how to come out of obsession

[greenhorn]

Thanks Angelstar and Greencap for the support.

 

Angelstar, I am not near to this girl she is in Asia and i am in Europe but in this age no one is far there are so many means to be in contact - phone ,net ,sms ... but i am not in contact with her since one month.It is now a month that i broke up with her and went to the mental ward.

 

I was pretty strong after i came out of mental ward and was passing my days peacefully but i dont know why i again became so weak from last sunday.It is as if my strength melted away or slipped out of my fist like sand.I myself am surprised how it is again happening.

 

I had become strong and Greencap you remember i had replied to your post on relapses.I cant understand why again i am going through this.

 

But my resolve is strong on one front that i am not going to contact her, how much it hurts me.Its just that my old days when i was with her are crossing my mind and i miss those happy moments and feel myself in delirium.

 

I know there isnt anything i can do and i have to live with this but dont know how long it will take me to get back to normalcy and be again the same as i was 7 yrs back.

 

Right now LS has become my support system, whenever i feel bad i come here post my thought and read the replies.Hopefully this weak phase will pass off in a day or two and i would feel better again.I try to be strong but somehow sometimes i just cant and i give up.It happened on new year's eve and again happening now.

 

Greencap i did went through Joel Osteen sermons i found them better and i also read the poem IF by Kipling it gave me some strength.

 

I have one important meeting on Friday, have to prepare for it, hopefully it will keep me busy and ward my off thoughts.

[crbelljn]

Greenhorn,

 

I have been reading some of your posts. Listen,

 

She did this to you because she is NOT GOOD for you

She betrayed you because she DOES NOT LOVE YOU

She lied because she DOES NOT CARE FORE YOU

 

PLEASE UNDERSTAND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG ABOUT YOU, EVEN IF YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN GOD, SHE WOULD STILL HAVE ACTED THE SAME BECAUSE IS SHE THE ONE THAT HAS THE PROBLEM. SHE DOES NOT DESERVE YOU.

 

DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF FOR WHAT SHE IS DONE TO YOU. She would have done it to someone else.- She is not the right person for you.- YOU ARE NOT TO BLAIM YOURSELF FOR WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU!!!!!!

 

Do you have any friends by where you live? I wish I can help you understand about suffering.....

 

We must be worthy of our suffering. In the way in which we accept our suffering, we also give ourselves the opportunity to add a deeper sense to our lives ; we also conserve our value, dignity and generosity. To suffer is extremely difficult, we need to be very brave. Fill up with courage and anger, ALL WE CAN DO IT. (Do you speak Spanish?)

 

crbelljn.

[prettypiggy79]

Greenhorn,

 

I understand you are sad and miss this woman.

Maybe she's nice and friendly, maybe she leads you on to believe a chance exisists.

Either way, it doesn't matter. If you are not together, she is not worth the time and energy you have devoted. That's all.

You have given her numerous chances and hints that you still want to be with her. She's not interested in anything beyond a platonic friendship. This may hurt, but whatever. See a nut doc and find out why you need to depend on someone, especially an unattached person from the past to make yourself feel worthy. You have to fix yourself.

Why don't you just forget her altogether? Stop the calls, the emails, the messenger, seeing her, etc. Find wholeness in yourself and move on. Find a new person who can be an enhancement onto your life instead of "your life"; a partner.

Also, if you don't quit this now, you seem to have a tendancy to get out of hand at some point soon. You have to be careful with that. I don't know exactly how you behave around her and if she picks up the intesity of this, but if she is, this behavior may be hurting her.

Best advice: Take all your memories, thoughts, feelings, fears, and hopes for her and your past relationship, and put them in the trash bin in your mind. See a nut doctor, read some books on self esteem, help yourself. Then look elsewhere, someone will come along and you will love again, in a healthy stable relationship.

[moon]

Regarding Joel Osteen from Greenhorn's above post.

 

I just love that guy!! I have been watching him now for the past month or two on television on Sunday nights. He is GREAT! He really inspires me. I think if you can you should watch him on TV or read his book. It isn't very often that I am inspired so much by somebody. He is a gift, that man. I recommend others to watch him. He is just so positive.

[moon]

Regarding Joel Osteen from Greenhorn's above post.

 

I just love that guy!! I have been watching him now for the past month or two on television on Sunday nights. He is GREAT! He really inspires me. I think if you can you should watch him on TV or read his book. It isn't very often that I am inspired so much by somebody. He is a gift, that man. I recommend others to watch him. He is just so positive.

[moon]

Regarding Joel Osteen from Greenhorn's above post.

 

I just love that guy!! I have been watching him now for the past month or two on television on Sunday nights. He is GREAT! He really inspires me. I think if you can you should watch him on TV or read his book. It isn't very often that I am inspired so much by somebody. He is a gift, that man. I recommend others to watch him. He is just so positive.

[greenhorn]

Its exactly a week and i am back at this post again.

 

Since morning i was feeling bad but today in office i just cant control myself.I dont know why i am not becoming normal.Today i again read those mails that i have saved in my computer which she has written to her other male friends.How kind and caring words for them ? How much she liked to spend time with them? I dont know whether she was having just friendhship or love with him but her mail to him is too personal and it hurts me .It makes me feel cheated and betrayed.

 

And when i remember how she talked to me in the last days of our relationship it hurts me more.Hundred times she told me that she hated me i was the worst man she could find in this world.She would not like to spend a second with me.

 

Her lies to me which i could find only months later pierces my heart.

 

She was so caring and kind for a guy whom she met a month back and so rude to me when we were together for 7 years.This whole thing is hurting me so much.

 

Its now more than a month and i have made myself strong in the fact that however it hurts me i would never ever contact her.Atleast i am glad that i am maintaining this resolution of mine.

 

But how can she be so cruel to me.I remember the old days we spent how much importance i gave to her and she knew it and yet she DID THIS TO ME.How could she do it? Didnt she think how much it would hurt me??

 

Today is the first time i felt like crying again and i was not able to control myself so went to washroom and cried there for half hour.I just dont know why i am not becoming normal.

 

When will this hurt and pain go away from me? when will i become indifferent to her? when will i read those mails and yet dont feel any pain? When ...how much i will have to bear for no fault of me??

[Mary3]

It will hurt for many months but only you can Let Go....let go of the *WHYS.*...she is not wondering why....she is moving on as you suffer in deep pain...Does she feel your pain ? NO NO NO she does NOT !!...its going to be alot of work but as I said earlier.....I want you to ask someone out on a date. Now just a simple friendship will be fine....it is VERY liberating to sit with someone else and you KNOW WHAT ....your MIND will think of something else....someone elses fragrance...a new laugh....a new smile looking at you,....

 

It is NOT easy to forget the girl of 7 years but it is POSSIBLE. Enough of the sadness now....If a big truck hit you tomorrow life would be over and you could not say you lived it to the fullest. GET OUT THERE....OPen your Eyes....to the potential of making new female friends...Ask one out for a burger. It gets easier....but since you are SAD you cant see that life is progressing on without you !

Now report back as to what you did tomorrow to be in the company of another kind lady....

[greenhorn]

Hey Mary,

 

Thanks for coming back i was actually worndering where you have gone.

 

Yeah it is hurting like hell.I was doing well and was moving on but something made everything go awry and i was thrown offtrack since monday and it is friday.But i know nothing else can happen except moving on so i would try for that.Yes i have let go off the *WHY'S* they are of no use now.I cant expect a cruel person to empathise with me.She was cruel and hard hearted and these are the kinds of person who seem to be happy in today's world.Those who love themselves much more than anybody and anything else are the only ones who are happy.

 

It's weekend and i am thinking of doing something to occupy my time.I dont have a date lol! i am in a foreign country so dont know many people but will do something to occupy my time thinking of going to the skating ring.

 

Yeah i would make few friends also as i have cut off all my old friends as they could give me some news of her so i have to make some new friends in this place.

 

Yeah i would report back only the things i am doing for moving on.Thanks for your continued support Mary and looking for more.....

[crbelljn]

Greenhorn,

 

I am glad you have a good spirit today. I just janted to let you know that there are a lot of us that are worried about you, that care about you and disire that you be happy.

 

Keep the good spirit and you will see good things happening soon....

 

 

Until taler.....

 

crbelljn

[GreenCap]

Hey Greenhorn

 

I was out at TGIF with colleagues today to put some entertainment into my routine. I have also joined a gym and have met a cute girl there unfortunately she's about close to 10 years younger than I am and just started school.

 

Basically, i am forcing myself to break out of my routine just for the hell of it. Anyway, have to sleep now coz not feeling well. You write when you can and just know that there is good support here.

[greenhorn]

crbelljn thanks for those kind words.They actually helps and right now LS has become a support system for me and i keep hooked on the site whenever i am online.I guess we have become a closely knit community here.

 

Greencap I dont have a TGIF here so i would better hang at Mcdonald's and yes i was also thinking of joining a GYM will have to ask someone about it i dont know where they are but today i am planning to go to the skating ring.

 

Did you have a good sleep ? what happened to you that you were not feeling well ? same crappy thinking of something else?

 

BTW your avtaar is good Greencap i was also trying to put up avtaar but couldnt get on LS.Do we need to find it somewhere else?

 

ok bye for now to all of you.............

[Mary3]

Absolutely join a Gym ! Its a Great place to feel better about yourself..You get sooo focused on the workout and your brain starts wanting you to go and the whole process is amazing...meanwhile you are making your body sleek and sexy and there ARE girls there ! But understand that most ppl who join a gym are there to improve themselves but you can make new friends and possibly might strike up a conversation with an interesting girl and maybe ask her if she would like to go have a power drink lol !

 

Happy people are YOU and I and all the posters here. Happy people DESERVE to be Happy and we all have to WORK at it to bring smiles...whether that be watching a funny movie....taking a walk in the park...whatever it is JUST GET OUT THERE and DO IT ! Meaning....I know you are still very sad but do you see your former girlfriend huddled in a corner crouching down in severe pain while she wails and moans over your loss ? NO you dont because she IS NOT doing that...she is having fun...its called LIVING LIFE. You got dealt a bad deal with that relationship ( although amazingly you learned ALOT about yourself throught the painful process ) but Now its time for YOU TO MOVE ON and embrace life because one day it is GONE. !

 

Now this has to be a learning experience for you...for me for all of us here...because we come here to LEARN. Not to bemoan our losses forever and ever but to say "Jeeezus! Its time I move on ! I have wasted soo much on suffering....and for WHAT ? "...For nothing actually.....Now get moving and report back. I want to see some progression here !