?!? Does this girl like me or am I about to get rejected? I'm

[mtber75]

Ok so I'm really bad with women (never had a gf in my life), please help me out. So I asked out this girl in one of my college classes (both 22yo) after talking and eating lunch together.

 

We went out (tues night) to a nice but casual place for dinner and drinks, had a really good time, she talked a lot and really opened up to me, I mentioned coming to a hockey game with me in a few weeks and she got really excited and wanted to go, and just seemed interested in me. I didn't make a move on her during the date, so idk if that's good or bad.

 

Talked to her next time I'm class. (Thurs afternoon). We talk after class on a bench but I got thrown off a bit when she starts texting--telling me she's going clubbing and camping with her guy friends this weekend. I just say that's cool have fun.

 

As we were leaving I tell her I had a good time with her the other night and we should do something again. She said 'yeah I had fun too, let me know, I'll think about it' (???) She didn't seem cold or dismissive about it, I was really confused though as to what she wanted.

 

Text her Saturday afternoon (she went camping Friday night), I thought about calling but I knew she was working at some point Saturday, and I hate voicemails. And I say 'hey how's your weekend been? I had a good time going out with you to 'name of restaurant' so I was wondering if you were free Monday if you wanted to go to the movies with me?'

 

No response and its been like almost a day. I am actually starting to feel a bit humiliated. I mean we had a good time and I paid for the date, doesn't that warrant some type of response even if 'no'? I actually felt a good connection with this girl and she showed interest, but now I feel like crap. What should I do? I'm afraid I didn't flirt with her enough to see me as a boyfriend and she is just going to hope I get the hint and leave her alone....

 

Sorry dude but you sound desperate and insecure. First of all stop with the self defecating statements like "I never had a GF in my life!" Hey we all got to start somewhere. You did go out with her so that a good first step... But you lost her interest when you started being unsure about future plans! When she said that she's going camping with her guy friends, she was actually testing you to see if you can counteroffer! You blew it by saying that's cool have fun, that's a complete blow off in her mind! You should of said something like I was hoping that we can hang out the same weekend just the two of us and you have to be specific in your plans. Don't just text her with vagueness like how was your weekend? Call her next time so it will be more sincere. If its a voicemail than leave a message, just make her hear your sincerity!

[ChessPieceFace]

When she said that she's going camping with her guy friends, she was actually testing you to see if you can counteroffer!

 

If that's actually true, then she's playing mind games and he's better off without that BS in his life.

[ellisjp]

For one, thanks for all the replies.

 

To update for the sake of updates sake, here's what happened earlier today. See each other in class, friendly like always. The thing that I just can't wrap my head around athis girl looks at me out of the corner of her eye about 5+ times a class. (Sits right in front of me). She'll look at a 90* angle, and make eye contact with me. I can't be crazy, it happens a lot. Once or twice maybe its me being hopeful, but like every 10-15 min in a 90min class, every class? Its really confusing, I don't understand why. If I would do that to someone who sat behind me, I'd be a creeper. And ESPECIALLY after she didn't jump at the idea to go out again last time we talked.

 

Well I talk with her after class, like always walk to her next one. I even made her start the convo(she did) I didn't say anything first as we left the building. Talk about random stuff, and say hey I'm busy for the most part this weekend but are you free Monday? She says no, has a report due the next day, and I push the movie idea again 'people keep telling me 'rush' is really awesome, you should see it with me some other day' . I get a yeah you told me, I wish I didn't have so much stuff due and tests coming up. I didn't really say anything immediately, and she said sometime though and smiled.... it wasn't awkward or anything afterwards, and are wished each other a good weekend when we got to her next class.

 

Wtf? The looking at me + talking to me + not turning the idea down = why? I don't provide emotional support for her, I talk with her after class, maybe she likes the attention but its not like we are buddies. Is she scared to reject me? Why look at me a bunch? Why try to talk to me?

 

Im not asking her to do anything else for prides sake, but I just do not get this. Keeping up our little walk and talk isn't up my alley either, because its frustrating on my part to be 'friend zoned'.

 

What are you guy's thoughts on this? Now I'm more lost than I was before.

Edited October 3, 2013 by ellisjp

[tlegend]

I can't really say this nicely.

 

You are being led on.

 

As someone mentioned, if she was interested in you romantically, she would make it happen. However, at this time, you are the flavor of the month, and you are giving her attention that she craves.

 

You may not have had a GF by the old age of ...22, but I sure would feel sorry for you if you started with this one.

 

Stop with the one-itus with this girl and go out and talk to more girls. This will 1) get you comfortable speaking to other women with the intention of possibly dating them in the future and 2) get you thinking about the other 4 billion women left to talk to on this planet.

 

Keep this one as a friend. That's all she sees you as.

[Drewx2]

For one, thanks for all the replies.

 

To update for the sake of updates sake, here's what happened earlier today. See each other in class, friendly like always. The thing that I just can't wrap my head around athis girl looks at me out of the corner of her eye about 5+ times a class. (Sits right in front of me). She'll look at a 90* angle, and make eye contact with me. I can't be crazy, it happens a lot. Once or twice maybe its me being hopeful, but like every 10-15 min in a 90min class, every class? Its really confusing, I don't understand why. If I would do that to someone who sat behind me, I'd be a creeper. And ESPECIALLY after she didn't jump at the idea to go out again last time we talked.

 

Well I talk with her after class, like always walk to her next one. I even made her start the convo(she did) I didn't say anything first as we left the building. Talk about random stuff, and say hey I'm busy for the most part this weekend but are you free Monday? She says no, has a report due the next day, and I push the movie idea again 'people keep telling me 'rush' is really awesome, you should see it with me some other day' . I get a yeah you told me, I wish I didn't have so much stuff due and tests coming up. I didn't really say anything immediately, and she said sometime though and smiled.... it wasn't awkward or anything afterwards, and are wished each other a good weekend when we got to her next class.

 

Wtf? The looking at me + talking to me + not turning the idea down = why? I don't provide emotional support for her, I talk with her after class, maybe she likes the attention but its not like we are buddies. Is she scared to reject me? Why look at me a bunch? Why try to talk to me?

 

Im not asking her to do anything else for prides sake, but I just do not get this. Keeping up our little walk and talk isn't up my alley either, because its frustrating on my part to be 'friend zoned'.

 

What are you guy's thoughts on this? Now I'm more lost than I was before.

 

What if she's actually just really busy? Sometimes people are truthful... stop bringing up the movies for a couple weeks and see if she brings it back up. If she's interested in you she'll have to mention that you owe her a movie.

 

Don't fall for her BS..don't give her anything (flirting, compliments, smiley texts ect) unless she actually follows through and goes out with you.

Edited October 3, 2013 by Drewx2

[ellisjp]

I can't really say this nicely.

 

You are being led on.

 

As someone mentioned, if was interested in you romantically, she would make it happen. However, at this time, you are the flavor of the month, and you are giving her attention that she craves.

 

That's what I don't get. Led on to what? What attention? In my observation and experience usually this involves flirting in exchange for something, hanging out platonically, crying on shoulders, in general of course.

 

We went out, we had a good time, she showed it and said so herself. So she keeps eyeing me in class, talking and beating around going out again in an effort to get me to walk/talk with her to her class? Its literally like 10 mins. Why go out with someone and seem to crave his very limited( I don't text her or ask to meet n chit chat in the library or other tiny things) attention?

 

See how this isn't adding up for me? Given the facts I don't understand this at all

[tlegend]

That's what I don't get. Led on to what? What attention? In my observation and experience usually this involves flirting in exchange for something, hanging out platonically, crying on shoulders, in general of course.

 

We went out, we had a good time, she showed it and said so herself. So she keeps eyeing me in class, talking and beating around going out again in an effort to get me to walk/talk with her to her class? Its literally like 10 mins. Why go out with someone and seem to crave his very limited( I don't text her or ask to meet n chit chat in the library or other tiny things) attention?

 

See how this isn't adding up for me? Given the facts I don't understand this at all

 

You are not understanding this because you don't crave attention.

 

If I am wrong, in order to prove me wrong, you would need to ask her out on a proper date. Don't give "somedays" or "maybes". Ask her out on a specific night for specific plans. If that doesn't work, give other options. I have a feeling you will get to Plan D before you figure out she probably doesn't have the intentions of ever actually living up to it.

 

Or.....she could just be playing hard to get. What do you think?

[ellisjp]

I guess my main question is:

 

Keep talking to her or cut it off?

 

I'm not asking her out again. I'd feel bad to just blow her off completely, but I have the balls to ask her out and the where with all to make it an enjoyable evening (and pay) and she decides 'I'm her escort to her next class'. Its emasculating and a bit messed up. But i dont even know for sure if thsts the case I'm like dammed if I do, damned if I don't. Keep talking to her slipping further and further into the friend zone with a girl I wanted to date? or just blow off any attempts to communicate, blatantly if need be?

 

I'm lost

[Skyraider829]

Wtf? The looking at me + talking to me + not turning the idea down = why? I don't provide emotional support for her, I talk with her after class, maybe she likes the attention but its not like we are buddies. Is she scared to reject me? Why look at me a bunch? Why try to talk to me?

 

Why? To venture a guess I would say she's uncertain in regard to what course of action to take. Maybe she's reading your actions and motives as platonic instead of what you really mean by them and that's what is causing the weird and sometimes contradictory behavior on her part.

 

If this whole scenario of what you're describing is bothering you and its getting tiring (as it seems like it is to me) you can always quit "playing along" and tell her politely and formally that you find her interesting and would just like to get know her on her own time. If she can't give you a concrete, black or white answer, then forgo the pursuit. If she comes around and makes it obvious why have given up on the talks and walks, you can then tell her. It could go either way from that point.

[Skyraider829]

I guess my main question is:

 

Keep talking to her or cut it off?

 

I'm not asking her out again. I'd feel bad to just blow her off completely, but I have the balls to ask her out and the where with all to make it an enjoyable evening (and pay) and she decides 'I'm her escort to her next class'. Its emasculating and a bit messed up. But i dont even know for sure if thsts the case I'm like dammed if I do, damned if I don't. Keep talking to her slipping further and further into the friend zone with a girl I wanted to date? or just blow off any attempts to communicate, blatantly if need be?

 

I'm lost

 

Wise idea not to ask her out again. This fiasco seems to be creeping into the zone of unnecessary confusion and there's no need to take it further.

By going silent, that would allow her to refocus and maybe get her own intentions in perspective. Let the noise clear out and if she comes seeking you out, given she isn't the shy, lightly confident or introverted type, then you know she does have a reason for the search.

 

Besides, if you have more important things on your agenda - its sensible not to waste yourself on quasi-successful (if even that) attempts to get her to go subsequent dates.

[clia]

Well I talk with her after class, like always walk to her next one. I even made her start the convo(she did) I didn't say anything first as we left the building. Talk about random stuff, and say hey I'm busy for the most part this weekend but are you free Monday? She says no, has a report due the next day, and I push the movie idea again 'people keep telling me 'rush' is really awesome, you should see it with me some other day' . I get a yeah you told me, I wish I didn't have so much stuff due and tests coming up. I didn't really say anything immediately, and she said sometime though and smiled.... it wasn't awkward or anything afterwards, and are wished each other a good weekend when we got to her next class.

 

The above coupled with her lack of response to your text indicates to me that she is not interested in going out on another date with you. I don't think you need to cut her off completely, but unless you get some actual signs of interest from her, I don't think you should ask her out again. You've now been rejected multiple times and not once has she suggested an alternative. She may well be busy, but if she was really interested in you, she would have responded to your text and come up with a solution to get together again, despite her schedule. People make time for things that are important to them. Just don't worry about it...it's very common to go on a date with someone and not feel the magic...there are many other fish in the sea.

[ellisjp]

Wise idea not to ask her out again. This fiasco seems to be creeping into the zone of unnecessary confusion and there's no need to take it further.

By going silent, that would allow her to refocus and maybe get her own intentions in perspective. Let the noise clear out and if she comes seeking you out, given she isn't the shy, lightly confident or introverted type, then you know she does have a reason for the search.

 

Besides, if you have more important things on your agenda - its sensible not to waste yourself on quasi-successful (if even that) attempts to get her to go subsequent dates.

 

She is sort of shy and quiet around people she doesn't know. First time I talked to her she was more nervous than I was, which adds to my current confusion. But at this point I'm not asking if there's hope, I'm asking why is she acting the way she is.

 

An interesting aside. I talked to one of my good friends who is a girl and she was not amused and was confused herself. She's been in a LTR for awhile so she knows about having to turn guys down who approach/pursue and she had no clue about this. The making eye contact with me made no sense to her. She said if a girl 'liked' you but not like 'that' after going out its kind of a little embarrassing for them when they interact with you again and really wouldn't want to open the door for further opportunities for me. Of course not in a cruel way. but lots of eye contact is one of the most basic IOIs and I have every right to be like wtf? In a totally judgemental sense she said 'this sounds like a girl that one day complains guys ask her out too much one day and then the next day whines to her friends about why she doesn't have a bf' who knows but I chuckled lol

 

Interesting that this even stumped a girl for the most part.

[Skyraider829]

She said if a girl 'liked' you but not like 'that' after going out its kind of a little embarrassing for them when they interact with you again and really wouldn't want to open the door for further opportunities for me. Of course not in a cruel way. but lots of eye contact is one of the most basic IOIs and I have every right to be like wtf? In a totally judgemental sense she said 'this sounds like a girl that one day complains guys ask her out too much one day and then the next day whines to her friends about why she doesn't have a bf' who knows but I chuckled lol

 

Huh...Your friend could be totally right about this. And if she happens to be, it would be smart of you to steer clear out of this one girl's path. If she is the type to complain one day, then whine the next, and repeat the cycle ad infinitum, she would probably be the same in a relationship or with dating. It would be back and forth, back and forth...You get the picture. Anyone I'm sure would get tired of the indecision and cycling between A and B.

[ellisjp]

Well I have anther update haha.

 

So since my last post I did not ask this girl out again. Haven't contacted her outside of class (even though I very rarely did anyways). Just treated her as an in-class female friend. Kept up our little walk and talk thing because well, she likes talking to me and I obliged.

 

Well so today, same stuff as always. After class we joke about how pointless are lecture is, ask her about stuff she's got going on. And then I ask her what she's up to this weekend and she basically says nothing. And asks if 'Do you want to go see that movie tomorrow night' I was a little surprised but said yeah that sounds good. But she was like 'yeah I don't have anything else to do, my blah didn't happen' (interested or literally has 0 to do) and the conversation just flowed from there.

 

About 5 minutes of talking/walking later we got to her class and I told her to hit me up once she free's up tomorrow. She didn't seem super enthusiastic, but since we had a fun/flowing convo I wasn't sure how to read that.

 

So see if she contacts me tomorrow?

 

Or take the initiative and contact her to see what she says? I wouldn't want to seem too desperate ('like omg she finally brought it up')

 

Also, (if we go) she wouldn't just want to go the movies as strictly platonic friends would she? Does that happen often?

 

As always you guys' thoughts and advice is extremely appreciated

[Woop1337]

Waste of your time. She has nothin better to do, so she finally indulged you. And, you agreed, genius! You should've told her you were busy, and asked her on a proper date on a different day.

 

Everyone watches movies together, friends and family. I don't even like bringing girls to the theaters in the beginning. Yall can't interact with one another in there.

 

Well since you agreed already, just tell her the time you'll pick her up. Don't tell me, you guys will meet up there.

 

Ultimately, this was over before it started. You blew it, she liked you enough to go to dinner with you. But, you did something to gradually turn her off. It's over, move on. It's horrible, your going to see this girl in class.

Edited October 11, 2013 by Woop1337