How do you break up with a MM??

[sgirl728]

Just need advice on how to move on from my MM. I work with him and we work only a few feet away from each other so it is impossible to stay away from him. I'm completely in love with him too, but I feel like he will never be able to leave his wife. She is a liar and a cheat and has cheated on him numerous times and that is what has lead to our affair, but he has still been unable to leave her. We have been together for almost a year and a half now. I have since left my husband and divorced (he had also cheated on me numerous times). I know it is time for me to move on, but so far because I am completely in love with him, I have been unable to do so and it is tearing me apart....any advice???

[Merin]

My advice.. Love yourself MORE.

 

Sorry.. but it's really irrelavant IF his wife is a liar or a cheater.. she is STILL his wife and after over a year of being with this guy, I think it's pretty safe to assume he isn't going to leave her.

[StillHurtin]

Originally posted by Merin

My advice.. Love yourself MORE.

 

Sorry.. but it's really irrelavant IF his wife is a liar or a cheater.. she is STILL his wife and after over a year of being with this guy, I think it's pretty safe to assume he isn't going to leave her.

 

I agree w/ Merin. I know how hard it is to leave someone you are in love w/ but you need to leave this MM.

You are setting yourself up for a lot of heart aches.

[startingover1028]

Find a new job if you have to, but move on.... get on with your life. Find someone who can devote all of himself to you, not just a few stolen moments here and there...

[Naive]

Regardless of whatever his reasons for cheating are, he has cheated nonetheless!!!

[sgirl728]

I really truly thought he would leave her when our R began. He had found out about 4 months prior to our relationship that she basically has cheated on him for the 20 years they have been together. She has been with many men. He just can't seem to do it. I don't really understand why, but I feel he never will be able to. I have been at my job for 12 years and have a good chance for advancement and moving up in the company, I just can't leave. I am just trying to figure out if it is possible to make yourself not love someone anymore...

[Merin]

Originally posted by sgirl728

I really truly thought he would leave her when our R began. He had found out about 4 months prior to our relationship that she basically has cheated on him for the 20 years they have been together. She has been with many men. He just can't seem to do it. I don't really understand why, but I feel he never will be able to. I have been at my job for 12 years and have a good chance for advancement and moving up in the company, I just can't leave. I am just trying to figure out if it is possible to make yourself not love someone anymore...

 

Again.. it doesn't matter what SHE his WIFE has done.

 

He has made the choice to stay with her.

 

Is it possible to make yourself not Love someone anymore.. well apparently for HIM it isn't possible.. there he is still with his "lying, cheating" wife right?

 

While I can understand that you've invested in him emotionally isn't it time you Love yourself more?

[SoleMate]

Here's some practical advice on HOW to break up with him (not the WHY, that has already been covered)

 

* Write down the PROs and CONs of continuing a r/s with him

 

* Ask yourself what the likelihood is of him leaving his "rotten" wife - would you be willing to bet your retirement money on it on 2:1 odds?

 

* Read some Loveshack postings by OW and how they ALL suffer, endlessly

 

* Ask yourself where you want to be in 6 months, 1 year, 5 years

 

* Ask yourself whether staying with MM HURTS or HELPS you in your goals

 

* Put all the above facts together and make the ultimate data-driven, rational decision!

 

Good luck.

[SoleMate]

Here's some practical advice on HOW to break up with him (not the WHY, that has already been covered)

 

* Write down the PROs and CONs of continuing a r/s with him

 

* Ask yourself what the likelihood is of him leaving his "rotten" wife - would you be willing to bet your retirement money on it on 2:1 odds?

 

* Read some Loveshack postings by OW and how they ALL suffer, endlessly

 

* Ask yourself where you want to be in 6 months, 1 year, 5 years

 

* Ask yourself whether staying with MM HURTS or HELPS you in your goals

 

* Put all the above facts together and make the ultimate data-driven, rational decision!

 

* Oh, and let's not forget...you MUST find a new job, and leave the one you're at. Move companies, cities, states or industries if you need to. You may have to incur financial hardship. It's unfair, but it's life for those who choose WORKPLACE affairs

 

Good luck.

[kkat]

Listen to SoleMate, and the others, please.

 

Even though my relationship with a MM is now over -- I am scarred and beaten up from the experience like you wouldn't believe and struggling DAILY with an obsession around it. PLEASE get out of this relationship. Can you end it?

 

You don't have to end it because someone says it's wrong, because someone says you'll the bad karma slung back at you some day, or for any of those reasons. END IT because you will look back one day and realize:

 

--You spent your time, your precious time, playing leftovers to someone who had no respect for you or his wife.

--You may, in fact, end up being the catalyst for making his life with his wife, if in fact his marriage is unhappy, just quite bearable. That's absolutely what happened to me. I was his free maritial therapy.

--He will not leave his wife, most likely, and if he does, he will most likely not end up with you, nor would you most likely want him anyway.

 

You absolutely must leave your job. It's hard enough to end a relationship like this, but if you are seeing him everyday, it will be much more difficult.

 

I would advise that you start spending every night sending out your resume, etc. and looking for a new job - and even if you need to take a pay cut - so what - and try to get a job with some "social" aspect to it - being around other, new people might be helpful as well?

 

Good Luck!

[darkspark]

I would sayy think about what you need to be happy. And if you want to break it off do it what is he going to do tell his wife how mad he is you broke up with him.

[Bella Mia]

Some people cannot end relationships period and endure enormous amounts of pain, loneliness, turmoil, and betrayal indefinately or until it is just falls apart on its own/other reasons because it is easier to deal with when they don't have to make the choice, it is out of their control. You dont have to wonder "what if" like you would if you ended it. If you end it, you have to muster the daily strength to not give in to reconnecting, deal with daily arguments between your heart and your head about whether you made the right decision.

 

but no matter how it ends, or who ends it, it hurts all the same. It seems to me that even though you havent "officially" ended it, you have been grieving none the less. The process has already begun.

 

 

I don't think it is really a matter of how to end it as it is how to keep it ended.

How do you end it? the same way you would seriously tackle quitting any addiction.(not saying he is an addiction, it just seems to be a good analogy) One day at a time, one moment at a time. How strong are you? How determined are you? only you really know the answer.