?!? Does this girl like me or am I about to get rejected? I'm

[ellisjp]

Ok so I'm really bad with women (never had a gf in my life), please help me out. So I asked out this girl in one of my college classes (both 22yo) after talking and eating lunch together.

 

We went out (tues night) to a nice but casual place for dinner and drinks, had a really good time, she talked a lot and really opened up to me, I mentioned coming to a hockey game with me in a few weeks and she got really excited and wanted to go, and just seemed interested in me. I didn't make a move on her during the date, so idk if that's good or bad.

 

Talked to her next time I'm class. (Thurs afternoon). We talk after class on a bench but I got thrown off a bit when she starts texting--telling me she's going clubbing and camping with her guy friends this weekend. I just say that's cool have fun.

 

As we were leaving I tell her I had a good time with her the other night and we should do something again. She said 'yeah I had fun too, let me know, I'll think about it' (???) She didn't seem cold or dismissive about it, I was really confused though as to what she wanted.

 

Text her Saturday afternoon (she went camping Friday night), I thought about calling but I knew she was working at some point Saturday, and I hate voicemails. And I say 'hey how's your weekend been? I had a good time going out with you to 'name of restaurant' so I was wondering if you were free Monday if you wanted to go to the movies with me?'

 

No response and its been like almost a day. I am actually starting to feel a bit humiliated. I mean we had a good time and I paid for the date, doesn't that warrant some type of response even if 'no'? I actually felt a good connection with this girl and she showed interest, but now I feel like crap. What should I do? I'm afraid I didn't flirt with her enough to see me as a boyfriend and she is just going to hope I get the hint and leave her alone....

[ellisjp]

First the analysis: Seems like date went well. So, that is good. And no worries on not making the move on the first date. As long as you initiate something within first 3 dates or so [so that you don't get friendzoned], you are good. Also, you handled the 'clubbing with guys' thing fairly well. Good job on not overreacting. Now, here is what you do going forward: Minimize the text chitchat and maximize the in-person [possibly romantic/datish venues rather than classroom bench time] interaction. To do that, you call her with a *specific date offer* [and not too in advance like the hockey game in a "few weeks"]. Keep it simple: "I'd love to take you out to 'event' on 'date/time' [stop saying you had a good time the other night, she knows that. don't overdo that line]. Three things can happen: 1. She says yes. 2. She says she can't make it that day but she is free another time 3. She gives you a BS excuse [if you get this twice, without counter availability or offer, it is time to back off]. Oh, and keep your dates 3-4 days apart max. [so you don't lose the momentum from one date to another]. Nothing in 'few weeks' okay? And don't panic or overthink the text reply [she is camping]. Keep your composure, charm, and confidence. I think you are doing alright so far. Good luck.

 

 

Thanks. However I'm still highly concerned she still hasn't got back to me in a day and a half, and she's at best just making me wait.

 

Do I text her back? Leave it alone? What to say next class if she doesn't respond? This is making for an awkward class now and yet another rejection for myself.... I feel really stupid now, any other thoughts?

[todreaminblue]

Thanks. However I'm still highly concerned she still hasn't got back to me in a day and a half, and she's at best just making me wait.

 

Do I text her back? Leave it alone? What to say next class if she doesn't respond? This is making for an awkward class now and yet another rejection for myself.... I feel really stupid now, any other thoughts?

 

i am the queen of feeling stupid so i know how you feel, i dont think camping with a heap of guy friends is something that someone would do who is seriously interested in someone else....or for that matter clubbing with a heap of guy friends..... out with the girls is different...but then i am not into games......i have quite a few guy friends i am single and i dont go out with them to clubs or set up tents with guy friends if there were other women going then maybe like a group thing or organized event.......even then it would be better to be odd numbers......wouldnt go if it were even....to me that is like a recipe that some one has set up and i love camping.....

 

 

 

 

in my opinion it seems like a bit of a game.......and how do you go clubbing and camping where do you plug the hair straightener into a tree or the iron into the porta loo and sandy stillettos ugh nightmare.....and do you actually take the tents with you into the club and check it in at the bag and coat room...sigh...ok i am kidding.......if you really like the girl ....wait for her to get back to you.....i guess........and be prepared for some mixed messages in the future ..at least she was honest she was camping and clubbing......

[princess_peach]

Ask her again in person, next time you see her alone, for a specific date. She will have to give you some kind of answer.

[ellisjp]

Ask her again in person, next time you see her alone, for a specific date. She will have to give you some kind of answer.

 

I'm afraid by then it will be too late. We are both seniors in college. She holds the upper hand by far in this scenario and its making me feel like crap. She's an attractive woman, who went on a little date with me, but she has options everywhere and don't come close. A 48+ hour response to go to the movies is pretty devastating at this point. Idk it feels like I missed the boat once again.....

[Skyraider829]

So...Its only been one day and you're getting worried that she hasn't responded yet?

I think you're letting your mind wander a little too much about this.

 

Screw the texting. Texting blows after about a day. Talk with her in person the next time you see her. Ask if she'd like to get together for a movie or whatever you think she'd like to do.

[Skyraider829]

Oh sorry for the slip-up; Its been two days you say?

 

Have you only been doing the texting thingy with her or have you spoken with her in person? If its a texting ordeal, drop it. Talk with her face to face. Person to person communication is far more formal when it comes to asking someone out.

[bubbaganoosh]

Yeah, she owes you a reply. It's called manners. Period. Look, if she's too busy to take a minuet out of her time camping, clubbing and all that stuff and text you back, then I would leave it alone and find someone else. It's not like she has to jump in a car and drive ten miles down the road to find a pay phone. It doesn't take long to reply with a yes or no. Sounds like she wants to play games. That's all fine and dandy as long as it doesn't involve someone's feelings.

[coolheadal]

Pull in the gut and take a huge deep breath. Be very positive and say this in the mirror: SHE WILL CALL ME OR SHE WILL TEXT ME! Keep saying this in your mind repeatably. This is your intent and you have to stay focus on it. If you start fall apart because you haven't heard back from her after this clubbing and camping trip is does you do good to be negative. This will make you look weak and can't cope with things. Just have to stay-on top of things.

 

Give her space and don't get in the mode as most of us know like smothering or crowding her. That will just push her away and you end up being hurt and unhappy. Can't let this happen.

 

Now more on and watch a comedy show or movie to cheer you up. Got dog take him or her out right. Let us know how you make out with this girl. Stay positive! I wish you the best of luck!

[ellisjp]

Thanks but this seems pretty bleak. Remember we're both seniors in college, she's single so she has plenty of suitors. I'm obviously not on the front burner...

 

So ask her about my text and see her reaction a full 5 days later? Or just let her go about whoever she wants to talk to?...

 

This is main question now....

[Skyraider829]

Confront her face to face and inquire.

 

Texting doesn't carry a motive to reply to someone, you can just let it slide off with no problem more often than not. Talk, don't text.

[sickpuppy]

Ok so I'm really bad with women (never had a gf in my life), please help me out. So I asked out this girl in one of my college classes (both 22yo) after talking and eating lunch together.

 

We went out (tues night) to a nice but casual place for dinner and drinks, had a really good time, she talked a lot and really opened up to me, I mentioned coming to a hockey game with me in a few weeks and she got really excited and wanted to go, and just seemed interested in me. I didn't make a move on her during the date, so idk if that's good or bad.

 

Talked to her next time I'm class. (Thurs afternoon). We talk after class on a bench but I got thrown off a bit when she starts texting--telling me she's going clubbing and camping with her guy friends this weekend. I just say that's cool have fun.

 

As we were leaving I tell her I had a good time with her the other night and we should do something again. She said 'yeah I had fun too, let me know, I'll think about it' (???) She didn't seem cold or dismissive about it, I was really confused though as to what she wanted.

 

Text her Saturday afternoon (she went camping Friday night), I thought about calling but I knew she was working at some point Saturday, and I hate voicemails. And I say 'hey how's your weekend been? I had a good time going out with you to 'name of restaurant' so I was wondering if you were free Monday if you wanted to go to the movies with me?'

 

No response and its been like almost a day. I am actually starting to feel a bit humiliated. I mean we had a good time and I paid for the date, doesn't that warrant some type of response even if 'no'? I actually felt a good connection with this girl and she showed interest, but now I feel like crap. What should I do? I'm afraid I didn't flirt with her enough to see me as a boyfriend and she is just going to hope I get the hint and leave her alone....

 

 

So far so good. Ok. So she hasn't texted back. She may never. Thing is and I need to take my own advice is you need more options. You need to meet more girls.

 

The more girls you meet the more you get better with them. Other girls pick up on it and it seems they can then sense you are "good" with women that way and it makes them want you more as they see you as a challenge. Especially if you are good looking and they can sense others want you.

 

If you come off like you seriously want to spend time with them or you don't have other girls after you. They'll play with you while they look for a "real man".

 

Girls crave drama and gossip that they can "complain" about with their friends. This makes them have "feelings" for a guy. Especially if he makes them worried he doesn't want them. Any guy who is a good person and isn't there to make them feel worried is "boring" and a "nice guy" which translates in their minds to NOT WANTED.

 

You'll see it time and time again the more women you know will "complain" about a guy who even if he treats them like crap they'll think of him as a "good" guy if they have one shred of a good thing he did for them no matter how badly he treats them or even cheated on them. Why? It's the challenge, the "he doesn't need me", he makes me FEEL, I've given myself to him and he still cheats or treats me bad, but he did some nice things at times. I'm in "love" with him.

 

Women love and crave the abuse challenge and will in turn abuse a guy they think is good. No matter what they might claim. This is what they consider a "relationship" these days and the "challenges" to get the payoff of "working for it".

 

You most likely have seen or heard it time and time again. The thing is you have to immediately ignore it.

 

 

Go out, meet more and more women. And ones like this one you've described you simply have to then treat her like she EXPECTS to be treated no matter what words she says otherwise. She'll either come running to you or keep it moving. you won't care at that point as you'll have other women regardless.

 

It's messed up. But that really is the way it is.

[ellisjp]

She came into class and seemed happy to see me, turned around in her chair, crossed legs at me looked me in the eyes, told me about her weekend. I guess she went camping on Friday and Saturday, said it was nice to be out of signal for a change. I didn't even bring it up the text, just put 2+2 together.

 

Well we sit through lecture and afterwards we start talking on the way to her class. This girl really never shuts up, I sometimes can't get a word in edge wise. So I start to re-ask the movie thing, by asking 'so what are you doing Thursday night...' well that starts a whole new conversation and she is busy, has plans with her friends. So as we are getting close to her building, I just say 'hey, my roommate said Rush is a really awesome movie, you should come with me, that's why I asked what you were up to Thursday, but its cool if you have plans' or something along those lines. She says 'yeah I've heard its good too, I'm not sure when though' She is really busy, she told me all about it. But that wasn't a yes and it wasn't a no, so I'm still confused. I didn't push a set date too hard she's got a lot of crap going on this week/weekend and will see her Thursday. I told her good luck on her next test, and she smiled and said good talking to you.

 

So what's going on? Am I getting friendzoned?

 

On one hand she is very comfortable talking to me and we've been out to dinner, I just asked her to the movies, so I'm trying to keep it going. I'm being nice to her and learning about her, but instead of things like 'hey want to study?' or texting her a lot about nothing, I've been asking her to do real things and pretty much leave her alone when she is busy.

 

On the other, she didn't say 'yes!' to the movie, doesn't really chase me at all, and we haven't really had a lot of physical contact.

 

Should I give up before I get hurt chasing her?

[deathandtaxes]

If you enjoy the chase. Chase! Otherwise, it sounds like she's just not that into you. One clear sign that somebody is into you is that they find time to fit you into their schedule.

[ellisjp]

If you enjoy the chase. Chase! Otherwise, it sounds like she's just not that into you. One clear sign that somebody is into you is that they find time to fit you into their schedule.

 

That's why I am so confused. She made time to go out to dinner with me. (Which was exactly a week ago today) She has a lot of legitimate things she's told me about (tests, rents visiting, etc.) so her being busy is at least founded at certain times, and I'm not one to blow up someone's phone or talk about nothing either.

 

But going forward.... Told her she should see a movie with me, not either of our faults she currently has a set schedule for the next few days, but I couldn't read her reaction. It wasn't a 'no thanks' or declination of the offer, but she wasn't over joyed/didn't get an outright yes, and seemed a little surprised IMO. Before we changed subjects she said "I haven't been to see a movie in forever...." which I wasn't able to make much of either

 

So what do I do? Make more concrete plans on Thursday? Wait to see if she does a little work herself? I'm totally lost

 

I just have a bad feeling she doesn't have the cajones to reject me, but once she 'needs too' it will suck really bad because I've been putting work into getting to know her/taking her out.

Edited October 1, 2013 by ellisjp

[deathandtaxes]

Have you said something like "I want to take you out again. When are you available?"

[ellisjp]

Have you said something like "I want to take you out again. When are you available?"

 

I mean yeah. Once I just generally suggested doing something and I didn't get rejected. After her camping trip, suggested seeing a movie with me and got a mixed 'yes'?

 

So please help me. Next class push the movie idea to get a date set? let her do a little work? Or just drop her all together?

[90s kid]

First of all, I'm glad to see a man asking a women out in person. I wish more guys would be that straightforward instead of waiting for women to make the first move (that's been my experience a lot).

 

In my opinion, this girl is playing games with you. You asked her multiple times if she wanted to go out with you, and each time she gives you a "well, maybe...we'll see...." Trust me, a girl that was really interested in you would say yes and clear her schedule to make it happen. My guess is that a) She likes you as a friend and she likes the attention you give her so she wants to keep you around to inflate her ego or b) She feels bad about saying no flat out so she beats around the bush in hopes that you'll get the hint and stop asking her out.

[ja123]

My guess is that a) She likes you as a friend and she likes the attention you give her so she wants to keep you around to inflate her ego or b) She feels bad about saying no flat out so she beats around the bush in hopes that you'll get the hint and stop asking her out.

 

 

I think it's a mix of both A and B.

[ellisjp]

I think it's a mix of both A and B.

 

Well I guess as much as its going to suck, I just have to stop talking to her, starting next class. Not a big deal I suppose, but as a guy whose never managed to get a gf at age 22, it hurts

[Moe'sTavern]

Well I guess as much as its going to suck, I just have to stop talking to her, starting next class. Not a big deal I suppose, but as a guy whose never managed to get a gf at age 22, it hurts

22 came and went for me. It's not a big deal.

[todreaminblue]

I agree with the other posters if you really like someone you clear the day they said they want to take you out....or you even suggest a later movie time or an earlier oen on the same day if you have an important appointment that isnt able to be rescheduled or if you cant reschedule you say i am free on friday how about then?

 

cheers to you for asking anyway shows guts.....deb

[ChessPieceFace]

Generally speaking, when a girl considers you a "man of interest", and you ask her to do something with you, she will bend over backwards and rearrange her entire life to make it happen. So, you're free to assume this girl isn't interested. Go cold for a few weeks anyway. If you want to invite her to one more thing in the future just to be sure, it should be a group event, without implication or pressure. If she declines that, then you can be 100% sure.

 

As for your total lack of experience, you had better get used to the idea that you're going to repeatedly fail before succeeding, and not invest too much emotions in girls who haven't yet invested them in you. If you can't tolerate failure & rejection, may as well find another hobby...

[deathandtaxes]

If you can't tolerate failure & rejection, may as well find another hobby...

 

That's pretty much dating in a nutshell. Gird your loins, sir! Rejection sucks, but it's a fact of life. You won't like it. It hurts. But you know what? It doesn't kill you. You get over it rather quickly.

 

Best way to handle rejection? Find another date!

[Skyraider829]

But going forward.... Told her she should see a movie with me, not either of our faults she currently has a set schedule for the next few days, but I couldn't read her reaction. It wasn't a 'no thanks' or declination of the offer, but she wasn't over joyed/didn't get an outright yes, and seemed a little surprised IMO. Before we changed subjects she said "I haven't been to see a movie in forever...." which I wasn't able to make much of either

 

If she hinted that hasn't seen a movie for a long time, wouldn't that come across with a slight bias in her wanting to catch a flick sometime?

 

You say you are going to quit to talking to her. Did she give you an outright no, or has she made very clear by indirect actions or means that she doesn't want to spend a day out with you?