organizedchaos Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 (edited) I've posted about my BU before, but briefly: together almost 3 years, BU 2 months ago due to GIGS I'm thinking. I just turned 42, divorced with a 10yr old boy who she's been involved with. She's about to turn 33. Said she didn't know what she wants. Needs space, etc. She said she didn't know where the relationship was going and thought I didn't want or need a family again (my fault too, we never really addressed it). It has come up at various points in the past. However, after BU I did give it serious thought and during a dinner told her I saw a future and family with her. We had LC up until 2 weeks ago when I went NC. Even during LC there were periods of time where we didn't contact each other. I did try talking with her, seeing her, we both love each other very much and had a great relationship overall. I treated her like a queen. But I finally realized it's best to give her all the space she wants and not contact or push her anymore. No contact in two weeks but she's still liking various photos I post on Instagram. I removed her from FB (told her I was doing this when we initially broke up) but we remain connected on Instagram. Once I went NC I stopped liking or commenting any photo of hers. I don't have a problem being connected with her on there but not sure why, even as of today, she continues to like various photos I post? I am in NC for the long haul, she has a bday in two weeks which I'm not going to text her on either. I would love to reconnect tho, but realize that may never come. So do I infer anything from these likes? Edited September 30, 2013 by organizedchaos Link to post Share on other sites
Ordinaryday Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 Why haven't you removed her from all social media??? Anyway, it is just classic breadcrumbs, and nothing more. She doesn't want you back but for whatever reason she is feeling kind of guilty about giving you the boot and she wants to know that things are 'okay' between the two of you. This is not cos she wants you back or is having second thoughts, it is simply because she is feeling guilty and she wants to get some sort of message/acknowledgement from you that things are 'okay' between you two and once she gets that she will be able to sleep easier at night and she will disappear completely from your life. don't fall for it, it is class post-dumper behaviour - ALL of my dumpers did it to me at one time or another. came back with a 'like' or a 'how are you?' type email and once I responded back politely they completely disappeared (I was younger and ignorant back then and didnt realise I was simply getting breadcrumbs, so I responded - never again). Don't fall for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author organizedchaos Posted September 30, 2013 Author Share Posted September 30, 2013 Why haven't you removed her from all social media??? Anyway, it is just classic breadcrumbs, and nothing more. She doesn't want you back but for whatever reason she is feeling kind of guilty about giving you the boot and she wants to know that things are 'okay' between the two of you. This is not cos she wants you back or is having second thoughts, it is simply because she is feeling guilty and she wants to get some sort of message/acknowledgement from you that things are 'okay' between you two and once she gets that she will be able to sleep easier at night and she will disappear completely from your life. don't fall for it, it is class post-dumper behaviour - ALL of my dumpers did it to me at one time or another. came back with a 'like' or a 'how are you?' type email and once I responded back politely they completely disappeared (I was younger and ignorant back then and didnt realise I was simply getting breadcrumbs, so I responded - never again). Don't fall for it. Thanks for this. But I haven't acknowledged anything. I'm not reciprocating the likes. I went away for the weekend and she liked a whole bunch of my photos. But I haven't texted her or done anything in return to let her know we're "okay". I think getting nothing from me on her bday will reinforce that too. However, I have been thinking of unfollowing her on Instagram just because even being connected to her and not liking anything she posts still sends the wrong signal, I think. Link to post Share on other sites
Ordinaryday Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 Of course you should remove her from all social media! Someone AGES ago posted a question about this on this board, asking if it "looked petty" and if it was okay to do so. Someone responded with something like this: think of your ex as a job employer who fired you for (what they perceived as) poor performance and then hired someone who (they thought) was better suited to the role. Would you still stay in touch with your boss who fired you, send them a birthday message on facebook and let them know that you are 'okay' with them terminating your employment and throwing you on the unemployment line?? of course you wouldn't! A breakup is no different to that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author organizedchaos Posted September 30, 2013 Author Share Posted September 30, 2013 Of course you should remove her from all social media! Someone AGES ago posted a question about this on this board, asking if it "looked petty" and if it was okay to do so. Someone responded with something like this: think of your ex as a job employer who fired you for (what they perceived as) poor performance and then hired someone who (they thought) was better suited to the role. Would you still stay in touch with your boss who fired you, send them a birthday message on facebook and let them know that you are 'okay' with them terminating your employment and throwing you on the unemployment line?? of course you wouldn't! A breakup is no different to that. I agree, but as I said, I am not planning on wishing her a happy birthday. I am not liking her posts. I have disconnected from her on FB and Twitter. Even though I stopped liking her Instagram photos, I have been thinking I should just disconnect completely. Link to post Share on other sites
Author organizedchaos Posted September 30, 2013 Author Share Posted September 30, 2013 I'm going to unfollow her Instagram but not block her. If she wants to continue to follow my feed, like my photos, and see that I'm moving on and having new adventures without her, so be it. I won't be returning the "likes" or viewing her profile. I still don't know why she continues to do this, but hey, I don't understand how we even go in to this position in the first place! There were no fights, no arguments, no cheating, nothing. Ugh. Link to post Share on other sites
reddragon588 Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 Block her. I did the same thing you did and had the same train of thought. Yet every time she liked one of my photos it only brought me pain. It's better to just block her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author organizedchaos Posted September 30, 2013 Author Share Posted September 30, 2013 Block her. I did the same thing you did and had the same train of thought. Yet every time she liked one of my photos it only brought me pain. It's better to just block her. That's a good point too, but I'm not feeling the pain by seeing her name pop up on my photos. The other train of thought is, if she can't see the adventures I'm going on without her, she will wonder what she's missing. Link to post Share on other sites
reddragon588 Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 That's a good point too, but I'm not feeling the pain by seeing her name pop up on my photos. The other train of thought is, if she can't see the adventures I'm going on without her, she will wonder what she's missing. Sure, that works too. She can't miss you if she knows what you're up to. But mostly, she has no right to know what you're up to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author organizedchaos Posted October 1, 2013 Author Share Posted October 1, 2013 Sure, that works too. She can't miss you if she knows what you're up to. But mostly, she has no right to know what you're up to. I know this is her passive aggressive way of staying in contact. That's just how she is. So help me out here. I go and block her. She's not notified but at some point, she'll try to look at my profile and won't be able to find me. At that point she'll realize I blocked her and she may reach out and ask or she may not. If she reaches out and asks if I blocked her and why, what do I say? We've been NC for two weeks so I haven't heard a peep from her other than these "likes". Link to post Share on other sites
AnyaNova Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 Do you have to explain anything? If you need to have complete NC, just tell her that. If she pushes for more of an explanation, you are not obligated to give one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author organizedchaos Posted October 1, 2013 Author Share Posted October 1, 2013 Do you have to explain anything? If you need to have complete NC, just tell her that. If she pushes for more of an explanation, you are not obligated to give one. Thing is, I don't really care if she sees and likes my photos. Again, she's seeing me move on and do things without her. But I am going to unfollow her. I don't need to see her photos popping up in my feed. But I do get that if she can't see what I'm up to, her mind may wander. Yes, I would like a reconciliation, but only if she initiates. Otherwise, I'm using this NC to heal. So I'm just not sure. Link to post Share on other sites
reddragon588 Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 I know this is her passive aggressive way of staying in contact. That's just how she is. So help me out here. I go and block her. She's not notified but at some point, she'll try to look at my profile and won't be able to find me. At that point she'll realize I blocked her and she may reach out and ask or she may not. If she reaches out and asks if I blocked her and why, what do I say? We've been NC for two weeks so I haven't heard a peep from her other than these "likes". Say nothing. My ex flipped out at me when I did it. Don't let them manipulate you like that. She deleted you in real life, you deleted her on the internet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author organizedchaos Posted October 1, 2013 Author Share Posted October 1, 2013 She deleted you in real life, you deleted her on the internet. Damn that makes sense. Esp bc there was no reason for the BU. she really thinks there are better options out there for her over me, after all I've done for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author organizedchaos Posted October 2, 2013 Author Share Posted October 2, 2013 Say nothing. My ex flipped out at me when I did it. Don't let them manipulate you like that. She deleted you in real life, you deleted her on the internet. I did it. I blocked her. I'm incredibly sad right now as that was the final connection. I did give her a heads up even though we haven't spoken or texted in almost 3 weeks. I know people say not to do that, but that's just me. I didn't send it with any expectations. Just told her I needed to do it in order to move on and I wished her all the best. I know this is for the best. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
reddragon588 Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 I did it. I blocked her. I'm incredibly sad right now as that was the final connection. I did give her a heads up even though we haven't spoken or texted in almost 3 weeks. I know people say not to do that, but that's just me. I didn't send it with any expectations. Just told her I needed to do it in order to move on and I wished her all the best. I know this is for the best. You shouldn't have told her, but it doesn't matter because you did the right thing by deleting her. You'll struggle at first, but I guarantee you that you'll feel better very soon. This starts the real recovery for you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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