Scheduling Conference Set

[Still-I-Rise]

I do not want to see him or utter a word to him, again.

 

My spouse filed for divorce in July while still living at home.

 

He had no intention of my finding out (he'd forwarded our mail to his Mother's home).

 

When I found out he'd filed via a legal advertisement, I questioned him and he assured me he would never do such a thing. Three hours later he called from work to say he did but was confused by my question. He told me he'd given me his pensions and 401k and instructed me to not show up at any court hearings and everything would go through smoothly.

 

He has told me he will not provide me any support because I make a nice enough living.

 

He makes more money than I do and has his own business which I helped build.

 

We have four children, 2 under 18, 2 in college.

 

I have been trying to make the bills without any support and keep spirits up around the house. One of my children has taken the abandonment very hard and was hospitalized for a week. (There was severe rejection by his father for many years and the departure seemed to be the straw...)

 

We were married 22 years ago this October. He almost got away with what appears to be a long-term affair with another woman until I innocently found out he'd purchased a luxury vehicle with her and has moved in as well.

 

I've known this man since we were four years of age; best friends since 16 and started dating at 19/20.

 

We grew up together.

[GorillaTheater]

Get a lawyer, if you haven't already, and look into temporary support.

 

And he tried to have you served via publication (as opposed to personal citation by means of a process server)?? Did I read that right?

[Still-I-Rise]

I believe he was going to have someone pose as me or something. However, I do not know for sure.

 

His Mother told me he'd been really antsy about mail at her house and I realized it was the same at home. He'd had our electric bill cancelled as it was in both our names.

 

I received a notice I was illegally using electric in August. It was then that I called to make sure our car still at home was still insured and the woman on the mentioned the 2014 Mercedes Benz...

 

That aside, he was generally a mail hog, even opening other's mail.

 

I have a lawyer now - my mortgage isn't paid - but I had to get one. Her name should be entered this week.

 

I filed pro se - Answer and Cross Cross Complaint.

[GorillaTheater]

Sounds like you have it under control, and I feel like I need to apologize for immediately jumping on some procedural hanky-panky instead of offering my condolences that a long marriage ended this way.

 

Are you holding up okay, all things considered? How are the kids?

[Still-I-Rise]

GT,

 

I appreciate the legal advice, really.

 

We are doing okay. One of my children took the precipitous departure very hard and was hospitalized for a week.

 

It's hard but as I've been reading books and blogs, etc., people make it through such situations.

 

It is good to be able to talk to people who understand because it can be hard with friends...they seem to expect me to have moved on already, or so it seems.

[Misadventure]

Still,

 

I am so very sorry.. what he did was a coward's way out. Then when you confronted him, he was still a coward...and then later backtracked...saying he would give you certain things in which he judged to give you based on what he thinks is suitable.

 

Cowardly mothereffing effing effer!!!

 

You can chime in anytime because thats what he is.. and I am glad you have a lawyer.

 

Now go for the jugular...as he certainly will but will play the cowardly lion with an innocent "what did I ever do" shrug?

 

Bottom line, you and your children deserve better. He has a responsibility to you and your children, and make sure the lawyer can get some temporary spousal support.

 

I am so very sorry about your one child that was in the hospital...all you can do is show that YOU are not going anywhere and that YOU are enough.

 

If you have friends that are not being supportive, tell them.. "No, THIS is what I Need.. you are my friend.. I need to unload all this.. I am not over this.. I need my friend right now."

 

I had a friend who was at first kind of negative to me about the stbx, saying "Oh no, he will be back, don't look at his actions as this or that, he wouldn't do that etc"... she came back later and apologized...she was in denial and shock over what happened..she said he was like a brother to her and disappointed and shocked, and it messed up her knowing we are divorcing. We just never know whats going on in their heads.. and if they think also that you may get back together, they don't want to be the "bad" friend that told you what in effer he is etc...

Edited September 30, 2013 by Misadventure

[Still-I-Rise]

He actually told me he knows people will think what he did was cowardly but it isn't.

 

It is so very strange -- he left dirty laundry, etc., it was like he had to flee or something.

 

The morning I found out about the car I called a number he'd told me belonged to a man he knew but figured it was a woman. They were together and she asked if I wanted to speak to him. She also said she'd been trying to stay out of it for as long as she could. He also has the new car in her name but it is on our insurance.

 

He now uses her address.

 

Sad!

[Misadventure]

If you are in a state that frowns on infidelity, use it. Document everything.

[littlejaz]

What a low life. Coward doesn't even come close. I would think that there are legal repercussions for what he did. I would go for everything you can get.

[dumped2013]

You also are entitled to part of the business. Get a lawyer asap

[Still-I-Rise]

I have a lawyer and a good lawyer friend who reviewed my pro se filings.

 

I'm not sure but hope I am in good hands with the counselor I choose -- she is pretty hard to reach. She's also been slow about everything.

 

Unfortunately, I worry he will get away scott free with everything.

 

However, I am working on releasing that fear.

[littlejaz]

Still-I-Rise

 

Please keep posting, keep us updated as to how things are going.

[Still-I-Rise]

The scheduling conference was this week and I am glad it is over.

 

Taking a lawyer was smart because I suspected talking to him would be too much for me.

 

He actually thought everything would be over - the divorce final. He'd brought a guy along to testify he'd helped him move out 2 years ago. I'd never seen the guy before.

 

How sad because we moved his stuff to storage this August and gave him the key.

 

Needless to say the witness was unnecessary because there are issues to resolve and we are no where near that stage.

 

He was surprised that anything was contested. I don't think he read the answer or the cross-complaint I filed back in August.

 

STRANGE!

 

He decided to call me the evening following the scheduling conference to tell me he felt we should settle, etc., because it would be unfair to drag things out because of our children.

 

Sadly, he does't acknowledge that walking away without a dime to your family since leaving is not fair -- that not seeing your children is not fair.

 

He still denies the existence of the other woman even though I've spoken with her on the phone in addition to having written proof they live together and that he had an apartment for her in 2011.

 

My lawyer said he's obviously a sick man and told me I have to learn to disregard everything he says because he is a liar. She said I need to work on taking care of myself and my children because I said there is a part of me that wants to help him if he is sick.

 

Anyway, I still can't believe he thought it would be so easy to discard a 22 year marriage and four children. Unfortunately for him, playtime is over.