Girlfriend of one month talking to her ex????

[jakesmake10593]

So me and my girlfriend who I know I love have been official for one month. I am 19 and she is 17, a senior in highschool. Little over a month ago, I kind of got her to break up with her boyfriend of 3 years. From what I hear they were perfect together but obviously had there arguments here and there. I have always liked her since I was 15 and have tried numerous times to get with her, but she would cold shoulder me until this past summer she showed interest back finally. I invited her to the movies and concert, under the guise of just friends, her bf at the time trusted her enough to let her go with me and some other friends we shared. We kissed, held hands, and I felt like I was winning her over. I did win her over, 2 weeks later she broke up with her boyfriend and we would continue our relationship through August. It was great and still is great! We say I love you to each other and everything. We are now "official". The problem lies with her ex boyfriend. She told me that was her best friend and that she does in fact still love him because he never did anything truly wrong to make her leave. The other day, she texted him. Because she felt he was the only one that could help her (She was struggling in school and people were saying things about her because she lefft her ex). Two days later on Friday, she told me they met up and talked for 2 and half hours. From what I can tell, she really enjoyed talking to him again and still has feelings for him. The next day I was with her all day and everything seemed fine though, I said I understood why you needed to talk to him ( I was obviously bothered though) Sunday night she told me they had a phone call for an hour and half. She didn't go into details although, because that is really her business. Sometimes I get flustered because shes with me, why does she keep loving him? She didn't talk to him for a whole month before she texted him Wednesday. What am I doing wrong to keep her at my side for good?

[PegNosePete]

You've been "official" for one month.

You "kind of" got her to break up with her BF of 3 years, one month ago.

You took her to see a movie as friends while she was still with her BF and you kissed.

 

So allow me to summarize this. She cheated on her BF, with you.

 

She will do the same to you, I guarantee 100%. Walk away now while you don't have too much to lose. She is not trustworthy. She has low moral values.

[mammasita]

Um, you kissed her and held hands WHILE SHE HAD A BOYFRIEND.

 

You just set yourself up for failure young man. Learn from this.

[jakesmake10593]

It was her first serious boyfriend though! She is still a virgin too, she just seems confused in whats her heart really. When we first started talking, she was upset that I lost my virginity to my past girlfriend of only 4 months. But she said she can't change the past so she forgave me.

[jakesmake10593]

So your saying, she will realize at some point that she made a mistake by doing that to her boyfriend of 3 years? Because we all know the honey moon phase of things, and I feel that is wearing off pretty quickly here and she will want her ex back:(

[mammasita]

No, we are all saying that she cheated on her ex with you and will likely cheat on you to move on to the next.

[PegNosePete]

Why are you making excuses for her bad behaviour? She cheated on her boyfriend.

 

If she cheats WITH you, she'll cheat ON you.

If it's with her ex or with someone new, I don't know. But it WILL happen.

 

AVOID this type of low moral fibre girl. There is a word for them. Find someone who is honest and has integrity.

[Babolat]

And, not to be sarcastic or disrespectful, you are 19, she is 17, she was in a 3 year relationship that started shen she was, well 14.....

 

It is what it is..what do you want from this?

[jakesmake10593]

Yes, I have always tried to be her friend but I always wanted more then that. They were successful as a couple, she started having doubts because she felt like she didn't experience things, but I feel cheated she can't fully commit her heart to me. It wasn't my choice for her to leave her ex, I told her it had to be hers.

[crederer]

Yes, I have always tried to be her friend but I always wanted more then that. They were successful as a couple, she started having doubts because she felt like she didn't experience things, but I feel cheated she can't fully commit her heart to me. It wasn't my choice for her to leave her ex, I told her it had to be hers.

 

Evidently she can't commit her heart to anyone and probably wont be able to for many, many years......if ever.

 

People that bounce around that easily usually have some sort of emotional emptiness that they tend to try to fill with attention from men. If you wanna get involved in that roller coaster ride, good luck to you but it wont be a fun ride.

 

You've only been together one month. Honey moon phase should last way longer than that (referring to your honeymoon phase comment, which really isnt at all relevant here). I think most honeymoon phases last between 1.5 and 2 years. You've made it 4% of the way through the typical duration of the "honeymoon" stage.

[Keke1]

Bail now or have your heartbroken later. Truth

[CarrieT]

AVOID this type of low moral fibre girl. There is a word for them. Find someone who is honest and has integrity.

Ohmygod...

 

The girl is 17 years old. She is just learning how to have adult relationships. There is nothing - repeat, NOTHING - that would indicate she has no integrity.

 

You have no idea what she was talking to her Ex about. Jeez-Louise, I am 50 years old and I talk to ALL of my Ex's (except one, who has disappeared). There is nothing wrong with it, if done with full disclosure and honesty.

 

Give the girl a break. She is a just a girl and not even a woman. This is what this time of life is about; learning about adult relationships, how to tread them, making mistakes, and growing as a person.

[troubadour]

Evidently she can't commit her heart to anyone and probably wont be able to for many, many years......if ever.

 

People that bounce around that easily usually have some sort of emotional emptiness that they tend to try to fill with attention from men. If you wanna get involved in that roller coaster ride, good luck to you but it wont be a fun ride.

 

 

This is ludicrous.... it truly is. You, and a few other posters, seem to get so caught up in the excitement of offering your "in-depth psychological analysis" that you are forgetting her age.... the girl is only 17. At this stage of her life she is learning about dating, relationships and how to carry herself in adult life. This is her time to date, experiment, and have fun. So far she hasn't done anything that would indicate having any emotional issues.

 

Again.... the girl is only 17.

[crederer]

I didn't say she has emotional issues. I said people that bounce around often do. At 17, I wasn't drifting between partners like musical chairs.

[PegNosePete]

There is nothing - repeat, NOTHING - that would indicate she has no integrity.

Er... did you read the part where she has a boyfriend of 3 years, yet went to the movies with another guy and kissed him? Maybe that does not equal low integrity to you, but it sure does to me.

 

You have no idea what she was talking to her Ex about.

And I don't care. I am not talking about that. This has nothing to do with the "friends with the ex" debate. This is about her cheating on her ex.

[jakesmake10593]

Truth of the matter is, I feel threatened. Things went so fast for us, she met my family (I wanted her too) we made out right away, said I love you right away and things moved really fast and I liked it. As for her, I am not sure how she feels about moving fast. But, I am starting to almost feel like a rebound of sorts. Granted she left him for me. I am kind of the jealous type she knows it, I like to post on twitter about her she doesn't like it, and I feel our conversations aren't engaging anymore. Then she tells me she talked to her ex for 2.5 hours! We have never done that.

[CarrieT]

Jakesmake, you confess that you've liked her for years. I have a feeling you liked the IDEA of her and somewhat built a fantasy about her and what you expected it would be like when/if you two were together.

 

And things are not the way you dreamed it would be.

 

She is a human being with human foibles and is still making her way in the world. What do you think she is talking about with her Ex for 2.5 hours? You say you guys don't talk like that... Maybe you should dive in and talk to her more.

 

Honestly, this all does not bode well but - truly - keep in mind your ages. You both still have a lot of growing and learning to do.

[Space Ritual]

Truth of the matter is, I feel threatened. Things went so fast for us, she met my family (I wanted her too) we made out right away, said I love you right away and things moved really fast and I liked it. As for her, I am not sure how she feels about moving fast. But, I am starting to almost feel like a rebound of sorts. Granted she left him for me. I am kind of the jealous type she knows it, I like to post on twitter about her she doesn't like it, and I feel our conversations aren't engaging anymore. Then she tells me she talked to her ex for 2.5 hours! We have never done that.

 

 

You've had it....yer done.

 

You can't expect her to just get over a 3 year relationship at such a young age. That is a huge chunk of her adolescent life. what you are experiencing right now is her second guessing leaving her BF for you. It is part of life and it happens to many of us at some point in our lives. She is doing the compare and contrast in her mind and she is keeping him around because she already knows you two are just not going to work out.

 

I submit to you that you have at best a week or so before she either goes and makes out with him or tells you she is going back to him. either way it is probably the most likely outcome.

 

Do yourself a favor and move on...otherwise you are going to regret it.

[veggirl]

Truth of the matter is, I feel threatened. Things went so fast for us, she met my family (I wanted her too) we made out right away, said I love you right away and things moved really fast and I liked it. As for her, I am not sure how she feels about moving fast. But, I am starting to almost feel like a rebound of sorts. Granted she left him for me. I am kind of the jealous type she knows it, I like to post on twitter about her she doesn't like it, and I feel our conversations aren't engaging anymore. Then she tells me she talked to her ex for 2.5 hours! We have never done that.

 

 

what do you expect dude? she didn't even have time to grieve that relationship. you think someone gets over a 3 yr long relationship in a MONTH????

 

you are delusional to think this is love or to think this will last.

[jakesmake10593]

Well I won't lie I don't like what I am seeing going on between them. She is favoriting some of his tweets and even replying to one or two of them. He even tweeted at her! We are hanging out this saturday though, not sure how I should feel about it but I'll just play it cool I guess.

[crederer]

He TWEETED HER!?!??! Good god man. writing is on the wall

[omarthedude]

Truth of the matter is, I feel threatened. Things went so fast for us, she met my family (I wanted her too) we made out right away, said I love you right away and things moved really fast and I liked it. As for her, I am not sure how she feels about moving fast. But, I am starting to almost feel like a rebound of sorts. Granted she left him for me. I am kind of the jealous type she knows it, I like to post on twitter about her she doesn't like it, and I feel our conversations aren't engaging anymore. Then she tells me she talked to her ex for 2.5 hours! We have never done that.

 

Everything you just described there, I went through last year. And let me tell you...GET RID OF HER. You had better do this, and better do it now!

 

I'm gonna go out on a limb here, but why aren't you calling her out on this behaviour? This is disrespect. You're a man. Show her that you have boundaries and that if you cross them, you're gonna find someone else that's worth your time. It's going to hurt, I know, I've been there. But this will show her clearly who the better man is and that you have value! Tell her, with respect, that you can't be treated like a rebound no matter how much you 'love' her. Put your foot down. Now's the time. Or else you're gonna spend the next 6 months hurting for no reason.

 

Good luck, mate!

[jakesmake10593]

I don't want to be controlling of her. She already knows I can get jealous easy. She says that he was her best friend for 3 years so its not easy just for her to forget him, I understand that. I already told her that "Of course I am bothered by you talking to him for 2 and half hours, you need to do what you need to do I understand" I do not know what the contents of the conversation were though. We are still together and are talking, but I don't like where any of this is going. Like I said we already have plans for this Saturday to go four wheeling together.

[James-London]

hey Jake - I would reiterate what the other posters have said about your ages. Being 19 is really quite young. I'm 32 and most of what I know about relationships was in my late 20s. Your gf is 17!! That is really young to know much about relationships. I do not mean to talk down to you in any way dude - when I was your age I had hardly any experience with girls at all. So I think its great you are having this experience.

 

My advice to you is to have an open mind and an open heart about what is happening. Use this experience to learn more about what you want/need in relationships and what type of girl you go for etc. Try and think about what is going through your GF's mind and what makes her happy/unhappy. This is all excellent training for future relationships in your 20s and beyond.

 

Also, remember that your GF is only 17. Like you, she is just learning about romance and relationships. You say she had a boyfriend from 14 - 17, but I don't believe for a moment that this was a mature and serious romantic relationship. Please accept that she may well do some stupid things going forwards. This does not make her immoral or stupid, it just means she is learning about love.... I say this to help you "manage your expectations" of this relationship. Please do not expect her to know exactly what she wants.... just enjoy the experience, learn from it and do not get too invested in the idea that this will last forever.

[CrystalCastles]

Holy crap, people.

 

This is a 17 year old girl. She sounds confused. People at that age don't really know what they want.

 

The OP got in between her and her bf to satisfy his own personal agenda. He practically forced himself upon her. "kind of got her to break up with her bf"? "under the guise of friend?

 

What kind of behaviour is that?!

 

Of course this girl is going to get confused. People at that age don't really understand everything that a relationship demands. They also don't really know what they want. She's obviously having regrets that she got with the OP and broke up with her bf.