Urgent!!!!!!!!!!!

[Nic]

hi guys,

 

well, i need all the help i can get for one of my friends. i am meeting her for lunch today (in 2 hours), and i don't know what to do!!

 

one of my friends rang me yesterday to tell me she is pregnant and she really needs to talk to me. i'll give you a quick briefing of the situation.

 

* she is 19, the father is 26.

 

* she works with the father. relationships at work are forbidden in this company.

 

* what they have together is nothing more than sex when they feel like it. it is obvious he does not want a relationship with her.

 

* she hasn't told the father yet.

 

the problem i have is - what do i say to her? i asked her yesterday what she wants to do i.e. does she want to keep the baby or not. she said she hasn't really thought about it yet, because she only found out the other day that she is pregnant.

 

i know what i would do in that situation, but i don't really think it's right for me to tell her how i would handle it, because that's only me. i would hate for my opinions on what i would do to influence her into doing something she might feel wasn't right for her, or for her to have regrets later.

 

as i said, she is only 19 and i sincerely doubt she is financially and emotionally ready for this, but i don't know what to say to her. HELP!!!! i have never had to confront something like this with someone before.

 

i also don't think it is wise for her to make a decision until she has really thought it through.

 

any advice on what to say guys? or would the best thing be just to listen to her for now, until she tells the father and see where he will stand?

 

thanks

[Tony T]

My advice is to tell her everything you said you wanted to tell her in your post. Every point was well thought out and appropriate.

 

Let her know you are going to be there for her and that your advice is just your thoughts for her consideration. She must make the ultimate decisions in this matter.

 

You are a friend of hers. You have no duty whatsoever beyond telling her what you feel in your heart and just being a friend to her at this time.

 

Part of being a good friend is giving purely from your own heart and not that of many others in this forum. You know her better than anyone. You know as her friend what will be best for her far better than any stranger. But, at the end of the day, she must carve her future alone.

 

One thing I would add. If she decides to keep the baby, she should see an attorney ASAP. She will be entitled to child support and other benefits from the father.

 

It sounds to me like she's still in shock. It actually may be too soon to say much to her at all. Once reality sinks in...that there is a living being inside of her...she will begin to have questions and be much more open to what you have to say.

[amelia]

You are such a great friend. I think it is so nice of you to be so concerned about her. What an unfortunate situation when it should be such a great thing...a baby!

 

So what do you tell her? I would suggest listening and not advising anything for the time being. Basically she has four options.

 

One, she can have an abortion. Depending on how far along she is and how long she waits. That's a very personnal decision and I would not advise anyone to do that based on someone else's advise. I know from personal experience.

 

Two, she can have the baby and keep it. That is a lot of responsablitiy for someone so young but many mothers cannot bear to lose their child.

 

Three, she can have an open-adoption. I do think this is a great thing if all parties are willing. She could give the baby to a family that is more stable to raise it, yet she could still have contact with the child.

 

Four, she can give the child up for adoption and have no ties. It is very confidential.

 

It's hard to know what to tell someone you care about when they are in this situation. The best thing usually is to just be a great friend and listen and allow them to "think aloud." If she wants your advice, she'll ask for it. I think your a great friend!

[beebuzzer]

she's 19 and an adult. It matters little that this man is 26. a 19 year old should know about birth control and safe sex. she should have realized that when you have sex with someone, you risk getting pregnant, even if it's only a tiny risk. she made the choice to risk getting pregnant when she took off her pants. it's sad that promiscuous people bring children into the world but can't change that. she made her bed now she has to lie in it. unfortunately her sluttiness has resulted in the creation of an innocent life.

hi guys, well, i need all the help i can get for one of my friends. i am meeting her for lunch today (in 2 hours), and i don't know what to do!! one of my friends rang me yesterday to tell me she is pregnant and she really needs to talk to me. i'll give you a quick briefing of the situation.

 

* she is 19, the father is 26. * she works with the father. relationships at work are forbidden in this company. * what they have together is nothing more than sex when they feel like it. it is obvious he does not want a relationship with her. * she hasn't told the father yet. the problem i have is - what do i say to her? i asked her yesterday what she wants to do i.e. does she want to keep the baby or not. she said she hasn't really thought about it yet, because she only found out the other day that she is pregnant.

 

i know what i would do in that situation, but i don't really think it's right for me to tell her how i would handle it, because that's only me. i would hate for my opinions on what i would do to influence her into doing something she might feel wasn't right for her, or for her to have regrets later. as i said, she is only 19 and i sincerely doubt she is financially and emotionally ready for this, but i don't know what to say to her. HELP!!!! i have never had to confront something like this with someone before. i also don't think it is wise for her to make a decision until she has really thought it through. any advice on what to say guys? or would the best thing be just to listen to her for now, until she tells the father and see where he will stand? thanks

[Nic]

how dare you have the nerve to call my friend promiscous. she is FAR from it, and why are you taking it so personally?

 

i'm sorry, but i didn't realise that all children born out of wedlock and because their parents failed to use contraception obviously come from promiscous parents.

 

yes, i sincerely believe that in this day and age there is no excuse for not using contraception. it's too widely available and it is careless, but i'm not meeting her to talk about contraception. she knows she was careless. she is confused and wants to talk to me to hopefully come to some sort of understanding.

 

it's sad that people like you have the gall to come onto message boards like this and call someone who YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW promiscuous. she has only been with this one person, so shove your judgments where the sun don't shine. namecalling and assuming is so childish. wake up.

she's 19 and an adult. It matters little that this man is 26. a 19 year old should know about birth control and safe sex. she should have realized that when you have sex with someone, you risk getting pregnant, even if it's only a tiny risk. she made the choice to risk getting pregnant when she took off her pants. it's sad that promiscuous people bring children into the world but can't change that. she made her bed now she has to lie in it. unfortunately her sluttiness has resulted in the creation of an innocent life.