My family/friends are acting strange.

[chucksagent]

This is hard to FULLY understand without writing a novel, so I will stick to the important facts.

 

It seems that lately I am getting guff and attitude from both my family and friends totally out of nowhere.

 

Some examples:

 

1) My great aunt who I would see once a year (soemtimes no timesa year) passed away. Her dying wish was for NO FUNERAL OR VIEWING. She had it in her will AND she voiced it many times to my mom and aunts and her sisters and brothers. I CONFIRMED with my Mom "so no funeral right?" My mom said "Correct." So I made plans with my wife's aunt and uncle from out of town (they live FAR Southern State we live FAR northern State) and they had our wedding gift for us. They made their schedule around us so I didn't want to change it when I FINALLY found out AGAINST her wishes they were going to have a service. The service was the same night we planned dinner with my in-laws. (Yes, my Wife's parents were coming too with the aunt and uncle).

I told my Mom I couldn't break the plans and she THREW A FIT. Acted like a total baby, told me she "wouldn't bother me anymore." Told me to take back a nice gift I got her and was waiting to deliver to her (from factory). I said to my 2 best friends "Watch, my brother will wind up not going, and not only will she not get mad, she will make an excuse for him." SURE ENOUGH, I called my shot! She's like "Your brother can't make it either, but only because he has a softball tournament." HE PLAYS IN A VOLUNTEER FIRE DEPARTMENT BEER SOFTBALL LEAGUE!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's 100% for fun. No prizes, no cash, NOTHING. He gets excuses MADE for him and I get torn down.

 

2) My grandmother was very close to all of us grandkids. My one younger cousin (by about 6 years) IS ALWAYS bumming money off my gram and gramp. He is a total deadbeat. He works for our mutual uncle who offers him UNLIMITED OVERTIME and my cousin "doesn't want it." He has 2 kids, a wife who doesn't work, and they've had MULTIPLE cars repossessed and all sorts of trouble. My gram NEVER asks any questions about their finances, makes all excuses for them, bails them out, gives them TONS of money. My wife and I bought this REALLY gorgeous leather expensive couch...my grandmother saw a picture of it because my other Uncle showed her a pic he took...she was like "Can he really afford that? He better be careful, he's going to get over his head, I hope he knows what he's doing." She tells my mother, makes a HUGE stink...is telling all my aunts!!! I've NEVER borrowed money from her as an adult, I'm 31 for crying out loud, so it's been a long time. My cousin ALWAYS borrowing from her. He gets NO QUESTIONS. HE has a crappy job/his wife doesnt work, I have a very good job/my wife has a good job. WTF?!?!

 

3) My one Uncle asked me if I knew a good mechanic because his car wouldn't start. I gave him my guys #...the guy WENT to his house...TOWED it...Inspected it...both himself AND hooked up the computer...turns out, nothing was wrong, mechanic had no clue why when my uncle tried to start it, it wouldn't start, it started right up for the mechanic. The total for EVERYTHING was $90. My uncle was whining and flipping out he had to pay $90. Even my grandpa who was there was like "What are you crazy, $90 is a DEAL for all that time and effort." My Uncle KEPT throwing it in my face it cost him $90.00.

 

4) Without getting into any stories, there has seemed to be a lot of jealousy among my close friends towards me.

 

NOW...I have 2 VERY close friends..I've known them both since little league. We are all 31 and STILL talk all the time on gmail chat....almost daily. They know ALL the people in these stories quite well and have SEEN much of it first hand.

 

Both of them think that ALL of it is about jealousy. I'm the only person in my family (both mom and Dads side of family) to go to college, much less law school and pass the bar exam first try. I have a VERY stress free legal job that I LOVE and make a lot of money. I drive an awesome sports car (but MUCH nice and MUCH more expensive cars out there, mine is average when it comes to that type of fancy stuff) My wife is beautiful AND down to earth...everyone LOVES her. WE just got married a few weeks ago. So my 2 loyal/close friends think the OTHER friends and my family are jealous.

 

I just can't see why/where the jealousy would be coming from? The 2 friends told me I haven't been acting different AT ALL. They think the wedding may have triggered all of this subconscious behavior.

 

Anyone else ever deal with this/have any ideas why this is happening?

[StrongLass]

Wow. Sounds like some of my distant relatives.

 

The problem usually stems from jealousy, they want to tear everyone down to THEIR level. It's sad really.

 

The only "cure" I know of is to see/talk to them all less.

[Radu]

I think your friends are spot on about this.

 

I also suspect that they liked to play favorites with kids/grankids, read up on the golden child/ bad child dynamic and see if it applies to your childhood.

[chucksagent]

Radu my man! How are you brother!?

 

I actually used to be the "golden child" in my family. Only one to win championships in baseball & football. I was in band, drama club, spanish club, journalism club...had a part time job since I was 14. I was the only person in BOTH families to go to college and law school.

 

Now, favoritism you nailed it. My gram always favored my cousin and my mom always babied my brother...and subsequently he's a momma's boy and I have never been one.

 

I am going to look into the family dynamics you suggested right now! Thanks!