ibenuto Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 I have only been seeing this guy for about 3 weeks or so. (I'm 19 he's 22.) On our third date I STUPIDLY had sex with him. Ever since that night every time we hangout he is way too touchy. I told him I don't want to have sex with him for a while, but now he thinks that other sexual activities are okay. I seriously don't think he can go 10 minutes without touching me sexually when we're alone. When we were out in public everything is fine. We have good conversations. We get along great. But once no one is around us he can't keep his hands off me! It's getting annoying. I tell him to stop. And that he should woo me more and we should get to know each other better before getting physical. When I told him this he said, "I think I know you well enough to know you're the girl I want to be with." I mean, this is sweet but I don't feel like I know him well enough at all. Like the other day he came to my campus to pick me up to take me to the airport since I was going home for the weekend. Since I didn't want to wait at the airport for a long time I asked him if he wanted to come up to my dorm room for a bit. All he wanted to do was fool around on my bed. I tried to make him cuddle with me but it only lasted for 5 minutes before he started to kiss my neck. Then the other problem is that he almost never texts me unless its to make plans to hang out. Sometimes he'll text me for a while in the morning or night. SInce he goes to a very prestigious university he has to keep his GPA up high. I understand that, but I find it hard to believe that he can't take 15 minutes to text me everyday. He told me that he hopes I don't tell him I don't want to see him anymore since he has a busy schedule. We hang out enough during the week. But I would like to communicate more when we're not together. So my question is, how can I tell him I want to slow things down and that we need to communicate more if he wants to turn this into a real relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
stormy_1011 Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 Man where do I find a guy like that! I wouldn't get upset about it, you are in the honeymoon stage. He is super attracted to you and you guys SHOULD be all over each other. Don't worry it will settle down soon (and if it doesn't you're ultra lucky). If you can't deal with how touchy he is and he won't stop perhaps you are not compatible! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 I have only been seeing this guy for about 3 weeks or so. (I'm 19 he's 22.) On our third date I STUPIDLY had sex with him. Ever since that night every time we hangout he is way too touchy. I told him I don't want to have sex with him for a while, but now he thinks that other sexual activities are okay. I seriously don't think he can go 10 minutes without touching me sexually when we're alone. When we were out in public everything is fine. We have good conversations. We get along great. But once no one is around us he can't keep his hands off me! It's getting annoying. I tell him to stop. And that he should woo me more and we should get to know each other better before getting physical. When I told him this he said, "I think I know you well enough to know you're the girl I want to be with." I mean, this is sweet but I don't feel like I know him well enough at all. Like the other day he came to my campus to pick me up to take me to the airport since I was going home for the weekend. Since I didn't want to wait at the airport for a long time I asked him if he wanted to come up to my dorm room for a bit. All he wanted to do was fool around on my bed. I tried to make him cuddle with me but it only lasted for 5 minutes before he started to kiss my neck. Then the other problem is that he almost never texts me unless its to make plans to hang out. Sometimes he'll text me for a while in the morning or night. SInce he goes to a very prestigious university he has to keep his GPA up high. I understand that, but I find it hard to believe that he can't take 15 minutes to text me everyday. He told me that he hopes I don't tell him I don't want to see him anymore since he has a busy schedule. We hang out enough during the week. But I would like to communicate more when we're not together. So my question is, how can I tell him I want to slow things down and that we need to communicate more if he wants to turn this into a real relationship? The bolded are the reason you're having problems. You slept with him. You HAVE gotten physical, so in his mind, he doesn't understand why you don't want to carry on being physical with him. He's attracted to you and you've already had sex with him. I'm gonna be very honest. I'm a girl and I would *DUMP* anyone who slept with me and then did a 180 and said they needed more time to get to know me before getting physical. Like... WTF?!? We're past that! We've been there, done that and gotten the t-shirt. Lets explore it more! NOW! So of course he's handsy. He wants to explore more! You've given him a taste and he's anxious for more! Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 A Lady can ALWAYS ask to have her wishes respected, this includes her body. Yes the sleeping with them may have been for reasons that are not mature, yet its clear you have a boundary on affectionate touches and limits. Ask him kindly yet assertively to regard your choice. Then stick with it. Changing behaviors is not easy and you both deserve forthright honesty . 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 A Lady can ALWAYS ask to have her wishes respected, this includes her body. Yes the sleeping with them may have been for reasons that are not mature, yet its clear you have a boundary on affectionate touches and limits. Ask him kindly yet assertively to regard your choice. Then stick with it. Changing behaviors is not easy and you both deserve forthright honesty . A man can ALWAYS go find themselves someone who won't play this game with them. She had sex with the guy. Does that give license to touch whenever and wherever no. At the same time...she should understand that he would like to touch her some more. The OP makes the man sound like a perv for wanting to touch a woman he's done the deed with. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ibenuto Posted October 2, 2013 Author Share Posted October 2, 2013 Well, I don't mind fooling around with him. But he ALWAYS wants more. Its really irritating because sometimes I just want to cuddle or make out but then he starts to feel me up. If he would just cuddle with me and communicate with me more via text/phone calls I wouldn't be so irritated! Link to post Share on other sites
emva07 Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 \ And that he should woo me more and we should get to know each other better before getting physical. You had sex with him already. How is that not the biggest contradiction? He probably thinks you're one of those "I'm not like that" girls who are just playing hard to get. I mean your actions sure demonstrate that. You can always stop seeing him, because it's clear what he wants from you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Nibbles Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 You need to tell him how you feel so that he can move on to someone who will like him back. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 You had sex with him already. How is that not the biggest contradiction? He probably thinks you're one of those "I'm not like that" girls who are just playing hard to get. I mean your actions sure demonstrate that. You can always stop seeing him, because it's clear what he wants from you. This is why men often proceed over....mild objections. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 It's your own feelings of guilt and you need to work through them. You've had sex, but you should get to know eachother better as well. Does he propose activities outside or is it always his place or yours and a coffee from time to time? If that's the case, you're most likely his f*ck buddy. But, if he does invite you to do things together, spend weekends, introduce you to his friends, do some outside activities, and try to have sex with you... it's totally normal. However, maybe he's too sexual compared to you... that is a dealbreaker, up to you to see if you can live with that or no. The thing is, once people did start to have sex... it's sort of normal to continue having it - maybe not like rabbits, but still - through out the "getting to know eachother "phase. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 I can understand the OPs frustration. She wants to talk, he wants his hands to do the talking. In his mind he's already got you. Are you going to his place? A lot of guys think being alone in a place with a bed=wants to have sex. Perhaps stop being alone with him so much. His behavior probably wont end. How much do you like this guy? When you have sex too soon your relationship goes off in a different direction. Have you thought about starting over with someone else? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 He's young, horny and at his sexual peak - you opened the flood gates. That's all there is to it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 I totally understand your frustration because I've been there. It's incredibly frustrating when you can't even hug your boyfriend because if you do it has to turn into a full blown sex session. Or when you can't even watch a 1/2 an hour television show because five minutes in he's trying to put his hand down your pants. So annoying. Look, just because you had sex with this guy doesn't give him carte blanche to grope you 24x7. But, you are dealing with a horny 21 year old guy who does not understand the concept of boundaries. You need to explain to him (not in the moment -- bring it up when you are eating lunch or something) that he needs to respect your boundaries when you tell him hands off sometimes. Tell him you are attracted to him, but you do not always want him groping you. Your body hasn't suddenly become his property just because you had sex with him. If he still doesn't get it, then you have to pick yourself up and move away from him. Not kidding. You tell him once, and if he continues to do it, go sit on the other side of the room. Eventually he'll get the picture. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ibenuto Posted October 2, 2013 Author Share Posted October 2, 2013 I dont think the issue is that he is super touchy feely. I think its more the OP cannot do anything with him without him escalating it. I understand the difference. Ive dated a few super affectionate men and we were still able to do things without touching me 24/7. I remember with one guy though, I literally could not just cuddle and watch a movie with him. He couldnt do it. It was nice at first but it got old after awhile. Sometimes people just wanna chill. Perhaps the other posters dont realize the severity of the problem. If you cannot do anything without him touching you 24/7 thats a problem. He is a hormonal neanderthal at this point though and he prob. is too immature to respect your wishes of him backing off a bit. If he keeps it up stop seeing him. He is super affectionate. But his touchiness is too much. However, since we had sex on the third date we have only seen each other 3 time since. Its not like I see him all day everyday and he acts like this. As I said before, I don't mind fooling around/having sex with him. I just don't want it as often as he does. (I actually have a high sex drive for a girl. But his sex drive is off the rails! lol.) I want to be able to lay on the bed/couch with him and just talk/do nonsexual related things. And to the posted to asked if he takes me places, introduces me to his friends, he totally does. He buys me stuff all the time. We go out to dinner/coffee/mall/walking around the city etc. But normally it always ends at his or my place. And I also feel like we don't communicate much at all when we're not together. Example:He didn't text/call me all weekend. He called me Monday night for 20 minutes. Haven't heard from him since. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 you could text him back and see what he's doing... maybe he's also testing you, to see if you like him. If he does not answer or answers late, i'd leave it there. Give him space, anyway Link to post Share on other sites
devilish innocent Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 Maybe you should be more explicit about what you mean when you say cuddle/make out. To me something like having my neck kissed is still just cuddling. Being felt up is a bit more, but still falls into the make out category. So maybe you just need to spell out to him exactly what things you are and aren't okay with when you're in bed together. You could also try having a code word that you agree to use whenever you want him to stop and not go any farther. That way he'll know you're being serious when you use it. If things still continue, then you might need to only see him in public until you're ready for more. I can understand him not wanting to text you very often because it's so impersonal. And not everybody is comfortable with the phone. If those are things you want him to do more of, though, then you should ask. Or you could pick up the phone and call him when you want to talk. But if you don't say or do anything, then it's likely he won't realize that it matters to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 A man can ALWAYS go find themselves someone who won't play this game with them. She had sex with the guy. Does that give license to touch whenever and wherever no. At the same time...she should understand that he would like to touch her some more. The OP makes the man sound like a perv for wanting to touch a woman he's done the deed with. NEWSFLASH: A LADY has the right at any time to Say "NO" anytime she feels compromised. This OP clearly feels uneasy about the touchy touchy. Yes the guy is borderline perv if he is groping her and considers her a possession other then a lady...which is how its being conveyed.... Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 just be honest with him, tell him you want more communication and less of the feeling up stuff.....tell him exactly how you feel and have a discussion whether its something he can deal with..because if he can do it in public control himself he can do it behind closed doors too..wanting a certain level of affection is normal.......and since you upped the ante with sex ...it is understandable now he feels like touching you in a more intimate manner........ because he has been there and wants the return trip...so let him know its not on and that sometimes you just want affection ....deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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