Need brutal honesty

[Simon Phoenix]

He said he was broken and needed 6 months or maybe more to heal. All I wanted short term was to be able to text sometimes, maybe meet up for coffee occasionally but no physical stuff, then if and when he felt ready to start looking to be in a relationship again, I might have a chance.

 

Punt that from your mind. It's gone.

[Lokie]

The real truth is that it's none of your business what he thinks of you. Spending time trying to figure out what someone else is feeling or thinking is fruitless. It simply does not matter! I strongly encourage you check out the website for Sex & Love Addiction (SLAA). You are not alone. | Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous

 

I can already hear your response... "I'm not addicted to sex! And certainly not to love - I just want to know what he means..." Girl, trust me. I know an addict when I hear one. And many are either sex addicated or love addicted. Just check it out. Find a women's meeting - and the best part? It's FREE.

 

Here are 12 characteristics of SLAAs:

1. Having few healthy boundaries, we become sexually involved with and/or emotionally attached to people without knowing them.

2. Fearing abandonment and loneliness, we stay in and return to painful, destructive relationships, concealing our dependency needs from ourselves and others, growing more isolated and alienated from friends and loved ones, ourselves, and God.

3. Fearing emotional and/or sexual deprivation, we compulsively pursue and involve ourselves in one relationship after another, sometimes having more than one sexual or emotional liaison at a time.

4. We confuse love with neediness, physical and sexual attraction, pity and/or the need to rescue or be rescued.

5. We feel empty and incomplete when we are alone. Even though we fear intimacy and commitment, we continually search for relationships and sexual contacts.

6. We sexualize stress, guilt, loneliness, anger, shame, fear and envy. We use sex or emotional dependence as substitutes for nurturing care, and support.

7. We use sex and emotional involvement to manipulate and control others.

8. We become immobilized or seriously distracted by romantic or sexual obsessions or fantasies.

9. We avoid responsibility for ourselves by attaching ourselves to people who are emotionally unavailable.

10. We stay enslaved to emotional dependency, romantic intrigue, or compulsive sexual activities.

11. To avoid feeling vulnerable, we may retreat from all intimate involvement, mistaking sexual and emotional anorexia for recovery.

12. We assign magical qualities to others. We idealize and pursue them, then blame them for not fulfilling our fantasies and expectations.

[gothicrose]

No, trust me although a couple of those fit, I don't actually want to be in a relationship and I don't feel lonely.

 

I just don't like rejection, probably.

 

I'll get over it, last time I spoke to him (when I went to his place on Tues as I mentioned before) he had told me more about the course thing; it was a martial arts course attached to the martial arts class he attends and Tuesday he admitted he fell out with the guy that runs the martial arts class as he refused to refund my ex for the course...even though he told him that the reason he couldn't do the course was because he was emotionally stressed at the time (because of me). So he hadn't been to martial arts class since.

 

So...knowing I've cost the guy his hobby has finally, unoquivically brought it home to me

[Lokie]

Goth, are you willing to admit that you've had a part in your own misery around this man?

 

If so, then most likely the men will change, but the issues will remain the same.

 

The hope is that you will adjust yourself enough to be able to be in a healthy relationship going forward.

[gothicrose]

I'm not interested in relationships...was single until I was 22 through choice (had brief flings but not proper relationships before that) and after my childrens dad left 6 years ago for another woman I stayed single again through choice until I met this guy.

 

Not bothering again.