Giving your number out to strangers/assertiveness

[goldengirl11]

I guess what prompted me to write this thread tonight, was because whilst on a train this evening on my own and when the carriage was now quiet i.e it was just me and this bloke there (after all the busiest stops had passed), he turned to me and asked if I fancied a chat. I hesitated and then asked what he wanted to chat about, when I politely agreed to (even though secretly I didn't really want to).

 

He sat opposite me with a bottle of beer asking about my day and what I did for a living etc, when he said that I seemed very reserved, as if I didn't want to chat. I then felt a bit more relaxed, when he brought his Mrs into the conversation. He did ask me in a roundabout way if I was married, when he was surprised that I wasn't. I was due to soon get off when he asked for his no., but I suggested I took his instead. He said that he would take ages to find it, so felt a bit pushed then to give him mine, which I didn't feel comfortable with. Perhaps I was being polite, but at the same time was flattered.

 

A bit later when the train came to my stop, the train doors wouldn't open, so had to stay on to the next which was his, when the doors wouldn't open again (all quite scary). He then found a member of staff who apologised - he forgot to push the button to open the doors at the stops in two of the carriages! When we got off the train, he offered to wait until I got another train/cab, but I assured him that I'd be fine. Was relieved to then see a small group of girls who were waiting for a cab, coincidentally near where I lived. He then said that he could give me his no. now (funny that), but had to get into the cab then, when he said he would text me in the morning. He also gave me £10 for fare and suggested I gave him a guided tour soon of my town.

 

I'm now nervous though when he'll probably contact me and am thinking of ignoring it, as I guess one of us could've said/typed the no. down wrong. It's not the first time I've been in a similar situation re giving out my no. when I've not been comfortable too, so would love to feel a bit less of a people pleaser at times. Perhaps this is because I'm not in a relationship though, which I think would build my confidence up a bit more tbh and wouldn't care so much about people liking me so much maybe.

 

I also recall one time when I was staying round a male friend's place two years ago, when we were having some drinks which he'd suggested before going to bed (his bed as he said that all his friends who stay over sleep in his bed). Later he said that I wasn't going to bed until I'd finished the drinks left on the table meant for me, which I laughed off and said I'd had quite enough. I ended up giving in though.

 

Sorry for rambling message!

[todreaminblue]

the guy doesn't sound right avoid him......your gut is right.....best wishes...deb

[goldengirl11]

the guy doesn't sound right avoid him......your gut is right.....best wishes...deb

 

Thanks. Was meant to say he asked for my no. not his! Lol.

[whichwayisup]

when he brought his Mrs into the conversation. He did ask me in a roundabout way if I was married, when he was surprised that I wasn't. I was due to soon get off when he asked for his no., but I suggested I took his instead. He said that he would take ages to find it, so felt a bit pushed then to give him mine, which I didn't feel comfortable with. Perhaps I was being polite, but at the same time was flattered.

 

The fact the guy is married didn't come into your head? Why not just say, "sorry, I don't date or get involved with married men. I'm sure your wife wouldn't appreciate this at all.

 

Don't answer. This is trouble in the making. Forget being flattered, sorry it isn't flattering when a MM hits on a single woman.

 

Work on learning to not care what complete strangers think. Really, now you did something you're not totally comfortable with, to make him happy and not feel disappointed or let down?

[goldengirl11]

The fact the guy is married didn't come into your head? Why not just say, "sorry, I don't date or get involved with married men. I'm sure your wife wouldn't appreciate this at all.

 

Don't answer. This is trouble in the making. Forget being flattered, sorry it isn't flattering when a MM hits on a single woman.

 

Work on learning to not care what complete strangers think. Really, now you did something you're not totally comfortable with, to make him happy and not feel disappointed or let down?

 

Thanks. No, I don't want a(nother) MM experience!!

[SOB86]

Funny, I just made a topic about being more assertive and asking for strangers' numbers. So far it isn't working for me.

[FitChick]

You've already had an affair with a married man, so you obviously didn't learn your lesson.

 

I also recall one time when I was staying round a male friend's place two years ago, when we were having some drinks which he'd suggested before going to bed (his bed as he said that all his friends who stay over sleep in his bed). Later he said that I wasn't going to bed until I'd finished the drinks left on the table meant for me, which I laughed off and said I'd had quite enough. I ended up giving in though.

 

You sound like a doormat.

[goldengirl11]

You've already had an affair with a married man, so you obviously didn't learn your lesson.

I'm sorry but I don't agree with this. I am NOT going to get involved i.e sexually/romantically with a married man again, so only as friends. Nevertheless, I was having doubts anyway for some reason regarding this man I met on the train last night. I haven't responded to his text this morning and won't.

[goldengirl11]

You sound like a doormat.

No, I don't think I am to be honest. Although perhaps excluding that one occasion re the friend I had stayed with.

[goldengirl11]

Funny, I just made a topic about being more assertive and asking for strangers' numbers. So far it isn't working for me.

 

Wishing you luck. Will now look for your thread!

[HorseLuck]

I was that girl for awhile. You need to learn how to stop doing that. It isn't safe nor smart. If you're not comfortable, you don't have to give in to the request of that person just to get out of the situation by appeasing him. If you're not interested you simply say "No thanks, I'm not interested." "No thanks, I don't give my number out." You don't owe him any explanation further than that. Make up something if you need to, but it's best to be direct. Don't give them an answer they can work around.

 

If you were fearful for your life, thought he was going to cause harm, I could understand. It seems as if you weren't though.

 

You will run into loons with bad intentions. I'm serious. Men see you as an easy target that way to take advantage of, especially if you're giving off the vibe you're not comfortable but give out your number anyway.