I love her...but she keeps being indifferent

[mr_lonely]

This girl was my crush In the initial 3 years of my collage. She even knew that I like her, but we never talked as I came to know she had a boyfriend that time. I was ok with it and was living my life happily with my friends and studies.

During the last year she suddenly started talking to me during placement days. I and my friends were the brightest students of the institute and hence were placed first and became very famous. She was a pretty fair student but was unable to get placed in any initial companies. She asked me for help and I helped her in every possible way that I could.

 

I even illegally wrote exam for her to get her a job in an mnc. During this period she was very sweet to me and we used to talk a lot and she shares her problems with me and we even talk romantic stuff.

 

But after her getting the job her behaviour suddenly changed. I later found out she has a boyfriend. But when I asked her she said she is not serious about him, so without wasting any more time I proposed her. She said she will think about it but latter she made fun of my feelings and hurt me.

 

We didn't talk for one month, but den I forgive her. She said she has no feelings for me. But still she flirts with me sometimes. I again started helping her with other stuffs.

 

Now she got her job and she never texts and calls me anymore. I miss her a lot. She broke my heart several times but I always end up forgiving her.

 

Is there is something wrong with me. Why I still love her .I always think about her and miss her and it makes me feel like ****.

[sunrise24]

Hi mr_lonely. Welcome to LoveShack.

 

I've been in a somewhat similar relationship to this before. Simply put, she has been taking advantage of you, and you have been letting her. The thing to do here is not to look at it in terms of what is "wrong" with you per se, but to take note of the way your intentions have been manifesting and modify your approach.

 

It's great to help others, but you've been doing so in a way that compromises your integrity without doing anything to fulfill your needs for all the trouble. It's pretty clear that this relationship has been one-sided from the beginning; the reason you miss her nevertheless is simple: emotional attachment.

 

Forgiveness doesn't mean you maintain a relationship with someone per se; it means being able to let go of the pain associated with being wronged, such that you can reflect upon hurtful memories without being weighed down.

 

In this case, as with many other toxic relationships (including the one I went through), No Contact is an effective tool for beginning to move forward from the pain of the past. The pain may last for a while, but it is ultimately temporary; there are other women in the world who will display much more appreciation for you. Trust me; been there, done that.

 

When your emotions feel particularly overwhelming, find ways to let them run their course without resorting back to this toxic relationship; vent as much as you need to. You can always come to LoveShack to receive support and learn about different peoples' experiences that share common ground with yours.

 

Feel free to ask any further questions you may have.

[Polak]

Simply put, you've been had. She was taking advantage of you to get what she wanted. She was using you.

 

Now that you have this knowledge, she shouldn't even be worth it to talk to anymore. Find someone else who actually appreciates you!

[mr_lonely]

Thanx buddy for your advice. Even I understand that this was just a one sided relationship, but what disturbs me is that even after doing so much for her why she is behaving in such a way, why she never felt anything for me, am I so unwanted..?

 

Earlier I used to be very confident and funny guy, but now I kind of lost that confidence. I feel very lonely and it feels as if I am the most unwanted person In this world. :/

[Polak]

Nonsense. You are certainly not the most unwanted person. Here's the deal: some people just don't have a conscience. This girl seems to be one of those people, she used you for her own benefit and even after all the good you showed her she still steps on you like a doormat.

 

So forget about her! What kind of girl is that to date? That's not dating material. Like I said, she shouldn't even be worth it to talk to at this point. Just cause you fell for her a bit, doesn't mean you should lose your previous confidence. That's a small mistake to make. You can get back on track easily!

[wanda51]

Maybe its time for you now to back off.

[mr_lonely]

Hi mr_lonely. Welcome to LoveShack.

 

I've been in a somewhat similar relationship to this before. Simply put, she has been taking advantage of you, and you have been letting her. The thing to do here is not to look at it in terms of what is "wrong" with you per se, but to take note of the way your intentions have been manifesting and modify your approach.

 

It's great to help others, but you've been doing so in a way that compromises your integrity without doing anything to fulfill your needs for all the trouble. It's pretty clear that this relationship has been one-sided from the beginning; the reason you miss her nevertheless is simple: emotional attachment.

 

Forgiveness doesn't mean you maintain a relationship with someone per se; it means being able to let go of the pain associated with being wronged, such that you can reflect upon hurtful memories without being weighed down.

 

In this case, as with many other toxic relationships (including the one I went through), No Contact is an effective tool for beginning to move forward from the pain of the past. The pain may last for a while, but it is ultimately temporary; there are other women in the world who will display much more appreciation for you. Trust me; been there, done that.

 

When your emotions feel particularly overwhelming, find ways to let them run their course without resorting back to this toxic relationship; vent as much as you need to. You can always come to LoveShack to receive support and learn about different peoples' experiences that share common ground with yours.

 

Feel free to ask any further questions you may have.

Thanx man. What should I do if she contacts me again...??

[sunrise24]

What should I do if she contacts me again...??

No Contact. It's that simple.

[jacksonvillae]

When your emotions feel particularly overwhelming, find ways to let them run their course without resorting back to this toxic relationship

[mr_lonely]

Guys I know its idiotic, but sometimes I think why this all happened to me, what was my mistake. .. I try to keep myself busy with work but then suddenly I start thinking that the work I am doing is it worthy. I miss our conversation. I spend time with my other friends and smile, but even that smile is not same as it used to be. Somewhere I just have the feeling that I am not good enough. .:/

[StrongLass]

Somewhere I just have the feeling that I am not good enough. .:/

 

No SHE wasn't good enough, remember? You had to help her cheat her way into a job....

[Criticality]

Why this all happened to you? You let her walk all over you, that's why.

 

Did she take advantage of you? Not really. It's more like you made a deal: Her company and spending time with you, in return for you helping her.

 

Be honest: Would you have done those things for her, if she had weighed 500 pounds and had bad teeth? My guess is no.

 

You were probably hoping that your help might turn into a relationship, in which case your motives for hanging out with her, was just as suspect as hers.

 

The biggest problem was, that she initially parked you in the friend zone, a place that's nearly impossible to get out of, once your there.

 

And now? Instead of taking responsibility (your part) for what happened, you're apparently having a good ol' pity party and being sad for yourself, which accomplishes exactly nothing. Except for insuring that no female finds you attractive. A moping guy full of self pity, no matter how smart or charming, isn't exactly great dating material. So how do we move on from here?

 

1. Man up, take some time off to get over the hurt, and then cut the self pity.

2. My guess is, and I say that because it seems you tried to use your academic skills to get to a girl you were interested in, that you don't have a lot of positive experiences with women, right? In that case you're lucky, because like most other things, you can read up on how to be interesting and attractive to women. In fact just being well rounded intellectually and well read by itself makes you a more interesting partner.

3. Get some exercise and get in shape. Is that being shallow? No, not really. Wouldn't you prefer to have a partner in relatively good shape?

 

And 4: Learn from your mistakes.

Be honest here: She told you she had a boyfriend, right? You chose to ignore that and pointed out that "it wasn't a serious boyfriend" as if there is such a thing.

 

She told you she wasn't interested, right? Instead you kept pushing and hoped she might change her mind, no?

 

Was she flirty? Maybe, maybe not... Maybe that's her natural way of acting around guys, or maybe you misunderstood her. Maybe she did it in order for you to help her, but she told you she wasn't interested, so again, its on you just as much as it is on her. Her intentions (Getting help from that brilliant brain of yours) were as dishonest as yours. (Getting a relationship with her.)