update on my situation

[pancakepalace]

Hi guys and girls,

 

First I want to say a big thanks for all your input. It has helped me immensly and I find myself to be on this site amost everyday.

 

For those who don't now my situation, I am the guy who posted about my pregnant-ex that left me last month to live with her parents 3 car hours away. We are both 28.

 

Well, she left on october 29th. Left no note, hadn't talk to me for weeks and hadn't givin me a reason as to why she was leaving. I begged to talk and have an explanation and even cried twice in front of her. I was a complete wreck. Before she left, it was agreed that she would call me for the first ecography.

 

Well, she called yesterday and left a message (I was in Ottawa seing my brother). We had complete NC till then oct29 - nov28. I almost caved at some points but held on. When I heard her message a few hours after she left it, my hearth started to beat at a vehemently fast pace. I freaked for a moment, then decided to wait a day before calling. This permitted me te regain composure and not look needy. I called her back a the next day (a few hours ago). Her step-dad answered and didn't remember who I was when he picked up. I had to repeat my name twice and my last one too before he knew what was going on. ****, I met this guy several times before! Anyways she picked up and I said hi how are you. Quickly I entered in buisness mode and asked her when the appointement was. It is thursday so I will be heading out by bus to Québec in 4 days.

 

I then proceeded to close the call. I didn't talk about myself, the relationship or ask her any more questions. I wanted to talk, but held my ground. All this because of this site and your posts. I learned to think with my mind and not my emotions.

 

2 more points.

 

1 - I am currently not working much. I am looking for a good 40 hour a week job. She knows I only teach music on thursdays and fridays at the moment so when she said the appointement was thursday I knew she either did this on purpose or it was the only time the doctor had. She asked me if my work schedule would interfere. I quickly brush it off saying I had made deals with my employer about this. Of course, this is a lie and I have to call my boss tommorow to explain my leaving thursday.

 

2 - I asked her to give me detailed informations regarding the hospital and the room number etc... She said that no buses would go there so she would pick-me up at the bus terminal. I then said I'll take a cab. She said the hospital is too far so I said ok, when can you pick me up. I like the way I handled this, making it look like I am my own man.

 

So that's it. I am heading out thursday. I am quite nervous. I would like to talk to her about so many things, but since she left me in such a bad manner, I will keep my tongue in my pocket and seal it tight. I she wants to talk I will, but I won't go to relationship convo land unless she brings it on. I'll just keep it quick and easy. Talk about the Québec weather or some crap like that!

 

All in all, I am feeling quite good.

 

Any ideas for me concerning my visit and manners would be nice.

 

Thanks again guys and girls,

pel

[mischafan160]

I think you conducted yourself very well. I know, it's so hard to restrain yourself from talking about everything you want so desperately to say...I find it helps to write them a letter which you'll never send. It helped me SO much the other day, got all my feelings out and I realized something about our relationship which I had never considered before. It helped me feel more content and peaceful, which are emotions I haven't felt in a while. Good luck with everything!!!!!!

[thien_to]

Wow PP I admire how you have been so strong and handled yourself. I am looking at you as a role model of how to cinduct myself when my ex comes to pick up her stuff. I am always worried about being overly cold and have her mistake that I don't love or care for her though.

[pancakepalace]

Thanks for your replies guys,

 

It sure isn't easy. I am still pondering on how to act Thursday when I see her. Small details and stuff.

 

Don't worry to much thien-to. I learned from experience. When I was 23 I was dumped by a girl I had been going out with for 5 years. I did everything wrong. Pleaded like an idiot for 6 months. Lucky for me our love was really strong so we managed to stay friends to this day. We never got back together, but now I see that is best. She is very intelligent and actually help me greatly with my new ex. She is the one who helped me the most telling me what I should do.

 

I am always worried about being overly cold and have her mistake that I don't love or care for her though.

 

There is only one way to stop worrying about this. You have to sit her down and explain ONCE how you truly feel, then let her go. If you do this then you are sure she knows how you feel and there is no need to repeat. I did this before my ex moved out last month. That is the only reason I am not worried about repeating how I feel. She knows.

 

Do this in person and not with a letter. That way you can judge from her reaction on what to say or hold back. I had actually written her a detailed letter that she refused reading. When I talked to her it was easier since I had written it before.

 

Good luck!

pel

[pancakepalace]

There is a small detail that has been bugging me since this afternoon. I think I should somehow bring up the fact that she scheduled the appointement on a thursday and probably knew I was working on that day. But, how to do this gently.

 

I was thinking of a line like this:

 

me - 'It must of been hard for you to schedule an appointement?

her - answers

me - 'because it falls on one of the few days of my work'

her - that's a coincidence

me - 'let's try to set an appointement together this time.

 

Does this make sense?!

 

Thanks,

pel

 

I want to corner her gently.