how to come out of obsession

[greenhorn]

Huh ?

 

You said * kicks * from Mary ? You feel like I kicked you ?

 

 

Mary no offence was intended ,actually Kooky likes giving kicks to people so i was just thinking of gratifying her with enumerating the kicks that i receive.I am really grateful to you all for giving me so wise and caring suggestions and right now i am trying to follow them.

 

One thing i must say it is very hard to practice them but i would not write anything negative ,when i have something positive to write i will post -- this is what i have thought and lets see how long i can hold this cause when i feel too bad the first thing comes to my mind is to come here and post.

 

What aarsky said is quite correct about mind wandering and right now i am feeling the same.But i am trying to control them thinking that i cant force someone to love me.Love cant be one-sided.

[Mary3]

Absolutely Green ....there are MANY things to be greatful for in life.....the sound of the wind whistling in the trees.....the sound of your breathing because you are ALIVE

 

You have survived this although it will be many weeks until you are where I am today......many ...many.......more but it is a greiving process you must go through or die.

 

I am sure you don't think life is worth much right now but as soon as someone can make you chuckle for 10 seconds...as soon as you realize you did not think of her for 5 minutes......which goes into 20 minutes....and eventually its just not even painful to think of her anymore....

 

Thats where you want to be and its a struggle but you can get there

[greenhorn]

I was admitted in Hospital (mental ward) ....just few hours back that i got myself discharged and came to work. I will write in detail abt it but wanted to let all of u know who were in this thread where i was in the past two days.

I got myself released from the hospital thinking to face the situation myself and had lot of work at my workplace and this episode was escalated to higher levels in my organisation.

[tokyo]

Greenhorn, you seem to be in need of serious help, I´m not sure if this forum will be enough for you. It´s not like real human touch. I´m very sorry you felt so bad, but try one of the advices that people gave you on the forum or get some counceling. Its not good that you are caught up in this desolate situation.

[moon]

Greenhorn,

 

I am sorry to hear about your visit to the mental ward. You are being too hard on yourself, maybe. Or do you think you suffer from some type of clinical depression despite your ex leaving you? I hope you get the help you need. I think people on this board were trying to help you (read old posts) but at the same time what you need now probably isn't people telling you GET OVER IT.....MOVE ON! You know, demanding it almost. What you need is a good doctor who can help you through this. I would not at all be afraid to reach out to a mental health worker and tell them everything....just let it all rush out. They will root you on and diagnos you and maybe prescribe some anti-depressents. At least get some valuim out of it. Those things will make you feel much better, at least while you are feeling the REAL PAIN. That's why they call them pain killers (just don't get hooked). Definately get a therapist. I've even got one. She knows everything about what happened to me. It feels good that at least one person (besides my ex) knows everything. Well, I mean I tell my friends, but there are some parts of my ex and my relationship that I don't even tell friends (or maybe I have, I don't know). I might have said it on this board though.

 

You really need to give yourself a break. You are truly suffering. I'd just take it easy if I were you. Try focusing on something else too. Do you have any good books you can read? Movies you've wanted to watch? You know I think getting over love is sort of like quitting smoking or alcohol (for an alcoholic)........You know the old motto, "one day at a time." I remember when I quit smoking, months later I'd still want one. Love is like a drug. Slowly, slowly, with abstinence you'll forget. You are in detox now. You are having withdrawls. Do you keep a journal too? Do whatever it takes to keep your mind off of this girl!!! Stay away from your drug.

 

Good luck to you.

[greenhorn]

Hi All,

Today i am feeling a bit better to write abt what happened me that i had to go to the mental ward.

This sunday i started feeling terrible actually this sunday i opened her email id i always had the answer to crack hers but i never did that but somehow i was getting the hunch that something wrong is there.

 

So this sunday morning i opened her mail id and found that she had lied to me.She had cancelled her switzerland trip with me and said to me that she didnt go there but infact she had gone there with her friends.The day she was saying to me that she had cancelled the trip due to me infact that very day even her tickets were booked.When i came to know this from her email i was shattered and broke.My trust was broken ,someone whom i trusted more than my parents for the past seven years broke my trust.

 

And i found that she had deleted all my mails from her inbox allthose mail that i used to write her i suddenly felt that i was NO ONE in her life.

 

I couldnt bear this and went into severe depression getting those thoughts of killing myself so my colleague took me to local nursing home and from there i was referred to the mental ward and they gave me sleeping pills to make me sleep and i was there for two days and then i asked them to discharge them saying that i will continue the medication from home though they wanted to keep me in the ward for one more day.But it was like the news spreaded to my manager and then to my office in India so everyone was worried what is happening there so i thought of moving out of ward.

 

I met a Psychiatrist yesterday and he said that there are no medicines for this you have to face all this in life and have to go through the pain then only you can recover.

 

I am still taking the sleeping pills to get me sleep but i still remember her all the time and somehow think that she comes back to me ,sometimes feel the strong urge to mail her contact her but i have not contacted her and it is complete NC now.Though my friend called her and said that i am in ward but still it didnt make any difference to her.

 

So now i am trying to accept the fact that she is now indeed gone and trying to keep her thoughts away from me and fight this life.But every morning when i get up from sleep i think of her our past days and it makes me sad but i have resolved this time that i am not going to contact her.

 

She broke my trust and she is happy with her own frnds deoesnt make a damn difference to her if i am there in her life or not and this is what broke me down so much .

[GreenCap]

Dear Greenhorn

 

My nickname is GreenCap and in the Asian culture I have been told, a person who wears a GreenCap is a person who has been cuckold. Although I was never married to my ex and was with her shorter than your 7 years (3 years; living together 2 years). The reason I chose this moniker was because I since we broke up 3 months ago, she has since started dating someone else (don't know where she was seeing him when we still together) and in fact had told me this is the person she will marry despite only knowing him for such a short time (I am left with a lost deposit on an engagement ring). She will relocate to another country to be with this person when she has so much going for her here because "it is worth it".

 

I am in shock, my health has been deteriorating, my work is suffering and I abuse myself (not eating, can't sleep, drink like crazy, don't shower etc) and don't know why I am doing it. Is it because I want to see me this way so she'll take pity on me and come back? The question then is why do we put ourselves in such dire situations because when S$%t happens, they will only think they made the choice to leave because we are such losers.

 

By being in this depressed state, we are only hurting ourselves and the people who actually really care about us. But unfortunately, going through this gut wrenching pain is a necessary evil. Just hope that there is light at the end of this dark tunnel. You'll have to do what you have to do to heel; everybody heals differently so there is no wrong or right way. Other members have advsied us to keep our chins up. Words help but human contact is better and I hope that you have good friends or family members nearby that can be with you during this trial. I unfortunately do not have such luxury since I am not originally from this city - but my support group is a phone call away or internet chat click on hand.

 

Life is precious, don't torture yourself too much, but understand also that breaking down is not weakness, just another form to cope to release the toxins that inhabit our system before we can get well again.

[moon]

I met a Psychiatrist yesterday and he said that there are no medicines for this you have to face all this in life and have to go through the pain then only you can recover.

 

That is very interesting. I agree you must go through the pain and deal with it. But do you think that you might have some sort of clinical depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, etc. ? Did the psychiatrist actually give you a diagnosis.

 

I do think this is so true that we need to just experience the pain and get over it. But I also know that so many people these days, particularly in the US, are prescribed anti-depression medicine and other pills to get over things like this. It is interesting that your doctor didn't even recommend this. What country are you in? I think you should know that anti-depression medicine is an optioin and that if your depression gets deeper and deeper than you should find a doctor who can prescribe you some medication to help you with the pain. You shouldn't feel strange about this. So many people take them these days. I know not in India but in the US particularly.

[tokyo]

Greenhorn, try to talk with someone in real life, a family member or a friend. I understand that it feels as if your whole life has crumbled down, but if you survive this black phase, you´ll see the light again. I´m sorry, you feel so bad now.

 

Concerning your girlfriend, she´s mean and I tell you, if you look closer at the past, you´ll see she was mean before. People can be so blinded by love that they don´t want to see the ugly truth that is lurking behind the nice and peaceful harmony. I´m absolutely convinced that a person who had true feelings for you, will always feel something for you and just because she doesn´t want to date you anymore, doesn´t mean she´s not allowed to worry about you. She doesn´t, she driving you nuts with her coming and going. If she had some feelings of pity for you and some sense of responsibility she would stop stringing you along. She doesn´t. If she had loved you and really thought that being with you is impossible, she´d let you go, she´d send you away. She doesn´t. She tells you to come back and pushes you away. She doesn´t know what she wants and she´s willing to let you suffer for this. Get worked up, get angry or you´ll end in the mental ward again. Get angry and don´t let her into your life again.

[Mary3]

I know I did the** Push Push Approach** on this one only because in my own situation I saw it coming but in your case you have crossed over and may need some more serious intervention to help you through this.

 

I could see easily myself falling that deep but I had a stronger innervoice saying " Why ? " What for " ? That person would not care or be affected in any way if I ended up in a psyche hospital ( or worse ).

 

If you can derive the inner strength of yourself and if you have good family or friends connections this immensely helps.

 

There is no way through this pain except to go right through it.

 

But I know you must wonder why this all happened.

 

It happened as a learning experience and once you start the road to recovery , you will see why you did what you did , why you stayed, what things can you do differently with your next relationship and this has likely made you stronger although right now you don't know it..

 

I agree that love is blind and quite possibly if you take a good hard look back , you will notice that maybe she lied to you, ignored you, disrepected you, lonnnnnnnnng before you began posting here.....

 

She is poison to you.

 

You need to understand that.

 

Its no longer healthy for you to be with her.

 

Good Luck in your recovery

[greenhorn]

Thanks Greencap,Kooky,Moon & Mary3.....

 

Today is exactly a week when i went broke and had to go to mental ward but after a week i feel i have changed and feeling much better.It really helps to listen to those good words that you all have written for me.

 

What Greencap says is exactly true and i have been abusing myself the same way,no food ,no shave no work may be somewhere i was looking for pity but now i have realised that you cannot get love by being pitiable.Thats not love!! and i dont want myself to be potrayed as a loser.

 

Moon,

 

That is very interesting. I agree you must go through the pain and deal with it. But do you think that you might have some sort of clinical depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, etc. ? Did the psychiatrist actually give you a diagnosis

 

Right now i am staying in this city of Hameenlinna in Finland,one hour away from the capital Helsinki.I was seeing a doctor in the local nursing home for the past one month and she was prescribing me medicines to calm me get me sleep and one anti depressant (Cipramil) and she knew that i need to see a psychiatrist so she had booked an appointment for me but that was in the Helsinki cause they didnot have a psychiatrist in the local nursing home.I had to meet her on tuesday and then would have gone to Helsinki to meet this psychiatrist but things happened on sunday and whole plan was changed.I got myself discharged from the hospital as it was causing too much anxiety at lot of places (being a foreigner and then my company back in India was worried ..some implications) and then i went to Helsinki to meet the psychiatrist.He talked to me in detail and after looking at the medicine he told me that i dont need any more as i am already taking the anti depressant .Actually i was asking him to give me some medicine to give me instant relief like erasing my thoughts and all and for that he said no medicine you need to go through the pain.

 

He said that anti depressant takes few days to start its effect and now i think it has started cause i think the better feeling i am getting now is because of that.

 

Kooky & Mary3 ...you both rightly said that i need to talk to my friends and family members about this but you know i am in this foreign country so i dont have any immediate friends but there was one mental therapist in the hospital and she could speak English fluently so it was great help to talk to her and she helped me a lot.I am obliged to her.She took three sessions for me and i think that the doctor whom i am seeing from start has planned few more sessions for me and is looking for some therapist who can speak English as most of the people here speak Finnish.

 

I cannot talk about this to my parents,they dont know about this and would be shocked.They were even not knowing that i was in Hospital but my office called them up and then they got to know and were very worrried.But i am talking to friends through mails.Coming to this forum and pouring myself over here helps me a lot.I have my own blog site where i used to write often but i dont want to write anything there as this one is personal na. But writing on this board and interacting with you all is helping me a lot.

 

Sometimes i still feel very bad about the whole thing i still feel that when i loved someone why did the other person ignored me after initially bringing me into the relationship.But i am trying to gather my strength think of something else trying to do better in my professional life.

 

She didnt even bothered to find out whether i am out of the hospital or living or dead but now it is not bothering me as well.I dont want her pity.I beleive that one day we all will have to face God and God will let her know entire truth.

 

Everyday in the morning when i wake up it is that time i feel bad my old memories keep coming into my mind and the things that i had planned,thought of but now i know that i will have these things hurting me for some time and possibly memories will be there for whole of my life time.

 

I am writing all this since i am feeling calm and relaxed right now but might feel bad later in the day as i am having lot of mood swings these days.

 

Now i think that even if she comes i wont let her in my life though i have loved her and would love her my entire life.If she wanted to get rid of me i have given her that finally and let her enjoy her life as she wishes.

 

I would come and post again as this is helping me quite a lot.

[GreenCap]

Greenhorn

 

Good to hear that you are taking some right steps. I had people tell me to seek professional help too but I am using that as my last resort. Like you, I am also in a foreign country with no family or immediate friends. She was my family, my lover, my best friend....and I comprehend the loneliness and emptiness you feel. We were living together for 2 years and to come home everyday to the void is painful. No bones about it; just have to accept it and take it one day at a time. Hopefully, your work is busy enough to have you keep your mind off her but I also know that this being the holiday season, things are less busy.

 

The long long Finnish days don't help either. I was told that the sunrises around 9 AM and sets about 3-4 PM. This is what I do, go to movies and get books to read - part of the healing is to build a routine to be alone again. You were solo before you met her and lived, and you/we have to rediscover that part of our lives again.

 

In fact, future posts should be about your feelings and not about the memories. Diffifult to practice....I had a relapse yesterday as well. If you can get away from Finland for awhile I would suggest that. I am planning to get away to my home country early next year to be with loved ones and to heal my soul so that I can learn to trust and love again.

 

Greenhorn, no woman who treats us this way deserve to have their cake and eat it to. Yesterday, I started a thread on how to get even during my relapse as I learnt that she was cheating on me while we were still staying together. I am not going to get in to "Take this time to better and improve yourself" crap, but you I would contend that you would have to take this time to reexamine your life and understand what you actually seek in a life partner. And if you are somewhat of a believer in astrology, I would suggest trying a reading to understand the foggy image of the future. It is nothing concrete but it provides you with a sketchy map to plod your course. Hope all is well today.

[Mary3]

Green I am very glad that you are doing better and I do wish you the best.

 

I still stand by the contention that we need to learn more about ourselves to understand why we behave the way we do . And moreso especially others , how others treat us and what their words *really* mean.

 

I would suggest that in the future that you go by the companions *actions* as opposed to her words.

 

People can say many things such as " I love You " but what are their actions showing you ?

 

I think this will help in the future when you wonder things such as - why she isnt calling, why she isn't showing affection , ect. This can sometimes open your eyes to future problems and possible remedies to salvage something long before its not repairable...

[greenhorn]

Thanks for your kind words Greencap and Mary3.

 

Yeah i do have these relapses and now more often but i am trying to control them and try not to get more involved with them hmm..difficult but still no option for me.

 

Mary (addressing you as Mary is easier than Mary3 so pls dont mind) when you say that we should seek crisis like this to learn about us is most true.I have learnt a lot that what i like and which way i wish people to behave with me .

 

Though at this point it seems far too remote for me to get into a relationship again but now i definitely have a different perspective for all this.

 

and yes i always considered that "actions speak louder than words" and you know in mine this relationship it was actions which were speaking initially and then words came into pictures.I had judged by the actions and then only i had made my mind to go for words but what do you do when someone changes like this.I just dont find it worthy to recollect those actions for asking which someone has forgotten so easily.

 

i have each and every moment etched into me and i know why i went so weak when she came to me but she has forgotten everything.I dont know what happened she chose to forget me to it was destined to be like that. Might be that she met people who were better than me in all aspects and wanted to spend time with them rather than me.

 

It always happens that you get to appreciate more whom you are close with and this is what is missing when your relationship goes long-distance.She had so many people whom she would have liked more than me. But what i was to her and the way i behaved with her i think someday in her life her consience would definitely remind her of me atleast that what i believe.

 

Everyone has a different perspective, if i would have met a girl i would have admired her liked her but your love does not changes just like this.If it vanishes like this then it was never love.

 

I dont know but before entering into this relationship i had made myself sure by actions and everything but yet i couldnot do anything. I never talked to her to let her recollect our old memories and when someone is so hell bent upon breaking up there can be 'n' number of justification for anything like that just like somone had mentioned in one of the post " i love you but i am not in love with you".The bottom line is that you are completely helpless when even actions cheats you.

 

well no qualms about that i am trying to cope up and right now getting lot of memories about our old days.The other day i was talking to my doctor and saw the ring in her finger and that reminded of her and i was lost in the discussion,so things like this are happening but now i guess i have the strength not to contact her ever.

[Mary3]

There is no-one out there that is * better * than you ....because you are the BEST

 

You must ALWAYS think and feel that.... she really messed up because you are a GOOD person and it is HER LOSS ! It does not matter if she found someone SHE thought was better....It reallllllllly does not matter....What MATTERS is YOU.

 

How you will recover.

 

She is paramount to a** Hurricaine**. She has done her destruction to you and now you must look around and figure out how to rebuild and clean up the mess she left behind.

 

When you finally see that people change their minds and just decide to throw everything away overnite it seems then you can set yourself up better for the next time and learn to create your own protection mode so no-one ever is allowed to hurt you in that way again....Meaning create your own life right now and when someone comes along you can allow them in but keep your interests that you will create now...Keep your hobbies you will engage in now.

 

Don't ever let someone bring you down to the depths of despair that you dont want to live anymore or care about yourself.

 

You do have alot of work to do and so do alot of us here to get stronger and be better communicators and to NOT let people attempt to destroy our lives. You only LIVE ONCE !

[qismat]

hey greenhorn

 

i read some of the posts (not all-too many to catch up on!) but i got a bit of the gyst from reading your story... i just wanted to say that in some aspects i know where you and your ex are coming from-and how difficult it really is. the culture clash (yours specifically within the hindu culture) is a difficult one. you are not in it alone, and you would be surprised how many couples go through this. i know you know this, but you really do need to take many steps away, it doesn't seem like it now, but just have faith that you will be able to see clearly, and it won't hurt as much. sort of from your ex-gf's perpective, i must say- you have to understand that she really is in a tough situation as well. we are in the cross of two generations, where we must blend our beleifs with those of our parents, and a lot of the time we sacrifice things that are important to us simply because of how we are brought up, and because of the fact that we are aware of both persepctives (our own, and that of our parents). i know for many outsiders its hard to understand. but i just have to say that it is a really difficult position for her to be in as well- as you said, she did love you at one point, however she decided that it was not going to work due to parental influence. you have to respect that. and pushing her will not help. if she builds the courage to confront things, she will. but at this point she has basically told you that the love that you two had is not something that she is willing to fight for. you honestly have to respect that, as much as it hurts.

 

i am sure she is dealing with many complicated issues herself, with regards to culture, her wants, parents wants etc. its a difficult position to be in. i know, and can tell you it is likely that she's not trying to confuse you by contacting you etc.. she does want a frienship with you, because its hard to just let people go out of your life. you just need to recognize that you are not emotionally stable enough to maintain a frienship, actually from what i gather-not even emotionally stable enough to chat with her for a while. so just don't... for small periods of time at a time.. and see how it goes. you'll notice improvements.

 

anyway with respect to how you are feeling. i understand that is unbearable, but please have faith that this shall pass, and get easier with time. i notice a lot of people giving you good advice, follow it! at least try... and you will slowly notice that you will be able to sleep a little bit easier, and go through days thinking of her less...

 

also do not give your relationship with her too much credit. recognize that part of the reason you feel so sad and depressed is because you are away studying, in a new beautiful place, but alone! don't attribute it all to her. once you acknowledge that other things can also make you happy it will be easier to get through the days.

 

if some of that didn't really apply.. its only because i did not read all the posts fully.. haha..

[greenhorn]

Thanks Mary and qismat for your words.

 

I was reading the posts but somehow was not feeling like writing anything.I fear i was going into relapse and after feeling quite good for three to four days after i came out of mental ward something started bugging me.But this time i am more resolved-- may be the effect of the anti depressant pills that i am taking .This time i am not going to let anyone humiliate me ,not going to let anyone treat me as sub-human .I wont be so weak for my feelings to be treated as scumbag.

 

Mary i have got your point and i am making my own protection mode.It is difficult to me at this point as i feel that i have getting lot more memories that i used to get before so i have to brush aside lot more things than earlier.One thing i am sure that nothing like this is going to happen in my life again.

 

Qismat,

I think you have fairly understood the story by going through few of the posts but it seems you have missed that post where i have explained everything in detail.I really appreciated the balanced approach that you have tried to bring out in your reply.

 

Something to add from my side ,this might sound hollow or unreal but my love for her was totally selfless(i might be wrong but this is my perspective) and it was sure that i would have never forced her to do anything against her wish.If in the end her parent's decision would have mattered her more than i would have retracted but she didnt even tried for it.If that would happen then atleast i would have some consolation for my life that someone loved me but it was due to constraints that it didnt materialise.

 

But was the parental influence that she started denying that she ever loved me,how cheap it looks like to deny and it would have been more cheaper if i would have persisted that you did.Was her Parental influence that she was treating me as sub human being , humiliating me in front of her friends.

 

What she expected that i would change my feelings overnight - i am human and not a robot which can be programmed.I cant tell you how rudely she was behaving me for the past one year and it was only for me.

I have and was seeing her how kindly she behaved with others,how many nice words her mails for others contained and she always had time for others.She never had any words other than abrasive ones for me either in mails or over phone or in chat.

 

And i think you forgot the post about the trip that i how i arranged everything and she cancelled the trip at the last moment after confirming it for one month.When i was upset and spoke againt me she cancelled the other trip with me and went the very next day with her friends and then lied to me.How would i feel when i found from her emails that she had lied to me,she broke my 7 years of trust.Stab from your own hurts much much more than from your enemies.Tell me all this was warranted due to parental influence.These are the things that are hurting me most now and tearing me apart otherwise i would have needed to go to a mental ward.

 

I had loved her and understood her constraints but i could never understand her this kind of behaviour.She behaves so well with others but not with me.

 

but anyway no qualms i am on my road to recovery (hopefully) these two days had the relapse and one bad news that back in India my dad was hurt in an accident and fractured his arm.So things not going quite good for me.

 

 

Merry Xmas to all of you.

[greenhorn]

Today is exactly 2 weeks when i last talked to my ex on phone and then went to mental ward and everything ended.I was getting some thoughts today and so just came over here to write them.

 

I was just thinking that how can a relationship of 7 years could end just like this.Though i have become strong enough not to contact her anymore now but i was thinking that does she ever during the whole day thinks about me. She seems to be enjoying her life every moment ,how can someone be like this.

 

My friend called her and told her that i was in ward and even after that she didnt feel it proper to even ask from him that did i come out of ward or i am still there or i am living or dead.

 

Feels to me that how much hard-hearted one can be.

[greenhorn]

Happy New Year to all,

 

Just came to my thread to vent out my feelings.Its two hour left for new year but dont know why i am finding this emptiness and void inside me.Though anyway i am not going to celebrate new year cause of the tragedy that struck my country and the hardship the people are facing there now but still i am feeling sad.

 

I know that my relationship is over and it has been no contact with her since weeks but even then why today all the time i am thinking of her,thinking that she might call me to wish me,might send me an Instant message,might send me a text message but i know she wont.She has completely kicked me out of her life.

 

It feels so strange that it didnt take seven seconds to end a seven year of relationship.Here whole day i am thinking of her and there not for a single second i would be coming in her mind.

 

I Know she has great company,people whom she would like to be but how come i became no-one.

 

Though i also have come out of it but somehow today i cant control myself.

[Barby]

I read parts of your posts..the beginning then again here at the end.

 

I'm very sorry that she treated you this way. I'm sorry that you are in pain and are feeling like you are worthless to her. Sadly sometimes people are like that and sadly there isn't anything we can do about it.

 

I hope you start feeling better, I agree that it does sound like obsession...7 years is a long time but honestly it sounds like she is happy and has moved on and when she goes out it isn't an "affair' because you two are no longer together.

 

 

I think the best thing for you would be to continue No Contact with her so that you can allow your heart to heal and maybe eventually move on and meet someone who'll love you as much as you love them and treat you as well as you treat them.

 

 

I understand you're not celebrating New Years..neither am I really (no reason to celebrate) but I hope you get to feeling better!

[GreenCap]

Hey Greenhorn

 

I am back again. Suffered a relapse three days ago...don't know why. I can only attribute it to the the time of year when all couples get a new beginning to revitalize and reenergize their relationships while we sit alone with nothing to hold on to. Didn't mean to drag you down to with me but this is how I am feeling at the moment - another 8.5 hours to 12AM.

 

I don't know why or how she suddenly appeared in my dreams three days ago. I wonder if it is because she will be back from her two week trip with her lover this weekend. Kinda sad that I still think about it....really debating whether I should attend a friend's party tonight cos I am feeling extremely antisocial.

 

No advice or words of commisseration today - just venting on the agony of my situation....hopefully 2005 will be a good new beginning. Take care all and happy new year.

[greenhorn]

Hey Barby & Greencap,thanks for your words and welcome back Greencap i was thinking of you.

 

THis forum is such a nice place sometimes i think that it is like God send to me.You come here pour out of your heart and the words that people write for you really makes you if not feel better.

 

It is so true that i am not alone in this world who is going through this pain but there are many more of us and we all need strength in these times such as new year eve..

 

Yeah Barby you are true atleast this time i have this much courage that i have maintained no contact with her and resolute in this aspect that i am not going to contact her again.I am happy for the fact that she is happy whereever she is and whomever she is with.

 

and Greencap i think relapses happens with everyone and its quite natural for them to occur..after all we are human not a robot to be programmed to delete everything with one key stroke.This is the time when we need out strength most and see we are not alone not to celebrate new year.

 

I wish god gives courage and strength to all of us in the new year .

 

bye, keep chipping in.

[greenhorn]

I am not feeling well today so came back to my post again.

 

Its exactly one month since i last talked to her and broke up with her and never made any contact from my side neither she made any effort to contact me.

 

Normally i was able to cope with this and had a few relapses but starting from yesterday i am again feeling very bad.The thoughts are coming again and again to my mind.I just keep on questioning myself why did she do this to me? Why she betrayed me? Why she cheated me ? Why she lied to me? What was i lacking?

 

I gave her so much importance to her in my life much more than anything and she even knew it and yet how come she didnt realise what will i go through? How can people be so cruel and hard hearted to always keep their convenience paramount.

 

Right now she does not know even that whether i am living or dead nor i have contacted any of my friends.I was trying to come back to normalcy with my weekly sessions with the mental therapist.Of late i am getting irritated with her also i am really not getting any tangible help and so i asked her last time what was the objective in her mind out of these sessions.She told that i want that you to be better protected in the next relation.What a damn?? Right now i am trying to get out of mine this relationship and she is preparing me for the next one.

 

I keep myself reading the last mail that i had written to her and she had written to me .I keep on questioning myself that how can this happen.I dont know what should i do? Its feeling so yukky.

[angelstar]

Hon, you are really and very deeply down about this girl. Its very worrying to me because you've made some rather unnerving comments about your state of mind.

 

Your depressed about this girl. Whats going on with you. Are you studying presently. Do you live near this girl? Its seems like you have contact with her. Look i know it seems hard to be away from this girl but what you do need is space.

 

Give yourself a break. You need to prepare for tommorrow as hard as it is. I too have lost someone i dearly and truely love but i cant allow it to take over my life. Normally in the past i would of been a mess. I have been but i've really made an effort to switch my negative thoughts around to positive ones.

 

Do you play any sport? or do you exercise. You know thats what i've started to do. Cause i know i wake up thinking of him as my wounds are so fresh. But soon as i'm out and about I'm better for it. Please go and do some exercise

 

Avoid Drugs & alcohol. Not a good thing when your down. It will just put you into a deeper depression.

 

Do not see or ring this girl for awhile (ITS BLOODY HARD i know) delete her number from your phone, and what ever else you can do.

 

If she comes running back to you wondering WHY you havent been chasing her then maybe theres your chance to reconcile your relationship with her. At the moment shes up on you.

 

Take TIME OUT for you. And put everything into perspective plsssssssssssss. I wana know how your getting on so please keep me posted

 

P.S. please read post on LS about NO CONTACT! it makes a huge difference

 

BE kind to yourself

angelstar

[GreenCap]

Dude

 

Hang in there. I can't write too much here as I am at work but don't let your mind wander in dark territory. I will try to write more later but have spinning class tonight but in the meantime, do a search on Joel Osteen to read some of his classic sermons. Don't worry, they are nothing religious more of self-help discussions. But if you adverse, try to Dr. Phil - he is a little cliched but good down-to-earth common sense.

 

Take care, and hopefully in this well of commiseration, we are able to give you an added boost. Cheers.

 

GreenCap