Girlfriend of one month talking to her ex????

[MercuryMorrison1]

So me and my girlfriend who I know I love have been official for one month. I am 19 and she is 17, a senior in highschool. Little over a month ago, I kind of got her to break up with her boyfriend of 3 years. From what I hear they were perfect together but obviously had there arguments here and there. I have always liked her since I was 15 and have tried numerous times to get with her, but she would cold shoulder me until this past summer she showed interest back finally. I invited her to the movies and concert, under the guise of just friends, her bf at the time trusted her enough to let her go with me and some other friends we shared. We kissed, held hands, and I felt like I was winning her over. I did win her over, 2 weeks later she broke up with her boyfriend and we would continue our relationship through August. It was great and still is great! We say I love you to each other and everything. We are now "official". The problem lies with her ex boyfriend. She told me that was her best friend and that she does in fact still love him because he never did anything truly wrong to make her leave. The other day, she texted him. Because she felt he was the only one that could help her (She was struggling in school and people were saying things about her because she lefft her ex). Two days later on Friday, she told me they met up and talked for 2 and half hours. From what I can tell, she really enjoyed talking to him again and still has feelings for him. The next day I was with her all day and everything seemed fine though, I said I understood why you needed to talk to him ( I was obviously bothered though) Sunday night she told me they had a phone call for an hour and half. She didn't go into details although, because that is really her business. Sometimes I get flustered because shes with me, why does she keep loving him? She didn't talk to him for a whole month before she texted him Wednesday. What am I doing wrong to keep her at my side for good?

 

The problem does not lie with her ex-boyfriend, the problem lies with you. If anything her ex boyfriend is the victim here seeing as he's the one who's fitting the bill for both of your stupidity. I know you are both young...People will try to argue that you are still learning right from wrong at your age...But I was 19 years old only only 6 short years ago, and I can tell you that the idea of cheating or attempting to get with an already taken girl NEVER crossed my mind.

 

In a way I'm sorry that I'm about to lay into you so hard, but I feel like people are cutting you a lot more slack than you deserve here. Its a REALLY $hitty thing to do to try and steal someone's girlfriend out from under their nose...Whats even worse is that from what it sounds like they were in a decent relationship with each other DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND A DECENT RELATIONSHIP? MUCH LESS AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE!?

 

Honestly I would watch my back if I were you...I don't know how her boyfriend is, but if you came in and did that to me, I would have it out for you, and we would have some SERIOUS problems. I know you're young and all of that...But this is seriously a peeve of mine...What you did is f'u'c'k'i'n'g pathetic.

 

I'm not cutting her any slack here either...She's just a guilty as you are, as she did in-fact cheat on her boyfriend with you. But I'm still directing this little outburst mostly at you, because you are the one who instigated it all.

[veggirl]

What are you trying to get in a serious relationship for anyway? You're 19, she's 17........be single, date, have fun, why in the world do you want to deal with this stress for nothing? You aren't gonna marry this girl, this is legit a waste of your time. You have no boundaries. Most people aren't cool with their partner being "best friends" with someone they broke up with A MONTH AGO. Most people also know not to get into relationships with people who are fresh out of a long term relationship.

 

Looks like this is a couple of lessons you are going to be learning the hard way. Good luck.........

[jakesmake10593]

From what her friends told me they really did have a good relationship, obviously had there differences and everything. Everything that happened that weekend felt right with her with the concert/movies, she might of done it all by impulse but still. Her ex boyfriend even messaged me after learning about it saying "She told me everything, Obviously my feelings are hurt, but I don't resent you in anyway, holding grudges doesn't get anyone anywhere in life" I responded just by saying Yeah sorry everything went down the way it did. Yeah she maybe 17 but, she is a virgin and so is her boyfriend she said they both planned on waiting til they were absolutely ready. To me that showed a lot of maturity on her end. As for me, I am not, I lost my just recently to a 4 month girlfriend, my current girlfriend at first didn't like that at all, but eventually accepted it.

[Quiet Storm]

I agree - 17 is old enough to know right from wrong. She had no problem lying & cheating on someone she had been with for 3 years. They love each other enough to wait for sex and she can't even be loyal to the poor guy.

 

I have a 17 YO son and if I found out he cheated on someone I would be very disapppointed. I raised him to be direct, honest & accountable. I've also talked to him in depth about recognizing character issues in others. This girl has already cheated on a boyfriend and seems to be conflict avoidant. She may be confused about what she wants, but that doesn't mean it's OK for her to cheat & lie to the people that love her.

 

Young people can & do have serious relationships. I started dating my husband at 15 and we are still together. I am 37 now.

 

She probably thought the grass would be greener with you, but is now having second thoughts. Her boyfriend provided comfort & stability. You are exciting & new, but those qualities aren't sustainable. The sad thing is that she ruined a three year relationship & her ex probably will never trust her again.

 

I agree that you had an idealized version of her built up in your mind because you have wanted her for so long. It was not cool what you did at all. You didn't make her cheat, but you were happy to assist. If you really cared about her, you'd have encouraged her to break up with him before she started with you.

 

You're so proud that you were able to "win her over", but your prize is a cheater that you'll never be able to trust.

[jakesmake10593]

The conflict avoidment part is probably true. At first she said she didn't care what people were going to say about her jumping ship to me, she just wanted to be happy. It seemed like that the first couple weeks, but she started hearing the things people said about her then it finally got to her. She wasn't having a very good last week because of school and general stressing out. That's when she went and texted her boyfriend and that's when they met for 2 and half hours to talk. She told me she went to him because she felt he was the only one that could help her, it kind of bothered me but I. Said I understand. I am just getting negative feed back from everyone here, am I really the bad guy?

[MercuryMorrison1]

I am just getting negative feed back from everyone here, am I really the bad guy?

 

You're getting negative feedback from everyone here because in this scenario you are in fact the bad guy. While you shouldn't have to shoulder 100% of the blame here, because she did in fact have a stake in this as well, you are still accountable for the majority of everything that's going wrong here because as I said in my previous post...You were the instigator here. You were the one who pushed her to choose between you and her boyfriend, and in my eyes that's a sneaky underhanded rotten thing to do.

 

I'm sorry that my previous post was so harsh...But this kind of thing seriously pisses me off. You are the bad guy here because lets face it...If you were never in this picture, the two of them would still most likely be in a serious meaningful relationship. But because you couldn't resist your feelings for her, everything they had built up between each other is essentially over now. The term commonly used for people who do things like what you have done here is ''home wrecker''.

 

Even if her and her ex get back together, things will not be as good for them as they were before you came into the picture. I'm almost positive that her ex will have trust issues with her now, and rightfully so.

 

But I'm sorry that I have to say it...But you screwed the pooch on this one. I hope that you learn from this and make better choice's in the future because of this experience.

[jakesmake10593]

. Well I guess I am kind of speachless here really. Ill just continue the relationship, go with the flow, and see how things go regardless of what anyone says.

[jakesmake10593]

Yeah we got in a disagreement and I told her that I am flustered with how much communication they are having together. We have plans still together for the next couple weeks. Her ex is still not out of the picture and I don't know when he will be. Even her own family still talks to him time to time judging from facebook and twitter.

[Maxtor]

You are doing it all wrong.

 

You wanted this girl so bad, that you made her cheated on her great boyfriend, which makes you a jackass and you made her untrustworthy. This cheating is now the pillar to your relationship.

 

Now you let her do what she wants, even if it means disrespecting you, everyone is seeing that she doesn't care much for you.

 

You are giving to much of yourself too soon. She will take you for granted.

 

You fail to acknowledge that you made some serious mistakes and that she is failing you now.

 

I only blame you. You should learn, and move on.

[jakesmake10593]

Cheating as the pillar of our relationship huh? I never thought about it in that way. When I hear that it makes it seem our relationship isn't even real in that case. It most definitely feels real for sure. Whatever happens, happens, I will just try my best to keep her at my side. We only get to see each other weekends typically.

[jakesmake10593]

Well sucks to suck to all you meanies out there. Our relationship is still going strong, hung out with her this weekend, went for a nice walk, took a fall picture. Everything is good. She still talks to her ex time to time but whatever she is with me not him that's what matters.

[Joaquin]

Well sucks to suck to all you meanies out there. Our relationship is still going strong, hung out with her this weekend, went for a nice walk, took a fall picture. Everything is good. She still talks to her ex time to time but whatever she is with me not him that's what matters.

 

Yeh man. You've got a real keeper there. Nice one.