need to vent

[cmas0757]

Im new--I left my abusive husband of 7 years Oct 29th 2004--it has been awful--IM overweight--feel very sad and lonely..we have one child together--I have 2 from my previous marriage--that too was abusive--I was so sick of being mocked-hit-called names-knife swung at me--him telling me how he hates me and my 2 kids (that arnt his-there from my 1st husband) --so I left--I found a little place that is a singlewide mobilehome--its a 3 br bath and half--needs work but i have it looking clean and cozy-I find out he has a girlfirend--or 2...one is my ex-best friend of 39 years, who told me "you dont know how long I have been wanting to be alone with your husband during your marriage--but--I knew you would go baazerk"--I called her a whore--she said she never wants to speak to me again--that's fine cause he is with her too--he had someone days after I moved out with the kids--wonder if he had them before--I am suffering--he is having the time of his life with his whores--I have to be caretaker--cook, house work person--take care of problems with the kids-take care of dogs-work outside the home-worry about bills, kids, house and so on--im sure most of you can relate--why is it he gets rewarded after abusing me for years with a girlfriend and I will never find love again--I know I have to heal first-and I know that takes time--grrrrr time I hate it--so he is running around with no responsibilities and I have all the responsibilities? He comes and goes as he pleases and then laughs at me--he still calls me vial names--terrible names--im lonely--I have a very low opinion of myself due to my weight--no one wants me--actually this is my 3rd marriage and all three were abusive--I seem to pick that kind--probably cause I dont think anyone else would want me--he has put holes in the walls with his fists, hit me, beat my daughter up--beat me up--5 days after a major operation, he threw a table at my stomach while I lay helpless in a hospital bed--thankfully my daughter drapped herself over me and took the hit--it goes on and on--he has been worse to me since we have been apart--he refuses to put up a Christmas tree for our child when she goes over to visit--speaking of that--the 4 times she has gone over to see him--he has either took her to a friend of her house to play all day while he goes back to his place--been on the phone with his girlfriend for hours while she has been there, paying no attention to her--brought her back to me cause he states "she was bored" but he wont do anything with her--he comes over here and swears and tries to boss me around--I took just about everything in the house we had--it was mine before I married him--2 weeks before we were to marry--he wanted to cancel--after invitations were mailed and my dress was in the closet--I had a baby for him at 41. I have 3 girls 22,17 and 6--Im 47 now and just dont know what to do--thanks for listening-- cmas0757

[Ladyjane14]

Geez........that is all just so awful.

 

Have you called the domestic abuse hotline in your area? You may need to get some legal advice so that you can protect yourself and your children. Possibly a restraining order if he is still cussing you and "bossing" you.

 

Also, have you seen your doctor lately? If not, consider making an appointment today. You may need to be screened for depression. This kind of stress can take a phyisical toll on your body.

[Kristine]

So sorry you've gone through all this, and I understand feeling resentful of him being free while you are not. I had that with my 1st marriage. I highly recommend therapy, and most states have programs available. Just talking with someone about your experience and feelings really helps work through them. There are numerous programs available for domestic abuse survivors. Check your yellow pages and make some calls, you'll be referred to the correct organization. They have financial, legal, and emotional help out there. Just reach out for it.

 

I will tell you that being overweight is not going to stop someone from loving you. You need to love and respect yourself, then another will be loving and respectful of you.