Did my friend and bf hook up?

[senoritabonita]

I have been with my bf for two years now and it has not been the best two years of my life. Often I post on this site about our "problems" and often I get the same advice, to dump him, get a clue etc. Situations, or excerpts that you read are not all of what is lived out so at the expense of sounding rude; if you can refrain from telling me to dump the guy and actually answer my question, that would be greatly appreciated.

 

My bf and I started out long distance. I lived in Madrid, he lived in Paris. We were going back and forth for a while until last month when I moved to Paris. He is a charming, attractive italian man. I am also Italian, except I was born in Canada so alot of our values and views differ.

ANYWAY I met him while visiting a friend of mine who lives in Paris, she is French. I never thought of her as a threat even if she did flirt with my past boyfriend and a fling I had. I did not think anything of it because they never reacted. Also, when we went out guys would normally go for me, so I knew she was always a bit jealous.

 

When my bf met me, she was there but talking to another guy. He mentioned after to his friends in front of me that he thought she was really beautiful. I was really shocked at his reaction to her but never worried. Later he told me he was attracted to us as a group and I was the one he liked because I was tall pretty and she was talking to another guy. He said mainly he was attracted to the both of us.

 

We went out with her one night in summer 2012 and tried to arrange a meeting between her and his friend. His friend was late, and so she spent most of the time flirting with my bf, turning red, touching his arm, etc. He would smile at her and when i told her please dont speak italian with him she ignored me and spoke Italian most of the time. She even pushed me out of the way at one point in a sly way. They spent 20 minutes talking privately and I was really shocked but at the time I was new to the relationship with him. When I have told him how much this bothered me he continuously says he did nOTHING wrong. people flirt like crazy in europe but Im sorry this would never happen unless the guy was a complete jerk in Canada.

 

He spent the rest of the night with me but I was kind of curious about them. She has always had a weakness for italians and him for french.

 

So she went on a couple of dates with the friend and nothing happened. She always makes excuses with guys and is mostly single and rude. I told him shortly after that night that she hadnt had sex in 3 years (I was used to confiding in my bfs) and he went insane wondering how it was that SHE hadnt had sex in so long. How he wanted to "help" her.

 

That was over a year ago. After that I barely saw her when I was in Paris; but when I did she was OK. totally fine until december. She had come in May to visit me in Madrid though and she was a totally different person. I hadnt seen her from december-may but the entire time she was in Madrid, she refused to discuss my bf... I asked her if she thought he was attractive and she said "why does that matter"

she got really upset each time we spoke on the phone and she would scream in the background so he could hear her. My other friend who was visiting also noticed this behaviour. She also went insane on me when I tried introducing her to a guy at a club saying she doesnt NEED ME to find a guy. Her and the guy at the club shortly after went on a date and she was devoted to starting a long distance relationship from PARIS-MADRID.. just like me!- HER WORDS

 

I was really appalled at her behaviour that weekend. she was so rude without a reason. But one time in June she texted me saying she was coming to Madrid to visit her boyfriend and that she was at the airport. My bf was on the same flight. he knew and said she was at the back and "didnt see" him (she clearly did if she randomly msged me) But once they landed he ran out of the plane and told me "lets go"

I said no lets wait for my friend.. he was so angry to have had to wait for her and he was screaming at me later in the metro for being so immature about it (he knows now how I felt about both their behaviour and for waiting for her so I could see them together he thought I was being immature)

 

I barely have spoken to her since but I know she broke up with her spanish guy and when I told her I was moving to Paris in August she told me to take time with my decision and that I deserve the best and nothing less.

 

WHat is she trying to say? I have not questionned her.

 

Since then she has not messaged me I have not heard from her at all AND I AM LIVING IN PARIS .. so how can she not want to meet me? I have not messaged her since shes been an awful friend but her not msging me

makes me completely suspicious. I have not done anything out of line. My friends say shes always miserable so maybe she just doesnt want to see me happy now that shes single.

 

I really need to know what happened between them and a part of me really believes something did. A side note is they work in the same sort of area. He works in a building close to hers and they are both engineers.

 

I have asked him multiple times if something happened and he says no but I am soooo suspicious. Especially since she is never on whatsapp and she logged on saturday two times(it was his birthday sat)

I havent found her number in his phone but sometimes i think that he didnt save it. I dont know.. am I crazy or has something happened here?

 

He also makes me suspicious because he always insults her now and tells me she is a horrible friend.

 

Why do they suddenly hate each other when before they were clearly into each other.

 

SHould I see her and straight up ask her or will I seem crazy.

 

Thoughts?!

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes, straight up ask them. Don't expect to hear the truth, though. Something is fishy there. You know your guy has cheated before. How long are you going to keep torturing yourself by staying with him? You've posted countless threads about him and his sh*tty behaviour. You're wasting your time with this guy. How many times do you need to hear it? How much more belittling and shady behaviour do you need to endure? Christ, OP. Get a backbone.

[The Way I Am]

Yes, something happened they're not telling you about. Obviously people don't go from liking each other to hating each other for no reason.

 

Best case, she came onto him and he turned her down. But that seems unlikely from his behavior. He seems to be hiding something, and he wouldn't need to hide that.

 

I don't even understand why you would think you'd seem crazy for asking why their behavior has changed so drastically. That's a reasonable question.

[crederer]

I haven't read your past posts. What do you see in this guy? He flirts with your friends in front of you and it seems as though (based on other posters replies) he has cheated in the past. I don't get what you're looking for here, if not someone telling you to "dump him".

 

You want reassurance or something? Are you hoping for people to tell you what you want to hear and that he is a great guy and you should just put up and shut up?

[ExpatInItaly]

I haven't read your past posts. What do you see in this guy? He flirts with your friends in front of you and it seems as though (based on other posters replies) he has cheated in the past. I don't get what you're looking for here, if not someone telling you to "dump him".

You want reassurance or something? Are you hoping for people to tell you what you want to hear and that he is a great guy and you should just put up and shut up?

 

Honestly, I think that's exactly what she wants to hear. It must be. She's started a load of other threads about what a tool this guy is, but she moved overseas to be with him anyway. It's mind-boggling...not to mention pathetic, really.

[PegNosePete]

You're still with this douchebag? Jesus.

Well you're obviously not going to listen to anything that anyone posts, since you didn't listen last time, the time before that, the time before that, or the time before that.

So what are you wanting to hear? That the sun shines out of this guy's arse?

Really you need to quit asking for help if you're going to completely ignore it. You're just wasting everyone's time, including your own.