questioned this, and pushed it too far that weekend and then it ended with us broken up and she not sure about how she felt about me anymore. I HAD to say something, personally I think breaks are bs and you either love someone or you don't. After a week of trying to convince her otherwise (thats when the other guy was involved), took her out, did the most romantic - but not cliche at all - thing possible and made her all emotional and unsure again (this was before the dinner). Gave her an ulitmatum told her not to talk to me anymore until she was ready to work things out, heard from her the very next day (didnt expect that at all), but I jumped back into it too quick and that fell apart again w/ in 3 days - she wasn't ready - and I still couldnt really deal with the situation like that. Anyway, went another week w/ out talking to her and then she hit me up and then its been like as described above. I only wish she still told me she loves me - she was cold the first time I saw her and during the week after our break up, but even throughout that night and from now on things have been warming up again. she wouldnt let go of me after that first night out, after i told her not to call me until she's ready. thats why she started crying over dinner - b/c she said she had been so mean to me - and really, she had no reason to, and in 3 years of being w/ her, I never ever saw her like that, I know its not her... I think - well I know - I probably turned her off by being blunt and telling her how I felt and flippin the script in front of her. oh well. thats why I'm being cautious now, don't want to do anything stupid again. thanks good luck w/ your break man hope it works out
Urban Rubble01 Posted November 29, 2004 Posted November 29, 2004 Well, then it looks like all you can do is be there for her. Let her know that you're prepared to live without her but that you love her and want to be with her. Don't disagree, definitely don't argue with her. When you talk, be upbeat and happy, don't talk about the relationship unless you absolutely have to. Basically, let her know you love her but don't let her know how crushed you are. I've talked to the ex when I'm feeling down and trust me, they don't like it. They don't want to see you depressed because it makes them feel guilty, but also, it makes them think (conciously or subconciously) that you are being kind of pathetic. It seems obvious to me that they would want to see you a happy as possible, after all, they didn't fall in love with a depressed, mopy dude. They fell in love with the guy who was happy and normal. So be that guy. It's a fine line to walk, you want them to know it hurts but you don't want to seem how bad you're hurt. As for me, I think my break is more optimistic looking than most people's. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she still loves me. I never knew if people really needed space, I just thought that was a nice way of saying i don't love you anymore. But I really don't think that's true anymore, sometimes people do in fact just need some time away from the person they love. If she's being rude, pay attention to that. But if she's being cool then you should at least feel some hope.
Author alwaysrunnin Posted November 29, 2004 Author Posted November 29, 2004 thanks for the advice dude... thats pretty much what i've been doing - been crazy happy and goofy around her when i see her, just like when we met...and been keeping busy and picking up new hobbies and stayng w/ the old, and honestly, i feel pretty damn good w/o her...thats not to say that i don't want her back - i want her back BAD but i'm not gonna mope around for any girl (ok well i did for the first week or two after we broke up) b/c i am only 23 and got a lot going for me ya know?? plus snowboarding season is right around the corner and thats my first love and she is being cool around me, was only cold the day we broke up. that doesnt mean she's kissing up on me and all again, but that takes time i guess...yeah, i agree - i thought that about breaks at first too, but when we're this young - sometimes people do need time apart to realize what they had - thats what i'm realizing now, that she was everything and i stressed the little things...word time to go to work thanks
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