He wants a Prenuptial Agreement. How do I approach this topic?

[Silly_Girl]

I guess I'm old school, but in my marriage we share everything. Once we got married, it became "ours".

 

I have a teenage son. I have worked very hard and he has supported and encouraged me. I don't have a lot, but when my husband and I met I had approx 100k of equity more than him. To my mind, if I die tomorrow, that belongs to my son.

 

Otherwise I would not have considered it. I'm the higher wage earner. I lost out big time when my last relationship broke down, and what I have I feel I must safeguard for my son.

 

I also like the questions and discussions the process raises, and it prevents anyone being 'trapped' in marriage because it's too hard to get out of. You stay because you want to.

[CarrieT]

I have a teenage son. I have worked very hard and he has supported and encouraged me. I don't have a lot, but when my husband and I met I had approx 100k of equity more than him. To my mind, if I die tomorrow, that belongs to my son.

 

Okay, that is in your MIND, but have you written a will stating as such?!?

 

A very important thing that came out of my pre-nup negotiations is the fact that neither my fiancé nor I had updated our wills in some time. While discussing assets and liabilities, we have both addressed that issue to re-allocate our holdings accordingly, per our individual wishes.

 

You need to do the same or a probate court will decide for you where your equity will go.

[Silly_Girl]

Okay, that is in your MIND, but have you written a will stating as such?!?

 

A very important thing that came out of my pre-nup negotiations is the fact that neither my fiancé nor I had updated our wills in some time. While discussing assets and liabilities, we have both addressed that issue to re-allocate our holdings accordingly, per our individual wishes.

 

You need to do the same or a probate court will decide for you where your equity will go.

 

The wills reflect that if I die my husband, once our youngest child is 21, must pay my son 100k. It suggests selling property to do this.

 

Any remaining assets, if I die second, are to be split between all children including my son.

 

It is not enforceable per se, but will go a long way towards it. We are expecting now and hope to have a second child and will revisit the wills at that point. The wording was REALLY tricky and they'd not dealt with one similar to this before.

[nescafe1982]

Do you have a significant amount of personal debt? Student loans, credit card debt, medical bills, car loan, etc.? Will most of your income be going towards paying off your personal debt for many years?

 

 

Sorry Nittygritty that's it's taken em so long to respond (been off LS for a bit). Yes, I have significant student loan debt, enough that I will be paying it off for something like 7-10 years if living only on my income (although lower if we end up living mostly on his income).

[oldshirt]

I'm joining the party late and I need to preface this with the fact that I do not have a prenup nor am I any kind of attorney or anything.

 

I agree with the earlier poster who said do not rely on this or any internet forum for legal advice. My primary advice is to seek your own legal counsel (do NOT share his lawyer under any circumstances!) and work with your own lawyer to make sure you are not screwed over in any of this.

 

In general prenups can be useful in protecting the assets that people come into the marriage with. Assets acquired during the marriage are a much more sticky subject.

 

Some prenups can be enforceable and many others are not worth the paper they are printed on. Only a competent family law attorney in the state and preferably even the county for which the marital home resides in can tell you what is and what is not enforceable in that jurisdiction.

 

With a big discrepancy in incomes, your BF's concern for protecting his assets are understandable and if he were the one writing in here I would support him in obtaining one.

 

I know it's not a romantic notion but here's the thing that affects you. A prenup is just as important for you as the lower income-earning spouse, perhaps EVEN MORE SO.

 

If he does end up with a lot more assets that you, you may very well need protection against him. You will need to protect your own interest to keep from getting screwed over by him and his attorney.

 

I do encourage you to explore this more and to seek your own counsel and to work with your own attorney to protect yourself as best you can.

 

I know this isn't a romantic topic but as an educated person you should know that marriage IS in fact a legal partnership. It always has been. It has only been in the last 70-80 years here in western society that marriage has had any kind of romantic connotations AT ALL. In all cultures throughout all of recorded history marriage has been a legal partnership for the purpose of keeping assets within family bloodlines. this isn't anything new.

 

The older and wiser I get the more I think everyone should have legal counseling and prenup arraingments as part of the engagement and marriage process but that's just me.

[oldshirt]

Anyway, the concern I have and the reason I encourage you to seek counsel and give the prenup it's due diligence is that your BF wants the marital home in his name only and wants it prenupped out of your hands.

 

That's bullcrap.

 

It's also kind of creepy and cause for concern.

 

I understand him wanting him to protect his rights and to not have his home and income fraudulently taken away from him. But no attorney worth his/her weight in beetle dung would allow their client to sign away their legal claim to their marital home nor would they allow their client to sign away anything related to child support nor spousal support in the event of significantly lopsided income potentials.

 

One of my concerns is that your BF may have some unrealistic expectations of what a prenup is for and what power it has.

 

Some do a good job of protecting assets already acquired prior to the marriage but virtually none waive a spouses right to housing, child support or basic income support on assets and housing acquired after the marriage.

 

I think you need to cover your @$$ here and you need to get some good counsel and cross your T's and dot your I's.

 

I'm not saying your BF is out to F you over at all. I am just saying he may have some unrealistic, and unfair ideas on what a prenup can accomplish and it is probably in your better interest to have a big ol' reality check now before anything goes much further.

[2sure]

I have some experience with prenups as well, having signed two. One was unenforcable and the other iron clad. They were actually post nups , but the rules are pretty much the same.

 

First, people who have never married have some wild ideas of what can and cannot be included in a prenup. Next, each state can vary and you can't override your states laws. So, there is no sense at all in thinking about what terms you will accept or concede until you know what you're allowed.

 

I do know that it's no stretch anywhere to be able to protect the assets you came into the marriage with.

 

I agree ethically that a person with high earning potential should be able to protect his or her future earnings. But it usually doesn't work out that way unless a specific "severance" package is offered .

 

So, you need to speak to a lawyer. Everyone should before they marry. And not together. It's only practical.

Edited October 31, 2013 by 2sure

[oldshirt]

So, you need to speak to a lawyer. Everyone should before they marry. And not together. It's only practical.

 

Yes. Yes. Yes. and yes ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^