I don't know who I am or where i'm at anymore

[Porridge]

I’ve already told the story of my BPD ex. My time in that relationship is done and I no longer have any feelings for her whatsoever. We officially separated about four months ago although things had really fallen apart long before this due to lies, mistrust, deviousness and a whole lot more on her part.

 

Despite having moved on in that regard though, my head remains so confused. I decided to start dating again last week and have been seeing a lovely girl – she’s gentle, kind, and clearly likes me a lot. This weekend I had my children staying with me and after already seeing this girl a few times, I asked if she wanted to pop over for a couple of drinks after they’d gone to bed. She jumped at the chance and even met my daughter briefly before I took her up. My son, however, was not so welcoming and instead chose to stay upstairs and ask me not to let her stay overnight.

 

The children went to sleep whilst the girl and I relaxed with a few glasses of wine. Unsurprisingly, we were soon getting passionate and one thing lead to another.

 

I did this for a couple of reasons. Firstly, she’s a really nice girl and I don’t see any reason why I wouldn’t generally date her and see how things go. Secondly, I felt that this was part of the process of beginning a new chapter.

 

The whole ‘bedroom experience’ just felt uncomfortable for me though. Her passion and liking to constantly kiss started to make me feel claustrophobic, and the whole event just didn’t excite me. In the end, I claimed a pathetic fake orgasm and just said that I needed to sleep. As I turned to lay down, she began stroking my hair, back etc which would usually be pleasant. It’s something my ex never did but on this particular night, I just didn’t want to be touched anymore and so pretended to have fallen asleep.

 

She ended up leaving a couple of hours later as I didn’t want my kids seeing her the next morning (particularly my son). As nice as she was, there was a strange feeling of relief after she left.

 

Then about 10am this morning I went to have a shower and began thinking of the kids, this woman, life etc. And I don’t know what it was or why, but I just suddenly became overwhelmed by emotion and needed about 30 minutes to let it out and recompose myself.

 

I’ve now taken the kids back to their mother and always get upset after doing this. Now I’m trying to ask myself why and where all of this upset and confusion is coming from.

 

1. Why do I feel happier being alone at the moment? I find women attractive but seem to become uncomfortable if they invade my space.

 

2. Why do I feel that I’m letting down my children by dating anybody else?

 

3. Why am I suddenly intolerant to other people’s problems? I’ve always been the emotional support for people but have suddenly grown a cynical side. This girl I’ve dated started telling me about a past relationship where she suffered domestic violence. And my thought? It was pretty much “oh ffs, I’m sick to the back teeth of always having to be the shoulder to cry on. Why can’t I just meet somebody who isn’t needy and a damn victim of something?” I’m not proud of that but I think the BPD ex has taken away all of my empathy.

 

I guess I just don’t have the energy or inclination to put effort into anybody else at the moment.

 

Sorry that this is a strange post. I guess I just wanted to write down what I’m feeling. If you have any comments I’d love to hear them.

[Hursty]

I know what you mean about lack of tolerance for others problems, I'm usually very caring etc but since the start of our marriage break down I just can't be bothered with others problems, I'm putting it down to my bodies natural way of dealing with every thing and telling me to put myself first for a change!

 

As for the way you felt around her, the passion is unlikely to be the same as with your ex as you have deeper emotion with a long term partner, it's not just attraction. Maybe you need to give yourself a bit more time, just go out and have a few dates nothing serious and try to avoid anything to intimate just find someone you enjoy spending time with, that would be my advice anyway!

 

Good luck!

[M30USA]

Porridge,

 

I agree with the previous poster. Maybe it's good that you had this experience with that nice girl. It shows that you're maybe not ready yet. Afterall, recovering from a BPD relationship takes longer than average, so don't beat yourself up. I think it's normal to want to be alone. We need to be alone sometimes to help ourselves sort through our feelings and what we want out of life. Even Jesus frequently had alone time. This is partly why he remained so dedicated to his purpose. I think for now you need to keep dating light, if you even date at all. Maybe it might be better to hold off for now. I am currently in the same boat. It's been a year since my divorce with a BPDer. I have come a long way. I'm beginning to get some pep back. I've done a bit of flirting with girls at work. It's nice to experience this lightness with the potential for a relationship, but I still enjoy being single right now. I think with time you and I will both have more clarity. Above all else, at least we've gotten a little wiser about what type of woman not to pick. Hopefully?

Edited September 29, 2013 by M30USA

[Porridge]

I know what you mean about lack of tolerance for others problems, I'm usually very caring etc but since the start of our marriage break down I just can't be bothered with others problems, I'm putting it down to my bodies natural way of dealing with every thing and telling me to put myself first for a change!

 

As for the way you felt around her, the passion is unlikely to be the same as with your ex as you have deeper emotion with a long term partner, it's not just attraction. Maybe you need to give yourself a bit more time, just go out and have a few dates nothing serious and try to avoid anything to intimate just find someone you enjoy spending time with, that would be my advice anyway!

 

Good luck!

 

Thanks Hursty. I think you're right - when life is going smoothly it's rewarding to support other people. But on the rare occasion that you're trying to sort out your own house, other people's efforts at grabbing attention just come across selfish and annoying.

 

I don't do 'needy'. I lick my own wounds and walk alone through periods like this. That's just the way I am.

 

 

 

Porridge,

 

I agree with the previous poster. Maybe it's good that you had this experience with that nice girl. It shows that you're maybe not ready yet. Afterall, recovering from a BPD relationship takes longer than average, so don't beat yourself up. I think it's normal to want to be alone. We need to be alone sometimes to help ourselves sort through our feelings and what we want out of life. Even Jesus frequently had alone time. This is partly why he remained so dedicated to his purpose. I think for now you need to keep dating light, if you even date at all. Maybe it might be better to hold off for now. I am currently in the same boat. It's been a year since my divorce with a BPDer. I have come a long way. I'm beginning to get some pep back. I've done a bit of flirting with girls at work. It's nice to experience this lightness with the potential for a relationship, but I still enjoy being single right now. I think with time you and I will both have more clarity. Above all else, at least we've gotten a little wiser about what type of woman not to pick. Hopefully?

 

Thanks M30USA - we've been in similar situations and it means a lot that you've watched my back on this site, as I am yours.

 

Your comments are relevant to what I was thinking. Becoming indifferent to an ex partner doesn't necessarily mean that you've addressed all the surrounding issues that can affect your well-being and ability to leave a stage in your life behind.

 

For example, a woman may have suffered violence from an ex and be relieved that he's gone for good. But she would still have psychological scars and that might stop her from entering relationships long after she'd disconnected from the abusive ex.

 

My ex was never violent, but she was cunning, devious, a compulsive liar, and has left a financial mess for me to sort. When I picture an ideal partner at the moment, the following comes up in my head:

 

- Pretty

- Cheeky

- Confident

- Independent

- Not too intense

 

When I put that together, it's clear that I'd like to meet someone who is fun and makes me smile, but for the moment isn't going to invade my comfort zone and be a burden.

 

It's a confusing time. I think to an extent you and Hursty are right - perhaps I am in fact happy alone and need to keep it like that for a few more months. On the the other hand, the hormones are still working and so the urge still hits!

[keepontruckin]

It is clear that you have to remain single, and become happy being single.

 

Only once you don't care anymore, comes what you are looking for...

[M30USA]

Thanks Hursty. I think you're right - when life is going smoothly it's rewarding to support other people. But on the rare occasion that you're trying to sort out your own house, other people's efforts at grabbing attention just come across selfish and annoying.

 

I don't do 'needy'. I lick my own wounds and walk alone through periods like this. That's just the way I am.

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks M30USA - we've been in similar situations and it means a lot that you've watched my back on this site, as I am yours.

 

Your comments are relevant to what I was thinking. Becoming indifferent to an ex partner doesn't necessarily mean that you've addressed all the surrounding issues that can affect your well-being and ability to leave a stage in your life behind.

 

For example, a woman may have suffered violence from an ex and be relieved that he's gone for good. But she would still have psychological scars and that might stop her from entering relationships long after she'd disconnected from the abusive ex.

 

My ex was never violent, but she was cunning, devious, a compulsive liar, and has left a financial mess for me to sort. When I picture an ideal partner at the moment, the following comes up in my head:

 

- Pretty

- Cheeky

- Confident

- Independent

- Not too intense

 

When I put that together, it's clear that I'd like to meet someone who is fun and makes me smile, but for the moment isn't going to invade my comfort zone and be a burden.

 

It's a confusing time. I think to an extent you and Hursty are right - perhaps I am in fact happy alone and need to keep it like that for a few more months. On the the other hand, the hormones are still working and so the urge still hits!

 

Agreed on the "not too intense" part.

[tojaz]

1. Why do I feel happier being alone at the moment? I find women attractive but seem to become uncomfortable if they invade my space.

Probably because your not ready yet, or things are moving a little faster then your really prepared for. You've been through a lot of trauma here, and it's going to take you some time to heal and to regroup. Spending time alone will allow you to do that. Even though this girl sounds great, opening yourself up to a new relationship is always a risk to you emotionally.

 

2. Why do I feel that I’m letting down my children by dating anybody else?

Probably in part because there is still connection to the STBX and after committing yourself to someone for that long, the thought of someone new will feel alien for awhile. Add to that your sons chilly response to her, and it's not exactly a winning formula.

 

3. Why am I suddenly intolerant to other people’s problems? I’ve always been the emotional support for people but have suddenly grown a cynical side. This girl I’ve dated started telling me about a past relationship where she suffered domestic violence. And my thought? It was pretty much “oh ffs, I’m sick to the back teeth of always having to be the shoulder to cry on. Why can’t I just meet somebody who isn’t needy and a damn victim of something?” I’m not proud of that but I think the BPD ex has taken away all of my empathy.

 

You said you were always the emotional support for people, but now you find yourself in a situation where YOU need the support. You can't shore someone else up if you yourself are at risk of falling.

 

This is all normal stuff Porridge, and it's all part of the healing process. Just tell the girlfriend where your heads at, and that things might be a little awkward for awhile, and just let things slow down for awhile. If it's right it will pick up it's on momentum when your ready for it.

 

TOJAZ

[Porridge]

I really appreciate that post Tojaz. It can be a scary time. I'm lucky in that I seem to attract girls fine but then there's this part of me that doesn't want them. And then I start thinking 'am I becoming undatable?', 'am I deciding to spend the rest of my life alone?', 'why am I pushing people away?'.

 

It's good to hear that other people go through this and i think you're right, the new girl's intensity is putting me off. I need to lay it straight with her, although she'll probably claim I just used her for sex which actually isn't the case at all.

 

Ho-hum - it's just a big ride really isn't it. Gotta enjoy it - i'll be the one advising somebody else in the same boat in years to come!

[secondfailure]

I really appreciate that post Tojaz. It can be a scary time. I'm lucky in that I seem to attract girls fine but then there's this part of me that doesn't want them. And then I start thinking 'am I becoming undatable?', 'am I deciding to spend the rest of my life alone?', 'why am I pushing people away?'.

 

It's good to hear that other people go through this and i think you're right, the new girl's intensity is putting me off. I need to lay it straight with her, although she'll probably claim I just used her for sex which actually isn't the case at all.

 

Ho-hum - it's just a big ride really isn't it. Gotta enjoy it - i'll be the one advising somebody else in the same boat in years to come!

 

I hear ya. There is this lady who likes me who has no kids in the house, makes herown money and I get scared everytime I talk to her. I enjoy her company but I feel like I am so not ready for that, but like you said my hormones march to a different beat..

[Misadventure]

Porridge..because it's too soon, hun.

 

I know how you feel.. you are getting attention..you want to be able to want someone again, feel wanted, have that companionship..but yet.. its not what you are used to.. what you have known.. and honestly its just too soon.

 

It's ok to "get it all out"... its like you don't know who you are in that "passionate" way anymore.. you don't feel whole... you don't feel like yourself.. you wonder if you will ever be able to in that way again..to ever really date again...feel that real warmth again...connect on every level again..

 

I don't know...but people here have gone through it and come out the other side... it takes time.. if you rush things... you may not come out for the better or even hinder the process.. take it slow.

 

And even be honest with the girl and let her know you need to go slow and back things off.

[Porridge]

Porridge..because it's too soon, hun.

 

I know how you feel.. you are getting attention..you want to be able to want someone again, feel wanted, have that companionship..but yet.. its not what you are used to.. what you have known.. and honestly its just too soon.

 

It's ok to "get it all out"... its like you don't know who you are in that "passionate" way anymore.. you don't feel whole... you don't feel like yourself.. you wonder if you will ever be able to in that way again..to ever really date again...feel that real warmth again...connect on every level again..

 

I don't know...but people here have gone through it and come out the other side... it takes time.. if you rush things... you may not come out for the better or even hinder the process.. take it slow.

 

And even be honest with the girl and let her know you need to go slow and back things off.

 

Thanks Misadventure. Here's where I got things wrong - I hear a lot about people who are still hung up on their ex's and struggle to let go. I'm being honest here - I do not have that! The shenanigans this year just flicked a switch and I have no feeling or will to connect with the ex whatsoever.

 

So I then thought, 'well if you're over the ex then you're ready to move on and meet other people'. But that's where i'm realising this isn't always the case. Being over an ex is one thing but having had time to find yourself is another. That's where I clearly am right now.

 

Not many people around me seem to understand this. It almost seems the norm amongst some to jump into new relationships in order to leave the previous one behind. Even my mother and father seem to be of the 'find somebody else' opinion but that's just not what I need. It's suffocating, and right now I need liberating.

[hayewils]

Ive been in this just over 6 months and I can say that I do not have the urge to date or anything. I have become perfectly content with being single. just myself and my 16 yr old son who isn't around that much.. I remember my first car too..LOL

what I have found about myself is that I do not find any other women attractive to me at all. I look, ive looked at dating sites out of curiousity, but I do not have it in me at all to date. That's just me right now.

Ive come to a place where there is only one thing that interests me..

That is taking care of myself and my son. I want to get my life back in order and then maybe.. otherwise I just want to take care of me. One day itll come but im in no hurry and I will not rush things.

I know people all heal at different rates.. some jump right into dating and avoid the pain all together. I don't want to do that cause it isn't fair to anyone I meet. I did a lot of wacky stuff when I went thru my first divorce.. had a lot of fun but I look back and go "WOW", what an idiot.. LOL

I don't want to go thru that again. I want to work on me and that's it for now.

[hayewils]

and by the way.

Im feeling damn good about myself again.. finally

[Porridge]

Good for you Haye. Some people can't contemplate being single and so struggle to understand others who are happy to be so. I personally think it's a sign of strength, and those who run to others are often exhibiting insecurities.

[Misadventure]

Porridge I think you may need just to "do you" for a while... may hang out with people.. females.. but you may not be ready for intimacy.

 

That is ok.

 

You may not want any of it for awhile... and that is ok...go at your own pace. You would not have known you weren't ready for it until this happened...now you know. Just be honest with the girl though, don't let her be collateral damage. But also let her know you like her company but you can't and won't make any promises about anything including intimacy or anything else just being around her...

 

Sometimes it's ok "just to hang".

[tojaz]

I really appreciate that post Tojaz. It can be a scary time. I'm lucky in that I seem to attract girls fine but then there's this part of me that doesn't want them. And then I start thinking 'am I becoming undatable?', 'am I deciding to spend the rest of my life alone?', 'why am I pushing people away?'.

 

It's good to hear that other people go through this and i think you're right, the new girl's intensity is putting me off. I need to lay it straight with her, although she'll probably claim I just used her for sex which actually isn't the case at all.

 

It's funny how that works porridge. I think I was at my most desirable when I was at my least available. Things will balance out in time, and your still early in the healing process. Your also way ahead of the curve in that your not jumping head first into a relationship without thinking about these things.

 

Don't take my advice to mean that you should cut her loose, just lay your cards on the table and tell her that while you like her, you need to dial things back a notch, let your head and your heart catch up to her. She will most likely appreciate your honesty. If she does fly off the handle then be glad you dodged that particular bullet early on.

 

 

Ho-hum - it's just a big ride really isn't it. Gotta enjoy it - i'll be the one advising somebody else in the same boat in years to come!

 

I don't know if enjoy is the word, but you don't really get a choice in the matter, but one of the side benefits IS that you get to make someone elses ride a little easier down the road.

 

TOJAZ

[trippi1432]

Porridge - From a woman's perspective (and experience), please do be honest with your feelings with her if your head and heart aren't there. The worst thing to do is to make your lack of feelings be about her, or something she has done wrong when truly, you are emotionally unavailable at this time. Respect the fact that perhaps her feelings for you are because she has seen something good in you, a gentle nature, a good father, a good man. Perhaps you don't see these things in yourself due to your situation, but sometimes we have to see ourselves as other's see us.

 

If you make it about her "intensity", she will feel used for just sex. If you truly are emotionally unavailable at this time because of your situation, take some time to yourself before dating again because these feelings will only continue to repeat until you have them sorted out.

 

Good luck.

[Porridge]

I hear you all and take on board what you're saying. I would never want to hurt anybody and so will be as straight and tactful as I can.

 

She's in fact messaging me right now and is so lovely. I genuinely like her and see so many attributes that I yearned for in my previous relationship. Unfortunately, the timing seems to be wrong. Such a shame.

[Misadventure]

You can still hang out with her.. just be up front about where your head is at and that you cannot promise anything and not to have any expectations except friendship because that's all you can offer, but that you do like spending time with her.. and thats all that you know.. and you need to baby step things and just be "you" for awhile.

[Porridge]

Guys, I wanted to thank you for your advice. This is how I handled matters in the end....

 

After reading on here, I sent new girl a message which explained my position. It basically said that while I had no hang-ups about my previous relationship, I was still in a process of finding my independence, coming to terms with changes in my life, getting over ex's emotionally abusive behavior etc. To sum it up, I said that I liked her, would like to hang out more, but I didn't want any pressure or expectation on things. It needed to be slow and almost friend-like for a while.

 

New girl messaged me back explaining that she was also getting over various difficulties from her own failed relationship and that she totally understood. She was more than happy to turn things down a notch and would 'do whatever I did and would be there when I was ready'.

 

I know that was intended as a kind remark but it still concerned me a bit. What does she mean by 'when i'm ready?'. It's like she still has full intentions of taking it further regardless of what was agreed. That's not quite what i wanted - my hope was that she'd also concentrate on being friends too. Anyway, perhaps I was reading too much into all this.

 

Yesterday I had a function to attend with some people i'd worked with. It was a 'bring a partner' sort of event so I asked her if she'd like to come for a few drinks and just to enjoy a chilled out evening. She jumped at the chance. Again, all very nice but her eagerness was still flashing warning lights in my head. Once again though, perhaps it's just me being sensitive and having barriers from the previous relationship. Oh what the heck, let's go have a good evening!

 

Now this is what pretty much happened. I noticed that new girl was unbelievably shy around people she doesn't know - shy to the point where I found it a little embarrassing and uncomfortable. People would greet and talk to her but she would turn her head and barely respond. A professional photographer was also at the event who she had a major issue with and looked horrified any time she saw a flash. When going to the bathroom, people in there would comment 'she doesn't say much does she' and i'd have to explain that it was fear rather rudeness.

 

But it wasn't just the shyness that was the problem. The greater issue was that due to the shyness, she got over-bearing on me. She was constantly shoving her hand down the back of my pants, almost so I wouldn't wander off and leave her alone. Then she began trying to pull me to corners to start making out and was also asking if we could go home for an early night. This was going against everything that we'd said.

 

In the end I got her a taxi home as she'd got overly drunk anyway. As I woke up this morning, I realised that this one isn't for me. I think I said this before, but the sort of people that inspire me at the moment are those with their own opinions, a sense of pride, positivity, and confidence.

 

New girl was lovely in so many ways but she's very needy. Her social skills and confidence are so low, and in turn she leans heavily on her prospective partner and becomes way too intense despite saying she wouldn't. I've dealt with that enough over the years and don't want it anymore. I'm sure there are lots of insecure guys who'd love a woman to worship their every move, but for me it's all a bit uncomfortable and...well.....weird.

 

It's all a good experience though. The failures are just as important as the successes and if i'm quite honest, i'm quite excited about continuing the dating scene and taking things at my own pace.

 

It's all good!!

[Monodare1]

I'm in a similar position, I split with my wife 4 months ago, but I've decided not to date as that's how I met the wife, split with a fiancé of almost 4 years and was back in another long term relationship after just 5 months and ended up marrying her! Only for that relationship to fall on its backside. I've decided to give myself some space and time to heal and develop, bit of me time so I can concentrate on learning to drive, maybe get a better paid job, save for Christmas for my little one etc. I'm starting to feel that maybe taking my time might allow me to meet someone more suited to me rather than rushing in and regretting it afterwards.

[Oberfeldwebel]

New girl messaged me back explaining that she was also getting over various difficulties from her own failed relationship and that she totally understood. She was more than happy to turn things down a notch and would 'do whatever I did and would be there when I was ready'.

 

I know that was intended as a kind remark but it still concerned me a bit. What does she mean by 'when i'm ready?'. It's like she still has full intentions of taking it further regardless of what was agreed. That's not quite what i wanted - my hope was that she'd also concentrate on being friends too. Anyway, perhaps I was reading too much into all this.

 

Dude you need to take a deep breath and slow down. You have been around this weird chick for so long you are over analyzing this situation. There is nothing wrong with what she said or how she said it to you. It appears that you are inadvertently projecting ex's behavior on to this lady. All she said is take your time. If you don't want to date don't, no sweat. I would suggest that when you date, don't be intimate with the kids in the house. As you already know, they can walk in on the middle of the action. Also be careful with son and introducing others to him.

[Porridge]

I'm in a similar position, I split with my wife 4 months ago, but I've decided not to date as that's how I met the wife, split with a fiancé of almost 4 years and was back in another long term relationship after just 5 months and ended up marrying her! Only for that relationship to fall on its backside. I've decided to give myself some space and time to heal and develop, bit of me time so I can concentrate on learning to drive, maybe get a better paid job, save for Christmas for my little one etc. I'm starting to feel that maybe taking my time might allow me to meet someone more suited to me rather than rushing in and regretting it afterwards.

 

I think you've got your decision-making spot on Mono. I also like my independence and have other things that I would prefer to give priority to. If i'm honest though, I spend so much time on my own and it obviously gets very lonely and boring.

 

Your point about letting fate bring you to someone more naturally is exactly how I think - that situation where you get to know somebody on a personal level well before the romantic feelings begin to surface. It seems limited to Hollywood movies these days - everyone's on dating sites these days trying to suss a person based on a photo and 200 words.

 

 

 

Dude you need to take a deep breath and slow down. You have been around this weird chick for so long you are over analyzing this situation. There is nothing wrong with what she said or how she said it to you. It appears that you are inadvertently projecting ex's behavior on to this lady. All she said is take your time. If you don't want to date don't, no sweat. I would suggest that when you date, don't be intimate with the kids in the house. As you already know, they can walk in on the middle of the action. Also be careful with son and introducing others to him.

 

You make some valid points, although I think my issue with this latest girl was her invading my space with her intensity rather than concerns about her motives.

 

Has history made me stronger or more paranoid? Probably both to an extent - I'm way less tolerant of certain behaviours but that probably hinders me as well as protects me.

 

Sure, I have issues. Of course I do, i've just found that the ex received a suspended prison sentence today. I'm still bewildered how someone I knew for so many years was capable of such despicable crimes. But i'm doing the right thing - i'm establishing my independence, my confidence, i'm meeting people, i'm doing what I need to do to move on with my life and i'm enjoying it. It sure as hell beats sitting indoors moping and feeling sorry for myself.

 

No worries re kids. I won't be letting anyone else near them for a long time.

[trippi1432]

Porridge - Just a small bit of advice if it helps, don't rush the sexual intimacy. I believe you stated that you had only been seeing this woman a week before you had intercourse (which felt awkward to you). If you want a woman with her own opinions, a sense of pride and confidence, then you have to work on getting to know a woman in ways other than sexually. Understandably, men tend to rush this part as a way of healing, but if you don't want to end up with the same type of woman as before, it's okay to slow down and get to know a woman in intimate ways without sex. (I've read your story and yes, your stbxw is a piece of work for sure.)

 

I've heard a lot of stories about pulling dates from dating sites, I'm sure other's can share their experiences. Myself, I had a guy once who was talking marriage by the 3rd week before we had even gone on our first date. I put him in the file 13 basket pretty quick as he was very intense about that and not really trying to get to know me as a person. I'm pretty sure I dodged a bullet on that one.

 

History does have a lot to do with how you will see future relationships and how you will determine your future partner. This girl's social awkwardness, while not for you in a partner, is just who she is. The other part of the what happened, pushing sex to get out of there....there is the tolerance limit, I totally agree with you on that one.

 

The last thing we want to wind up with is someone that is like our ex, it's a process to choose wisely the next time. Never a reason to rush, take your time.

[Porridge]

Thank you Trippi - I do note your 'likes' to posts and it's clear that you keep up to date with everyone's stories.

 

New girl text a little while ago in melodromatic fashion, claiming she'd just had a major fight with her ex. It's things like this which push me away at the moment. I've seen these stories done before - they're often tales to grab attention and get the 'oh no, you poor thing, are you ok?' response. I've had ten years of that and can't be done with any more. Not nice if she's genuinely having problems with her ex but she needs to confide in friends and family if that's the case.

 

Overall this was a good experience even though it didn't work out. It served to remind me that i'm quite happy on my own and not ready to start taking on other people's c**p!