Can it work?

[the_lonely_one]

Hi guys.

 

My name is Jordan. I'm a 20 year old working male, with a 2 year old daughter.

 

My partner (Chrissie) recently moved out (we'd been living together for about 2 1/2 years) to the city, and got herself her own place.

 

We needed some space to think about things, etc.

 

Chrissie started sleeping with other people, one of whom was someone who had hurt me badly before. He (Mike) had been living with me until I found out he was trying to bed her, after which he vanished.

 

So, obviously, I was quite hurt.

 

Now here is the funny part that I need help with:

 

Chrissie has told me she loves both of us. Last weekend, I went to town, and ended up working things out.

 

Mike and I worked things out so well that we both actually feel as though we could share her. There is no jealousy of any sort - We both love her and want the best for her and my daughter.

 

We were talking about all moving into the same house, etc.

 

Looking after the kid is very easy with three people.

 

Besides, there would be more money, and I just think it would be easier to spread the work over three pairs of shoulders instead of two.

 

I guess I assumed that any woman would want to have two guys if she could, and expected her to be really happy about it.

 

I thought she was, until she went out and found ANOTHER guy to be with, less than a day after we had (I thought) worked things out.

 

Right after Mike and I resolved the conflict, she brought another one into the house.

 

We're both incredibly hurt, but I guess we should have seen it coming.

 

Is she just confused? We are all so young, after all. (we're all 20)

 

Do I wait it out?

 

HELP!!!

[amelia]

Okay, let me pick my jaw up off the floor! Are you joking or serious? Either way, get out of this situation as fast as you can. Neither Chrissie nor Mike are good for you.

 

It is obvious that she is not committed to anyone right now and doesn't want to be. Anyone that could have what you and Mike were going to give her and then still abuse that needs to make major changes within herself.

 

And, Mike is not a good friend. If you two have worked things out, great. But, I would never share my friend and lover. Unless, of course you want to be hurt.

 

Unseen emotions will arise and it cannot be good for anyone. Jealousy and infidelity are just to name a few.

 

Wait it out--just not with her. You sound like a good guy and I'm sure that you will find someone that will give you a little more respect.

[Deejette]

She sounds like she really doesn't know what she wants and it is not a good thing for you to arrange your life around her and her whims. She doesn't sound like serious relationship material and she is just drifing from guy to guy. This could be very hurtful to you and you may never really trust her again in your heart.

Okay, let me pick my jaw up off the floor! Are you joking or serious? Either way, get out of this situation as fast as you can. Neither Chrissie nor Mike are good for you. It is obvious that she is not committed to anyone right now and doesn't want to be. Anyone that could have what you and Mike were going to give her and then still abuse that needs to make major changes within herself. And, Mike is not a good friend. If you two have worked things out, great. But, I would never share my friend and lover. Unless, of course you want to be hurt. Unseen emotions will arise and it cannot be good for anyone. Jealousy and infidelity are just to name a few. Wait it out--just not with her. You sound like a good guy and I'm sure that you will find someone that will give you a little more respect.

 

[Tony T]

Well, hi Jordan...my name is Tony. Glad you came here.

 

Great that you got chummy with Mike and decided to share the town (xxxx) Chrissy...or at least you thought it would be just the two of you. At least you now have Mike's shoulders to cry on.

 

I personally think the girl sharing thing is pretty sick...but that's my own personal feeling and has nothing to do with you. I really think you are fooling yourself big mega time...deceiving your own self...putting one over on your own self...by thinking that kind of deal would work...or that you even liked the arrangement. You know, we humans are the only animal species on the planet capable of deluding ourselves.

 

Anyhow, so you made this really cool threesome arrangement, opposite what the Mormons do with multiple wives. You did a multiple husband sort of thing. Then she goes out and screws another guy and brings him into the fold.

 

Well, the three of you are now four of you. It's sort of like bacteria that grow in a petrie dish...you know, they keep multiplying. If all of you can handle it, the only thing you will have is the expense of DNA testing when she has another child by one of you...you know, to find out which one of the males of the house impregnated her. Oh, not that you all won't agree to share expenses of the child...but, if it ever needs an organ transplant or a blood transfusion it will be good to know who the daddy is.

 

And the kid can have three last names and three daddys on the birth certificate...kind of like Baby Clinton Lewinsky Flowers or something like that. This kid will have to go to work early on to buy three, four, five or more Father's Day gifts each year...but what the heck. But multiple Santa Clauses at Christmas will be a real bonus.

 

Your question was is she confused. No, not at all. She likes to have sex with guys...lots of them. She has sex with suckers who allow this and who get together, fraternize and make deals to share her. I mean, if you like to get laid as much as she does...with her negotiating skills...she could be Mother Superior of the world.

 

But I do think you are confused. If you weren't, you and your daughter would have been miles away from her by now...if for no other reason to spare your daughter a life of being exposed to the septic tank of humanity that seems to surround this situation. And I think Mike is confused...and a bit of a wimp...for putting up with this lady's antics. I mean how long can you go not knowing which guy may have given Queen Bee an STD or maybe AIDS if, God forbid, that should happen.

 

Most of all I am confused. I thought stuff like this only happened on The Jerry Springer Show. Now I have to rethink this whole thing and come to the realization that the crap I saw on that show that I was certain was made up may have been true after all. I mean two guys negotiating to share a girl...who then goes on to screw yet another one. That's a whole TV Series...we could call it...Three's, Four's, Five's, etc. Company. I know Suzanne Somers would make a guest appearance.

 

I know even Jerry Springer has got to puke on some days.

[Jordan]

I personally think the girl sharing thing is pretty sick...but that's my own personal feeling and has nothing to do with you. I really think you are fooling yourself big mega time...deceiving your own self...putting one over on your own self...by thinking that kind of deal would work...or that you even liked the arrangement. You know, we humans are the only animal species on the planet capable of deluding ourselves.

That is true.

 

Perhaps I am indeed fooling myself..

 

Humans are also the only species on the planet capable of realizing that they can step above the situation they find themselves in, and move toward the greater good.

 

There are not many people like that around, but they exist.

Anyhow, so you made this really cool threesome arrangement, opposite what the Mormons do with multiple wives. You did a multiple husband sort of thing. Then she goes out and screws another guy and brings him into the fold. Well, the three of you are now four of you. It's sort of like bacteria that grow in a petrie dish...you know, they keep multiplying. If all of you can handle it, the only thing you will have is the expense of DNA testing when she has another child by one of you...you know, to find out which one of the males of the house impregnated her. Oh, not that you all won't agree to share expenses of the child...but, if it ever needs an organ transplant or a blood transfusion it will be good to know who the daddy is. And the kid can have three last names and three daddys on the birth certificate...kind of like Baby Clinton Lewinsky Flowers or something like that. This kid will have to go to work early on to buy three, four, five or more Father's Day gifts each year...but what the heck. But multiple Santa Clauses at Christmas will be a real bonus. Your question was is she confused. No, not at all. She likes to have sex with guys...lots of them. She has sex with suckers who allow this and who get together, fraternize and make deals to share her. I mean, if you like to get laid as much as she does...with her negotiating skills...she could be Mother Superior of the world.

You seem extremely cynical towards the entire situation.

But I do think you are confused. If you weren't, you and your daughter would have been miles away from her by now...if for no other reason to spare your daughter a life of being exposed to the septic tank of humanity that seems to surround this situation. And I think Mike is confused...and a bit of a wimp...for putting up with this lady's antics. I mean how long can you go not knowing which guy may have given Queen Bee an STD or maybe AIDS if, God forbid, that should happen. Most of all I am confused. I thought stuff like this only happened on The Jerry Springer Show. Now I have to rethink this whole thing and come to the realization that the crap I saw on that show that I was certain was made up may have been true after all. I mean two guys negotiating to share a girl...who then goes on to screw yet another one. That's a whole TV Series...we could call it...Three's, Four's, Five's, etc. Company. I know Suzanne Somers would make a guest appearance. I know even Jerry Springer has got to puke on some days.

Yeah, I made it all up for fun.

 

Believe me, I wish that were true.

 

However, I did not post to argue about my life.

 

I have been doing that for the past year and a half, and would rather just give it a break.

 

Which, in part, is one of the whole reasons we (Chrissy, Mike, myself) thought it might just be a good idea to give it a try.

 

I appreciate your feedback into my situation, as I get precious little objective advice.

 

Jordan

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "I appreciate your feedback into my situation, as I get precious little objective advice."

 

Jordan: If you are the author of the original post, I am truly sorry you did not get the meaning and advice of my post.

 

So bluntly, I will tell you this is a very sick arrangement, one that will never work out, and one that will be extremely harmful to your daughter's psychological make-up and cause her much heartache in her future.

 

A man who would share his woman with another man is fooling himself and has some serious issues.

 

I hope you will get some counselling to help you sort all this out. You are in a time bomb of a situation and one that will surely backfire on you. There is nothing positive for any of the players in this drama.

 

This is all completely my opinion. Perhaps you were looking for validation here...someone to say this would all work out. I don't think it will.

 

I'm sorry you got nothing out of my original post because it made my stomach very queasy to write it.

[Nic]

sorry to hear you are in such a predicament jordan. but my gut feeling is the only person this will work out for is chrissie. she's having her cake and eating it too.

 

you may have discussed this with mike, but i feel that while it may sound great in theory, it could spring back on both of you guys with some serious repurcussions. i'm sorry to say this, but i think chrissie is using both you and mike. you and mike appear to be there for her selfish needs. when there are no other guys around for her have sex with, she will have you. if you're not there, she will have mike. i'm sorry, that is so incredibly selfish and unfair on the 2 of you guys and on your daughter. "mummy bonks dad and their friend". nuh. it doesn't sit right with me. from your post, it appears to be much more of a sexual thing for chrissie, but an emotional thing for you and for mike. don't put yourself through this. stand up for yourself. you deserve a lady who wants you for you, and only you. you don't deserve to be hurting like this, and i can only see that if you carried out this plan, you will get hurt some more.

 

looking after the kid might be easy with 3 people, but this scenario could be so damaging to the child in the future. in my personal opinion, these arrangements are not looking after the childs emotional interests at all.

 

i can tell you this much - you assumed wrong. i am a woman, and no way in hell would i be happy to have 2 guys. for starters, my ego doesn't need stroking that badly, and i would never subject another guy to possible jealousy or do anything to affect someone's self-esteem.

 

i feel that deep down you don't want to have to settle for this but will because you love her and your daughter. you don't deserve to settle for second best. love yourself, love your daughter, and do what is right for the 2 of you - not the 4 of you.

 

best of luck jordan

Hi guys. My name is Jordan. I'm a 20 year old working male, with a 2 year old daughter. My partner (Chrissie) recently moved out (we'd been living together for about 2 1/2 years) to the city, and got herself her own place. We needed some space to think about things, etc. Chrissie started sleeping with other people, one of whom was someone who had hurt me badly before. He (Mike) had been living with me until I found out he was trying to bed her, after which he vanished. So, obviously, I was quite hurt. Now here is the funny part that I need help with: Chrissie has told me she loves both of us. Last weekend, I went to town, and ended up working things out. Mike and I worked things out so well that we both actually feel as though we could share her. There is no jealousy of any sort - We both love her and want the best for her and my daughter.

 

We were talking about all moving into the same house, etc. Looking after the kid is very easy with three people. Besides, there would be more money, and I just think it would be easier to spread the work over three pairs of shoulders instead of two.

 

I guess I assumed that any woman would want to have two guys if she could, and expected her to be really happy about it. I thought she was, until she went out and found ANOTHER guy to be with, less than a day after we had (I thought) worked things out. Right after Mike and I resolved the conflict, she brought another one into the house. We're both incredibly hurt, but I guess we should have seen it coming. Is she just confused? We are all so young, after all. (we're all 20) Do I wait it out? HELP!!!

[Jordan]

Jordan: If you are the author of the original

post, I am truly sorry you did not get the meaning and advice of my post. So bluntly, I will tell you this is a very sick arrangement, one that will never work out, and one that will be extremely harmful to your daughter's psychological make-up and cause her much heartache in her future. A man who would share his woman with another man is fooling himself and has some serious issues.

 

I hope you will get some counselling to help you sort all this out. You are in a time bomb of a situation and one that will surely backfire on you. There is nothing positive for any of the players in this drama. This is all completely my opinion. Perhaps you were looking for validation here...someone to say this would all work out. I don't think it will. I'm sorry you got nothing out of my original post because it made my stomach very queasy to write it.

On the contrary, Tony.

 

I think it was a very valid reality check.

 

I took it too literally the first time - It came off as though you were making fun of me.

 

I realize that you are not, and appreciate your honest opinion of my situation.

 

Counseling is an option I have entertained, and have even spoken to a couple of conselors, but I've never actually had the courage to open up to one.

 

Something that is resoundingly apparent to me in this situation is that I must do as my heart and mind dictate.

 

Listening to other people's views on the various perceived complications in such a relationship will only lead me further from my own path.

 

(basically, I don't have a problem with this whole 3-way relationship thing. you control your ego or it controls you. so there. ;-)

 

I am concerned for my daughter's psychological health. Very concerned. She needs a stable HOME environment of some sort, very different from her current space.

 

However, there is little I can do to affect that, short of suing for custody, which I think would hurt my daughter more at this point than what she's doing, because I simply don't have the ability to do everything by myself.

 

I guess I would ask why you're so convinced it will not work, but as you plainly stated, that's a matter of personal opinion.

 

life sure is a trip.

 

thanks tony

 

chow

 

Jordan

[Sandy]

OK Well, you have proved your love for her , but she can't love you or anyone else because she doesn't love herself , she needs to get help on a personal level , you can't fix her or this situation, the only thing you need to do is make a healthy happy home for your daughter , I mean really is this the kinda role model you want for her ???

 

young or old you have a responsibility to your daughter , she should come first , get rid of your so called friends and make a life for you and your daughter first, then find your self respect and a good women.

 

GOOD LUCK !

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "life sure is a trip"

 

You can say that again!!!