newlove Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 My lover was assigned to work in my country for 3 years. His wife is back home in their country. I knew what we were doing was wrong, but it is unfair to make a man go 3 years without sex. If the wife really cared about my lover, she would have moved with him. My lover suddenly ended contact with me without saying goodbye. He's still living about 15 minutes away from me. He used to cook me dinner every night, bought me soft tissues because I was using napkins to blow my nose, was protective of me, and treated me to a nice restaurant. He wanted to take long road trips with me, go on vacation with me, take me to the zoo, and go for an ice cream cone with me. He offered to teach me how to drive and to swim. We used to talk in person for five hours almost everyday. We would fall asleep together. He wanted to fall asleep spooning, but I couldn't sleep like that. 2 weeks since we last spoke, someone told me that his wife is coming to live with him in a few months. Did my lover not say goodbye to me because it was too hard for him, or is it because he is disrespectful? Why didn't he say goodbye? I emailed him after 3 weeks and he replied. He wouldn't tell me why he suddenly disappeared, but only vaguely said it had something to do with his wife coming in a few months. He wrote that I probably wouldn't want to know his reasons for disappearing. He showed no sign of missing me but was cordial. When he didn't give me his reasons, was it because he is disrespectful, or he didn't want to hurt me by writing that his wife is his #1 priority? Was he distant because I had overestimated how much he liked me (but we talked for 5hrs almost everyday!), or because he didn't want to give me false hope that I would see him again? Was I just fun to him, or did he call his wife to come because he was afraid that this was getting out of hand and because his feelings for me were getting deeper than he was comfortable with at the time he ended contact? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 It's because he is MARRIED!!! His wife is back and he owes you no explanation. Especially since you knew he was married. Find an available man. Do counseling to find out why you would even consider a MM to date. He used you - but why did YOU allow it? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 I really don't know why he left without saying goodbye. My guess would be because it was too hard to face you and do it the proper way. It is obvious his wife is his first priority because he dropped everything to be with her. Him saying you wouldn't want to know his reasons for leaving without saying goodbye doesn't sound like it would be in your favor. I imagine he was lonely and loved having a womans company as well as sex while he was there but he probably always knew he would go back to his wife. His doing kind things for you (buying kleenex, taking you to dinner, and cooking) is probably the type of man he is anyway. I'm sorry you are hurt but this is one of the reasons not to get involved with a MM but most of them do return to their wives. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 newlove, three years (to me) seems like a looong time for Everyone in this situation. It's a looong time A. It's a looong time to be apart from ones spouse. It's a looong time for a sexually active person to go "without" - M'd or not. I think the entire set up is/was damaging to All of you. I believe this MM went "NC" / Disappeared to prepare to be reunited w/His Wife. It's possible he had real feelings for BOTH you and His Wife and Needed to disengage w/you as he is ultimately committed to His Wife. Now that His Wife will be "in proximity", he may not have the capacity to compartmentalize Both His M and the A/cheating with you. Could You do that?? He has already done you a great disservice and Both of you to His Wife. And now he's adding rejection and abandonment to his list w/you. Is this type of relationship what you normally aspire to or have you had healthy relationships in the past? It's time for you to heal the be open to a new, better relationship that will Not harm others but Enhance you and the world around d you, don't you think?! I cheering for you* Link to post Share on other sites
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