how to come out of obsession

[moon]

Good for you YX32Nemesis,

 

To answer your question....yes it does and did drive me a little mad that he's with another woman. Basically I met the girl. My ex and I did move in together and his ridiculous neighbor dropped by on us through out the days. I talked to her a number of times. She's a bit younger than me. Sorry to say.....but I am prettier than her. She has sort of a pudgy face, but is slim. I couldn't have lived with myself if I had done what she did. She literally ripped my ex away from me. My then boyfriend and I would walk by her and she'd say to my boyfriend, "Can I have a hug?" She was ridiculous. She told me to move on from my boyfriend because she thought our relationship was "dysfunctional"-----what the hell did she know??? She had only moved in next door to my ex the month before and her job took her out of town every three days for three days and she didn't even really know my boyfriend or I that well. She was a little player. I can't explain all the reasons I know this. But she has an ex that she is still pining away for too and she told me about him. She said she still loves her ex and they'd be together but they are too far away from each other.....Well, nothing, not distance or anything kept me and my ex from staying together, so I just didn't really get what the neighbor was saying. She said her ex was in a relationship right now, but that she talked to him all the time and that there was nothing wrong with that. Right (!!) when I heard that I knew the girl had a major problem with boundaries.

 

When I questioned my then boyfriend about this girl who seemed so into hanging out with him (and me for that matter)......he just shrugged and said "You are the one I love, you are the one I asked to move in with me." But this little love triangle just played out before my eyes. The neighbor was/is a total floosy, weasel....no doubt about it. But my ex is sort of a sucker for a girl in distress. His neighbor had just moved to the city he was living in and didn't really know anybody. It was pretty funny because I was telling the girl that my boyfriend had always been a big emotional support system for me for years......and she was like "YEAH....and he's been that for me too in these past few weeks." I just sort of looked at her. Like.... you can compare a few weeks to years and years of knowing a person. Like you can compare a month to many marriage proposals, tears, his and my talks about what we should name our kids???? But this girl was a fricken idiot. She came right in the middle of our relationship. Hell, my ex let her.

 

So I saw it all play out and I didn't like the girl much. I told my ex off after I heard they were going to hook up. I riped in to him via e-mail and phone messages). I told him he was a piece of sh*t. I told him the girl was a whore because who would just jump on somebody else's boyfriend like that------especially so soon after a break up (or it could have been before, who knows?).

 

So I guess I sort of know this girl has something coming to her. So that makes me feel better. Petty?? Yes, I am thinking very petty----but seriously you had to be there. It was just gross. My ex is a very good looking man. He sort of looks like a model. He has a lot of family money too. He would appear attractive to a girl. But down deep lurks the monster.....the drinker, the partier, the half truths and the suspisions. He can be hell to be with. He can be great, too.

 

So I guess to answer your question.....I do get jealous, but feel like this girl might have just picked up the booby prize in the end. You know when you think you've struck gold and you rub it a bit and realize it's really aluminum.

 

I mean I loved my ex. We had a fairly good, adventurous, trusting, jovial, cool, upbeat, sometimes hostile relationship. We loved each other. We always told each other that. He just strayed basically. He took the easy way out. We were having many problems, though. We were fighting (not about the girl but many things) and it was easy for him to take up with the floosy next door. I think she thinks he's incredibly rich and can take care of her for life. She doesn't realize that he has tons of problems with his family because of the money and he can't grow up.

 

I know my ex soooo well. So, I guess I don't feel so bad because knowledge is power. It will take this girl some time to figure it out. But I did tell her (before I had any idea they'd get together) that my ex is an alcoholic (IMO) and she was like, "WHAT??" HELLO! I also told her that it was hard to trust him because he is close with ex girlfriends and has many women friends. She's probably making that astute observation right about now herself. The way I see it.....I would HATE to enter into a relationship with somebody so deceitfully. Geezzz, I can't even imagine what she's got in store for herself. My ex, I can sort of see why he did what he did (jumping to a new woman).....he was angry at me. But will he be happy with that other girl. I don't know.

 

But no, I would never let this really get me down too much. That girl was too much of a cheap and easy woman to make me feel jealous or sad about. I told him I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her. I am sure all my negative words and insults are probably ruminating somewhere in his small mind.

 

But I'd never give him the satisfaction of me groveling (or seeing me) over him. NO WAY. Seriously!!!! It is not worth it. Why, why should I give him that power. The only power I have is my silence (after I already balled him out). Begging for an ex to get back together with you doesn't work. It just makes you look like a wus. I don't like looking like that at all. I think the only way you could ever sort of get somebody back is if you turn your back on them. Don't call, don't wait around for them. That's the only way. They know they broke up with you. They know you are sad. They can approach you if they want to rekindle the flame. If not.....make sure they see you drive by with your new boyfriend....and maybe they'll think damn I missed out.

 

Basically my theory is, once you've loved somebody....you never really stop. But you might not want to be with them anymore. The relationship might not be right anymore. But you still love them. There isn't one ex that I have had that I don't still love in some way (not that I want to be with them anymore). Use that to your advantage and don't call or write or do anything. Just move on. They will know where to find you if they want. But if their memories of you are you crying and trying and trying to win them back (pathetic basically).......it probably won't make them want you in the end. You know? It's a tricky business, love.

 

I just want to move on from my ex. He can have his new cheap whore. I sound really healthy don't I? Well, I think from what I've been through a few insults are to be expected. But down deep I sort of know what the future hold for that (him and new girl) relationship----probably lots of tears. But my ex has a hard time really cutting the cord on any relationship, so that's why I think he'll probably get in touch again. But I certainly won't. Damn, I can do better than him. It sounds like you can do way better than your ex. They are just men. Silly, silly men...if you look at the big picture.

 

Good luck to you.

[greenhorn]

No Please dont think like you all are putting something before a brick wall.I might not be doing thing as swiftly as you all have suggested but i am doing things bit by bit taking one step at time.

 

I dint come to this post last night for i was very much depressed by those thing which KOOKY said to me. Last night i simply put off my laptop and slept i was in bed for 24 hours and today morning gathered some strength to come to office.

 

I know there are so much of confusion regarding this cause there is still a whole part that i havent shared you not deliberately but thot that may be you ppl wont understand this cause we all come from different country,and i wanted to keep things as confidential as i can.

 

My relationship with this girl started when i was in the first year of my Engineering course.She was beautiful and i liked her from the first day but i am kinda shy guy so dint approach her.She got frndly with a grp of guys and was hanging with them i mean movies and parties and she would come to me when she had any problem with the studies or any help other than these parties or hanging out. I would help her without thinking twice that it is she or someone else.Now the grp of guys with whom she was hanging were not good guys and they slowly slowly she got to know of them and started coming closer to me.We started doing all the things together obviously i had very good image and a bit of clout in college as i was the University topper in all the four years of engg so we got together and i helped her in everything.We got close and understood each other and then we started loving each other.

 

She was the one who said to me that i knw that you love me cause i cud feel it from the first day and i said yeah and she too said that she loved me and then we would meet everyday and would miss eachother.But from the begining she wud say that it wud be very difficult for her to marry me cause she need to marry whomever her parents chooses for her (cause thats the way most of the marriages are made in out country) but she said that let the time come and we would decide and we would marry each other and later convine our parents.so we left our engg courses that the end of four year .

 

After that i went to do my Masters in Business Administration and she went to a job and was thinking of doing MBA.We met in between though we used to live in diff cities but we were in contact through mails,letters,chat ,phone call and i wud also go to that city to meet her ocassionally as well. I used to miss her a lot and every day and every second i used to think of ther . I never went to parties in my college cause those were the places where i wud miss her most .

 

In the mean time she started saying that it wud be very difficult for her to convinvce her parents and she wud have to marry whomeve they choose for her and she said that you now start to make urself strong cause marriage is not possible.Now i was very hurt i was like donno what to do but she wud not stop contact also she wuld keep on calling me and be in touch but keep on saying that we wont be able to marry.During these days many a times i used to break the realationship but she wud always persuade me saying that marriage is not the ultimate and why do u need to marry someone whom you love ,i always gave in cause i still had the hope of marriage .

 

But i always kept the hope that one day i wud be able to convince her and we would marry.After two years of my MBA i got the job and the same time she joined a college for her MBA (this was in JUNE 2003) she more or less made me clear that she is not going to marry me cause she is sure that her parents wont agree to it and started to say that i am special to her but in not that way ,she wud love my qualities to be in her husband but never imagined me as her husband and all those things that Moon started saying like " i love you but not in love with you" and said to me that i never promised that i can marry you.

 

After joining the college she started having less and less time for me and was more with her new frnds though he always told me that there are not boys in her grp and she is not having any affairs there but she always asked me to make myself strong and take her just as a friend.Now this is where the problem started i was always possessive for her as one is when you are in love and she wanted me to act as frnd and we started to have fight.I saw one of her snap where her classmate a guy had put his arms across her i objected to it and she said why you are having objection i am not your gf just a friend.

 

In the mean time several time i stopped contact with her but it wud go only for a week or so and always she would call back and we woudl patch but she always had this message that she cant marry me cause her parents wont agree to it.

 

I was getting very tensed ,i had my job and tension and one day i asked her what is the future of our relationship she said that she cant marry me and if you can be here with this be in this or quit .i said i will quit and we stopped talking and in that period it was my birth day but even on that day she dint call me .It was like two weeks i was very tensed and depressed and at the end of 2nd week i cudnt control and called her and said that i cant live withtout you i dont know what is going to be in future cause i simply could not live without her.That day she told me that even she was suffering in these two weeks but she does not want me to be weak so she dint call me .we were talking again and again wud fite whenever there wud be something where she wud like me to take her as a friend and not as gf and now it was impossible for me to take her just as a friend.You have different expectation from a frnd and from a GF.We again had a fite and this time without saying anything i stopped talking to her and for three weeks it went like it no contact no message no sms not chat and then one nite at 3 am it was too much for me i cudnt control myself so i called her she dint pick the fone as she was sleeping but the moment my rings ended and she called me and i said her alll those thing.i asked her if i dint contact you why dint u she said she wants me to get out of the relationship.

 

After that day she had to come to France for her exchange program for 3 months and i was also sent to Europe (Finland) for my project so we were again in Europe together.i thot that we will make plan of tour of europe so it was decided that she wud come to finland and we wud travel in finland norway and sweden .i had made all the arrangements but i always had this fear that it might get cancelled cause i had this feeling of insecurity always for her.She then changed the plan and asked me that we will tour switzerland instead and then go to Finland i agree but then she said that she wont come to finland now and only to switzerland. I went mad cause i had done all the arrangements you knw collected all the information only thing left was to pay the money so i said to her on chat aht i m feeling bad that u r cancelling it and u shud have said it at the begining that u wotn come i have made all the arrangements ,i was like mad and kept on saying these things on chat again and again and that was it!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

She cancelled the swiss trip also and said to me that she wont ever talk to me now cause hurt her .i was surprised that she needed an opportunity or what to end cause there was nothing a fite which we dint had before.She said that you are obsessed with me and if i come with you ur feeling wud get strong and u take me as ur gf but i want you to accept as a friend.I was shocked devasted i requested her that pls dont stop talking to me in this way if u want me to go away from ur life then we can end this in a dignified way .after like talking for four or five hours on fone that day in the end she said that ok she wud be normal and wud be like before .

 

After that we had chat online and she was normal and caring and i was happy that it patched up.After that next day she again started shouting at me saying that she has no feeling for me now she has made herself stronger even if i die she wont care i was surprised what happened and then she left .

 

This was the day when i thot that i wont be able to take all this so went to doctor told that i m severly stressed and tensed she gave me some pills to take me to sleep but even that dint bring me sleep.All night i was crying in bed that pls when i m ready for all these uncertainities i dont know whether she wud marry me or not and i was more sure that one day she wud marry someone else and i have to get out of her life still i want to talk to her for the time we can and she is not willing.i cried the whole day and in the morning i went to doctor and said this dint work give me some high power pills doctor gave me pills .i came tomy office she came online sent me a mail to come online and i came online and then she started talking asked me how i was .i said i m in this much trlble and she was like no u dont need to do all this i wud be back to normal i m also a human being but u need to promise me that you would take me just as a frnd and not grlfrnd.i dont know what to do i cudnt do either so i said ok talk t me and i wud try to keep the pain inside me when you wud marrry someone else. She said tht u forget the tirp incident and we will never quote that fight again i agreed cause it was she who had bad mouthed a lot to me during that figtht.but i was depressed and started the thread here.

 

 

This monday on chat everthing was fine and she talked to me as used to talk when we were together seeing each other daily she even chided me for talking formally and then said she wants someone of my mentality as spouse even i was surprised how kindly she was.

 

Next day she comes to chat and started the incident saying she hasnt forgotten that trip thing (though she had asked not to bring it in discussion)and she has no feeling for me i m not his GF and very soon she was going to end all connections with me.I was saying what happened to you till the other day u were fine and what happnd today she said no she was always like this she has become hard hearted and has not feeling for me.after that she left the chat and i was again shocked.

 

Now this is my whole story (pretty long though!!!) what closure i wud ask i know it wud be that she never loved me always took me as a fnrd and though i was special to her but not that someone special and that she cant marry me .this wud be her closure so i dont think it is wise for me to fly to paris to hear this . she is going back this month and i dont know how long i wud be in europe so i think i wud never ever get to see her even in this life.

 

 

i m very tensed since last two days ,started following all the advices taking the pills when my mind cant take it more trying not tothink of her but only thing that perplexes me what was the reeason for change on tuesday form monday why is she behaving like this. This was the reason i told that i dint want anything from her now she tells me that u were one sidedlhy in love but it was she who started it though she does not love me any more but how can i change ,if she has withdrawn how can i .it hurts so much all these keep churing inside me and i was ready for eerything i said ok i wud get out of ur life the day u r married i was ready for everything but even then all this is happening..

 

if i sleep i dream abt her i feel that i have lost her for ever for ages never ever i wud get back her and someone else wud with be her.It hurts me so much.She was my first love and i am sure that i wud never risk my life ever to enter a relationhsip and moreover i can never love anyone the way i loved her.She knows that i have given her importance much more than anything in my life ,my career,my studies or even my parents(i am ashamed to admit this).I dont know what one wants more from someone.If her parents dont agree she wud have tried to convince them rather she chose to forget me.I cant marry her cause i m from a diff community now tell me why should i be discriminated for something which is beyond my control.Did i have the option of choosing my community while taking birth ? does it changes anything in me if i m not from her community? If only she was willing it would have been done but she has changed her feeling for me instead.

 

This is allthat i can say now.going thru all this made me all the more miserable but i had to put my story here to let you alll know the clear picture..

[XNemesisX]

Moon,

Wow I wonder if the floozy neighbor is by any chance my ex's ex-girlfriend.

 

Basically, the Hell our relationship ended up becoming was because of his tramp of an ex-girlfriend. This is where the trouble began, and never really ended. She knew that he was dating me but yet she kept on calling him and trying to ruin it for us. She would NOT stop calling. And well, I guess my jackass of a boyfriend didn't stop her either. Not until a year and a half later. After I found a text msg he had sent her that said "you know i still love you baby" only THEN when I kept bugging him about it did he call her telling her to please stop calling him that he loves me and not her, etc etc. Well after that the dumbie STILL wouldn't really stop. She left him 20 text msgs saying "i am so sad" "i can't believe you would do this to me after all we have been through" - they met on a spring break trip a long time ago and have only seen eachother in person maybe 4 or 5 times EVER. But yeah talk about melodramatic and not giving a sh*t that he had a girlfriend (and they had been broke up a LONG time too btw, still she wouldn;t give it a rest). Oh and did I mention that she is also engaged? Yep. Real winner.

 

Even to this day she still im's me on AIM whining and complaining about my now made ex. She told me he was her "fate boy" and that she had "made love" with him within 30 minutes because she knew it was love at first sight. No I am not kidding. and yes she used the term "made love." Wanted to sit there and tell me about how romantic he was and how she doesn't think he meant what he said. Basically, this girl has been nothing but problems and caused a lot of heartache for me. Every major fight we had for a while was over her. I broke up with him over her several times. During these time periods I would be so angry at him that I would go out with other guys. Of course, he could not handle that but he thought it was fine and dandy if he kept talking to Idiot Tramp and encouraging her delusions. She even told me that he would call her while we were together when that song "take my breath away" would come on the radio telling her that it reminded it of her. Basically she did anything she could do in her power to make me feel like sh*t. But my ex is just as much to blame for going along with it. It still makes me sick to think about it because I know he will probably call her again now that we are broke up because shes so desperate and obsessed with him and will stroke his ego real good for him. One thing I never did. I never kissed his ass. I was actually quite strong in the relationship and I would joke about wearing the pants in the relationship but eventually my self esteem got drug through the mud so much that I lost a lot of that strength I had for the majority of the relationship. I think not sticking to it when I woudl break up with him over this crap is what makes me feel kind of like I looked desperate. It was stupid, I should have told him to go be with the dumbie who lives 600 miles away if she is so great. He told me that she was not even close to as pretty as me, and that when she smiled she looked really ugly and needed a breast lift really bad. That made me feel better, but still why would he have kept talking to her?

 

So during one short term breakup period, which was not over Idiot but over a friend of mine catching him out on a date with some other girl., I started talking to an old ex of mine.We got back together and I told my ex and then to get "revenge" on me for that (as if I hadn't went thru enough torture!) he goes and sleeps with this total prostitute. And when I say total prostitute it is not far off base. She actually drove all the way to our town just to sleep with him. she didn't even know him really, but my ex's friend's girlfriend knew her and knew she was a whore. So it was arranged and she came down for the sole purpose of helping some guy cheat on his girlfriend.

 

I broke up with him again. During this breakup period, he was calling ol Idiot girl again and this went on even after we got back together. It wasn't until this past Aug that he finally told her to quit calling. But by then the damage was done.

 

Next breakup, I went out with a guy named Dustin. I told him to stop breaking up with me every 2 seconds and not setting boundaries with these trampy girls and then I won't have to go out with other people. And that is where we are now basically. I don't even want to know where else he has been since we have dated because he has no standards at all.

 

The relationship was very hostile, fun, spontaneous, romantic, awful, great, terrible all combined together. Sounds a lot like yours. It was the fun times that kept me going back I think. One thing is for certain, we really did have the best chemistry. We could sit and watch movies all night and do nothing and have fun. We never really got sick of eachother. It was very intense and passionate and seemed to be long lasting. But there was also the dark side with fighting, even physical abuse. The ex-girflriend thing was also a neverending thought in the back of my mind. I didn't trust him. And how could I ?

 

he was very good at turning things on me too and making me feel like I was actually the one that couldn't be trusted (even though I never went out with other guys while we were dating, would never do anything with other guys while we were together). I think that sometimes when someone is guilty of cheating they like to justify their actions by believing the other person is doing it. Ugh. What can ya do though?

 

I still can't stand the thought of DumbTramp. I really do blame her for the deterioration of my relationship even though I know my ex is to blame as well. I wish she would get run over by a train or something. (lol I know that sounded crazy but heh, I deserve to let that out!) And then her having the nerve to sit there online and still act like he was the love of her life and she was the love of his - OMG you freaking idiot! You had drunken spring break sex with him and actually think you can compare that to a 2 year relationship where I lived with him, spent hours upon hours with him and then you actually have the nerve to say that you had more with him when you were only with him 4 or 5 days total! REALLY PISSES ME OFF!!!!!

 

So I do think there might be another girl in the picture and I don't know who it is nor do I want to know. My ex likes to have another girl stroke his huge ego when I'm not around and doesn't seem to be too particular about who gets the job done either for that matter. God, I am chain smoking right now just thinking about all of this!

 

Basically my ex sounds a lot like yours. He also comes from a family of wealth (well on his biological fathers side not the family he grew up in) but he likes to talk more about his real dad because of who he is (he is pretty well known political figure). He didn't even know who his dad was until he was 16 though. His dad didn't want anything to do with him and he was born out of a one night stand basically. Can't help but wonder if he is the same way. My ex is also into politics and law so I'm guessing there is something to that gene thing.

 

I guess I'm going to look at it this way. The next girl, new or past, is going to find out there is a MONSTER as you so well described it lurking beneath that charismatic smile, sweet laugh, kind voice, and attractive face. Boy, he is so damn deceiving. Hindsight is 20/20 if I knew 2 years ago what I know now I wouldn't have wiped my feet on him. Even though there was good times too, it was not worth all the turmoil its caused or the lung damage for that matter. ( since him I stay upset and anxious almost all the time and chain smoke now). So he really has caused some major damage. Omg this wasn't worth it.

 

Those girls can have him. It makes me sick to think about it but nothing I can do about it. he will prob do the same thing to them as he did to me anyway. He makes me sick really.

 

But I know how ya feel. Kinda makes ya wonder if it was all worth it just for the moments of happiness. God, that happiness came with a price didn't it? Sometimes I fantasize about kicking him so hard down there that I mess up his reproductive organs and he can't reproduce any more sociopathic idiots such as himself. I would do the world a favor!

 

As for these girls, well one thing I have learned is there is no shortage of tramps just looking to destroy other girls relationships out of jealousy, spite, selfishness. There are probably more girls like that than there are not. Many of them just have no respect for other women and base everything around getting the attention of a guy. I know girls who also gravitate even more to guys who are taken just for the thrill and the ego trip it might give them to have stolen a guy away from someone else. There are so many cruel people out there. What kills me is these little tramps who actually get a ego boost out of sleeping with someone's boyfriend. Like it means they are hotter or something - NOT TRUE. I just want to tell them, look lets face it. Guys will sleep with anybody. Don't flatter yourself.

 

I guess I hoped he would change but nope never did. I guess its time to go on my way. Screw him. Screw all that crap. He can have those girls. I know this might sound petty also but I hope he gets an STD from one of these people, it would serve him right.

 

Okay I better stop writing before I write a book.

 

Thanks for letting me vent and sharing your story with me. Sounds like your ex and my ex would be great friends actually.

[XNemesisX]

Thank you greenhorn for sharing your story.

 

This changes things a bit. I didn't know there was such a cultural difference with the arranged marriages and all that in your situation. I have a very good friend from Pakistan who has been in the same situation. He really wished to marry this girl but she had to break up with him because he was not who her parents had in mind for her. He loved her so much too. He was devestated for a very long time over this.

 

I tried to give my Pakistani friend advice on this, but where I don't really understand that culture I'm not sure if I do much good. It apparently is very important to do as your family wishes in those cultures. From what I experienced wtih him, he made it sound like it was damn near impossible to get around that. Did she ever even tell her family about you? My Pakistani friend is now in a new relationship but is with an American and still has not told his mother, because he said his mother would never approve.

 

Not to critisize her culture, but I think it is sad that arranged marriages still occur. I'm sure there are good things about it, but if two people really love eachother I think it is sad if they can't be together because of this. Is there anything she could have done to talk to her parents and make them see that she loves YOU and wants to be with you and not anyone else? Would they not have understood under any circumstances?

 

This is a tough situation greenhorn. I am so sorry. I wish things could have been different for you. This girl really does love you but I think she has built up a wall against you because she thinks that while she may love you, she can't be in this relationship because of her parents wishes. It is a no-win situation for her. Sounds like she has pushed you away because she does not want to disrespect her family and go against their will.

 

Maybe she is nice to you one minute and mean the next because she is having such inner conflict within herself. She may really love you and want to be with you, lets that come out in her nice messages then once she realizes you might get close again it scares her and she reacts with hostility.

 

I wish there was something that could have been done to make her parents understand. I guess she felt it was a hopeless situation.

 

There isn't anything you can do to change her mind about that or her family's mind if they are set in their ways. Its like some peoples religion. No matter what they will not budge in their beliefs. Can't do anything about it.

 

You will get through this, though. I know it is so tough. But there is nothing you can do to change her mind or her familys customs. My friend from Pakistan went through this exact dilemma and he didn't think he would ever get over it, but eventually he DID. I can see if he might get on loveshack and reply to your thread and give you some advice from his perspective if you like.

 

I'm proud of you for seeing a doctor. hang in there. I don't want to sound cliche, but your life WILL get better. You have to believe that. I'm glad you are working on taking care of yourself. You don't deserve this pain.

[greenhorn]

This is getting exhausting but because I still go through the pain of someone mind****ing with my head I can relate to your abuse that your x gf is dishing out on you...but YOU AND ONLY YOU can end this crap. Seriously this is getting quite exhausting talking to you. It would make a BIG difference if told me just ONE thing you did to move on with your life. Just ONE thing....but all I hear is your pain and as long as you let that internet Xgf get to you then you are creating your own misery.

 

I know all of you are sincerely trying to help and i can understand the anguish of Mary for not following her suggestions.

 

Just few mins back i have put my whole story on the board so that the picture is more clear and Mary yes i m following ur suggestions. Actually i am not able to control mself when she call me to come online or ijust get a feeling within me that she is not going to be there forever so make the most -- there i go and get hurt.-- so this is it i wont chat with her even if she asks me --- its just a thin string of hope that makes me do that

 

 

but now there is no hope and i have lost it and i should foget everthing.I seem to be weakest person on this earth and belev me i hate myself for it.before this i thought myself to be a tough man (when i wud work on something i cud work for days without sleep,i wud be tough in presenting my case or dealing with clients) but now i know that i m a weak person who is too emotional and over sensitive

 

 

Last whole night i had difficulty in getting sleep but i wud keep on saying something to my mother as i was talking to her and that helped me a bit.When it was a bit more then i took one picture of goddess(I a Hindu) held it my hand to get strength and slept .

 

yeah i am doing all this dont know how much progress i wud make but yeah i m working

[XNemesisX]

Greenhorn,

 

Have you read my reply yet? The one that is directly above the one you just wrote? I hope that helped. I really will try and see if my Pakistani friend can get on loveshack and give you some advice from his perspective. I really feel for you and I can only imagine how difficult this is for you. you have a great life ahead of you though, no matter the outcome with your ex. You are highly educated, I am very impressed. You have so many things to be proud of in your life. I know everything seems meaningless without the person you love - we all know the feeling here on LS. But life will go on. I hope for your sake that she comes around and works this out with her parents but if not - you have a great life ahead of you and you have so much to be proud of yourself for!

 

Don't lose hope.

[greenhorn]

Yeah i read ur reply ,since morning i m on this forum only havent done a bit of work.

 

I belev that things are not so difficult in India(we both are Indians,but i wud be in Finland for abt 2 years now) but only if both of them are willing.If she was willing we could have convinced her parents and would have made it somehow but she says that she does not love me so where does that give me a chance

 

I am not sure abt my family but i m willing to take it cause i love her but now i guess her commitment towards me was so less that it is not worth getting into the task

 

 

This June i asked her that you pls once talk to your father if he disagrees i wud accept it as my fate but give me a chance but she dint do that.She simply has changed her mind and has dumped me or as u said in one of the earlier post love went away.

 

Now i thot ki ok i will be with her till the day of her marriage but she even does not want that she wants me to treat her like a friend which is not possible.I want my right as the special someone not just as a frnd while saying this i myself dint know what i wud have done after her marriage but she is not agreeig to anything.

 

You know it is not that this cant happen and it happens almost all of my frnds have married whom they wish but for this both of them shud be willing na.

 

So this is my hopeless & helpless situation.Though she might be doing all this to end this relationship but how much it is hurting me in the process i only know.

[greenhorn]

I think i have put my story fully well before everyone.

 

Now pls tell me is this possible to treat someone as a frnd whom you always for the past many year treated and was like your special someone.

Is it Possible that u love someone and obviously would be posssessive and now turn frnds and dont be possessive.

 

I Know Pocky once rote that loving someone does not mean controlling them or owning them --- does possessiveness comes under this definition..

 

 

what do i do now..she wants me to treat her as frnd and not as grl frnd this is the root cause (i thot whole day about this and this is my analysis)

[Pocky]

Now pls tell me is this possible to treat someone as a frnd whom you always for the past many year treated and was like your special someone.

 

YES - Ex-lovers can become friends after a relationship has ended. Relationships end. ALL THE TIME.

 

Is it Possible that u love someone and obviously would be possessive and now turn frnds and dont be possessive.

 

There is no validation for possessiveness in a relationship. You shouldn't have been possessive when she was your quasi-girlfriend and you definitely shouldn't be possessive when you're just friends. YOU DON'T OWN HER.

 

I Know Pocky once rote that loving someone does not mean controlling them or owning them --- does possessiveness comes under this definition..

 

Okay - you have a BA and an MBA and supposedly were at the top of your class in college so why are you acting so ignorant now? Yes possessiveness comes under this category. Your behavior is unacceptable.

 

what do i do now..she wants me to treat her as frnd and not as grl frnd this is the root cause (i thot whole day about this and this is my analysis)

 

You end the friendship because you're incapable of being her friend. You're incapable of acting logically and reasonably when it comes to her. You're incapable of sleeping without drugs with her in your life. You're incapable of not crying all the time because of her.

[greenhorn]

Pocky,

 

Are you a superhuman or i am a subhuman.

 

YES - Ex-lovers can become friends after a relationship has ended. Relationships end. ALL THE TIME.

 

 

Ex-lovers can become frnd but how can one become ex-lover my problem is that i dont want to become ex-lover,she wants to turn this into frnship but this is my exact problem that i dont want to loose her .i wanna her to remain my love.If she spurns me and dumps me even then i cant see her in someone else's arms.i would rather not be there than seeing that happen

 

There is no validation for possessiveness in a relationship

.

I dont know whether it is true for other relationships but i am definitely sure that when you love someone you are possessive and if that is true and geninue then there is this element of possessiveness.I cant understand how you can negate this if you love someone wont you like that no one else takes her out for dinner etc...she was possessive for me and in our college days she dint allow me to even talk to other girls.Just a simple thing how many of guys would bear someone else kissing their gf (i dont mean kissing by parents or family ...u all know what i mean).

 

 

If this is not true then what is love... is it just a label that you put on someone and then you see that person in someone else's arm go out with someone else and spend time with someone else.

I know you are cynical and pointed that i am a weak man !! but i dont subscribe to your views (no offence meant either ) and let us see how many of us here subsribes to your view or mine.

 

Though i can subsribe that these all might not be ideal situation but i am a human and cant be ideal.

[Pocky]

Are you a superhuman or i am a subhuman.

 

No we are both human. I am however capable of viewing this situation realistically and rationally and you aren't capable of viewing this situation realistically or rationally.

 

 

Ex-lovers can become frnd but how can one become ex-lover my problem is that i dont want to become ex-lover,she wants to turn this into frnship but this is my exact problem that i dont want to loose her .i wanna her to remain my love.If she spurns me and dumps me even then i cant see her in someone else's arms.i would rather not be there than seeing that happen

 

In all honesty, you don't have a choice. If she is only willing to offer you friendship, then dear that's all you get. And if you're incapable of being just her friend, which you've clearly pointed out you are, then end the friendship. She's not your girlfriend. She's not your girlfriend. I'll say it one more time so you get the message (I hope) she- is-not-your-girlfriend.

 

.

I dont know whether it is true for other relationships but i am definitely sure that when you love someone you are possessive and if that is true and geninue then there is this element of possessiveness.

 

There is only an element of possessiveness when you're insecure of yourself and your relationship and you're jealous of the time your "loved one" is spending with other people. She is not your girlfriend so claiming that you have a right to be possessive of her simply because you love her is absolutely absurd.

 

I cant understand how you can negate this if you love someone wont you like that no one else takes her out for dinner etc...she was possessive for me and in our college days she dint allow me to even talk to other girls.

 

Then both of you have serious issues if you think just because you're in a relationship that the other person isn't allowed to talk to anyone else. And just because you love her doesn't mean you have any right to claim ownership of her. She can date whomever she pleases.

 

Just a simple thing how many of guys would bear someone else kissing their gf (i dont mean kissing by parents or family ...u all know what i mean).

 

She's-not-your-girlfriend.

 

If this is not true then what is love... is it just a label that you put on someone and then you see that person in someone else's arm go out with someone else and spend time with someone else.

 

Love is unconditional. Love is something you give without expectations. Love is unselfish. Everything about your love seems selfish to me. You are only concerned with how you feel. How you hurt. How you want things. Everything that comes from your posts is ME ME ME ME ME ME ME.

 

I know you are cynical and pointed that i am a weak man !! but i dont subscribe to your views (no offence meant either ) and let us see how many of us here subsribes to your view or mine.

 

Cynicism has nothing to do with my ability to see that you are selfish and capable of justifying your actions regardless of how wrong or inappropriate they are by simply saying "love". You don't know what love is.

 

Though i can subsribe that these all might not be ideal situation but i am a human and cant be ideal.

 

Yes, you are human. And supposedly educated. So why is it I feel like I'm taking to an eight year old that isn't getting his own way? There's only so many times I'm going to hit my head against the wall of ignorance that you've placed around yourself. I tried inspiration. I tried reason. I tried candidness. I'm done. Unlike you, I can recognize when something is unattainable.

 

Good luck with your situation.

[greenhorn]

Thanks Pocky,

 

thanks a lot, I got ur point it was your first view that helped me a lot with dealing the situation.But now i drop my guard and throw in the towel.

 

All that she can offer me is frnship (though i really dont know how & when love became frnship) u can never force anyone.Now it is upto me whether i accept frnship or not.

 

I choose not to accept frnship and then the only thing left is to get out of her way.I will do that way and in the best possible way i can.

 

Yeah it was my selfishness ,the hurt the pain when you loose someone made me all this ignorant.

 

Will try to live my destiny.

 

Thanks a lot Pocky(i know you are of one of those professionals out on LS)

 

Thanks once again.

[moon]

YX32Nemesis,

 

Wow your story about the ex girfriend (of your ex boyfriend) sounds horrid.

I never really was confronted with that exactly. My ex has about three exes, that I am aware of. One doesn't speak to my ex (he did horrible things to her way before we met---hello, my first clue!), another one lives in another state, has a serious boyfriend, but does call maybe once a year---which did sort of piss me off. The last one is very close to his family, but doesn't necessarily make a play for him or anything. She flirts, she acts like she is sort of the real past lady of his life (almost like an ex wife??). That did annoy me to no end. But there wasn't anything sexual going on with them (now). I don't think the family would have really allowed her to just hang out if they knew it was for my ex. She spent time with the family and wasn't calling my ex or anything, except if it involved the family. They dated a long, long time ago. But I did find her obnoxious anyway----it's like MOVE ON girl. I mean the sheer fact that she wanted to still hang out with his family seemed odd to me. I had a chance to voice this all to my ex......he thought it was sort of funny. Another frustrating part of him. He just didn't get things. But he wasn't making the moves on her or anything. I felt more sorry for her because she didn't have a college education, she has a small child (out of wedlock---another man), she doesn't seem to have a lot going for her. I think that's why she sort of hangs around his family. She sort of needs a confidence booster here and there. But their romantic relationship seemed like it was in the past----she was more of an attention hog with his family, which I found weird and utterly annoying. In a way maybe she was sort of waiting for my ex to come around back to her. I don't know???

 

Overall, I realize even though this floozy girl (next door neighbor) was totally making a play for my boyfriend........He did take the bait. If my now ex boyfriend had been a more healthy individual. If he had had more strength of character and been a better person he wouldn't have jumped on this new relationship when ours ended. I think they probably had a night or two together before I even moved in (but I have no confirmation of this). But there were pictures of me all over my exes house---so what kind of girl would do that to herself. But she got him in the end (I guess--But I am not following that soap opera anymore). My ex is just not who I need. I mean if this was a test for our relationship or for his dignity and character as a man........he failed miserably. So I remind that to myself every damn day. Who needs him??

 

It sounds like your ex is a lot of smoke and mirrors. He is gravitated towards politics and professions with power and prestige. He wants to control everything around him. He doesn't care about how he is making people feel. He sounds screwed up too. My ex was screwed up. It did get to the point where I was so blatant to him about his faults that I probably hurt his feelings. I was telling him....."You're an alcoholic, you need to change, you have problems, you're lazy, you are this, you are that." It wasn't healthy anymore. I was trying to fix him. I basically had to turn around (after the rude awakening) and realize I need to fix myself. Why did I think this guy was really going to change for me?? He found another enabler for his problems (new girl). It is as simple as that. He is just a sorry excuse for a "boyfriend." I think what would I have done if we were married and had kids. I would have lost my mind if he had done this to me. Thank God I found out early.

 

But it is still hard. I mean instinctively we want to keep loving these people. It is a daily battle with myself. But hopefully in the near future I will just forget about him. Good luck to you also. Your ex sounds like a bit of a player. I would do your best to not contact him at all anymore.

 

Greenhorn,

 

Good luck to you as well. Your ex sounds like another smooth talker. She is playing you like crazy. It is too bad she didn't accept your marriage proposal or that her familiy rejected it. I know that that is very important in your culture (I have spent some time in India). But I guess you, like the rest of us, need to get over it. We can't be consumed with another person.....so much so that we lose sight of ourselves. It is a constant fight.......but one day when you (me, and others on this board) find the right person for us.....we'll be able to look back and think---- "WAS I KIDDING WITH THAT LAST GUY (OR GIRL)????" I know this will happen to me. I am just giving it time. Tell yourself that you are better than being second or third best to this woman. You deserve her full attention---not these games she's playing.

[Mary3]

The first thing that strikes me here is that you never HAD her as a GF * Because * she made it clear she just wanted to be your friend ! YOU may have wanted her as your gf but she clearly told you she could not and would not marry you for obvious reasons.

 

The second that strikes me is that she is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO loving this control over you. She may just be very bored and you are her target....BUT of course ( you see my text has lost its voice...its hoarse now from talking to you numerous times ) You see what you want to seee !

 

The third things thats strikes me ( besides your denial ) is that you cannot POSSESS her, CONTROL her, BREAK UP with her many times ( as you stated ) . You just cant !

 

The fourth thing that strikes me is the third thing that strikes me ( CONTROL ) the only one in CONTROL here is HER ! FOR GODS or ALLAH's sake TAKE BACK THE CONTROL !

 

Am I tired of you yet ? Hrmmm....getting there and I see you posted that you are trying....

 

This is PROOF that you are trying

 

A) YOU totally stop all contact with her and regain that small miniscule amount of dignity you have left.

 

B) Take your educational degrees and use them ! You are intelligent but you would not guess that by your actions here...To have a degree in Engineering......( remember that was your goal way back then ) ? TAKE your Degree and RUN ! You have an education......take that degree and get a well paying job and a BETTER WOMAN !

 

C) Save a Search Engine to your favorites and everyday for one hour go to the search engine and do some work on you.

 

D) Deeply appreciate all the advice here and know that you are very LUCKY ! Many people do hideous things to themselves when break-ups occur including begging, crying , whining, moaning, acting undignified, acting pathetic ( Yes I did them all too but THANKFULLY I was already on here and was able to put the BRAKES on that behavior because it only made ME look bad )

 

E) Join a group, Do you like guitars, drawing, crafts, culture , paint by numbers, mathematics , jumping from an airplane, rock climbing , flying an airplane ?? ANY of those ...PICK ONE or one of your own and get OUTSIDE and get busy ! I PROMISE you at some point you will write back and say the following:

 

" Wow Mary I took your advice and I walked out of my room and got in my car ( or bus ) and went down to the Civic Center and joined a Fung Sway Class ! ( sp ) I went to the bookstore after that because I am soooo intellectual and enjoyed reading about what a pathetic pig my xgf REAALLLLY IS ! " YOU will write this to us one day and be GLAD you had this site that millions know nothing about..

 

The deeper you read the deeper meaning your life will become the more knowledge you will obtain and the POWER will come back to YOU !

 

Take that lopsided popsicle brainwashing creature out of your mind and start now....It Does get easier...Its going to take some time because you wasted SO MUCH time already.

 

Report back ONLY if you have done something PRODUCTIVE and liberating !!

 

Good Luck

[tokyo]

Originally posted by greenhorn

I dint come to this post last night for i was very much depressed by those thing which KOOKY said to me.

 

Yeah, I said them I´m glad you know how to spell my name, because your spelling is driving me nuts. I hate the MSN generation. Intelligent, educated people writing like at the level of a first grader. And no need to remind me of your origin, my native language is also not English. I simply have problems reading your posts.

 

Anyway, I think Pocky is a bit to harsh. All these people who are talking about letting go, not being so controling and possessive are happily in love with someone. It is difficult, but you still should try to improve your life and stop being such a whiner.

 

This girl probably has been keeping you on the backburner all the time. If she had been in love with you, she would have talked with her parents about you, BUT she didn´t even try! If you are such an excellent student, her parents would have been glad to have you as her husband (I assume that you guys have a similar social background, otherwise it might be indeed difficult).

 

This thing with canceling the trip is crappy and you know what? She does it, because she can. You had the right to be upset about it. And you shouldn´t have let her do it. She´s spoiled. Be strong. Go out. Feel embarrassed if she calls you and the only thing you did was staying at home.

[confused guest]

"I am however capable of viewing this situation realistically and rationally and you aren't capable of viewing this situation realistically or rationally." "Everything that comes from your posts is ME ME ME ME ME ME ME."

"You don't know what love is."

 

And my favorite... "And supposedly educated. So why is it I feel like I'm taking to an eight year old that isn't getting his own way?"

 

Pocky look in the mirror and GROW UP. hope YOU feel very good after all the words you've said. What goes around, comes around- remember that lady.

 

Have a nice sleep tonight. Definately deserve after all your 'incredible' input here on this thread.

[greenhorn]

Hi all,

 

Just came again at this hour of night to read some thing which can be solace.I have got numerous inputs here some of which were really consoling ,soothing and some were harsh but i never felt bad about anything.I knew the underlying intention beyond all of them was to help me.I greatly appreciate all the post.

 

Mary

Report back ONLY if you have done something PRODUCTIVE and liberating !!

 

I am afraid that i dont have anything concrete like that right now since i have just read the post yet i am posting.You know what? right now i am trying to put the believe in myself that she is gone from my life otherwise i would always think heck ! how that can happen ? she can never go away from me? how is that i would never be able to see her or meet her again? But that seems to be inevitable to me but let me gather this courage and i would start doing something concrete.First thing i can think of is tommorrow i am going to work with full efficieny and have to make a presentation to be given on Tuesday.So one step at a time i guess.

 

The first thing that strikes me here is that you never HAD her as a GF * Because * she made it clear she just wanted to be your friend ! YOU may have wanted her as your gf but she clearly told you she could not and would not marry you for obvious reasons

 

No Mary it was not the case that she never was my GF.It was till the time we were together and when we had to part due to our further studies she changed otherwise you can also imagine that one can not get so weak in a one sided relationship.It would have always remained an infatuation then.Its that she changed later.

 

 

Yeah, I said them I´m glad you know how to spell my name, because your spelling is driving me nuts. I hate the MSN generation. Intelligent, educated people writing like at the level of a first grader. And no need to remind me of your origin, my native language is also not English. I simply have problems reading your posts

 

Sorry Kooky but i think i always spelled your name correctly.It was nothing like MSN english but i always find this language a bit casual otherwise if i use it the correct way it seems to me that i am posting an official email where we dont use the MSN English.By the way English might not be my mother tongue(it is Hindi) but i never studied Hindi, logically English is my first langauge ()

 

 

I assume that you guys have a similar social background, otherwise it might be indeed difficult.

 

Yeah we both are Hindus but again there are communities in our religion which is different but you should be aware of this from begining and never try to mix up with others if you are so much sacrosanct about these things.I dont have such a prejudice , i am a hindu but i do go to church(i had my schooling done in a convent).This is the only thing that i hate about my culture.

 

 

Mary,You know why i always left the control to her cause i know the pain when you ask someone to come and chat with you and the other one does not come and i didnt wish her to feel that.It was just my selfless love that i always did what she asked partly cause i could never see her in trouble ,i always thought that the first thing is to help her will think later if she loves me or not.I simply just cant ignore her. .But now i should change thats imperative.And you knw i am really glad that i am on this site.

 

I have no hard feelings for anyone who said anything to me.But one request please bear with me for little more.

 

Kooky,

This post does not contain any of those abbreviations so must be easy for you.

[Mary3]

Hey we understand you are from another country and that there is some difficulty with the spelling and sentence structure but we are looking to help you and others here because people from all countries write here and we try to help

 

I am starting to see you have OPENED your eyes a little bit from the haze and fog.

 

I know you will appreciate this someday and its like a HEAVY ELEPHANT lifted from your chest when you say " " YES I DID NOT CALL HER TODAY ! "

 

As painful as that idea is ....it is also IMPERATIVE that you DO IT !

 

Because once your mind calms down and stops playing tricks on you thinking she is coming back because she KEEPS TALKING to you ALL THE TIME...she is FU****ing with your Mind !

 

And she knows it !

 

And now YOU know it.

 

We know it too and we want you to burn it into your BRAIN that she is screwing with your mind ( with no grease, mind you...) American expression for messing with someone's mind

 

Keep posting with sincere desire for help and we will guide you sincerely back to sanity

[Pocky]

"I am however capable of viewing this situation realistically and rationally and you aren't capable of viewing this situation realistically or rationally." "Everything that comes from your posts is ME ME ME ME ME ME ME."

"You don't know what love is."

 

And my favorite... "And supposedly educated. So why is it I feel like I'm taking to an eight year old that isn't getting his own way?"

 

Pocky look in the mirror and GROW UP. hope YOU feel very good after all the words you've said. What goes around, comes around- remember that lady.

 

Have a nice sleep tonight. Definately deserve after all your 'incredible' input here on this thread.

 

 

Greenhorn knows where I stand as I've had private PMs with him. There's a point at which coddling someone isn't conducive to their healing. Greenhorn has made this apparent with his continuous posts of hopelessness and refusal to take the necessary steps to find his happiness. The first approach is compassion and positive reinforcement. The second step is reason and logical steps for a solution. The third step is candor and "tough love". Sometimes a swift kick in the ass is what we all need. Even me.

 

As far as me being in love with someone and not understanding heartache - one that has suffered never forgets the suffering. I've had broken hearts. Many of them. But wallowing in self-pity and continuously perpetuating a "oh my life is so bad why doesn't so and so love me I can't live without them" attitude is unhealthy, melodramatic and immature. Regardless of who's behaving in this manner.

 

I'm honest. I'm frank. I'm compassionate. I'm reasonable. You get it all - you will always know where I stand and you will never wonder what my intentions are because I will make them clear. However, I refuse to sugar coat the truth with posts that continue on this self-destructive path. Too many people need help on this board to waste hours on someone that refuses to see that most of their suffering is created by their own actions or inaction and until they make the decision to change it won't change. I've no patience for laziness.

 

I sleep great at night. I think it's probably because of the stuffed animals. It's absolutely, without a doubt, snuggly!

[tokyo]

Kooky,

This post does not contain any of those abbreviations so must be easy for you.

 

Yes, thanks I know you can write differently and it´s not because your mothertongue is not English. I don´t expect Shakespearean English, but I somehow find it difficult to see the seriousness of a post if it´s hidden behind constructions like: "He was in luv w/ me be4 and now says i dont luv u anymore." I think it´s a bad habit, nothing less. And I know my writing style is very confusing, I do have to pull myself together and get some structure in my writing. But I think if you come to a board and ask for help it should be easy to read for everybody.

 

Seems like the kicks in your ass that you also received from others have helped to wake you up, he, he. Everybody has his moments, I do too, and I know I can be a greater wussy than anybody else. But basically I know I won´t achieve anything with running after my ex. I´ve done so many stupid things just for this guy and it didn´t work and looking back I know I made mistakes. Many people here are wiser now, because they made mistake and they are all trying to avoid you making the same ones. And I tell you whenever I write a post it does remind me not to repeat the same mistakes. You´ve done a lot for her, if she is not willing to do the same for you, would you still want her? You must give people a chance to show that they also care. If they don´t, then no matter what you do will change this.

 

By the way, did you say you are in Finland? Are you having those polar nights already when the sun doesn´t rise? I´ve heard it´s party time then, all night long, but the lack of sunlight also causes depressions. You should really be carefully not to let those negative thought take over your life. Get some artificial sunlight and go out.

 

Hey Pocky, just saw your signature, that´s a nice one

[greenhorn]

Kooky,

 

Yes i got your point and would stick to proper english as much as i can(i have this bogey-- formal english and formal dress remind me of office so i never stick to them when i am not in office)

 

Its true that those kicks have given me impetus to move forward.Atleast one thing i can say that i had tried to do this twice once NC for 2 weeks then NC for 3 weeks thats when i gave up,before this also i had tried lot of NC's in the past one year but none of them lasted more than a week (broken by her all the time but the last two had to be broken by me),this time i come to these posts and read them again and again and they give me some kind of strength.

 

Yeah one thing is sure that you cant demand love and care from someone if after all this she still thinks that i dont deserve then i dont have much option and i have to move on and certainly whether i like it or not ,accept it or not time will pass.

 

I am afraid to write something which will put me into self pity mode (afraid of those kicks from you,pocky Mary YX..Moon) but sometimes i still feel bad to get this sort of treatment from someone whom i considered most important in my life. -------- pls no kicks for this--- cant help writing it---

 

You know i have no one to say these things to so i just come and pour myself on this forum.

 

Yeah I am in Finland but i am in southern part of it,one hour from the capital Helsinki so we dont have the typical polar nights but yeah the days(or nights) were quite depressing in the first half of november but snowfall made things look a bit better.

 

Yeah it should be party time -- why dont you come and join me here for the christmas party

 

Pocky changes signature every week i think atleast in the last one month i have seen three signatures of her and all are highly intellectual ones i must say.

[tokyo]

I know how it is when you are abroad and feel lonely, I had it a couple of times and it prevented me from having fun. Don´t make this mistake. Finland should be great. They have a beautful landscape and thousands lakes. Go out with some people. The reason why you feel so bad, is because you have nothing to do and too much time for brooding about this. How many times do you think you will have the chance to be so far away from your home? Try to have some nice experiences so that you can tell her about them later. You don´t want her to think you are weak and spend the whole time at home while she was out having fun, would you?

[greenhorn]

Yeah Finland is a great country,beautiful landscapes and above all such nice peoples.So i am going to make most of my stay here.Thinking of visiting places and seeing the whole of country very soon when i am able to sort out some issues at my work which are all pending due to my fault only.

 

I will have some nice experiences ,dont know will be able to tell them to her ever or not.I dont want to be weak and will not be a weak,i will miss her though but wont be weak(my resolve --this time i think i will cling to this--).

 

Just now was seeing the movie "Forrest Gump" once more.lts such a nice movie all about selfless love.

 

Good night Kooky.

[Mary3]

You said * kicks * from Mary ? You feel like I kicked you ?

[aarsky]

What I did tonight was tell an ex g/f that I would like to be just friends after several attempts at being closer. I admit most of it was my doing but when i think of it, it takes two to tango. I also told her that I will not phone her anymore and the ball is in her court if she ever wants to get together with me. This way I'll know if i dont hear from her again, how she truly feels.

 

Its true what I have read in here. Why would you want to put yourself in any kind of painful conversation. And that's what i keep asking myself when I attempt to call her. What if there is someone new in hewr life, would I really want to know. Even now when i ask her what she is doing or where shes going, she thinks im prying tinto her personal life and tells me its none of my business.

 

The hardest part about the no contact rule is then yuor mind goes wandering and starts to think about where the other person is or who she is with, but at loeast you dont have to hear about it and make yourself sick. Make a new life of your own without her. The more confident you are of yourself the more people will want to be around you. After all you met her, so why cant you meet someone else.