confused21 Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 My best guy friend and I of almost 3 years just became neighbors about a month ago. We have sort of a history, we were friends with benefits for awhile but this stopped when he started dating someone a couple months ago. I've always felt like we always did most things couples do, except we've never kissed and we've never slept together. Since we're neighbors now and his g/f lives 2 states away and he only sees her at the most on his days off,. I'm REALLY feeling like I'm playing the role of his g/f (minus the 2 things I mentioned earlier) while his actual g/f is never around. I'm just getting increasily jealous of her especially when she has been staying at his place for the last 5 days and I havent seen him at all though he has called me almost everyday. I know I have no right to say anything to him but the minute she finally goes home, he'll be calling me to say come over and the cycle begins again.. Any advice for me?? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 Originally posted by confused21 We have sort of a history, we were friends with benefits for awhile I've always felt like we always did most things couples do, except we've never kissed and we've never slept together. How were you friends with benefits if you never kissed or slept together? What kind of benefits are we talking here? Doing everything that couples do except for kissing and having sex sounds like good friends to me. Nothing more. Sounds to me like you are making it up to be more than it is- that you want to be more than friends but he does not. He probably hasn't seen any of his other buddies in the last 5 days either because his girlfriend is visiting from out of town and they're spending all the time together. That is normal to put your girlfriend first when she's only in town for a little while, and after all he is still calling you. You're jealous of his girlfriend so my advice to you is to become less available to him if you're feeling used. It doesn't sound like you're dating someone else- I would recommend it, instead of being jealous about a man who is clearly unavailable. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 He gets lonely when his girlfriend is not there and your the fill in. Simple as that. You don't kiss or do anything else? So what do you guys do? I also agree your making it out to be more than what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused21 Posted November 29, 2004 Author Share Posted November 29, 2004 Well we fooled around for about 10 months; we did everything but sleep together. EtErNaLlYCoNfUsEd you wrote "He gets lonely when his girlfriend is not there and your the fill in. Simple as that. " How do I get out of the this situation? How do I tell him w/o starting a huge fight that I'm not going to be his fill-in when his g/f isn't around?? I was so happy with how it was working out him being my neighbor and seeing him at the time. I just feel so pushed aside the last couple days and he still hasnt introduced me to his g/f yet. Any other thoughts? Thanks for the replies. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 Break the cycle. Find someone that will be proud to be with you full time. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 The easiest way to get out of the cycle is to break it. Don't go over anymore, don't answer his calls. He found someone, now you find someone. Do you want a relationship with him? Do you want to be with him? If you do and you haven't told him that could be why you are suffering right now and if that's the case then I say tell him and get it out and over with. If you don't want anything to do with him but just be friends, then find someone for you and be just his friend when he calls you or needs you. It's not fair to his g/f and its not fair to you. Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 Originally posted by confused21 Well we fooled around for about 10 months; we did everything but sleep together. You fooled around but you didn't kiss? Sounds weird. Maybe you don't want this guy anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused21 Posted November 29, 2004 Author Share Posted November 29, 2004 Well I've wanted to be with him for a long time now and us fooling around of course made me fall even harder for him. He never kissed me which I always thought was odd. We did talk once about us but nothing ever came of it and he never brought it up again. I cant stop answering his calls. We live in an apartment complex, our doors are like 6 feet from one another. He will just keep calling or knock on my door. That wont work. Any other ideas? Thanks so much! Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 Originally posted by confused21 Any other ideas? Yeah, get a boyfriend. That should take care of him. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 I think your used to having him around all the time and you fool around because you can. I think you might not really like this guy but the fact that he trails you around is what keeps you around. Now that the girlfriend is in the picture I think you became a little jealous and the fact that your right there and he wont be with you but she's Way over there and he's with her makes you mad. I think hes just in your mind and you obsessing over him because he does live inches from your door and you fooled around in the past. If he didn't live there and you didnt talk anymore would you still feel the same? I agree that you should get a boyfriend or another play toy thats the way you will get over it. One nail removes another. Atleast thats what my grandmother tells me but it sounds better in spanish Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused21 Posted November 29, 2004 Author Share Posted November 29, 2004 A couple months ago I was ready to move on and try to distance myself from him b/c I couldnt take his crap anymore.. I used to not hear from him in days, but he has done a complete turnaround and the last couple months he calls me almost everyday. Of course back in August like a week or so after we took the apartments he announces he has a g/f now and no more fooling around. But I was content with everything since to this day he is still calling me all the time. I guess since I'm more available to him then ever now, he is taking full advantage of it and I see what happens when she visits for days how much it makes me jealous and hurt. BTW, I'm looking for a b/f but it seems like an endless quest. Yes a b/f would be a nice answer to this but I will be living next door for him for awhile and I wish I could figure something out to stop hurting myself in the present. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 How old are you guys? I mean unless you really want to stop hurting..then you dont pick up his calls and avoid him at all costs and stop letting him trail you around. You hurt is in only your hands. You can stop it whenever you please. You know he has a gf now and still bothers you and you deal with it. I know its an endless quest..everytime your looking for a bf they never come and when you finally give up is when you find one. lol But honestly I think you deserve more respect than that. Just leave him alone. I'm sure you can ignore him even if he lives right in front of you. And tell him why if he asks why your avoiding him. Tell him and then go a step further and say and for that reason please dont call me anymore. Its not fair for you to hurt, for his gf not to know, and for him to walk away smiling. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 ...and *you* wouldn't want someone doing this to *your* man if *you* were in that LDR, eh? Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 ...and *you* wouldn't want someone doing this to *your* man if *you* were in that LDR, eh? The B*tch would die!! lol But seriously I would hurt the girl.. Well the both of them.. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 30, 2004 Share Posted November 30, 2004 I don't get guys who don't kiss. Some say it's because "it's too personal, and a real sign of affection and love, real intimacy"...OHHH HELLOOOOOO like fooling around and having sex (or in your case everything but...) won't make us gals feel more attached? WTF is that? LOL...OK rant done. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted November 30, 2004 Share Posted November 30, 2004 Can you be a little more specific ? Has he ever kissed any *other *part of your body ? Has he put his hands on certain *personal* parts of your body ? I just can't see laying there with someone for all these months and not kisssing....because kissing leads to everything else.....and you didnt have sex ? What exactly did you do in * fooling around * ? Not trying to be nosey...moreso trying to understand your *fooling around* Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted November 30, 2004 Share Posted November 30, 2004 Originally posted by confused21 My best guy friend and I of almost 3 years just became neighbors about a month ago. We have sort of a history, we were friends with benefits for awhile but this stopped when he started dating someone a couple months ago. I've always felt like we always did most things couples do, except we've never kissed and we've never slept together. Since we're neighbors now and his g/f lives 2 states away and he only sees her at the most on his days off,. I'm REALLY feeling like I'm playing the role of his g/f (minus the 2 things I mentioned earlier) while his actual g/f is never around. I'm just getting increasily jealous of her especially when she has been staying at his place for the last 5 days and I havent seen him at all though he has called me almost everyday. I know I have no right to say anything to him but the minute she finally goes home, he'll be calling me to say come over and the cycle begins again.. Any advice for me?? Thanks! The 2 of you've never kissed or had sex.. but you had considered this a friends with "benefits" up until he started dating someone else? What kind of "benefits" Is it possible that he just likes hanging out with you and really only sees you as a FRIEND only? Link to post Share on other sites
SEB71004 Posted November 30, 2004 Share Posted November 30, 2004 You said he hasn't even introduced you to his gf? Here's an idea...If you do just want to be friends with him, go over and introduce yourself!!! At least you will not feel like he is hiding something that isn't really there. As far as being jealous of her, don't be. Maybe all three of you could actually be friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused21 Posted December 1, 2004 Author Share Posted December 1, 2004 Thanks everyone for all the responses! I'm 24 and he's 25. FWB as we did everything sexual except going all the way He's my best friend so I dont want to cut him off completely. He did call me 4 times last night (obviously dying to see and/or talk to me since the g/f left earlier in the evening) and I didnt answer since I wasnt home anyways so it wasnt like I could have seen him. His g/f knows who I am. He had made a comment last time she was in town that I had missed meeting her. We'll have to see if he says anything again. I don't think I have to give up my best friend of 3 years b/c he started a LDR a couple months ago. Link to post Share on other sites
exotic_angel Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 i too have been in a FWB relationship for almost 2 years now with my best friend who i've known way over 5 years now.. there are times that i get jealous when i think he's out with other girls and stuff, but i'm learning to deal with it.. i've realized that this is all we could ever be right now and i can either stay away from him and let some part of me die.. or live each moment for what it is.. i decided to stay.. u 2 made out but no kissing and sex.. that kind of sounds like my fwb.. he wil do anything with any girl except kiss and sex.. that's a new rule that he has implemented lately.. he said it's becasue kissing and sex are 2 very intimate things and he doesn't have the desire to do such things with someonme he's isn't intimately involved with.. him and i aren't romantically involved but we kiss and recently we had sex for the first time.. i think u're guy got caught up in the moment with u and it seems that he likes spending time with u, but he doens't want to have a relationship with u for whatever reason.. my advice is.,. continue the friendship (cause believe me it's not going to be easy to ignore his calls and stay away) but get to know other guys and try to see the situation for what it is.. don't fool urself with pretty illusions and the next time an physically intimate momenet comes up be sure about where u stand before pursuing further.. best of luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused21 Posted December 26, 2004 Author Share Posted December 26, 2004 To update things... still havent met his g/f! Though he is having a New Years Party so i would assume Friday is finally going to be the day. I'm still jealous as hell everytime she is at his place including right now as I type this :-( I've starting talking to this guy at work who I think is single and around my age.. im trying to get my friend out of my head but it hasnt been working too well but we shall see. To make things worse, the g/f may be moving in with him in June but he hasnt agreed to it yet so if that happens I just know I will be kissing my friendship goodbye Since he still completely ignores me till she is gone so if she moves in... that will be the end... The few times I actually got to see him this week when the g/f was gone he pretty much was confiding in me his emotional turmoil with the whole issue that if she moves in when this may be it and that she would be the one. etc.. but he was very torn about knowing that for sure and what he was going to do. All I know he's confused about what and who he wants and I'm just sick of being his fill-in and feeling hurt all the time and jealous. anyway to make this better besides getting a b/f?? Link to post Share on other sites
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