I can't breathe...

[longjourney]

My husband convinced me for the past 3 years that he was not unfaithful. Instead I was made to feel like I was a lunatic. He denied. I started to believe him because we have a baby boy and I want to keep it all together. Yesterday he did not want to give me a password to his cc. I looked at old charges and saw hotel charges from April - August of last year. I called the hotel and they said he was there every week in August and paid in cash. He admitted what he did. I'm sick to my stomach. I can't bring myself to do what my son needs from me so I asked my sister for help. I don't want to believe it. I cannot tolerate knowing he held, kissed, and slept with another woman, not one considering what we would lose for his brief moments of pleasure. Thinking of the two of them together makes me sick but the image pops into my head. How could he enjoy involving himself in such destructive behavior. Why wasn't my love enough? Why wasn't I enough?

 

Since asking him to leave, the only time he's contacted me was to tell me about the "consequences" if I were to tell anyone he works with. He said that I would effectively ruin any chance of reconciliation bc he will lose his job and not be able to support us and he will be forced to leave the city.

Why do I feel guilty? I cannot stand him being mad at me or thinking poorly of me. Even after all he has done, I don't want to hurt him or make him angry. After all he has done, I wish he would show more desperation or act like a man whose losing everything. Instead, he was first apologetic, I said I could not forgive him, and now he is just angry. It's like he wants me to move past this now. What is wrong with me? How can I be so weak and stupid? It's like the worse he treats me and angrier he gets, the more I want to make HIM feel better. Right now I am texting and calling because I want to know details about the affair and feel like I have the right to know. He ignored me. He says I am handling this wrong and ruining any chance of reconciliation by purposefully making him feel bad and criticizing him about what he did.

 

I'm in the weaker position here because I adore this man and am having trouble separating this horrible behavior from the man I love. How do I do these things? How do I get a backbone? I'm terrified of living alone and raising my son alone. I notified the husband of the other woman bc they were going through a divorce and he did not have proof of her affair. I told him I have proof. He told my husband that he will be notifying his boss that he is sleeping with clients which is against the rules. My husband called me now saying I had a chance to stay with him but I ruined it by throwing him under the buss and forcing him to lose his job. He said because of this, he wants nothing to do with my daughter and I and it is all my fault. I feel horrible. Please she's some rationale thought in me bc I cannot think straight. Was I wrong? Did I ruin any chance?

[crepesuzette]

LongJourney,

 

I am sorry for your feeling so low about yourself. I hope you can pull it all together for your son. I know you are feeling worthless, but that too shall pass...you need to distance yourself from your lying WH. He does not care for you. He is being selfish and completely out of line. He had you believing for YEARS that you are crazy. What kind of man does that? He is not a good father!!! He was carrying on with this woman while you were pregnant for God's Sake!!! If he EVER gets his head out of his ass then that will only be the FIRST step. He has years of work ahead of him. Don't let him pull the wool over your eyes any longer. Protect yourself and your son. Good Luck

[Zahara]

I'm very sorry for your pain, crepe.

 

Listen, it's called gaslighting. Look it up. It's when someone turns it all around and makes you feel as if you're the one that f'd up. When in fact, this craphole that he's in now, is all his doing.

 

My girlfriend is a single mother of two little girls. She's doing it. Making it on her own. Sanity in tact. Self-respecting woman who said no more to her cheating husband. Her days of looking over her shoulder are over, checking every cc statement, checking his phone, wondering what he's doing when he's working late is done. It's difficult for her but at the end of the day she is loved by her kids and that is all she needs. I'm sure you're afraid but guess what, people are doing it everyday. And you will too.

 

Chance to get back together? If the alternative is going back to a cheating husband, you can but guess what, he'll probably do it again seeing that he is showing you zero remorse for this and is only concerned about his behind. That means he isn't sorry and he will do it again. You know that right? If you want to live that way, and if HE wants you back (and he's the one who cheated and he should be the one begging for you to take him back but it's the other way around...how f'd up is this?!), go ahead.

 

I hope you pick the one that gives you some temporary pain versus the one that will keep you in indefinite hell.

[lylat333]

OP, this is really heavy stuff so I can only imagine how hard it is to think straight but crepesuzette and Zahara are right. This man is 0% deserving of being protected from losing his job. You would be sending the wrong message to say the least by positively reinforcing his behavior in any way.

 

This is not a line just to try and make you feel better - his disgusting behavior is a reflection of him, not you. Do not turn the blame inward and second-guess you or your love. Clearly you loved him, you wanted to see all this work. He got more love from you than he deserved.

 

It's heartbreaking to see you, the victim, feeling guilty and not wanting him to think poorly of you. This is about as bad as it gets when it comes to an emotionally abusive relationship. His warped mind and behavior has poisoned the relationship and your mind, too.

 

Hopefully your family and friends will be able to help you through this, making the child a priority and you healing without this guy in the picture. This guy is bad, bad news... a healthy reconciliation is out of the question while you 2 are in your current state. If you are up for it and interested I would highly recommend a therapist to help support you and guide you in making the best decisions.

Edited October 1, 2013 by lylat333

[stillafool]

First it doesn't matter if he wants to have anything to do with your daughter or not he will still have to pay child support. What an arse your husband is to not want anything to do with his own child. If you want him back tell him you are going to seek a divorce and demand alimony as well as child support. Tell him you don't want his cheating arse back and not to call your house anymore and that your attorney will be in touch with him. He is use to dealing with a doormat (you). The only thing that is going to change him is a shock. Get tough with him and act like you want him to leave. If I were you I would be turning cartwheels at the thought of him not coming back, but that's just me.

[Mariposa10]

What a disgusting human being!!! What's up with this guy, has he gone crazy! I can't imagine the pain you must be going through....

 

However, I did see my sister go through his ex husband cheating on her. My sister loved that guy like crazy she was willing to put up with almost anything, but as soon as she found out he had cheated on her, she knew she was not gonna put up with that. At first, she just pretty much wanted to die. I was with her during the whole process, I was a teenager and I remember thinking how much I wanted her to feel less pain thinking how I wish there was a way she could share the pain with me, so she didn't have to suffer that much. IT WAS THAT BAD.

 

To make things short, now she's in a relationship and she is madly in love with this new guy. They recently got engaged. It's really really hard to be a single mother, but it's doable. She says she's found the love of her life.

 

Ask your family to help you, you need all the help you can get.

 

And remember things do get better. My sister doesn't hate/love his ex anymore. He's indifferent to her now, actually she feels sorry because after what he did to her something horrible happened to him... (he didn't die or anything like that though).

 

Good luck!!! You can always come here and vent!!

[longjourney]

Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement. I just can't seem to get up off the floor. He was in love with this woman. He wanted to leave me for her, now he changes his story? and only IF I do as he says. All I want is my M to have been real. I KNEW for YEARS that he was lying. I could feel in my bones he didn't love me. What is wrong with me? I just am afraid to be alone. A part of me still wants to be with him. I wish I had never found out. I wish I wasn't his second choice. I thought he was such a good husband and father. To know he has held her, told her he loves her, that they have SO much in common. The worst part is I KNOW he loves her and would just be settling for me because of our child, even though now he is using our child as a bargaining chip. My self esteem is so low, I am almost willing to settle for second.

[Mariposa10]

Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement. I just can't seem to get up off the floor. He was in love with this woman. He wanted to leave me for her, now he changes his story? and only IF I do as he says. All I want is my M to have been real. I KNEW for YEARS that he was lying. I could feel in my bones he didn't love me. What is wrong with me? I just am afraid to be alone. A part of me still wants to be with him. I wish I had never found out. I wish I wasn't his second choice. I thought he was such a good husband and father. To know he has held her, told her he loves her, that they have SO much in common. The worst part is I KNOW he loves her and would just be settling for me because of our child, even though now he is using our child as a bargaining chip. My self esteem is so low, I am almost willing to settle for second.

 

 

I'm sorry to tell you this, but he's not a good father, if he is using his daughter/son to get his way.

 

It's ok to feel the way you feel now, you remind me of my sister. Her marriage was bound to end either way, but thank god, when he cheated on her, she decided it was ENOUGH. He's not worth it. He's a horrible human being for putting you through all this pain and the way he's reacting.

 

YOU DESERVE SOMETHING BETTER AND YOU WILL GET SOMETHING BETTER IN THE FUTURE.

[lylat333]

Seriously.. heartbreaking. longjourney, the good news is you don't have to settle for second. You don't have to be married to or spend the rest of your life with someone who makes you feel this way. That is a fact, and thankfully Mariposa has already shared an inspiring story as an example.

 

When I felt I was at rock-bottom a couple of months ago and started seeing a counselor she said over and over again I need to take care of myself and be good to myself. I hated hearing that because I felt powerless and forgot how. My self-esteem was shot. It felt like the pain was going to last forever and I would never laugh, smile, or love again. I'm still healing, but I have gotten better. I kept wanting to find happiness from my ex and hoped and waited and I got nothing in return. The thought of trying to climb out of this and go through months of pain was something that seemed so overwhelming. I couldn't picture myself where I've progressed to so far.

 

It took a little while but the more time I spent with friends and family it reminded me I'm not a broken person undeserving of love. I believe you will come to see that, too. Call on all the support you can - friends, family, therapist/counselor... call up people you haven't talked to in a long time. You might be surprised at how good it feels to invest in the relationships that give back and see how much people care about you.

[Zahara]

Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement. I just can't seem to get up off the floor. He was in love with this woman. He wanted to leave me for her, now he changes his story? and only IF I do as he says. All I want is my M to have been real. I KNEW for YEARS that he was lying. I could feel in my bones he didn't love me. What is wrong with me? I just am afraid to be alone. A part of me still wants to be with him. I wish I had never found out. I wish I wasn't his second choice. I thought he was such a good husband and father. To know he has held her, told her he loves her, that they have SO much in common. The worst part is I KNOW he loves her and would just be settling for me because of our child, even though now he is using our child as a bargaining chip. My self esteem is so low, I am almost willing to settle for second.

 

A good husband doesn't cheat and a good father doesn't use his own child as a bargaining chip.

 

Stay on the floor and grieve. You have every right to do that. You've just been cheated on all the dreams and hopes you have had for you and your family. Don't be hard on yourself.

 

I woke up this morning and I said to myself, "Hmm, 4 years and I have been waking up alone in this bed." I was a little sad but then realized that it has to be much better than all the painful mornings I've woken up to cheating douchebag boyfriends that used to make my heart tear to pieces or the ex-husband that didn't give two shytts about me.

 

You've been alone. You just don't realize it because he's been there in physical form but not as the loving, caring, honest husband you deserve. You've been with a man who you feel in your heart doesn't love you, wouldn't that mean that you have since been alone? You've been with a man that is cheating on you, wouldn't that mean you have since been alone? You've been alone.

 

So, what's the fear? What you should be more fearful of is the thought of going back to someone like this and always having to wonder if he's in the arms of another woman or if he is working late, having to wonder if he loves you or is he just there for the sake of your child, having to wonder if at any point he's just going to up and leave. Living that way would be a far more fearful prospect than living on your own, with your child and opening yourself up to the possibility of finding a man that you feel in your bones loves you to death.

 

Don't be afraid. I've been through divorce, cheating and all sorts of mess. I'm still alone. But I'm fine. Most of us get to the other side and continue, whether alone or with someone else. So will you. Don't let this man ruin the rest of your years. You have to want more. Or you could settle and be miserable for a very, very long time because your husband will never be the man you want him to be.

Edited October 1, 2013 by Zahara

[Kimmie80]

Man, do I feel your pain and can I ever relate! My ex had a 6 month affair on our 10 year anniversary and when we just found out we were expecting our 3rd child. He claims it was because I I started to get lazy and he didn't feel like I was a good wife. I was so sick from my pregnant. He created an account on some dating site. From day 1, he was gone over night. He had a cell that he never gave me the number. All I could do was cry all night while waiting for him to come home.

 

My advice to you, start working on yourself. I took him back after he begged to come back, only to find out she was still in the picture. He eventually got rid of her, but we never did any counseling or anything. We just went on like nothing happened. So IF u two ever get back together, do counseling! The last 4 years have been hard on me and I have never gotten past the affair. I finally realized I deserved better not too long ago.

 

Keep your head up and try to keep strong for your son. Feel free to message me if u ever need to talk. Been through it. Its not easy and u shouldn't be alone during this difficult journey!

 

Hang in there!

[longjourney]

Thank you all SO much. These kind words are what are keeping me going. My BH has nothing kind to say. He gave me the answers to the questions I asked and now he doesn't want to talk about it anymore. He was nice for a glimmering moment. He does love his kids, he is being nice to them, that is one thing I know he will always do, even though he said differently. If we don't R I can see him trying for custody of the kids, he thinks I can't handle them alone, he used to be a very hands on father and picked up tremendously where I slacked off, which is yet another justification he has for his A, that he was constantly working and taking care of the house. He just sounds SO unhappy with me and our M. Was it ever real? He talks about OW like he can't wait to talk to her again. He has so much time through the day where they "could" be in contact. I think I'm losing my mind.

[crepesuzette]

Longjourney,

 

All I can say is the dreaded four letter word...TIME. Give yourself time. You are making this about your WH and what he thinks and feels. You need to take time for yourself and breathe. What he feels for you or doesn't feel for you are irrelevant. He may very well not have been happy with you, or he was avoiding something.That is for him to figure out. That also has nothing to do with you. You need to concentrate on eating, drinking and sleeping as much as you can right now. You have your kids to think about. They deserve your energy and love, your WH does not right now. Hang in...one day at a time.

[chin1107]

Wow he is horrible. He is a manipulator and that is all that he is dong in this entire situation. He is a coward and doesn't know how to deal with the fact that he cheated and in return turns hes turning his insecurities about being caught around on you. And yes he does want you to get over it because it is uncomfortable for him to deal with. That is why you feel weak in the situation. You love him and you are succumbing to his antics. Because you love him he uses your relationship as a threat as some sort of punishment for you. He knows it will get to you and keep you in line and have you feeling confused like you are feeling now.

 

The details of his affair are not important. An affair is an affair. Since he is acting like a pure jerk towards the situation the best thing to do is get your things and leave. and if you want revenge, ruin all of his **** so he won't have anything. And when he questions you, act like you dont care. Eventually he will realize the sting of his actions and you would hopefully by then you would have moved on to appreciate yourself without seeking his approval. Your love can be good enough for somebody that isn't a prick.

 

I know you have a child and the situation sucks but the only way for you to feel better is to find the strength to leave. Just so you can have some peace of mind. That is easier said than done but don't allow him to get under your skin. He is sick in the head and anytime you begin to feel weak, just tell yourself, he is just manipulating you. and if he really wants you then he needs to work his ass off to get you back.

[longjourney]

I’m sitting at work, numb, and the damned tears won’t stop trickling down my face. That old saying of trust your gut certainly came true last night. I said good night and headed up to bed. I looked over the upstairs bannister a while later and he wasn’t in the living room. Walked down the stairs and saw the light in the bathroom, so I went back to bed to wait. Waited for over 20 mins and my gut started aching.

 

Went back downstairs and noticed that his laptop wasn’t in the normal place. Went back to the bathroom, where the light was still on. Took a deep breath and opened the door. And there he sat, watching porn, now with a very startled look on his face. Seems like he has been using a private browser, so it doesn’t show up on his computer history. Every time he shuts it down, it completely wipes itself of all content. I made him show me. He was just about to watch a video when I caught him. He had been looking at images before. He has ALWAYS looked at porn. Who is this man I THOUGHT I knew. Even during all this turmoil, he STILL looks at other women. He doesn't find me attractive, I have always known I am not "his type". He is SO into breasts and those poster girl types, which is exactly what the OW looks like. Talk about another shot to my heart, as if it is not already in pieces. So another revelation. He has been having a long term A, AND he is STILL loving watching/looking at other women. He says he wants to work it out, but I am in the boat of thinking he wants to "stick it out with me" because of the kids. Is that even an option to sign up for?

[Mariposa10]

Wait... I don't know if I read this correctly, so he's staying at your house after what he did? He's said he is in love with the other woman he cheated on you and he gets to have his normal life back INSTANTLY?? He's having such a normal life again that he even gets the watch porn just as if nothing had happened???

 

I don't have a problem with porn, but we're talking about his horrible human being who has put you through so much pain!!

 

My ex brother in law after he cheated on my sister also said he wanted to work things out, but my sister knew if he was gonna do it it was gonna be because of the child they had together. Because he was and still is an amazing father he never used their child against her, just like your ex-husband (hopefully) did.

 

Are you getting any support from your family?? You need to start focusing on what's best for you! Think about you, do not waste your time thinking about this horrible person.

[longjourney]

Yes, I do not have the strength to live separately right now, plus financially we can't swing it. I also need as much help as I can get with our kids. He is staying in the spare room, but I don't know what to do.

 

I do know that if he stays with me, it is because of the kids. How did you sister handle that? How can she just look past all of his cheating and loving another woman and then just "stay" for the kids. I can't see myself doing that. I know I don't love myself enough to leave, but I think I will like myself even less if I know he is using me to stay close to his kids. We all know the mother usually gets custody, so his time with them would be tremendously lower. I know he could live with his OW and without me, but without his kids? He would never do that.

[Mariposa10]

Yes, I do not have the strength to live separately right now, plus financially we can't swing it. I also need as much help as I can get with our kids. He is staying in the spare room, but I don't know what to do.

 

I do know that if he stays with me, it is because of the kids. How did you sister handle that? How can she just look past all of his cheating and loving another woman and then just "stay" for the kids. I can't see myself doing that. I know I don't love myself enough to leave, but I think I will like myself even less if I know he is using me to stay close to his kids. We all know the mother usually gets custody, so his time with them would be tremendously lower. I know he could live with his OW and without me, but without his kids? He would never do that.

 

No, my sister DID NOT give him another chance. My sister was madly in love with this guy. She would've put up with anything. Maybe even domestic violence? But as soon as she found out about the cheating. HE WAS NOT ALLOWED INSIDE THE HOUSE ANYMORE. My sister had zero money she barely worked. I was with her the entire time when she pretty much wanted to die. She received help from my entire family. We all helped her.

 

Now years have passed and she is engaged. She's the happiest she's being.

 

Things do get better, believe me.

[lylat333]

longjourney I've never been married and I don't have any kids so I feel a little unqualified to try and help, but...

 

Think about your kids - if your kids grew up and found themselves in your situation how would you hope they handled it? Think about the example you're setting for your children in all of this.

[Zahara]

Children can pick up on negativity. Do you think you're providing a healthy and nurturing environment when most of the time you're distracted by the actions of your husband while being together? What's the saying? Better to be with separated parents that are happy instead of unhappy parents that are together. No one is doing anyone any favors by both of you being in an unhappy existence.

[longjourney]

I stood up for myself. He has done a180 of his own and admiting everything, answering all myquestions and said that of course none of this wasmy fault and that he has been a monster to me out of fear. He explained theaffair from beginning to end. He has told me that his feeling for the OWexisted even BEFORE we were married. He has been attracted to her and has had “feelings”for her for YEARS!!! Even with all of that it is somehow a releif that headmitted his wrong doing, I have the answers I needed, and he is no longerplaying mind games (for now anyway) because there isn't anything to hide any longer. Interestingly, he is not angry at me, but at himself and apologizesevery step of the way. He said he is finally getting what he deserves and feelsa weight lifted off his back. While I should probably be angry and not talkingto him at this time, I grew concerned for his safety and let him come to whereI am staying to spend a couple hours with our child. I've made it clear thatthis is not an indication of a R, but out or concern for his well being. Hesaid he understood. He also said that he realizes that I have all the cards andcan decide to do whatever I like.

He said he wouldn't mind being a stay athome dad if I would have him. His honest responses to my questions have caused alot of pain as there was so much I didn't know. Every minute that passes, Ithink of another way he betrayed me. They would meet when I was out of town, theytalked about ways to hide it from me, they were having an affair during timeswhen she and I interacted at his place of work, they were sleeping together duringmy pregnancy, they continued to communicate by email behind my back. They hadplans to wind up together, he was going to leave me, they talked about itoften. He talks about how much he enjoyed their sex life, how sexuallycompatible they are. He says he was sure they would never get caught. I have SO many questions and thoughts whirling around my head.How did you all handleworking while dealing with the acute aftermath of the affair? I've called insick twice and cannot pull myself together long enough to be productive. Also, did you all find yourself indenial at the beginning? I was much more upset before. Now I am numb and notfeeling much of anything but some sadness. I'm fighting the urge to rug sweep.

I think there is somethingwrong with me. I had no idea that I was so codependent until now. Even after allthis, I cannot imagine my life without him. I can't keep the bad stuff in myhead long enough to get pissed. How did you make the decision to R or divorce?Even after all he has done, I'm terrified of divorcing him and being alone,without him. It is especially hard to think about divorce when he is soapologetic and promising the sun and the moon. The only time My pain ceases fora second is when he contacts me for a moment or two.

I offered MC, but he said no. He said he willnot run circles around me to fix it. I can file for divorce if I like. Myproblem is that I assume people will behave in a certain and when they do not Iam truly perplexed and paralyzed by the shock. I expected him to jump at thechance for counseling because it meant I was willing to consider working onthings. When he says no and instead gets defensive, my whole world goes topieces and I want to reason with him because I want him to understand what weare losing and help him understand than right way to handle this. I know I amin the wrong. It's futile. But it is killing me and I want it to stop.

I feel like I am wrong because I expect the worldto work a certain way- men don't cheat on their wives, and when they do, theybusy their asses to make amends, etc. but this has not been my experience and Iam stuck trying to show him how he should be responding to work this out. Hedoesn't want to talk saying he is tired (last night) or driving to work (thismorning). As horrible as he is, I DO NOT WANT TO DIVORCE. Have any of you decided not to reconcile,but to just divorce? I wonder if the offense is just too much to overcome. Inmy case, he was seeing the ow before hefound out I was pregnant. That means almost my ENTIRE M has been a lie and hehas been ACTIVELY involved with her for YEARS. He and the ow were afraid oflosing their families and the ONLY reason they contemplated ending their A attimes was because they didn’t want to get caught before they were ready to maketheir move and end their marriages. He did not want to let go, he was notstrong enough to stay away from her. What makes me think he will stay away now? How can I stay with a man who hadfeelings for someone else while his wife is carrying his child? I cannot wrapmy brain around it. I don't want to believe it. Sorry if my posts are all over the place, I can't seem to follow through any clear concise thoughts since D Day.

Edited October 4, 2013 by longjourney

[lylat333]

I'm glad you're not still shouldering all of the blame for this and he is no longer threatening you. You were the victim of his actions from day 1.

 

longjourney, have you started seeing a professional yet? I think it's one of the best things you can do now. You have so much on your plate, no one can blame you for not being able to think straight, function very well, or be in a position to make good decisions. I know he's not thinking clearly either.

 

LS is great, but being able to talk to a professional where an hour feels like 5 min. is wonderful and I think it would be invaluable to you. imo there is far too much emotion for you two to work it out on your own. People here are probably going to recommend you two separate at least physically in the meantime which may not be want you want or feel you are capable of doing. Having a professional ally will help you understand what's best and give you the strength you need.

[Mariposa10]

I don't see why he would stop seeing the ow to be honest.... He hasn't even established any boundaries... and he doesn't want to do marriage counseling? This is really bad... He's pretty much not saying anything, not fixing anything...

 

I hope you will find the strength to leave this man at this point. Have you thought about going to codependency meetings??

[crepesuzette]

You have to look at what YOU want. Many times the BS is codependent (I am glad you are realizing that you may be early on in this process). You can hopefully see somewhat more clearly now. Denial is a HORRIBLE place to be, and even worse is when you don't have the complete story.

 

I made the mistake of going along with the MOM's story on DDay that our A was only 3 months long. When I sent him and his BQ a NC letter and I started R with my BH I could no longer go forward and attempt R without my BH knowing the truth, that it was actually an LTA. There is SO much a WS has to work through and from all that I have read, usually WH tend to repeat the pattern and will again have an A, it can even be years later. When I hear the stories of false R it breaks my heart. I couldn't imagine putting my BH through that kind of agony again EVER. WH's truly need to look into themselves and what brought about their actions. Men are very quick to blame their lack of sex or sexual attraction for the A. And what happens? The BW starts jumping through hoops trying to keep the WH attention, but to no avail.

 

Your WH has to do the heavy lifting, and that is not just long term...that is FOREVER. Your self esteem is fragile to begin with, after the realization you are living in that you were lied to for almost your entire M of course you are second guessing yourself. As a FWW I have done the majority of the lifting in our four years of R. I have been there and still continue to be there for my BH EVERY step of the way. He and I are a true unit now. Why? Because I am not walled off by all the lies of my A. Do I think we are closer now? In some ways yes, but if I could take away all the pain my BH went through, I sometimes think I would gladly go back and suffer without the closeness, if it would make him feel safer. Your WH is not showing the actions of someone who is remorseful and ready to do the work. He is showing the signs of someone who is just "sorry he got caught". Trust your gut. You will feel it, that little voice inside you, telling you that your WH is simply staying for the family and not for you. Pay attention to that, because sure as the sun will rise, he WILL cheat on you again...and he WILL blame you for not making HIM happy. I hope you have a more peaceful weekend...and I hope your WS gets his head out of his ass.