miserablyconfused Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 Ok here is my situation... I met a man at a local sports bar we started talking, casually dating then I found out he was married. although he is married I continued seeing him and fell in love. His wife and kids and house are 2000 miles away. He spends 5 or 6 days there every 2 weeks. After we had been seeing eachother for a few months he bought a house here for us under his company name. then he decides that he wants to hire me as his assistant so this way I could go back to the west coast with him when has to go for his visits. this is supposed to go on for the next year and a half. He claims he will leave his wife within this time. I love this man, any suggestions on what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 Ok here is my situation... I met a man at a local sports bar we started talking, casually dating then I found out he was married. although he is married I continued seeing him and fell in love. His wife and kids and house are 2000 miles away. He spends 5 or 6 days there every 2 weeks. After we had been seeing eachother for a few months he bought a house here for us under his company name. then he decides that he wants to hire me as his assistant so this way I could go back to the west coast with him when has to go for his visits. this is supposed to go on for the next year and a half. He claims he will leave his wife within this time. I love this man, any suggestions on what to do. What does your gut tell you? Do you believe him? Has he been honest with you? If you really ask yourself these questions, you can probably come up with your own answers. Look at how you phrase your second to last sentence: "He claims he will leave his wife..." I think you get it. Now you need to make some decisions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 Don't do it. He is slowly making you dependent on him. If you allow yourself to be dependent on him financially, he will be in a huge position of power of you. He knows this. The affair can end in a second if his wife finds out. His assets are half hers, and it is extremely risky to connect yourself career wise or financially to a married man. You trust him & have faith in him because you are emotionally bonded to him, but everything changes if he is exposed. Also, consider the character of a man that would do this. He is a great pretender, and people that lie this easily don't only deceive their spouse. They'll lie whenever it suits them. Which is why he didn't tell you he was married- he thought a woman like you would never accept a married man. And yet you did, and you still continue to. Why? Love is not a reason to compromise your self respect. It is very easy to fall in love with people who have the gift of making you feel good. Do you truly love this cheater- or do you love the feelings that he inspires in you? Really think about that. Is he a good man? Does he have your best interests at heart, or his? Selfish and damaged people can be very manipulative, and they are so good at it that it seems genuine. He began a relationship with you & didn't tell you he was married. You found out about it and still stayed with him. You accepted that huge lie, so I'm sure he thinks you'll accept anything. He'll keep pushing to see how much you'll accept. Including being his "assistant" so that he can eat more cake. I think he is disrespecting the women that love him, and I think you & his wife deserve much better. By living in his house & working for him, you are putting yourself in an extremely vulnerable position. You are relying on the word of a liar & a cheater, for your livelihood & well being. That's a lot of faith to have in someone with his character. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 Sometimes, you just can't make this stuff up. Really? You met a man, he tells you he's married - with kids - but you continue to date him? Now, you're his assistant so he can fool around with you around his wife and kids? And the saddest part? You're all in. You're not going to call it a day. You're not going to have an ounce of self-preservation and for the next two-to-three years, you will periodically appear on this forum frustrated that he hasn't left, concerned that there's been a dday, going underground, etc. I have finally had enough of this forum. It's over. I can't make anyone value themselves. I can't make anyone see that making smart decisions helps you to author your own success and not script your own disaster. So, I'm done. I'm even done lurking. Figure it out. I now no longer have to listen when it just doesn't work out the way you planned. Goodbye all, GG 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miserablyconfused Posted October 1, 2013 Author Share Posted October 1, 2013 Ok so I have read your thoughts and suggestions. I greatly appreciate your input. He claims he is no longer in love with his wife and hasn't had a real relationship with her for the past several years. He said that he wanted me to be his assistant because he can't stand to be away from me that long. As his assistant I have had some interactions with his wife and she is a very cold and callus woman. I want to believe him when he says that he lives me.but there is another part of me that says hit the ground running. Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 How old are the children? She might be cold because she's fed up with anything to do with him (and it may or may not be because of things he has done in the past). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HopingAgain Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 I just have to wonder WHY so many women are desperate to be used? How many feel they don't deserve a loyal man who is not married to another woman? How many women are happy to settle for crumbs..even begging for them? Where is the Pride and strength of women anymore? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 He bought You a House?! The first thing that comes to mind is, is the house in Your name only, including the note or is MM's name on it too?? Second thing is Oh Holy #$&% is His Wife going to FREAK when she finds out he spent Their money buying OW a house!! Then I think, if My H's name is on the house, it's My house too. If H's name is Not on the House but on the purchase, I demand REpayment of Half. The Marital half!! These are just immediate kneejerk thoughts I would have when I imagine it happening to me. Only, before I was even done thinking the above, I would have formulated a solid strategy to take back Everything that was given w/out my consent to an intruder of My life and M, kick My cheating, thieving, #$&%*>$ of a H OUT of the house along w/freezing him out of all accounts until the legal accounting team could determine what, where and when w/the monies. Oh wait... I Did do that. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 miserablyconfused wrote, " He claims he is no longer in love with his wife and hasn't had a real relationship with her for the past several years. He said that he wanted me to be his assistant because he can't stand to be away from me that long. As his assistant I have had some interactions with his wife and she is a very cold and ..." Hey miserablyconfused, I just want you to know that the above you wrote is verbatim what My H told exOW. Crazy, like word for word. Then filled her head w/a huge pile o'pooh so when she Did meet me she had already determined how I would be regardless of how nice I was to her. Nothing as in Nothing I could have done would have made her see the truth of me... because she was allowing My H to have unprotected Sex w/her. And she Did work for us on an outsource basis. Please miserablyconfused, do Not judge her based on what Her H tells you, nor based on Your bias as you are having sex w/Her H. Nothing she could have done (aside from maybe cheating herself) warrants what Her H and now You (being an employee now) are doing to her and their children should they have any. Why not just leave her for you right now?? If it's REAL w/Him & you, nothing, I mean no time would have to pass for kids, assets etc that would keep you from him, Legitimately, like right now. I'm terribly sorry you find yourself in such a stitch. Be REAL Careful alright? Protect yourself now Before your A comes to light. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
1calgal Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 Sometimes, you just can't make this stuff up. Really? You met a man, he tells you he's married - with kids - but you continue to date him? Now, you're his assistant so he can fool around with you around his wife and kids? And the saddest part? You're all in. You're not going to call it a day. You're not going to have an ounce of self-preservation and for the next two-to-three years, you will periodically appear on this forum frustrated that he hasn't left, concerned that there's been a dday, going underground, etc. I have finally had enough of this forum. It's over. I can't make anyone value themselves. I can't make anyone see that making smart decisions helps you to author your own success and not script your own disaster. So, I'm done. I'm even done lurking. Figure it out. I now no longer have to listen when it just doesn't work out the way you planned. Goodbye all, GG Those of us who have made good decisions and *have* moved on don't necessarily post anymore. You are more likely to post when in crisis. It's not reasonable to judge progress based on those who are still struggling and writing. Also, sometimes people need time to work through it all. I don't agree with the "bashing." It may be obvious to someone who has gone through it before but there are always new women who are "discovering" affairs for the first time. If a person has low self esteem, how is it going to make them feel better by showing disgust? I think the better tactic is the "you deserve better" angle. It is easy to falling into the trap of thinking that no one else better could be out there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cif Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 Sure, concubines have always existed. Why do some women become wives and others elect to become concubines? Good question. I wonder which is better. It's wayyyyyyy more work being a wife that's for sure. OW have all the fun. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 Ok so I have read your thoughts and suggestions. I greatly appreciate your input. He claims he is no longer in love with his wife and hasn't had a real relationship with her for the past several years. He said that he wanted me to be his assistant because he can't stand to be away from me that long. As his assistant I have had some interactions with his wife and she is a very cold and callus woman. I want to believe him when he says that he lives me.but there is another part of me that says hit the ground running. My goodness is there some script these married men follow when they cheat?:lmao: Honey, read around on this forum and you will see the sentenced bolded above has been said so many times it's downright pathetic. I mean really they need to come up with another line. I'm sorry but how old are you OP? You do know he's lying don't you? I can't believe you would further lower yourself by appearing in front of his wife knowing you are sleeping with him! Yuk! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
lace5262 Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 OW have all the fun. We must not be reading the same stories. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 We must not be reading the same stories. I was thinking the same thing. It must be fun waiting in the wings for a man and wondering when oh when is he going to leave and come to me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
cif Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 I was thinking the same thing. It must be fun waiting in the wings for a man and wondering when oh when is he going to leave and come to me. In the practical sense OW can get the best of MM if we take the "wondering" out of the picture. Concubines of the past knew they wouldn't replace the wife. They just went on enjoying their lives until MM came calling Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 A man even contemplating divorce does not buy property is his or his company's name. He hides it . He is handing you utter NONSENSE. Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 Ok here is my situation... I met a man at a local sports bar we started talking, casually dating then I found out he was married. although he is married I continued seeing him and fell in love. His wife and kids and house are 2000 miles away. He spends 5 or 6 days there every 2 weeks. After we had been seeing eachother for a few months he bought a house here for us under his company name. then he decides that he wants to hire me as his assistant so this way I could go back to the west coast with him when has to go for his visits. this is supposed to go on for the next year and a half. He claims he will leave his wife within this time. I love this man, any suggestions on what to do. A. No self respecting woman moves into a new house without any rights to it if the relationship ends. B. You have met her a few times and might have seen her stressed to the gills. After all she holding down the fort back home. C. How is it that you can even think you love him, when there are kids in the picture that will be devastated when their parents divorce? Who the heck wants the kinda of jerk off that would be willing to do that to his kids? As far as what to do....maybe you should just tell his wife and she can kick his butt to the curb. But beware....he will most likely dump you faster than a bag of garbage and try to make nice with his wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 Ok so I have read your thoughts and suggestions. I greatly appreciate your input. He claims he is no longer in love with his wife and hasn't had a real relationship with her for the past several years. He said that he wanted me to be his assistant because he can't stand to be away from me that long. As his assistant I have had some interactions with his wife and she is a very cold and callus woman. I want to believe him when he says that he lives me.but there is another part of me that says hit the ground running. Stop believing the selfish liar! If he wanted you that badly - he would have divorced her. Get a new job! Find out why you would settle for an unavailable man! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 (edited) If the OW only wants sex and some dinners, then I supposed you would see it that way. However, it is very rare that OW experiences the deep, lasting love that is given to the wife. It is rare that she is given the same respect. It is rare that she receives anything at all if MM should pass away, and I'd bet she cannot even attend his funeral. I guess I have a different definition of "best". To me it means meaning something to my man. Something important. Something he cherishes. It does not mean something he has sex with, has a few laughs and then goes home and pretends I don't exist. Are you saying that loving behavior includes cheating on his wife? You are including his love for his wife as completely disrespectful and void of living actions just by the cheating alone... Edited October 1, 2013 by 2sunny Link to post Share on other sites
awkward Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 ...as his assistant so this way I could go back to the west coast with him when has to go for his visits. this is supposed to go on for the next year and a half. He claims he will leave his wife within this time. He wants to take his mistress with him when he goes on visits "home". I am curious as to what event is going to take place in 1 1/2 years that is going to make it okay for him to leave his family for his mistress. Also, I wouldn't worry so much about what he claims/says. I would watch his actions. First action, taking his mistress with him when he goes home to his family. Class act right there. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 I don't know if this has been considered yet but MAYBE MM & His W have an open M but they don't tell AP's about it?! Hey now... I've read it HERE before...* That'll make for an interesting trip "home" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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