What do you do with this???

[oliviah]

Ok, MM and I had a 1 year EA and a very nice 6 week PA. Known him for 10 years. The night of D-day he told me plans for the future. We never had the conversation on how to proceed if we were caught. We did not have time. After Dday he was ready to leave his wife, I did not pressure, he said he chose me. Two weeks (I know not enough time after 35 year marriage) he said he chose his family (after a pressure from me). Kids are grown, phenoms who are all in med school. Amazing kids. The MM and BW bond on the highest level about their kids but the rest is much is lacking. None of his kids live at home.

 

Here is where the complication comes in......the PA developed during a law related matter that we were both involved in. Very secretive, It is not against us but against a lot of other entities. It could be a significant amount of money. He signed it all over to me! Before and after d-day I begged him to decline from the case or to take his share or to give it to charity whatever!!!! I would rather not look like a leech and his happiness does mean a lot to me. He has been my true friend for years. I don't think his wife knows much about this and I know that she does not know about the financial agreement. This is an extremely risky case that could have effects in both of our careers. He has continued for the last 8 months to pursue the case but has been in NC with me except for the case and work. He is very introverted. I know he is trying to give his marriage the best shot possible and I admire him for this. I miss him, love him and I hate myself for everything that has happened but I love him more than any man on earth. Not a puppy crush, I have three kids who are grown and am quite successful myself. I know what real love is.

 

So hard to figure out the motives. I work with him and his friends on a low contact basis. I would rather have him than all the money....he is my match! What to do? I am perplexed. I was his second. I think he is scared. In his mind, this is not what you should do. He has been married since 22 and both are very successful.

 

This whole thing leaves me in a painful limbo. Any thoughts?

[whereamigoing]

There really is nothing for you to do. It's up to him and so far it would appear he's made his choice. The decision you need to make is whether you should wait for him or makes moves in your life to get beyond this. Focus on your own happiness because than it won't matter what he does.

 

Regarding the money...it sounds like guilt money to me, like a payoff . Use it. Save it. Spend it. Or, better yet, donate his portion in his name to a charity.

[thecharade]

Remember, him loving you is separate from doing what is best. Staying M is logical, fair, and responsible. The end. He has shelved his feelings for you as a weakness, and that is how it is with men. Very practical.

 

But I am sure he loves you as you love him.

 

The money sounds tricky. Do you need legal advice on this? Then get it. Can you keep it but leave it untouched? In case of fallout? Maybe that would work for now.

 

good luck