how to come out of obsession

[greenhorn]

I was having this relationship for the past 6 years.We came close and liked each other and fell in love and we both accepted it.THen we had to go to different cities due to our studies.There she then defined our relationship as just friendship but i was still the same.I was still so weak for her used to miss her and cry for her.

Now she wants me to be there just as a frnd.I said no i cant treat you as my frnd then she stopped talking i wasnt able to bear so she said that she wud talk to me if i take her as a frnd i had no choice but to accept it cause i cudnt live without talking to her.Now i am so possessive for her that i cant bear her going out with someone ,someone putting his arms across her and she wants me to accept this all. I have to accept it cause if i complain she wud stop talking and this is so tortorous for me.i cant do anything .When she wud tell me she went out with someone my heartbeat wud go up and i had to go to a physician to get some medicine for keeping me calm.Now when she tells me her stories i cant even tolerate them nor can complain them so i just keep on talking the pills to keep me calm and cry for hours.I dont feel like eating food or something.

I think i am obsessed cause if she praises a guy before me i cant even tolerate this and she does it often and wishes me to accept it.Now when i m so weak how can i accept this .I always feel so insecure that she might have an affair with someone.She has clearly said to me that she wont marry me but i cant stop talking to her so i keep thimking that ok i can talk to her atleast the day she is not married.

My life has become tortorous that i dont know what to do.How long cani keep on taking these pills to keep me calm and get me sleep.

Am i suffering from some mental disorder ? do i need to see some shrink? before entering into this relationship i never complained her going out with some one else but now i cant bear this..

please help me i m gettng sick ...pls tell me wat to do ..life is getting unbearable for me???

 

i cant accept her now just as a frnd and she wants me to do that.? can anhyone degrade a relationship ? i love her so much that i can even die for her but i need to live for few years to fulfill my some obligation for my parents.i love her so much that i dont even look at other girls and wish her to be the same.

[Queen B]

You sound heartbroken and that's not fun at all.

 

If you are sick and feeling so terrible all the time and if the pills only work for a while you need to go back to see your doctor. There is no reason why you have to feel like this forever.

 

What helped me out of depression and a bad breakup was AND some counselling to look at how I got to the point I was and how I might change things in my life to make myself happier sadly it meant that I haven't remained close friends with this guy (we were very close friends before) but I have realised that he needed to move on and being around him made me feel like S***.

 

Go see your doctor about some different medicaiton ask him/her reccomend a counsellor too. It's nothing to be embarassed about. Everyone needs help sometimes.

[greenhorn]

you know what i think is that if a relationship cant be started one sidedly it cant be ended one sidedly.

I always made it sure that if i enter into a relationship it has to be from both sides so it took really long to enter at the age of 20 years.Now what i avoided has happened now she terms that it was one sided and denies that she every told me that she loved me.

 

The real culprit is my mind which keeps on thinking keeps on analysing that she went out with someone so she might have an affair i want an assurance from her but she on the other hand says treat me as a frnd..If she has thrown out all the feelings how can i throw then out. I was never a robot it was after lot of precaution i entered a relationship and it still happened to me.

 

She says me not to be possessive and if i say anything she wont talk to me.i Cant do this also.God know whether she realises this or not that i m dying her each and every moment.

 

every time i wud chat with her in the end i have to cry but even then i cant control.How can i accept her now as a frnd?I still have the same love for her i can do anything for her but just want an assurance that she is just mine and no one's else which she replies that treat me as a frnd.

 

I said this whole story to a male frnd of mine and he said that u dont love her u r obsessed her.It pains me so much.

I think i have to meet a counsellor but worse i m in a country where they dont understand english and finnish i dont speak so not aware whether the doctor wud understand me or not.

 

i cant accept her as a frnd and neither afford to stop contact.

 

what can i do.for the past one year i have cried each and eveyr day i want to die but i have one obligation to fulfill which will take atleast one more year for me to complete so i cant die also.

 

i have never done any bad to anyone in my life never hurt anyone so why am i getting ths from god.Even god has turned away from me.

 

the only thing that helps me is to pour my heart here.

[Pocky]

When are you going to wake up and realize that the reason you're so tormented is because you have idolized someone and focused every ounce of your happiness on them? God is not punishing you, you're punishing yourself by wallowing in your own self-pity and denying yourself the independence you need. You are not defined by the people you love. You are defined by the way you conduct yourself in this life and you have allowed yourself to be lost in the shadows of a woman. You have done this to yourself and it's time you got yourself out of it.

 

Loving someone does not mean owning them. It does not mean controlling them. It does not mean seeing them every day or talking to them every day. It does not mean placing your happiness above theirs and it does not mean relying on them to justify your very existence. Once you cross that line it is no longer love. You have crossed the line.

[greenhorn]

I have made lot of grammatical and spelling mistake which i realised now.Its so difficult to move ur fingers on the keyboard when u r crying but somehow the first thing that comes to my mind when i am hurt is this forum only.

 

Excuse me for the mistakes ,tried to edit them but it is now locked.

[greenhorn]

Thanks Pocky,

I remember you replying to my earlier posts as well.

i do agree that loving someone does not mean owning them controlling them but if u love someone wont you be possessive.Would you like the person to have a nightout with someone else.

I know she thinks that we are just a frnd so i shud not have any problem.But i accepted it so that she does not stop talking to me. I am still the same.

Even she was possessive when we were together so why cant i ?

what is that i lack? i m so helpless i cant say these to her or else she would stop talking to me?

 

Yeah i have crossed the line and i have become a psycho but how to come out of it kill myself how?

how to come out of it?

i am ready to loose everything of mine just to get one moment of peace.It feels so nice when she calls me to chat over MSN but what she chats ,how she went out with someone how tortorous.i have to hear and not say anything else she wud not talk to me?

 

God life is so painful................

[XNemesisX]

Greenhorn,

 

My heart goes out to you. I know exactly how you feel. I too, have felt like a psycho, and sometimes have acted like it. My emotions were so strong for my (now) ex, that it did feel at times that I was going insane and that death was the only way to not feel so miserable.

 

Only difference between you and I is that my ex does not even wish to be friends with me. And he is seeing other people. When I do finally get him to talk to me, it is about all the great things he is able to do now that I am gone. He just rubs it in.

 

The point is, our exes know they are hurting us and do so anyway. This is incredibly painful and also enough to make anyone feel "crazy." She shouldn't be telling you about these other people she is seeing, and my ex should be more kind and not feel like trying to make me feel awful. They are toying with us. We can't let them get to us so much. When we do, THEY WIN WE LOSE.

 

I know this sucks, and may seem unimaginable to you right now, but maybe you do need to stop contact with her. Just seeing her with people, and having to listen to her boast about other people, will make you feel worse and ultimately make it take longer for you to move on.

 

Sweetie, no one is worth killing yourself over. Please don't think like that. Think of it like this, if you do kill yourself...she wins. And this person obviously doesn't care as much for you as you do for her...imagine her getting over it really quick. Then your family will be devestated and your friends that care about you - all the people that really DO love you will be crushed and devestated. Don't do that to them over this girl who is treating you so disrespectfully.

 

See a doctor or a counselor. I have seen one too over the pain I have went through with my ex. Try to stop the contact, it is only going to continue to torment you all the more. I know you say you can't stand not being able to talk to her anymore but gather up your strength and just do it. Trust me, you will feel better not talking to her anymore than having to relive this pain every day and every time you have to hear her talk about other guys.

 

When my ex and I were talking, it only made me cry more and feel hurt more. No contact at least stops me from crying so much and having to relive pain every single day. She will still be in your thoughts but it will give you enough time to try to move through the healing process and get the help that you need.

 

I hope this helped. Again, my heart is really going out to you right now. You have no idea how much I understand where you are coming from.

 

Good luck, hang in there. *BIG HUG* : )

[greenhorn]

Thanks YX ..thanks for so kind and nice words.Everyone on this forum is so nice ..this forum is now my only hope so whenever i get hurt this is the place i like to be there.

Yes what you have said is correct and i would try to follow them .Right now i have become so weak that i cant imagine having NC with her.But yes u r true the more i talk to her more i get hurt .I need to gather strength for all this.I never knew when i went so weak, had i known it then i wont have allowed myself to go so weak.

Sometimes it feels so unimaginable that this could happen and we would walk different way,someone whom i was looking to spend my rest of life cud become so rude to me.Every little thing reminds me of the days that i spent and when i saw my colleague GF celebrating his birthday i remembered that one day it was me and now she does not even bother to wish me.

Dont know what happened might be she got better ppl than me or i lost relevance in the changed scenario and Pocky is all correct to say that to love someone does not mean to own them or control them so i should accept her now with somene else.Someone else hugging her,someone else putting his arms across her i have to accept it .

If only i had known it before i would have done anything and everything to not enter into this.But everyone has to bear his cross if Jesus had to carry then who am i ??

 

I am planning to get an appointment with a shrink to get me out of this.Hope it helps..

[greenhorn]

It is so easy thinking to do something but very hard when you try to do that.I have tried many a times to gather strenght and courage and not contact her but ultimately the pressure is so much and i give in only to get a harsher treatment than before.

Ijust cant understand how much ppl can change ,someone who treated me so special can how be so indifferent to me .Someone who started chatting only to chat with me will chat with me will not chat with everone else in this earth except me.what have i done..if it had to go this way why one comes into someones life.

If this is what you have to do then why go and make someone weak.No relationship can be developed by one sided commitment then why they try to withdraw it.

when she had to do this why she made me weak? Can anyone just look at someone and become weak and become possessive.

This is height of cruelty !!!!!!!!!!!

 

i have tried but now i am devoid of strength to do anything and feel resigned to my fate............

[XNemesisX]

Greenhorn,

 

I understand how hard it is. Its almost like you feel as though you are a glutton for punishment. You loved her very much and just can't understand how she could suddenly turn these feelings off like that. Especially after 7 years! Ugh...you are right it is amazing how much people can change and it isn't fair but there isn't a damn thing we can do about it, unfortunately. : (

 

 

Let me tell you a little secret though, that I have learned. When you DO stop the contact, they are going to think what the heck? why isn't he calling me! why doesn't he want to talk to me! PLAY THE MIND GAMES RIGHT BACK!

if there IS a chance of you and her reconciling this will be the best way to get her attention. right now she probably thinks she can have you back any time she wants or pleases and you are putting her in total control of the situation. Show her that you are better than that because YOU ARE. Give yourself some credit and realize what a great catch you are and what a big mistake she is making. Unfortunately, some people thrive off of others weakness. She sees you as weak right now becuase you are hanging on to her. She thinks you are wrapped around her little finger. Women do not want to see a man as being weak, so even if you don't feel strong right now ACT LIKE YOU ARE. Think of it as acting in a movie. Do whatever it takes to remind yourself that the only way you are going to get her to show you some respect is to act like you don't give a damn. Trust me, if there is any hope with you and her you backing away and ignoring her is going to eat away at her and then she may eventually be the one calling YOU. She will be wondering what it is you are doing, if you are seeing someone else, etc.

 

Trust me on this one, STOP this. You are only making yourself look weak and desperate. sorry tough love

Pretend, act, conduct a performance. Make HER think you are through with her sh*t. Seriously. Try this and see what happens. If getting her back really is what you want, it will never happen for you if you don't show some strength.

 

Please try this. I know it has worked with me before. With my ex, I will not be able to stand it until I call him only to get made to feel even more awful then i did before i called. Belittled and insulted. Then when I FORCE myself to stop calling him, contacting him..notice i said FORCE .....he starts calling ME.

 

Unfortunately we still have to play mind games from time to time even in long term relationships. I hate playing games, but sometimes we just have to. It seems silly, but sometimes it is just what we have to do.

 

I hope this helped...please try this. FORCE yourself not to call her...get a rubber band around your wrist and when you do call her snap your wrist really hard with it if you have to. ANYTHING to get you to stop. My psychology degree is coming out right now...but hey just try this please. You will feel a lot better and who knows she might realize you are sick of her crap and come back to YOU. That is the ideal situation.

 

Good luck..keep us updated.

[greenhorn]

YX...

Thanks once again for those words.I really was very desperate yesterday evening and when i was not able to do anything i came here poured myself and packed my laptop and went to apartment.There when i connected i saw ur reply and it felt so good to read that.Some thing which was soothing and something apart from the harsh words that i have to hear always.

 

You are very correct in whatever you say and i have started trying to do the same.I somehow control myself not to contact her, i am trying to gather my strength which though at present seems so difficult.It is as if someone has sucked all my strength and left me as a vegetable.Sometimes when i look back at the episodes i feel so bad to act as a spineless guy.But one thing i know if i dont contact her she would never contact me .You know i find it all the more surprising cause way back this relationship was started by her and not by me and now she has turned me off as someone turns off an electric bulb.

 

I know it wont make an iota of difference to her even if i die.She has got her own group of people who according to her are the wisest one and the most successful ones.Those who always make her feel good and happy and i am like a leech in her life.

 

It makes me feel so miserable to think that there are ppl who are always with her ,with whom she spends her time behaves nicely with them and talks sweetly with them but i am no where in the picture.I always long to have atleast 5 minutes of good talk with her and even i dont get that.I dont know what is that i lack??

 

My colleague who stays with me in the apartment(we both have come to this country for this consulting engagement) has his gf back home and she loves him so much.His birthday is coming and she is making plans to celebrate his b'day even she is so far.They love each other so much, they talk they spend time even they are far and i am the only miserable person who has been dumped.

 

yeah i try to gather strength to control myself not to be weak but i am not sure when i will cave in and give in to the pressure.The words here they do help and i come to this site many times a day to read them again and again cause they help.

 

thanks once again and i wud post again when i feel yukky again.

[greenhorn]

Today i was online on yahoo messenger.after some time she came online said hi to me and after two three mins she said that she has to go somewhere so she left ,i asked her would she come back she said she is not sure might not come back.

 

After something back life half n hour i logged on MSN and i found her online there i asked her you said u were going somewhere ,she said something happened and she dint go so i said then when u came online on MSN u could have asked me also to come online ,she said that she came just now but no i saw her she was there for long time cause i am always logged in invisible mode so i can see who comes online and when

 

so i said to her tht it seems you dont want to chat with me so i wont bother you either and i will not chat with you..she said as u wish.so coldly i cudnt belev and then i logged off...

 

seriously it hurts,.it hurts so much..

[Mary3]

Man Oh Man you have got to STOP trying to message her....text her...call her....see her.....especially INstant Messaging !

 

NO CONTACT gives you your DIGNITY Back .....Man if you feel you cant control the pain and believe me I KNOW what kind of pain you feel but when I found Love SHack .org it helped me tremendously from making a total pathetic fool out of myself because I was lucky enough to find this while in the relationship and as it broke up I could come here and get AMAZING ADVICE !

 

PLEASE please please for your own SANITY read these posts until they permeate your BRAIN and read MORE

 

She does not want you....as much as you feel like dying ....life is not going to go OUT for you like that.,...You take one baby step at a time. TODAY you will not GO ONLINE.....TODAY you will not call her....TODAY everytime you think of her shout NO !......NO ! and replace that with a pleasant fantasy thought....prethink ahead of some things you used to love to do,.....Every time you think of her which will be 1,000's of times you must jump up and think of something else....take a walk.....run as fast as you can.....go find a new [project.......join a club....a gym...

 

Pleeeeeeeeease listen to all of us !

 

ITs the best advice of your life !!

[greenhorn]

Yeah i cant control the pain, cant control the pain.

Can one imagine how it feels to be dumped.I was there all through her life helping with everything ,her studies her exams so that today she could be what she is and now when she is there she found ppl and dumped me for them.She doesnt gives a damn that how much it wud hurt me.

She says she has a short memory so doesnt remember anything abt me --how is this possible?

 

Why she lies to me ? say me clealy that i wanna get u out of my life? why something like this that i have some work and gets out of yahoo and gets logged in MSN.why she makes me find out all this

 

come and tell me that she has found ppl better than me and i m not worth her time again.

 

 

this is my reward from her the pain the humiliation and the hurt.

[XNemesisX]

Greenhorn,

 

Today has been a bad day for me. I know how you feel more than you will ever know. I decided to call up the ex (I usually am pretty good at refraining myself) but tomorrow morning he takes the LSAT exam and today is the day of his brother's wedding so I wanted to tell him to send my congrats to his brother and to wish him good luck for the LSAT as a friendly gesture. When I called he acted like he was extremely annoyed that I would even call. He was happy when he first answered the phone but when he heard it was me he acted dissapointed like he was hoping it was someone else calling. I told him what I wanted to say and said well after the LSAT I could take you to dinner (DUMB IDEA) he said he couldn't because he was going to be with his parents. So I said "what about sunday?" he says, "I'm busy."

 

Basically during all the times that I would call him, he was always "busy." I don't care if you are Donald Trump, you have 5 minutes of your day to talk to someone every once in a while. Finally, I gave up the calling. He called me on thanksgiving and told me he didn't want me to hate him so I thought that maybe he might have a small tiny particle of a heart in their somewhere. Then later on he told me he only said that because he might need my vote one day. (he's active in politics).

 

This crushes me. Especially today when I thought it would be ok for me to break NC and call him and wish him luck and all that, only to find that I am treated like I am just a pest and a nobody.

 

It also hurts that I know he doesn't treat other people like this. I know he treats others kindly, but with me I am treated like I am sub-human. he even treats his scumbag ex-girfriend before me better than me. I am also sitting here wondering how did this occur. He is also the one who came after ME ..he pursued me and for the first year/ year and a half of the relationship if he thought I was going to break up with him he woudl go crazy and start crying and do sweet things for me to keep me around. Then all of the sudden.....this. He was even the one that suggested marriage, had me come stay with his family, etc. Its just so baffling.

 

It definitely hurts and I wish I would have stuck to the NC now in hindsight. I just feel stupid now for even calling today. He won't even give me 5 minutes of his time to even give me an explanation for this sudden change...which is just like how you describe it - "a light switch"

 

The pain can really get to me at times. Especially since I have started dating again. This only makes me miss the ex more because I can't even find myself liking anyone else in that way. I just keep hoping I haven't given it enough time for me to fully heal from this, and once I let some time pass, I may be ready to love again. In the meantime, I'm just going to try and focus on other things. I even got 2 pets, to help keep me company. Pets really do help, do you have any? You would be surprised how much better they can make you feel.

 

Sometimes when I'm feeling really down, I try to think about how it could be worse. Imagine what it woudl be like to have spent your whole life with someone, to have them leave you in the dust. This is what happened to my uncle. He was married 31 years, then his wife just up and left him for another man with hardly an explanation and no sympathy for it. He then got cancer, and now just lives alone. We go visit him as often as possible. I really feel for my uncle so when I feel particularly depressed I try to think about my uncle. If he is strong enough to live through the terrible ordeals he has been through, who am I to feel so bad for myself? I'm sure people such as my uncle woudl do anything to trade places with us.

 

My mom compares finding the right person to shopping for that perfect outfit. You can find something that is just ok, and settle for that but its better to wait and keep looking for just the right fit. I think we will find love again, that will help us forget about these 2 sociopaths, but it will just happen on its own and in its own time. How bad would it be if we killed ourselves then only to find out that the perfect person we would have been so in love wtih and vice versa would have met us only days later? You never know what can happen in life, it is so spontaneous.

 

We have to keep up the hope, and keep our dignity. As Mary3 said, no contact gives you your DIGNITY back. I know before I called the ex today, my dignity was getting higher and higher then once I broke that today for some stupid reason, all the self-esteem and progress I had been making came tumbling down with the rude way I was treated. Be strong, Greenhorn and trust us that it is the best choice. Think of it like this, and say this out loud sometimes even "if she doesn't want to talk to me then FINE!" Get mad if you need to. Say "screw that" whenever you feel the impulse to call her.

 

Another reason that people want to hang on to old relationships can be in part attributed to loneliness. Do you have many friends or family to spend your time with? As for myself, I am a bit of a loner as my friendships have also been disappointments but I do have my pets, and my parents and sister. Try and keep in contact with those people who really care for you and want your company. It will make you feel better. I know it is not the same as a close romantic relationship but for the time being , it will serve you good to have that support.

 

Please try to do the no contact. You will feel so much better about yourself not to have someone stomp on you every time you try to be friendly. Its a degrading experience to be treated that way, and will definitely mess with you psychologically. Don't put yourself through unnecessary torture. Contacting her and being treated like this is only going to make you feel worse and worse. Trust me on this.

 

Even if she doesn't call you back, what is the use of her when all she does is treat you like a sub-human species? Tell yourself to get ANGRY. Be mad that she is treating you like that and tell yourself "you know what? screw that!" Tell youself you are not going to let anyone bring you down like this!

 

Its a sad fact in life that people do change, change their minds, and can even back stab you and betray you. BUT there are good people out there. We all have to go through some heartbreak to meet the right person. I know that you will get through this, and when the time is right you will meet someone who will make you forget all about this person. Trust me, it will happen for you. I just know it will.

 

Keep up the hope and try to do NC. Also, remember what I said about acting. Eventually it may not even be acting anymore because YOU will believe it. First step, gather back your dignity. Once you have that you will not tolerate anyone treating you anything less than great. You deserve so much better than this. If you want, you can have one last contact with her as a sense of closure. Tell her you are sick of her treating you like this after alll you did for her, and that as far as you are concerned she doesn't exist anymore. Then tell her to have a nice life and hang up on her. You will feel so empowered. But make sure you STICK TO IT. You have no idea how much better you will feel after doing this.

 

Hang in there, and remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! Things WILL get better!! Never forget that. Things can only go up from here. Life is spontaneous, you never know what might come your way someday. Things will be better for you. I just know it!!!

[Mary3]

I want to thank Nemisis for the fantastic letter and response that she gave you. Her pain is real and raw and exposed and so is yours. Now eventually we all need to realize that all this * Energy * that you are putting into thinking about her is a BIG waste of your precious life !

 

So I am going to help you again if I can...You are obviously the owner of a computer. I want you to become obsesses with improving yourself and your life ! Everyday you MUST devote at least one hour by searching phrases about how you feel. Find out if you are an insecure person. A dysfunctional person . The more you discover about your self the more POWER you have over your LIFE and your PAIN ! To say " WOW that is the most revelating thing I ever read today and I am learning SO much about myself . Now I KNOW why I acted the way I did. Now I know why HE acted or SHE acted the way they did. " You must let the learning process consume your thoughts. Just imagine today I am sure you are staring into space alot and feeling the raw pain and this goes on day after day and you say " I loved her sooooooo much , Why did she do this to me " Find out WHY by finding out about YOURSELF ! It is VITAL !!

 

YOU CONTROL your thoughts. SO you must tell yourself positive things constantly WHENEVER you think of her...You will have to get a journal and have a plan. Instead of thinking about her....think about YOURSELF ! You have a GOAL now....to improve your life and get on with it....Wallowing in the pity poo poo is getting a little unbearable and now its time for you to make a positive change in your life.

 

Learning is POWER ! TAKE THE POWER BACK ! Take control of you LIFE ! You need to do that ASAP . This message applies to all of us who feel lost. Who wonder why the light switch shut off without warning ?

 

This really works Its going to take WORK . Remember all the WORK you took in the relationship only to find it END ? Well , you need to first that the most important person in life is YOU ! Don't let another human being take your soul, your motivation , your self worth. After you learn how you MUST be treated by OTHERS then you go forth and EXPECT that because you DESERVE far better than this piece of human crap kind of treatment from another. Write her a final letter something like this:

 

Dear Lisa (sp)

 

I just want you to know that while we shared some nice memories I am letting the thought of you go out of my life because I know you no longer love me and me wishing you did wont bring back the feeling....wont bring my life back to the point where we were....for it is lost. You have changed how you feel and now so HAVE I ! Now this is my final letter but I wish you well in your life

 

Good Luck

John ( sp )

 

And stick to this ! Its going to hurt like hell but now your FOCUS will be on YOU ! MY God you only have one life. If you have been suffering for days, weeks, months then ENOUGH Is ENOUGH !!!

 

Please help yourself to a better life

[greenhorn]

i m feeling very bad now..cant even post..

will post later ..just came here to read the messages...

bye

[greenhorn]

Seems this forum is the only place which is true to me.I come to this post many times a day and infact this page remains open during the whole day and night and i just refresh it and see if there is any reply on it or not.Even during night i get up and check this page again and again..

 

on thursday i was devasted and shattered and came here and wrote the post and after that i was waiting for someone to respond atleast i thot YX.. would respond but then got the reply of Mary and i did what she had asked me to do.

 

Finally got the post of YX..and felt bad to know that even you had a bad day.Life is so cruel ,there are few ppl who are the sons of gods who get everything they want and there are we sons of lesser gods where we get pain and hurt may be to act as a benchmark for them the sons of gods who should then compare what happiness is..

 

God is cruel ,god is biased and i know god is not god.now i dont want anything i just want a question and answer session from him/her/it.what did i do to deserve life like this.why should i have only pain and nothing more in my life what is there that i have sinned.

 

I Know YX..and Mary have given me many suggestions but right now i m broken,devasted and shattered so i cant even read them i m just riting here whatever i m feeling now..

i have seen ppl very happy ,couples walking holding their hands and enjoying every moment of their life.WHY they are good they are son of GOD and i m son of leser god.

Dont i have feeling ,dont i get hurt dont i wish that someone talk nicely to me dont i feel that somone loves me when i am ready to do anything.

 

I dont know whatever i m riting makes sense or not cause i m in pretty bad shape now and lot of things are going inside my brain and m trying to write all of them here .

 

i dont want anything ,i want to go to my mother sleep in her lap like i was a kid and she would relieve me of all the pains all the hurt that this world has given to me,worst i cant say to her anything ,i cant say anything to anyone and even i wud wish to go and meet her it will be 14 hours of flight.I am so alone in this world

 

I dont want anything from this world ,i just want a moment of peace these days if i smile immediately i get to know that it wont be even hours when i have to cry.

 

You ppl say not to contact , i didnt contact but she called me online and then the same treatment ,those boys are good they are caring and i m a **** ,i m a bastard and i m a what not......had i asked her to come to my life but when she came why she is treating me like this.

 

When i was strong(had not gone weak for her) in my school i remember she said that she cant live widout talking to me,how would have she felt that day if i would have said go and die i dont care as she says to me ..but i dint do .cause i was a moron ,i was a fool . I Can remind her of those days but i feel it quite cheap so i never do..

 

today she asked me to come online i came online then she said that she has few or her frnds online and she wud chat with them and i can leave....is this fair..wont it hurt even a demon..wat does she thinks i am ...i never asked anything from her just few kind words and nothing else but even that is too hard for her to have for me.

 

i know i should be strong i shud be weak but i cant ..i admit i am the weakest person on this earth i hate myself for being so weak i hate myself now more than anyone else..

 

__________________________________________________________________________________________

I m not in proper frame of mind while riting this post so pls take in that spirit.I am thankful grateful and obliged to all of you who always have kind words for me.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

[Mary3]

Okay you noticed that you said you were sooooooo lonely and life revolved around her ?

 

How every breathing moment is painful ? Every moment is cruel now ? The Reason :

 

YOU centered your life around her and thats a devastating result that you NOW HAVE !

 

You MUST STOP thinking about what you had because now you MUST work on you .

 

I was exactly where you are right now and its taken MONTHS for me even with all this reading of posts here and with all I do to learn about myself, and keep busy and date other people.

 

WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME ? : BECAUSE I centered my life around this person and this person is GONE now and I am left only with the instinct of survival and the memories. I don't have this person in my life as much as I wanted it and felt extreme pain.

 

THE POINT : DO NOT EVER make another person the sole core of your being. Make sure you have your own interests, friends, family ect. I noticed you said you feel soooo alone and your mom is 14 hours flight away ?

The thing here is that you feel very alone and I know because I do toooo but I MUST just as YOU MUST , become stronger from this and realize this girl is PLAYING with your Head ! She gets satisfaction from you by telling you what to do KNOWING she does not care about you !

 

I am trying to tell you that when you make someone the MAIN thing in your life and you have no friends or have abandoned those friends ( you did have for her ) or if you live in a foreign country , You lose sight of yourself. This painful thing that happened to you is a blessing because at some point you found this site and you need to start READING it MORE .

 

Please feel blessed that you found this place. Others were not so lucky and some even thought of terrible demises and have actually posted their intentions here and we thankfully have tried to stop people from doing foolish things to themselves.

 

It is not the end of the world but I many times thought it was. How could I survive without this person ? How could I make this pain go away ? Months and months later I am still breathing and still alive and am very busy trying to figure myself out and making this the BEST life because LIFE IS NOW ! Life gives no second chances. Live it now...because someday its over. You get old and you die and you want to look back and ask yourself " DID I do my very best to live my life to the fullest ? There are many things I have not done yet but will...and there are many things I HAVE done in the last 6 months that I only dreamed of doing.

 

Don't live a life of regrets and pain. PULL OUT ! Pull out and live your life. ITS very hard ITs WORK But you MUst for your own mental health

 

DO NOT TALK TO THIS GIRL ! EVERY minute....every hour that you do not talk to her, I want you to reward yourself with something. I want you to take a walk outside. Read a book . Join some online games such as Yahoo Games. Keep busy. This is NOT easy . But if you wallow in sorrow and you let no-one help you and come into your life, such as us here or maybe go on a date , or join a club.

 

You have a computer . Use it ! Not for online chat and fantasy emails....Use it to LEARN ABOUT YOU

 

I am done

[aarsky]

It's true. When you thjink of it, what good is it to dwell on lost love or failed relationships. It is time to focus on yourself. That's what the other person would be doing as well. Working, taking care of children if they have any, just doing what life requires of them. And so should you. I've been wallowing the last four months and where did it get me. A beautiful summer lost and fun times just because I thought my life has ended. In reality the only one you have to rely on is you, as each of us has ourselves. I'm giving you advice Im following myself. Go and live for you and for noone else. And when loves comes back to you, it will be attractedto the now confident, more at ease and loving person you have become.

[Mary3]

Aarsky is Correct !

Look at yourself right now and say " Would any women be attracted to me ? Would she be attracted to my miserable sad self ?

Would she be attracted to my emotional baggage I am carrying around about my xgf ?

Would she be attracted to my lowly- no confidence sense of self ? Would she be attracted to the fact that I have no friends and no life and want to die because I put myself in this position ?

 

Hell No she wouldnt !!! Now Get to work !!!!

 

I am a women and I would NOT be attracted to you.....but I WOULD be attracted to you if I saw a laughing care free man full of confidence....A man not carrying around the weight of pain that another women put him through. I ENDED a brief relationship with a man once BECAUSE he was acting exactly like you ! He could not get over this women who treated him like dirt

 

Now unless you are 75 years old right now I would GET TO WORK ! If you are in your 20's 30' or 40's you have ALOT OF LIFE LEFT !

 

Now I did NOT say it was EASY. The SOONER you get started the better to heal yourself and get stronger and find out how you got to that point of your life that you let someone belittle you and take control of you and make you sad then DUMP you !

 

I would say low self esteem. I would say you dont think much of yourself. OKAY NOW start learning all about low self esteem. Self worth. Go to the search engine and type in : Low Self Esteem. I did . I learned a WEALTH of information

 

My God you need to get started. I did NOT have all the advice you are getting. I had to read tons and tons of letters here. God Bless LOve Shack !!

[greenhorn]

Yeah one thing is sure God bless LoveShack.

 

I am getting these wonderful advices and suggestions here i might not be able to follow them right now but it gives me belief that i can be ok one day.There can be a day when i am not wallowing and writhing in pain.

 

yeah thats true i had made one person the reason for my existence and everything i did after i met her in the past seven years was just in line with that and to have for the rest of my life.But now i find that anyone and everyone other than me is acceptable and caring and good to her except me.

 

I just want to talk to her onceand ask what was my fault why she did it to me? why she came in my life and not dumped it.cant she an iota of pain what i am going through here.It gives me so much of pain that there are guys who are spendng time with them and she has so high opinions abt them.Is there nothing called commitment in my life.if u go and keep searching for better ppl u search wud never end and u can continue till the end of ur life.

 

what is that i m asking ? am i asking her to die for me ..i was just saying that when u started this relationship pls dont go back ..pls dont dump me ..thats all i m asking..i might not be the best person in this world but i love u the most and pls now it seem to be one sided for u but it was not this way when we started it or else would i run on the street and ask any girl that i find there and ask her to love me .why are u going back..pld dont go it hurts..

 

I know you all must be irritated with me cause i just want to move on and still clinging on her but belev me i m finding it very difficult to do all this.but one thing i m sure that there wont be anything and anyone in my life whom i would give so much importance there wont be anyone whom i wud ever love....

ho

i realy dont foresee anything for me now ..but i wud try and gather strength for me...though seems difficult to me now.,

[moon]

Mary3 has some good advice. Especially the part about taking your power back and concentrating on yourself (almost as an obsession) instead of your ex--- Focusing on improvements to yourself. I guess I am sort of starting to do that now too. I do think that that's phase II of healing,though.

 

The first month (I'll call that phase I) I wallowed and was very sad. I think that is important. You should cry and feel sad because it's inside you, so you should let it out. You should continue to feel that way until it is unacceptable for yourself. Now for me it was in the second month. Some people would go on crying for longer but I have been through a really painful break up before and I know that a lot of the crying and such becomes just drama if you let it go on too long. But give yourself an appropriate enough time to feel PAIN.

 

And then do exactly what Mary3 is saying. Focus on yourself and heal your life. I think counseling helps too. I think one good thing about counseling is that it usually only happens once a week. But in the mean time, those seven days between appointments you can really take time to think about what you want to say to the therapist. You can read books and sort of investigate about yourself and why you are doing certain things. Then when that therapy appointment rolls around, you'll realize that you spent a lot of the last week just trying to bring together your thoughts for that one hour of therapy. And you realize you have been sort of healing yourself all along.

 

Anyway, good luck to all of you in your recovery. It's painful.....no doubt about it. And time is the best healer.

[Mary3]

I know that you ask : " Oh why did she do this horrible thing to me " ? " Why did she take the love away " ? There are a million **whys** for you right now but honestly, this thinking while self reflective, eventually becomes self destructive.

 

Why : Because while you are suffering and in severe pain ....she is NOT ! That should make you angry !

 

You need to get to that Level of Anger....that is when you begin the healing.

 

DO NOT ASK HER WHY ! DO NOT ASK HER /BEG HER to talk to you about this.

 

Put yourself in her place right now.

You are a menacing bug on the wall to her .

SHE DOES NOT CARE !

When ever you think about her say ""DAMN YOU !"

 

Every pleasant thought should be replaced with the ANGER you should feel....now this is temporary ( the anger ) because actually anger is a very destructive emotion. You want to get to the point of Forgiving her. You need to say this " Emily ( sp ) I forgive you for hurting me " Say it outloud...in the mirror...you may not be ready to say that yet but its amazing how much of a load it takes off.

 

Of course you are still in the phase of denial and hurt and want her very much back . SHE IS GONE ! She is not thinking about your love...she is thinking about all the neat guys she is getting to date. You are History. You are dust in the wind. I am not trying to hurt you but instead Accelerate your greving process.

 

This kind of advice might come from a therapist but after much money spent. You are getting this daily in your face one on one advice from people here who have been through this.

 

Of course you dont want to deal with this....you just want her back....But she does NOT want you back....So you see how much time you are wasting wallowing in pain. Yes you will have pain....Yes you will think of her a million times more....but YES you can heal yourself. It takes W O R K !

 

I like helping you but I want you to help yourself now. Tell me or show me your progress today. Get a journal started ; It should go something like this : Today when I thought of Emily ( sp ) I shook my head and shouted NO ! Then I went over to the computer and looked up self esteem issues. After I learned all that I could I took a learning break. I went into clubs ( fishing, computer, arts, music , hobbies, ect ) and I found out where these clubs are located,. I called one. A friendly voice offered me to come down. Later that day I went and found some warm friendly people and they ( this is an example ) were planning a hiking trip. Then I went on Hobbyist sites and found one that creates model airplanes ( as an example ) Tomorrow I have an apt with the Hobbyists to find out what paints I need ect .

 

This was an example and this should consume your days. How to find things to interest you. How maybe in some aspect you might meet some nice people and maybe even a girl to make a friend with.

 

Now whats better : suffering for weeks and weeks or being greatful that all these people here care about you and want to see you better your life

 

I stress again NO CHAT ROOMS , Not yet anyway. Unless those chatrooms are about Hobbies or self improvement.

[XNemesisX]

Mary3 is absolutely right! You are in a denial stage right now, but just as Mary said, and this is some tough love my friend, she does not want to be with you anymore. Get past the denial. There is no need in hurting yourself over something you have no control over. You can't make someone love you and you can't make someone do the right thing or behave the way you think they should behave! So screw it! There ain't a dang thing in the world you can do about it! So...once you realize this and accept it as the reality of the situation, you can begin to move on.

 

Greenhorn, you need to really start working on yourself, take care of yourself. I think you have got some excellent advice on here, don't let it go through one ear and out the other. We have all been through the heartbreak and we know it sucks. But remember you are not alone, and people go through this every day. (remember what I said about my uncle?). Life goes on, and no matter how bleak you think your life is right now it WILL get better. Odds are that you won't be pining over her forever.

 

Please at least try to take our advice. Take care of yourself, and try to implement the advice on here in to your life. Loveshack has helped me so much but it will only benefit you to try what people are saying to do - people have been there themselves. Much <3 . Keep us posted, I really hope that you work on self improvement and gaining that dignity back. Once you have achieved this the sky is the limit. Once you hit rock bottom the only direction to go from there is up!