ex gf wants to try to be friends again; i am not over her and want to marry her!

[lifeboy]

Hey I would really love some insight and advice as to what i should do here. I'm in a very weird situation. basically, my ex gf dumped me over the summer (after being together 3 years and being friends 2 years before that). i am 23 and she is 20. she followed me down to college in atlanta and once i graduated, she transferred to school back up here in philly because i intended to move back home and find work up here. so bascially she was about to embark upon her final two years of college in a top notch new school. i think that is why she dumped me. but she said basically "you're the only one i've been with, i need tos ee what else is out there, i need to be independent, etc".

 

so we went like most of the summer never hanging out. we talked on the phone sometimes, but she didnt want to hang out as friends. well eventually i found out she started a fling with some guy like 2 weeks or so right after we broke up and she had sex with him and all. he is like this amazing guitar player (she has a thing for musicians, too bad im only a drummer and cant serenade her) and of course she wanted him because of that appeal and all. so i had a hunch they had something going on and it obviously killed me. one day towards summer's end, she calls me and is all down becaues of "guy problems" and im like shocked that she has the nerve to consult me about her guy problems. but whatever since im a good guy i heard out her problem and tried to be nice. so basically he just was nice to her, but then once he got what he wanted (sex) it seems he like didnt call her as much or wasnt as reliable. he just wanted her for sex.

 

well he left for brazil for 8 months and so then she's all alone again and doesnt know anyone at her new school. so who does she call? you guessed it! she blatantly uses me to be there for her when she's lonely. eventually she said she wants to get back with me and i agree to. but in the two weeks we were "back together," she seemed not into it, kinda distant and reserved about it, didnt want her parents to know we were back together since it would make her look so reliant on me and dependent and weak. eventually, she started meeting a few guys at school and just was all like enthusiastic about her new friendships (she is the type that doesnt have friends that are girls, she is like only friends with guys). so i was like "ok i am not going to put up with this. you are clearly reserved about being with me and all." and she admitted that even if i was treating her great and all, the chance still existed that she might dump me again because she needs to see what's out there. so i left that night and said "from here on out you are the boy who cried wolf. next time you say you want me back, i am not goingto be able to believe you." she was all crying and was like "i promise next time it wont be like that'.

 

so from that night (which was like 2 months ago) until today, i have ignored any of her emails or calls. i took her off my buddy list and blocked her. i do this so i can heal and all that jazz. i really dont know what her deal is too much. she hasnt called too much except lately in the past week she has made more efforts than in the early part of this separation. i have landed a great job in our time apart and didnt even call her to tell her the good news. she found it out through a third party. in short, i am just not allowing her to know much about me because she doesnt deserve to. i want to seem like i am moving on and just am not going to put up with her crap. she didnt want me as a boyfriend, so i want her to know that she cant have me as a friend. like she wants to have her cake and eat it too. well tough; it's not happenening. it hurts me too much to be reduced to "just friends" status.

 

incidentally, my good friend dates her sister and the three of us went to a concert a few nights ago. on the way home at like 12:30 at night, i got a phone call from a girl that i am currently friendly with, but not dating or "with" and i told her "the concert was good; i'll call you when i get home". so my ex's sister was in the car and probably interpreted it to mean i have a girlfriend. well that just is not the case. i have never even mentioned a girlfriend in my life. just because i dont ever mention my ex's name or ask about what she is up to does not mean that i dont care anymore and that i have moved on and have a new woman. i would love to marry my ex; but i dont think she wants me. anyway so my ex's sis must have given my ex some report on "what i was like at the concert' and she obvoiusly had to have mentioned the phone call. so yesterday i get an email from my ex saying this:

 

"hope life is going ok with you. i thought i would write you this email since you refuse to return my

calls. this is what i wanted to tell you over the phone: i just want you to know how much i miss having

you in my life, and if you ever feel up to going out to lunch with me sometime or whatever, i would love to

discuss the possibilities of us ever being friends again. this all depends on you, of course. if you

don't want to talk about it, then that is fine i guess. what i DONT want to happen is for you to see

this email as a mini competition that you will "win" by neglecting to respond. if any part of you wants to

see if we could be friends, then by all means, we should try. if what i am hearing about you having a

girlfriend is true, then you obviously have emotionally healed from the whole break up debacle,

and should maybe consider having me as a friend. i am so proud of you and all you have accomplished lately

(ie job, etc). she is lucky to have a guy like you. anyway, i hope you will actually respond to this

email. and feel free to call me at any time.

miss you"

 

so bascially she thinks i have a girlfriend (which i dont). i am not playing "games" with her just to "win". i am trying to heal and get over her. it seems as thuogh she only wants to be friends and i dont want that. i want to marry her. but it's only been like 3 months and that is not time for her to "see what's out there". so i just need to keep my space. do any of you have a good way i could respond to her? i mean i dont want it to seem like im sitting here still like miserably missing her and weak. at the same rate, i dont want her to think i am just like "screw you i dont want you to talk to me again" i dont know this probably seems like a dumb post. i just need some help! i also dont know if i should reveal that i dont have a girlfriend, or would that hurt my cause. any help is so much appreciated. thank you to all!

[LucreziaBorgia]

Honesty is the best policy. Tell her how you feel about her, and let her know that it isn't going to change, nor will you agree to pretend to be 'just friends', and see where it goes from there. You can explain to her that 'just friends' is entirely too painful for you to deal with, and if that is all there is then you think it would be best if you two did not contact each other.

[Weird]

Agreed. Just be honest to her.

[lifeboy]

alright. well like are ex's just that stupid to honestly think that i want to be "just friends"? i mean to me that is absolutely absurd. furthermore i remember when i was her boyfriend for 3 years, she would be mad paranoid if i even had the slightest bit of contact from my girlfriend prior to her. yet now since i apparently in her mind have a girlfriend (which i dont at all), it's ok for me and her to hang out. um doesnt she think about how she felt when she was with me and about how anti she was about me talking to my ex back then? i just dont get it. she is so dense. like does she honestly think the friends thing will work? i sure as heck dont. or could she want to eventually get back and being friends is the only way to do that? god this is such a pain in the arse.

[Weird]

most chicks are just selfish and don't give a fug about anything/anyone but themselves. Some say they arent selfish but when it comes time to step they show they are selfish. NOt saying all women are selfish but most that I know of are.

 

The "just friends" stuff is silly. My ex wanted to hang as friends when she knew my thoughts on it and how I said exes can't be friends. I tried it anyway not expecting much but you know what happened? I put more (or attempted to) in the friendship than she did yet it was HER IDEA to be friends. Thankfully I had next to no expectations that things would work so when they didn't, I was not sad or surprised at all. I just chuckle when I think how it was her idea to be friends and when I stepped up and said OK she basically didn't treat me like a friend would and then had the nerve to act like she did so much to make the friendship work when in reality she did notta. Frickin selfish son.

 

My feeling is that most (not all) who want to stay friends do so in case the big bad wonderful future they think is ahead of them doesnt turn out to be as they imagined and they can then fall back to the security of being with their ex.

 

I like your last post and think you realize how silly it all is.

[crazydawg]

friends are nonsense...... Give her the big middle finger, tell her to stop stringing you along like a old peice of meat.

They are IN FACT selfish. . She can't bear the fact to see you happy so she wants to suck you back in and make you meserable. They're all selfish not some.

 

My recommendation, ignore her don't ever respond to her, if you want her back make her come to your door and beg for it. If she never does, she really doesn't love you the way you love her. Don't waist your time giving in to her bull****. She just wants to know if she can have you still.. Then she'll throw up on you all over again.

 

By doing this, you'll be getting over her, and 2. you'll show her what she did wasn't right and she'll regret ever leaving the person that cared about her, and got away.

 

This is my opinion, I've been a dumper and dumpee. This is the best approach.

If you want to surrender your will and give in to her so she can crush your confidence again by all means go do so.

Women don't want a pansy.

[lifeboy]

thanks for the insight you guys. i hear ya. she is a selfish FOOL. i am so much smarter than her and will dominate her in every way possible in life. her looks will take her only so far, but my freakin brainpower will destroy her and my success and happiness will make her REGRET ever leaving the dude who was the man to her. she honestly cant look back for any valid justification regarding WHY she dumped me. that will bite her in the arse. NOTHING. so in short, she will have nothingbut remorse, regret, and anger at herself for throwing it all away.

 

anyway, here is the only little dilemma. if you read (in the initial post) her email to me, she paints a picture like she is the one being mature and trying to have a healthy friendship and i'm the one who is this little immature prick who is lame and refuses to respond to her. she basically set up the email and put the ball in my court. like if i dont respond, then i am the immature jerk here. and me being the immature jerk will finally give her a valid reason to be like (when pondering why she let a guy like me go) "oh i know i miss him, but he was immature and wouldnt even consider the friendship. i know im not really missing out."

 

basically, like through this entire breakup, i have been very gentlemanly, not a pansy crybaby (except for the first two weeks which was like 4 months ago), and i have given her all the space she wants. so in short, like i said, she has NOTHING on which to reaffirm that her decision to dump me was the correct one. i fear that my failure to respond to her email even to just say "sorrry cant be friends" type thing will finally give her a reason to validate her leaving me. basically, i just want to go out on top as the good dude and i want her to regret her lame decision forever. i always want her to think.... "what if"

[crazydawg]

Don't email her back, let her think what she wants, if you reply or if you don't you lose either way. No where in that email does it say she cares about you and wants you back. Its a test man. Read through it again. Her saying she misses you is in turn trying to get you to tell her you miss her to. Never speaking to her again if not full proof. If you want you don't want to respond for NOW. You could email her in a couple of months when your over her or maybe a couple of years. Don't do this man dont' give in i learned my lesson and all they do is hurt you again.

Chris

[lifeboy]

Hey well thanks for all your insights. I have spoken to many people and the majority of people said it would be best if I emailed her back and just said i didnt want to be "just friends" as she desired (See initial post for her email). so here is what i wrote to her:

 

"i think it’s best if we go our separate ways.

i’ll look back on our time together and enjoy the

memories. we definitely had good times over the past

three years. i wish you all the best and know

you’ll dominate in whatever it is you do.

take care."

 

 

it's just short and to the point. i dont think i really owe her any long emotional email. that crap is in the past and me sayiing my feelings for her and so forth all happened back in the day. i dont know why she thinks i owe her my friendship. but anyway, here is her extremely bitter response to my email:

 

"well...you have obviously perfected the sterile,

emotionless business sensibility into your writing,

and have incorporated it into everyday use. i am glad

you will "look back" over our "good" times. let me

give you some advice...when you are writing an email

in which your intention is to make yourself a stranger

to someone who knows you as well as i do, try not to

insult their feelings by making it sound as if you

never really knew the person at all. it just isn't

cool. this isnt the new accounting firm you'll be working at, alright? it is

me...and i hate businessy s**t, especially businessy

s**t combined with you saying you never want to see me

again. it sucks enough already. and please...don't

drop the i wish you luck in all your future endeavors

line. not needed.

that is all

bye jim"

 

well this is so bitter and i feel i dont deserve this . i certainly am not going to respond. it is DONE. but i cant help but notice how she was apparently (in her initial email) "so proud" of me landing my first real job at a great firm, and now in this email she rips on me as being "businessy". i think my email to her was concise and not businessy at all. i just think this girl - a girl who rarely is told "no" and usually gets what she wants - just cannot believe the fact that someone denied her something she wanted.

 

finally, she calls it sterile and emotionless writing. well i have news for her; just look back on when she dumped me and all the crying, the deep email i sent her professing all my feelings, the times when we got back together and i told lher how much i loved her and all. she doesnt deserve me telling her that stuff anymore. she had her chance. i dont see why a girl that wants to be "Just friends" cannot handle this. it shouldnt be that horrific. i mean she has gone 2 whole months without me talking to her. why does she have to blow up at me for just reaffirminig in text that i dont want to see her or talk to her? what a wreck! i think it's absurd and i think she just is scared that now the security blanket she THOUGHT she had, in case playing the field and testing the waters didnt work out, is gone. bottom line; i dont deserve this and i am respecting her desire not to be my gf. i have backed off and not begged for her back since the first week she dumped me months ago. why cant she give me the same respect regarding my lack of desire to be "just friends."?

[Weird]

son, ***** HER! Seriously, I figured she would write some **** like that if you emailed her. Glad to know I was correct and that she is indeed very selfish.

 

Dude NOTHING wrong with your email. Her reply though was flat out retarded and shows how self centered she is. Seriously.

 

Please make sure you don't give in one day when you feel down and write her back. She is not worth one more ounce of your time.

 

Hopefully for her sake she'll actually grow up as she ages but don't hold your breath.

 

Oh and I know all about ex not being able to have anything to justify the break-up like you mentioned in the previous post but her prolly thinking in your mind you somehow werent' totally amazing to/for her. Been there son.

 

Her loss bro.

 

Oh and the reason she can't give the same respect is because SHE wants something and SHE thinks because of that SHE is right and SHE should get her way. She doesn't give a damn what you want if it isn't what she wants. Ben there too dude.

 

Damn women...yet some of them are OK but they are few and far between.

[pancakepalace]

Hi lifeboy,

 

Don't worry too much about her response. She obviously was in a bad mood and didn't mean everything she said. I think one of the hard things for men is to be able to weight what our girls are saying. Sometimes they say very little, but it means so much (when things start getting bad in a relationship for example). At other times they blow things out of proportion.

 

I think what you wrote was really good, but I can see how she blew it out of proportiong since you suddenly seem to have made a mind switch. Remember, she doesn't know how you have been thinking all this time and thinks you have a new girlfriend. This surely hurts her even if she is over you. It makes it more real that you two aren't together anymore and she has to face the truth once and for all.

 

I think what you should do is write back another small note explaining that you didn't intend to be buisness like and that you were not being rude or cocky by saying you enjoyed the passed with her. Just tell her that you think you cannot be friends because you have to deal with your feelings etc... Tell her you'll miss her too but you need to find some kind of closure.

 

At least, you won't have sour thoughts of the relationship this way. It would be sad that all the time and energy you both spent on this relationship would end like this. Believe me, she was panicked when she wrote this.

 

Wait a few weeks to see if she comes around, then write her a short reply like I said earlier. I think would be best.

 

Good luck,

pel

[lifeboy]

i mean i think responding to her is just like a bad idea. i dont intend to because it makes it seem like i still care about how meanly she responded to me. i just am finished with her selfishness and she can think whatever she wants to think of my "business like" email. i said what i said and i stand by it. what is the purpose of responding to her anger just to like appease her by being like "i miss you, and it's just too hurtful for me to be friends and not be with you." i mean that is what she WANTED to hear. she wanted either:

 

a) ok i will discuss being friends with you

 

or

 

b) as much as id like to be friends, it would hurt too much. i still love you and miss you so much and it's painful.

 

if she heard option b, then it would indicate to her that i am NOT over her and that she still has me on a string, close by in case she ever needs the insurance policy of my greatness if the guys she ends up seeing or dating end up sucking. i am taking that insurance policy away from her. she does not deserve it. like i said, this girl has never been told "no" and she must realize there are serious consequences to her actions. Love is not a small little game where you just get over it and become friends after a few months. sorry it just doesnt work that way. i guess at best she can have this as a much needed life lesson. i personally intend to just keep on living and thriving. sure it will be hard, but i can say with complete honesty that on average, i am WAY stronger today than i was when she first dumped me. it can only get better, especially when my job starts in january and i'm getting pounded with work, meeting new people, and living off a fat salary.

 

in short, she was selfish. i was great to her. she wanted more. she thinks she can get more and better. im a good looking guy, but surely there are better looking guys out there. i mean that has to be the motive behind this breakup. i was a GREAT boyfriend, loving, caring, the whole nine yards. so like i said, she wanted more. im sure she will get more. she will get better looking guys (because she is a drop dead gorgeous girl). but who is to say they will be better PERSONS than i was. the looks will only work for so long. whatever, my own success and happiness will just blow her away in the long run. i dont need her. ROCK ON

[morrigan]

Lifeboy, do not invest a lot of time into what your ex says or emails to you. Don't contact her in any way, shape or form, and ignore any of her contacts to you. Get on with your own life and interests.

 

she blatantly uses me to be there for her when she's lonely.

 

That's what the situation will be if you did stay pals with her. You don't have to be friends with an ex. Don't worry about what or who she does from now on.

[crazydawg]

Lifeboy, i'm very proud of you man, you did what i couldn't. I needed to also give this beautiful girl i had a lesson. She was spoiled in every manner possible. I just kept feeding her. I wish i had the courage you did and tell her off in a nice way... You did the right thing though. She broke up with you over nonsense and wants to be all friendly all of the sudden. The hell with that.

[lifeboy]

hey well i mean it's all about support from you all. just reading the boards helps out. i know that i am a very strong dude. i am stubborn and i stay the course. i have confidence it'll work out in the end for me. i will find happiness in some way shape or form.

 

i think one of the greatest aspects of this all is the she sees how credible i am. for two months i have ignored her and not responded to anything. she knows that i am solid as a rock and that when i say it's done, it is in fact DONE. in short, i am so much stronger than she is and i hope she fears that. i hope she eventually has the common sense to just realize "this was ALL a product of MY DECISION to dump him. as much as i want to place blame on him for ignoring me and turning down friendship, i know deep down inside that i can only blame myself and my own decision for this loss."

 

i really dont want to (in the long run) be perceived as the "bad guy". i am the victim, not her. she is the demon, not me. i mean it is hard, but for everyone out there, just dont let them have what they want. just be strong. FORCE yourself. it is feasible. she has just lost the person she has been most close to in her entire life, all in the name of selfishness and a desire to have better. maybe she'll find better, maybe she wont. but i am not sitting around waiting to find out. im just going with the flow and whatever happens years down the road is what happens. i just hope karma plays out and i end up happy and she ends up regretful. that is my ultimate dream, as immature and low as it may sound. i hope she gets what she did to me somehow, someday.

[Weird]

you did a good job son and I am proud of how you have handled thinsg with her. Just stick to it and don't give in by contacting her down the line when one day you may feel really depressed.

 

Is she an only child?

[lifeboy]

thanks weird.

 

no she isnt an only child. she is a first child; has a younger sis and bro. but like her bond with her dad is like more connected than her sister's bond is with him. i mean she is spoiled in that like if she is having a bad day or something, her dad will book her an appointment at the spa for a haircut or like massage or some bs. it's like his little daughter and he always wants her to be happy. im not sure if i mentiond it, but she followed me back home once i graduated college this past summer and she transferred to a school up here to be with me. her first choice was ivy leauge university of pennsylvania, but she was rejected and had to settle for a much lower tier school. well go figure, her dad went to penn and knows the admissions director; so he wrote a little influential letter and penn ultimately "reevaluated her application" and let her in. i mean just utter BS. didnt deserve it at all; and now she is all egoed out. i mean it's just another example of her getting what she wants. and because she is a hot girl, she has always had people be nice to her and all that jazz. i mean right after she dumped me and was in pain from her loss, she had NO problem starting a fling with some guy for the summer to hide from the pain. she just is one of those gorgeous girls that people say yes to frequently, and so she isnt used to being shut down by me.

[Weird]

Ah yes, the good ol daddy's girl.

 

I can't comment on her looks since I havent seen her (peep me a pic of ehr if you want) but I will take your word that she is a female that guys would widely consider attractive. If that si the case then I see two paths for her life:

 

1- she stays attractive and gets suckers to spoil her who think just because she is a piece she is worth being poon whipped by when in reality a vagina is a vagina so there is no need to let a woman holding one act like a spoiled brat.

 

2- as with many people who are attractive when young, she pops out a baby or age/gravity just catches up to her and she turns into a sea donkey. She then is left without the ability to get horny decent guys with money/prospects, etc being "yes men" to her and she turns to the drug addict abusive dudes of society and she ends up working at mcdonalds with 4 kids, fathered by 3 different men. 1 of them unknown.

 

Either case be thankful you arent with her. Not worth it. You have potential and her spoiled ass attitude would only bring you down.

[lifeboy]

lol your commentary is funny. i think option number two is a bit extreme, but i like the concept of aging.

 

in any event, she can continue to live a fraudulent life in which everything she "accomplishes" is really not based on merit. she can also continue her whole image makeover to some chill hippy girl (which she is NOT). i mean just continue living your lies and maybe one day yyou will wake up and be like, WHAT AM I DOING? whatever. like i said, regret is my ultimate goal for her. she may be too stubborn to admit it, but whtever, her inner demons can plague her.

[Weird]

haha yeah....she will regret it but never admit to it unelss she hits total rock bottom.

 

Why some women have to be stubborn like that is beyond me....

[pancakepalace]

I don't understand why you are so angry at her. You say you don't care anymore so why wish bad things upon her. Seems to me you guys were probably not in love, since you harbor these bad feelings. I have been in what I would call 'true' love a couple of times in my life and when these girls dumped me I was hearthbroken, but in no way would I wish bad things upon them.

 

If you are truly over her, then it doesn't matter how she feels. If it doesn't matter how she feels then it would be better for her to feel good.

 

The best thing for you both is that you both find people to fall in love with respectively.

 

Wishing bad upon her has nothing to do with her only with you. It is an artifice you are creating to protect yourself and attempt to find closure.

 

Even if you were perfect has you say, it might well be that she felt you guys didn't click anymore and needed something else. This is legitimate.

 

A relationship is always about two people. I don't buy it that problems can arise from only one person.

[lifeboy]

pancakepalace:

 

first and foremost, i agree. i was never PERFECT. neither was she. i mean everyone has imperfections and that is just the nature of the beast. but on the WHOLE, i was extremely good to her, caring, loving, fun, and always there for her. perhaps she got sick of just dating the same person; i dont know. maybe she doesnt love me anymore. that is completely possible and valid.

 

the reason i am ANGRY at her is because LONG ago (2 months ago), i told her i cannot see or communicate with her in any way shape or form because it is just too painful. i was in love with her and just could not face being with her in the capacity of just a friend. ok, bottom line is that i indicated that it hurt too much. the reason i am ANGRY is because she is SELFISH and expects me to be her friend. im sorry, maybe you're superhuman, but i cannot just do that. i think it is obnoxious and selfish of her to ask that i not be her boyfriend, but still be her friend. i dont understand what is so foreign about this concept to you.

 

this is also why i am mad. i have respected her request to not be her boyfriend. i do not beg or cry and ask for second chances. i RESPECT her decision to see what's out there and not be with me. so why can she not do the same for me when it comes to my lack of desire to be friends? that is the problem here pancakepalace. there is a complete asymmetry here pertaining to respect for one another's feelings. i have been completely respectful of her desires. but she is SELFISH and disregards my feelings and puts her own self interest above them. that is why i am the opposite of happy with her.

 

with all that said, i cannot help hoping that she suffers somehow. you know why? because i am CURRENTLY suffering and have been. and she is NOT helping me HEAL by continuing to email or call me. it is NOT COOL. that is why. once again, maybe you are superhuman, but i hope that what goes around comes around. sorry if i am not a good person. but i am only human.

[pancakepalace]

Hello wifeboy,

 

Don't get angry at me my friend, we are all entitled to our opinions.

 

It is obvious she didn't treat you right when you wrote a nice email to which she answered innapropriately. This is clear. She didn't respect your space. I think its perfectly fine that she would ask you to be friends, but I don't think it is fine that she reacted in that way when you refused the offer.

 

What I was saying is that I don't understand why you are still wasting energy like that to vent about her. The girl treated you so badly you shouldn't waste anymore energy on her, positive or negative.

 

If you really loved her, or still love her, how can you wish bad upon her? You surely understand the breakup is very difficult for her also and that she acts bad because she is human and immature and feeling like a wreck with strange emotions. You say you don't like those emotions and what you went through, so why wish it upon someone else.

 

True I have a strong built and crispy blue eyes and I might be inclined to enjoy the feeling of silky textures clinching upon my skin once in a while, but there is no question of me being superman. I don't think there is anything superhuman about being in control of ones anger. Basically, it is just about understanding there might be many reasons for her bad behaviour and since you already decided not to deal with it you can simply move on without the need to spend energy on hate or revenge.

 

It took you like 5 minutes to vent your negative thoughts on this forum. You cared for her deeply during those 5 minutes when you should have been strutting your stuff on your front porch.

 

I hope you find closure and a new love very fast and that the poison of revenge is removed from your veins. Unclench your fists and lay your hands bare and unprotected. I will clean your wounds and stamp your hands with a starlike shape that will open a new lease on life for you. Let me bite your hearth and suck the purposless poison of hate, I'll spit it out at you (not at her) so you can't see its ugliness for yourself. You will then understand that anger is your self imposed poison that runs through your veins and not hers.

 

I hope your ex finds the most exquisite love. I think you two were not meant to be together and that's fine. Maybye she'll find someone great for her and you also. You both deserve to be in the arms of love. Heck, we all do.

 

Lets say I am batman and you robin! Superman seems to much for me to handle and anyhow I like to have an acolyte.

 

Good luck robbie,

batboy

 

P.S. Play a game of snakes and ladders or something to get your mind off her.

[Gottabestrong]

Dear Lifeboy,

 

I have just come across your post and I could not help but comment on your ex' emails, even if it was a few days ago.

 

Now this is only my point of view and of course I cant look into her head or heart, but being a woman myself I can relate to what she is writing.

 

Ok, when I read her first email to you it was obvious to me that she cared about you, missed you and wanted you back. Maybe she was not willing to admit it, but that's what my email would have sounded like in a similar situation.

 

I also read your old posts where you posted about that email of hers in which she remembered a trip to Atlanta and how happy she was to be with you, do you know what I am refering to?

 

So to me it is clear that she really loved you once and probably still has deep feelings for you. If not she would not have contacted you after 2 months of NC. (Very admirable of you, btw.)

 

She broke up with you and met all these great guys at university, but still continues to contact you. To me it can't mean anything else than that she realises how great you are and that she wants you back in her life.

 

It is quite possible that she wants to keep you in the background while she enjoys her freedom with dating other guys, but I am sure that she really cares about you.

 

Now the second email from her in this thread, to me that it is obvious hurt and rejected behaviour. After 2 months of NC and her hearing that you might be dating someone else, she probably believes that you really moved on and she lost you.

 

She is trying to feel angry at you so she wont have to feel guilt and heartbroken because she actively pushed you away.

 

If she did not care she would have either not replied to your mail or written something short like "I am sorry you feel that way, but it is probably for the better."

 

Now what I recommend for you to do, if you still love her and want her back, is to not contact her but wait till you hear from her again. Maybe she is going to send you a card for Christmas. If she does just send her a short, friendly reply.

 

Then, when she writes again, wait a few days until you answer. Keep doing that for a few times and see if she suggests meeting up. If she does, meet her and act friendly but distant. If she does not, slowly stop contacing her again. You know, take more and more time between contacts.

 

Of course if you feel like you are better off without her, than don't answer her anymore and try to forget about her.

 

I just know that the afore-mentioned approach would work with me, and wanted to tell you some positive things.

 

Any way you decide to proceed, I wish you all the best!

[Weird]

I just know that the afore-mentioned approach would work with me, and wanted to tell you some positive things.

 

Problem is that you are actually a rational babe. Too bad more females aren't like you!

 

BTW, that was a great post