packersgirl Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 I have this guy friend. He and I have become pretty close throughout the past year. It mostly started because he had a romantic interest in me. It had been a while since my last date, so I thought I owed it to myself, and him, to see if there was anything there. Unfortunantely, there wasn't anything on my part. I told him this, and we continued to develop a strong friendship. I've heard through the grapevine that he liked me for a while after I told him that I didn't feel the same way, then he up and moved away. He just recently moved back, and our friendship still hasn't really picked up where it left off. I mean, he was gone for just over 3 months, of course I'm going to start hanging out with other people. Here's my delimma... he's so excited to get me a Christmas present. In fact, he already knows what it is, and wants to tell me right now. But, I love surprises, so I won't let him. I told him not to spend a lot of money on me. I'm a pretty low-matenience gal, and I don't like extravagant things (except for the engagement ring I'll get one day). He told me that every cent he spent on me would be worth it just to see my smile. Then I told him that I'd feel bad, and he said that he couldn't spend enough money on a friend as good as me. I'm touched that he thinks that about me, but at the same time I'm afraid that he's trying to buy his way back into my life, and my heart. So, is it normal for a guy friend to want to spend a lot of money on a girl friend? Link to post Share on other sites
heckno Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 Same thing happened to me.. Iv'e had guys that were friends but ultimately wanted more so they would buy me lavish things. (with a couple of exceptions, the man was very well off) So, to answer your question, based on my experiences, no. It's not typical for just really good friends to spend tons of money on the other, UNLESS, they're loaded and money isn't a huge issue. Very expensive gifts from a guy to a girl, while just friends, can mean he wants more especially if interest was expressed before. Then again, maybe you're the only friend this guy has left and he really wants to express his thanks?? Best way to find out is to ask. Link to post Share on other sites
Blu Topaz Posted November 30, 2004 Share Posted November 30, 2004 oh no... he wants some booty! Link to post Share on other sites
gridiron Posted November 30, 2004 Share Posted November 30, 2004 I agree with both of the above posters. He is hoping you reciprocate in some way, be it a gift, a hug, or something more. I'd say you could probably take it if it is not too expensive. If it is very expensive, then either refuse it or if you take it, be prepared to have him expecting something back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author packersgirl Posted November 30, 2004 Author Share Posted November 30, 2004 Yeah... thats what I've been thinking. Now, there is more to this story, ready for this? He asked me to lunch today, said it wasn't a date, he just wanted to catch up. So, I went. I didn't see the harm in hanging out with him, he is one of my good friends. We went to lunch, he paid. I found out that this gift is going to cost in the $160 area... he again wanted to tell me, but I wouldn't let him. Apparently he's been wanting to do this for a year now. After lunch I found a necklace he left me in my apartment. He came by my work with his cousin, and gave me a hug... kinda. I wasn't expecting it, and he attacked me from the side, so I just kinda stood there. I honestly don't know what to do with him. I really want to believe that he is 100% over me, but my intuition is telling me otherwise. I want to think that he is just so excited to be around me and have a friendship with me again. I don't want to hurt him again, I've already done that too much. I'm just thinking out loud here now, but if anyone has any suggestions or insights to this situation, please share! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 30, 2004 Share Posted November 30, 2004 Originally posted by packersgirl I'm a pretty low-matenience gal, and I don't like extravagant things (except for the engagement ring I'll get one day). All women SAY they are low-maintenance and don't like extravagance. Ever hear a woman seriously say she is hi-maintenance and loves extravagance??? So, is it normal for a guy friend to want to spend a lot of money on a girl friend? It is normal for a typical sappy "Nice Guy" who is being led on by his supposed "friend" to want to spend a lot of $$$ on a girl he's in love with. If you already know this guy's in love with you and you are just friends with him why are you taking advantage of him and using him? Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted November 30, 2004 Share Posted November 30, 2004 Sounds to me like you're gonna have to cool this friendship down a bit with this guy. He likes you & the feeling is not mutual - he needs time away from you to get over thinking he has a chance. The gift sounds extravagant - perhaps you can return it, buy yourself something more reasonable & give the rest of the cash back to him? I don't know - but I don't really think you should accept it unless as heckno mentioned, he's really loaded & money isn't an issue for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author packersgirl Posted December 1, 2004 Author Share Posted December 1, 2004 All women SAY they are low-maintenance and don't like extravagance. Ever hear a woman seriously say she is hi-maintenance and loves extravagance??? True. But I'm not one of those who just says that I'm low-maintanence, I've been told by lots of people that I'm not high maintenance. It is normal for a typical sappy "Nice Guy" who is being led on by his supposed "friend" to want to spend a lot of $$$ on a girl he's in love with. If you already know this guy's in love with you and you are just friends with him why are you taking advantage of him and using him? I take extreme offense to this remark. I am not leading him on in any way, shape or form. I have told him countless times that I am not worth spending the big bucks on, and that he should save his money for something else. I never once have taken advantage of him, and I would never use him. What kind of a person do you think I am? He is one of my best friends, not just some "nice guy" that I want to use. Besides, who ever said he was in love with me? Keep in mind that I asked for your insight and advice, not an attack on me and my friendship. Sounds to me like you're gonna have to cool this friendship down a bit with this guy. He likes you & the feeling is not mutual - he needs time away from you to get over thinking he has a chance. The gift sounds extravagant - perhaps you can return it, buy yourself something more reasonable & give the rest of the cash back to him? I don't know - but I don't really think you should accept it unless as heckno mentioned, he's really loaded & money isn't an issue for him. Here's the thing, the friendship has cooled down between us. He moved away for over three months, and we hardly spoke. I knew he needed time away to think and gain perspective on his life, so, I gave him his space. Even the first two weeks after he moved back we didn't talk much. It was just this past week that we did. I have been thinking hard about not accepting the gift, but I think I'm gonna have to talk to him to see why he's really buying this for me. He does have the money, he made bank these past few months at his job and he's loaded... but I still don't think that gives me the grounds to accept the gift. I just have to see where his heart lies. Link to post Share on other sites
bicyclejunk Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 I have a friend(female) who i've known several years and love a lot. A year ago after I broke up with my GF we started hanging out a lot more. So I think in a way, I started taking my "longing to love someone" and "wanting to spoil a girl" out on Her, not realizing that I had a crush on her. After I realized it, I tried to just go along with it and continue being her friend, but whatever happened, happened. But i DID start buying her more larger gifts and spoiling her a lot more than a Guy friend should spoil his female Friend. So Yeah, I would say he still had a crush on you. i wouldn't say it's for 'Booty' as mentioned before, But i'd say he's pretty sweet on you. Link to post Share on other sites
kit4kat Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 Hehe-- this guy so likes you!!! Why else would he want to spend the big bucks on you? Now, its understandable if he's buying gifts this extravagant for his other friends-- is he? Take every precaution when accepting this gift-- if you choose to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
kanga Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 I'm in a bit of a similar situation. Except that I do like the boy. I just don't know if the boy likes me. He gave me a birthday gift with a value that is about $120-$150. It's a great gift. Something I totally love. For about four months there's been some back and forth with us. We have gone out one-on-one numerous times, although I don't know that we've called them "dates." We have made out a few times. We talk a lot. I have told him a like him. And he hasn't backed away. And he has, in fact, given me a really good birthday gift. I've been told by people that unless he intends to date me, his gift is inappropriate. I, myself, am a person who LOVES giving gifts to everyone. But they are usually small and either funny or simply thoughtful ("Oh, I saw this magnet in a store and thought of you." kind of things.) I wouldn't spend more than $20 on an acquaintance. And good friends -- gals or guys -- I usually stay under $50. Anything above is reserved for family members or special occassions. So in your case, I'd say that yes, he does in fact have a thing for you. Does he expect something in return? I don't know that for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
femme Posted December 11, 2004 Share Posted December 11, 2004 He might not realize it himself, but he's definitely trying to win you over. Similar thing happened to me with a really good friend of mine from childhood. We'd been really close, and for years he had feelings for me. At first I didn't know (how dense of me), but when I found out, I made it clear to him that I didn't think anything was going to happen. He wouldn't give up. He tried to win me over by gifts. He once even offered me his credit card! When he said that, I was so offended that I just started getting mad at him. I asked him if he really thought he could 'buy' me like this. I created such a big scene, the drama queen that I can be at times. (I apologized later.) He kept saying he had no 'intentions' and he was doing it out of sincerity, but c'mon, no one just does favours or buys gifts for no reason! I wouldn't say he had bad intentions though. Maybe he didn't realize what he was doing. :-) My fiance and I had been friends for a few years before we got engaged. He used to do the same...do me lots an lots of favours, even without me asking. He always went out of his way to do all that for me. It used to make me wonder why he was doing it, but I always brushed it off thinking he's just a 'kind-hearted' person and maybe he's like that with everyone he's close to. Little did I know that I was the ONLY one he's close to. ;-) So yeah, he likes you and is trying to win you over. ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
Bob47 Posted December 18, 2004 Share Posted December 18, 2004 Every time he does something for you that is "nice" or "sweet", it's because he has feelings for you. I know, I do it all the time with my friend girl. If you honestly care for him, you will aknowledge his feelings, but keep telling him that you only want a friendship. Otherwise he'll keep misinterpreting your "thank you's" and any other little remark as a "maybe she likes me" or "I'm getting somewhere". Seriously, if you care for him don't stop telling him it's not going to be romance. If you don't, you'll just be causing him more pain. Link to post Share on other sites
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